Children today find it difficult to concentrate on or to pay attention to school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

Nowadays, concentrating and paying attention in school is difficult for many students. This essay will discuss the reasons why the problem occurs and the solutions to solve this problem.

There are many reasons given for the problem of distraction and lack of concentration during class. And there are a few reasons for this. The first is health problems. We humans need to have a proper eating and resting habit to be able to complete work and study effectively. However, some students have unhealthy lifestyles such as eating fast food, drinking soft drinks, and eating foods that lack nutrition. Besides, insufficient sleep is also one of the causes of this problem. The second is the excessive use of electronic devices such as phones, computers, iPads, … students use them to surf social networking sites, text with friends, update trends. These factors have negatively affected the learning and concentration of each individual when studying at school. And one part of the reason why students have difficulty concentrating is because the teachers' lectures are quite long, boring and difficult for students, making many students feel tired and unable to pay attention.

To change the above problem, we need to come up with the most effective solutions. Each individual needs to control the use of electronic devices so that they do not distract them, for example, turning off devices when studying, not keeping them near you when studying. We need to create a healthy lifestyle for ourselves to improve our health, and make it easier to concentrate on studying more effectively. We need to do things like getting enough sleep, exercising regularly…. Finally, at school, teachers need to have teaching methods that bring students a sense of excitement. When participating in learning, teachers can create useful playgrounds and create many different projects.

In conclusion, there are many factors that lead to the lack of concentration and attention of students when studying at school. Therefore, to improve the concentration of students, we need to have more specific learning methods, causing interest for students. and creating a good learning space to help students concentrate better.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"concentrating and paying attention" -> "maintaining focus and attention"
Explanation: "Maintaining focus and attention" is a more formal and precise phrase that better captures the academic tone required in this context.
"the problem occurs" -> "this issue arises"
Explanation: "This issue arises" is a more formal expression that enhances the academic tone and clarity.
"the solutions to solve this problem" -> "strategies to address this issue"
Explanation: "Strategies to address this issue" is more specific and academically appropriate than "the solutions to solve this problem," which is redundant and informal.
"We humans need" -> "Individuals require"
Explanation: "Individuals require" is a more formal and precise way to express the necessity, avoiding the colloquial "We humans."
"eating fast food, drinking soft drinks, and eating foods that lack nutrition" -> "consuming fast food, beverages, and nutrient-poor foods"
Explanation: "Consuming" and "beverages" are more precise terms, and "nutrient-poor foods" is a more formal way to describe foods lacking nutrition.
"iPads,… students use them" -> "iPads, among other devices, students utilize"
Explanation: Adding "among other devices" clarifies the scope, and "utilize" is a more formal verb than "use."
"These factors have negatively affected" -> "These factors have significantly impacted"
Explanation: "Significantly impacted" is a more precise and formal way to describe the effects of these factors.
"making many students feel tired and unable to pay attention" -> "resulting in many students feeling fatigued and inattentive"
Explanation: "Feeling fatigued and inattentive" is a more formal and precise description of the effects on students.
"To change the above problem" -> "To address the aforementioned issue"
Explanation: "To address the aforementioned issue" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"come up with the most effective solutions" -> "develop the most effective strategies"
Explanation: "Develop the most effective strategies" is a more precise and formal way to describe the process of finding solutions.
"We need to control the use of electronic devices" -> "Individuals must regulate their use of electronic devices"
Explanation: "Individuals must regulate" is more formal and emphasizes personal responsibility.
"not keeping them near you when studying" -> "avoiding their proximity during study sessions"
Explanation: "Avoiding their proximity during study sessions" is a more formal and precise way to advise students.
"We need to create a healthy lifestyle for ourselves" -> "Individuals must adopt a healthy lifestyle"
Explanation: "Individuals must adopt a healthy lifestyle" is more direct and formal, avoiding the first-person pronoun "We."
"make it easier to concentrate on studying more effectively" -> "facilitate more effective concentration during study"
Explanation: "Facilitate more effective concentration during study" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea.
"do things like getting enough sleep, exercising regularly" -> "engage in activities such as obtaining adequate sleep and regular exercise"
Explanation: "Engage in activities such as obtaining adequate sleep and regular exercise" is more formal and precise.
"teachers need to have teaching methods that bring students a sense of excitement" -> "instructors should employ teaching methods that stimulate student engagement"
Explanation: "Instructors should employ teaching methods that stimulate student engagement" is more formal and specific.
"useful playgrounds" -> "engaging activities"
Explanation: "Engaging activities" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "useful playgrounds," which is vague and informal.
"creating a good learning space" -> "establishing an optimal learning environment"
Explanation: "Establishing an optimal learning environment" is a more formal and precise phrase suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for students’ lack of concentration and proposing solutions. The reasons include health issues, excessive use of electronic devices, and unengaging teaching methods. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration on these points to strengthen the argument. For instance, discussing how specific health issues (like obesity or sleep deprivation) directly impact concentration could enhance the response.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each reason and solution. Incorporating statistics or studies related to attention spans in children or the impact of technology on learning could add depth to the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position regarding the issues of concentration in students and the proposed solutions. However, the transition between discussing problems and solutions could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "to change the above problem" could be more explicitly linked to the preceding discussion to reinforce the essay’s overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, the writer should use clearer transitional phrases that explicitly link the problems identified with the solutions proposed. This could involve summarizing the problem before introducing the solutions, ensuring that the reader can easily follow the argument’s progression.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the reasons for lack of concentration and potential solutions. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions the need for a healthy lifestyle, it does not elaborate on how specific changes (like diet or exercise) can lead to improved concentration. Similarly, the suggestion for teachers to create engaging lessons lacks specific examples of what these might look like.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, describing a successful teaching method or a particular health initiative that has improved student focus could provide stronger support for the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for and solutions to students’ lack of concentration. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "useful playgrounds" feels somewhat vague and could be better integrated into the context of improving concentration.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central theme of concentration in school. Avoiding vague terms and providing clear, relevant examples will help keep the discussion on track.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, it can be improved by providing more detailed examples, enhancing transitions, and ensuring that all points are clearly connected to the central theme of concentration in education.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the problem, with the first paragraph detailing the reasons for distraction and the second offering potential solutions. However, the transition between the reasons and solutions could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "To change the above problem" serves as a transition but could be more explicitly linked to the previous discussion on causes.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For example, after discussing the reasons, a sentence like "Having identified the causes, it is essential to explore effective solutions" would create a clearer link between the two sections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first on causes, the second on solutions, and the last on summarizing the discussion. However, the first paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly state the main idea of the paragraph, as the current opening sentence is somewhat vague.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly outline the main point. For example, instead of starting with "There are many reasons given for the problem of distraction," a more direct approach like "Several key factors contribute to students’ difficulties in concentrating" would enhance clarity and focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as "however," "besides," and "finally," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. While these devices are effective, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, the phrase "the second is" is used repeatedly when listing reasons, which can become monotonous.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating synonyms and alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "the second is," consider variations like "another significant factor is" or "in addition to this." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "consequently" or "as a result," can help to articulate relationships between ideas more effectively.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and using paragraphs to present ideas clearly. By making minor adjustments to transitions, topic sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "distraction," "concentration," "health problems," and "electronic devices." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "the problem" and "students." This repetition limits the overall lexical variety and sophistication expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the problem," alternatives like "the issue," "the challenge," or "the concern" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to education and psychology, such as "cognitive engagement" or "educational methodologies," would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "eating foods that lack nutrition" could be more effectively expressed as "consuming nutrient-poor foods." Additionally, the term "useful playgrounds" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning of engaging learning environments or interactive activities.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately reflect their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "useful playgrounds," they could use "interactive learning spaces" or "engaging educational activities." Encouraging the use of contextually appropriate vocabulary will help convey ideas more clearly and effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors. However, the ellipsis ("…") used in the second paragraph is not appropriate in formal writing and could be considered a spelling or punctuation error. Additionally, the phrase "eating fast food, drinking soft drinks, and eating foods that lack nutrition" could be streamlined for clarity and conciseness.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and punctuation accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on punctuation rules in formal writing. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or grammar checkers can also help identify and correct errors. Furthermore, practicing writing with a focus on clarity and conciseness will improve overall writing quality.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary, as well as ensuring correct spelling and punctuation, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "However, some students have unhealthy lifestyles such as eating fast food, drinking soft drinks, and eating foods that lack nutrition." This showcases the ability to connect ideas effectively. However, the essay tends to rely on similar sentence beginnings and structures, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied sentence openings and lengths. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The first is" or "The second is," the writer could use transitional phrases such as "One significant factor is…" or "Another contributing element is…" Additionally, integrating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses, would enrich the essay’s grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the excessive use of electronic devices such as phones, computers, iPads, …" is somewhat informal due to the ellipsis and could be better punctuated. Additionally, the sentence "And one part of the reason why students have difficulty concentrating is because the teachers’ lectures are quite long, boring and difficult for students" contains a conjunction at the beginning, which is often discouraged in formal writing. The use of commas is mostly correct, but there are instances where additional commas could enhance clarity, such as before "and" in lists.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on avoiding informal constructions, such as starting sentences with conjunctions. Instead, they could combine ideas into more complex sentences. For example, "One reason students struggle to concentrate is that teachers’ lectures can often be long and boring." Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding lists and conjunctions, will help enhance clarity and professionalism in writing. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence structure can also contribute to improvement in this area.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, many students find it challenging to concentrate and pay attention in school. This essay will discuss the reasons why this issue arises and propose solutions to address it.

