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Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both views and then give your own opinion.

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both views and then give your own opinion.

Computers are becoming more common in education. While a number of people believe that it has several advantages, I would argue that this trend leads to several consequences and problems.

On the one hand, there are various benefits when students and teachers use computers in education. Firstly, this equipment is flexible to use in studying. Computers and the Internet give the opportunity for individuals who cannot come to the class and cannot study directly. By teaching and studying online, people do not need to come to the class, which can save both their time and their money. They also can study in a flexible time and flexible place. For example, in the Covid-19 pandemic, students were able to study and interact indirectly with their teachers through an app called Zoom, which was definitely convenient to study while avoiding the issue. Secondly, computers can save data better than paper. With the development of technology, computers nowadays are able to store a variety of information for permanent time while information or lessons written on paper can disappear in the future.

On the other hand, I believe that using computers in an educational environment can lead to many negative consequences. A significant number of students who use computers in studying can have not only physical health but also mental health. Spending too much time on the screen may lead to virtual problems and also problems with their bones since children sit for a long time and their eyes are not able to relax. Furthermore, students using computers all day may have sedentary lifestyles. They depend on computers and often lack direct interaction, which is necessary in developing their mind and thinking. In the long-term, it can lead to mental health issues such as depression or autism. Another reason is that students and teachers cannot connect directly. This leads to the inefficient productivity of studying as teachers cannot observe their students and communicate with them. Teachers do not know if the pupils do not concentrate on the lessons and do other work in the online class.

In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to study in the class combined with using computers rationally in teaching methods and education.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Computers are becoming more common in education." -> "Computers are increasingly ubiquitous in educational settings."
    Explanation: Replacing "more common" with "increasingly ubiquitous" and using "educational settings" instead of "education" enhances the formal tone and precision of the statement.

  2. "While a number of people believe that it has several advantages," -> "While many individuals contend that it offers numerous advantages,"
    Explanation: Replacing "a number of people" with "many individuals" and "several advantages" with "numerous advantages" elevates the language to a more formal and academically suitable level.

  3. "I would argue that this trend leads to several consequences and problems." -> "I contend that this trend gives rise to various repercussions and issues."
    Explanation: Substituting "I would argue" with "I contend" and using "repercussions and issues" instead of "consequences and problems" maintains a formal tone and provides a more precise vocabulary choice.

  4. "On the one hand, there are various benefits when students and teachers use computers in education." -> "On one hand, there exist manifold advantages when students and educators employ computers in the educational context."
    Explanation: Replacing "various benefits" with "manifold advantages" and using "educational context" instead of "education" improves the formality and specificity of the sentence.

  5. "Firstly, this equipment is flexible to use in studying." -> "Firstly, this technology offers flexibility in the learning process."
    Explanation: Substituting "equipment" with "technology" and "flexible to use in studying" with "offers flexibility in the learning process" conveys the idea more formally and accurately.

  6. "Computers and the Internet give the opportunity for individuals who cannot come to the class and cannot study directly." -> "Computers and the Internet provide opportunities for individuals who cannot attend traditional classes or study in person."
    Explanation: The revised version maintains formality and clarity, avoiding the informal "come to the class" and "study directly."

  7. "For example, in the Covid-19 pandemic, students were able to study and interact indirectly with their teachers through an app called Zoom, which was definitely convenient to study while avoiding the issue." -> "For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, students were able to engage in remote learning and interaction with their instructors via platforms like Zoom, which undeniably offered convenience while addressing the challenge."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more academic vocabulary and specifies "COVID-19" instead of "Covid-19." It also removes the informal phrase "avoiding the issue."

  8. "Secondly, computers can save data better than paper." -> "Secondly, computers excel in data storage compared to paper."
    Explanation: The replacement maintains the formality of the statement while emphasizing the superiority of computers in data storage.

  9. "A significant number of students who use computers in studying can have not only physical health but also mental health." -> "A substantial portion of students who incorporate computers into their studies may experience not only physical but also mental health issues."
    Explanation: The revised version uses "substantial portion" for a more formal tone and specifies "incorporate computers into their studies" for clarity.

  10. "Spending too much time on the screen may lead to virtual problems and also problems with their bones since children sit for a long time and their eyes are not able to relax." -> "Excessive screen time may result in virtual and musculoskeletal issues, as children spend extended periods sitting and their eyes do not experience adequate relaxation."
    Explanation: The suggested changes make the language more formal and precise, avoiding informal terms like "virtual problems."

  11. "Furthermore, students using computers all day may have sedentary lifestyles." -> "Moreover, students who use computers incessantly may adopt sedentary lifestyles."
    Explanation: The revised version maintains a formal tone and provides a more accurate description of the situation.

  12. "This leads to the inefficient productivity of studying as teachers cannot observe their students and communicate with them." -> "This results in reduced study productivity since teachers cannot effectively monitor and engage with their students."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses formal language and clarifies the impact of the situation on study productivity.

  13. "In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity," -> "In conclusion, while both perspectives undeniably hold merit,"
    Explanation: The replacement enhances formality and replaces the informal "certainly" with "undeniably" for stronger emphasis.

  14. "it seems to me that it is better to study in the class combined with using computers rationally in teaching methods and education." -> "In my view, a more effective approach involves combining classroom instruction with judicious utilization of computers in pedagogy and educational practices."
    Explanation: The revised version offers a more formal and precise expression of the idea, replacing "it seems to me" with "In my view" and using "judicious utilization" instead of "using computers rationally."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "While a number of people believe that it has several advantages, I would argue that this trend leads to several consequences and problems."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction presents a clear stance on the topic, which is good. However, it lacks a brief overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Adding a sentence summarizing the main advantages and consequences of using computers in education would enhance the clarity of your essay’s structure.
    • Improved example: "While a number of people believe that integrating computers into education offers several advantages, such as flexibility and efficient data storage, I would argue that this trend also leads to several consequences and problems, including physical and mental health issues, as well as a potential lack of direct interaction between students and teachers."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, there are various benefits when students and teachers use computers in education. Firstly, this equipment is flexible to use in studying…"

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph effectively discusses the advantages of using computers in education. However, it could be strengthened by providing specific examples or personal experiences to support these advantages. For instance, you could share a personal story of how online classes helped you or someone you know during the COVID-19 pandemic.
    • Improved example: "On the one hand, there are various benefits when students and teachers use computers in education. For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, online learning platforms like Zoom provided a flexible and convenient way for students to continue their education from the safety of their homes. This flexibility allowed students to manage their time effectively and saved both time and money that would have been spent on commuting."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, I believe that using computers in an educational environment can lead to many negative consequences. A significant number of students who use computers in studying can have not only physical health but also mental health…"

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph effectively highlights the potential negative consequences of using computers in education. However, to strengthen your argument, you should provide specific examples or anecdotes related to the negative impacts on students’ physical and mental health. Personal experiences or observations can make your argument more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "On the other hand, I firmly believe that using computers in an educational environment can lead to many negative consequences. For instance, spending prolonged hours in front of screens can lead to various physical health issues, such as eye strain and poor posture. Moreover, excessive screen time can also contribute to mental health problems, including increased stress levels and a decreased ability to focus."
  4. Quoted text: "In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to study in the class combined with using computers rationally in teaching methods and education."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The conclusion briefly restates your position, which is good. However, it could be strengthened by summarizing the main points you discussed in the essay. A concise recap of your key arguments would provide a more satisfying closure to your essay.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while there are merits to both sides of the argument, it is my firm belief that a balanced approach is the most effective. Students can benefit from a combination of traditional classroom learning and the strategic use of computers in teaching methods and education. This way, we can harness the advantages of technology while addressing the potential drawbacks."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, meeting the criteria for Band 7.