There are several factors contributing to the problem of distraction and lack of concentration during class. The first reason is health-related issues. Individuals require proper eating and resting habits to effectively complete their work and studies. However, some students maintain unhealthy lifestyles, such as consuming fast food, beverages, and nutrient-poor foods. Additionally, insufficient sleep is another significant cause of this issue. The second reason is the excessive use of electronic devices, such as phones and iPads, which students utilize to browse social networking sites, text friends, and keep up with trends. These factors have significantly impacted the learning and concentration of each individual when studying at school. Furthermore, another contributing factor to students’ difficulty in concentrating is that teachers’ lectures can often be lengthy, monotonous, and challenging, resulting in many students feeling fatigued and inattentive.

To address the aforementioned issue, we need to develop the most effective strategies. Individuals must regulate their use of electronic devices to minimize distractions; for instance, turning off devices during study sessions and avoiding their proximity while studying. Additionally, individuals must adopt a healthy lifestyle to enhance their health and facilitate more effective concentration during study. Engaging in activities such as obtaining adequate sleep and regular exercise can greatly improve focus. Finally, at school, instructors should employ teaching methods that stimulate student engagement. By incorporating engaging activities and creating a dynamic learning environment, teachers can foster a more interactive and enjoyable educational experience.

In conclusion, various factors contribute to the lack of concentration and attention among students in school. Therefore, to improve students’ focus, it is essential to implement more specific learning methods that generate interest and establish an optimal learning environment to help students concentrate better.