  • Logically Organized: The essay is logically organized, with clear progression throughout. It starts with an introduction that introduces the topic and the two opposing views. Then, it presents arguments in favor of using computers in education and arguments against it, followed by a conclusion that summarizes the author’s opinion.

  • Range of Cohesive Devices: The essay effectively uses a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and sentences. Transition words and phrases like "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Furthermore," and "In conclusion" are appropriately used to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.

  • Paragraphing: The essay uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately. Each paragraph focuses on a single idea or point, and there is a clear central topic within each paragraph.

While the essay generally meets the criteria for Band 7, there is some minor room for improvement. There are a few instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical issues that slightly affect overall cohesion, but these do not significantly detract from the essay’s coherence and cohesion.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, the author could focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring that all sentences flow smoothly from one to the next. Additionally, a more varied range of cohesive devices could be used to enhance the essay’s overall cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, but it falls short of achieving a higher score due to some issues with vocabulary choice, word formation, and occasional inaccuracies. While it does use some less common vocabulary, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument and presents ideas coherently, which contributes to the score. However, the vocabulary used lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on enhancing their vocabulary and precision in word choice. They should strive to use less common lexical items accurately and with better collocation. Additionally, paying closer attention to spelling and word formation will help avoid errors that can affect the overall impression of the essay. Expanding vocabulary and practicing the use of advanced vocabulary in context would be beneficial for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical range and accuracy, falling into the Band 7 category. It employs a variety of complex sentence structures and generally produces error-free sentences. The essay maintains good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few minor errors.

The essay effectively uses a mix of sentence forms, including both simple and complex structures. It consistently employs proper subject-verb agreement, verb tense usage, and sentence structure. There are instances of complex sentences like, "By teaching and studying online, people do not need to come to the class, which can save both their time and their money," which showcase the writer’s ability to use varied sentence structures.

Minor grammatical errors and punctuation issues are present but do not significantly impede communication. For example, "Secondly, computers can save data better than paper," could be improved with a comma after "Secondly" for better punctuation. However, these errors are infrequent and do not detract from the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for even greater grammatical accuracy by reducing the occurrence of minor errors. Paying closer attention to punctuation and sentence structure could lead to an improvement in this aspect. Additionally, providing more specific examples to support arguments could enhance the essay’s overall quality and move it closer to a Band 8 score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Computers are increasingly prevalent in education. While some individuals believe that this brings about several advantages, I would argue that this trend results in several consequences and issues.

On the one hand, there are various benefits when students and teachers employ computers in education. Firstly, this equipment offers flexibility in studying. Computers and the Internet provide opportunities for individuals who cannot physically attend classes. By facilitating online teaching and learning, people are not required to be physically present, thus saving both time and money. They can also study at their own convenience, in terms of both time and location. For example, during the Covid-19 pandemic, students were able to engage in remote learning and interact with their teachers indirectly through an application called Zoom, which was undeniably convenient for studying while mitigating the associated challenges. Secondly, computers excel at data storage compared to paper. With technological advancements, contemporary computers can securely retain a wide range of information for an extended period, whereas information or lessons written on paper may degrade over time.

On the other hand, I believe that the use of computers in an educational context can lead to numerous adverse consequences. A significant proportion of students who rely on computers for their studies may encounter not only physical health issues but also mental health challenges. Excessive screen time can give rise to virtual problems and pose risks to their physical well-being, as prolonged sitting can strain their posture and eyesight. Moreover, students who spend extended hours on computers may adopt sedentary lifestyles, depending on these devices and lacking crucial direct interaction essential for cognitive development. Over time, this may contribute to mental health problems, including depression or autism. Another reason is the lack of direct interaction between students and teachers. This results in suboptimal study productivity, as teachers are unable to monitor their students and engage with them effectively. Teachers remain unaware of whether students are fully engaged in lessons or diverting their attention elsewhere during online classes.

In conclusion, while both perspectives have their merits, I believe that it is preferable to combine classroom learning with judicious computer usage in teaching methods and education.

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