Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think consumers are influenced by advertisements?

Advertisements are ubiquitous these days. As a consequence, consumers can easily be exposed to a proliferation in the number of advertisements, which are made by competing businesses. In my perspective, while this has admittedly certain drawbacks for consumers, they are overshadowed by the benefits.

On the one hand, a wide range of advertisements from different companies for the same product might be somewhat disadvantageous. One major problem is that this will cause annoyance to the customers themselves. It can be explained by the fact that people are being exposed to numerous advertisements on social media, television, or even on the roads almost every day. Hence, it is the repeated appearance of them that will be considered boring and annoying to an individual. What companies want to advertise, now becomes counter-effective.

On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned demerits pale in comparison to the merits of advertising for a similar product. One key advantage is that those advertisements play an essential role as a form of entertainment for the public. Take the advertising campaign of Coca-Cola and Pepsi for example, many customers have found it interesting and appealing, which encouraged them to try their products. In addition, a variety of advertisements also helps people to make comparisons between different businesses to choose the most appropriate option for them. Indeed, the more advertisements, the more knowledge and information is given about a product, which means customers can access a broader range of information, ensuring their decision when buying one product.

In conclusion, while the demerits of advertisements from competing businesses are notable, their merits in terms of entertainment and information are more significant. Therefore, companies should conduct impressive and useful advertisements in order to seek their targeted consumer groups.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"ubiquitous" -> "prevalent"
Explanation: "Ubiquitous" is a sophisticated word, but "prevalent" maintains a formal tone while being slightly more common in academic writing.
"proliferation in the number of advertisements" -> "proliferation of advertisements"
Explanation: "Proliferation in the number of advertisements" is redundant. "Proliferation of advertisements" conveys the same meaning more concisely.
"In my perspective" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "In my perspective" is somewhat informal. "From my perspective" is more academically appropriate.
"certain drawbacks" -> "specific drawbacks"
Explanation: "Certain drawbacks" is vague. "Specific drawbacks" adds clarity and precision to the statement.
"advertisements from different companies for the same product might be somewhat disadvantageous" -> "advertisements from different companies for the same product may present drawbacks"
Explanation: The original phrase is a bit wordy and lacks precision. The suggested alternative maintains clarity while being more concise and formal.
"One major problem is that this will cause annoyance to the customers themselves." -> "A significant issue is the potential annoyance it causes to customers."
Explanation: The revised sentence is more formal and clearer in conveying the point.
"It can be explained by the fact that" -> "This can be attributed to the fact that"
Explanation: "It can be explained by the fact that" is less formal. "This can be attributed to the fact that" is more appropriate for academic writing.
"people are being exposed to numerous advertisements" -> "individuals are exposed to numerous advertisements"
Explanation: "People" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Individuals" is more suitable.
"the repeated appearance of them that will be considered boring and annoying to an individual" -> "their repeated appearance can be considered boring and annoying to individuals"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward. The revised version is more concise and clear.
"What companies want to advertise, now becomes counter-effective." -> "This renders companies’ advertising efforts counterproductive."
Explanation: The revised sentence is more concise and formal.
"I am convinced" -> "I am of the opinion"
Explanation: "I am convinced" is slightly informal. "I am of the opinion" maintains formality.
"the aforementioned demerits pale in comparison to the merits" -> "the drawbacks mentioned earlier are outweighed by the benefits"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is clearer and more direct.
"One key advantage is that" -> "A primary benefit is"
Explanation: "One key advantage is that" is repetitive. "A primary benefit is" provides a more concise expression.
"encouraged them to try their products" -> "motivated them to try their products"
Explanation: "Encouraged" can be slightly informal. "Motivated" is a more formal alternative.
"more knowledge and information is given about a product" -> "more knowledge and information are provided about a product"
Explanation: "Is given" should be "are provided" for subject-verb agreement.
"ensuring their decision when buying one product" -> "facilitating their decision-making process when purchasing a product"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is clearer and more formal.
"while the demerits of advertisements from competing businesses are notable" -> "although the drawbacks of advertisements from competing businesses are noteworthy"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and clearer.
"impressive and useful advertisements" -> "compelling and informative advertisements"
Explanation: "Impressive" is slightly informal. "Compelling" maintains formality while adding depth to the description.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the potential influence of advertisements on consumers. It acknowledges drawbacks such as annoyance caused by excessive advertising but primarily focuses on the benefits, namely entertainment and information provided to consumers.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure a more balanced discussion of both positive and negative impacts of advertising. Provide deeper analysis of how advertisements specifically influence consumer behavior beyond just annoyance and entertainment.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that while there are drawbacks to excessive advertising, the benefits outweigh them.
- How to improve: While clarity is maintained, further strengthening the position by providing more nuanced reasoning and perhaps acknowledging counterarguments would bolster the essay’s persuasiveness.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, exemplifying both drawbacks and benefits of advertising. However, some points lack depth, such as the discussion on annoyance caused by ads, which could be further elaborated with statistical evidence or psychological insights.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, delve deeper into the effects of advertising on consumer behavior, providing concrete examples and evidence to support claims. Additionally, consider offering alternative perspectives to enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the influence of advertisements on consumers. However, there is a slight deviation towards the end where the focus shifts to advice for companies on conducting advertisements effectively.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure all discussions directly relate to the prompt. Avoid introducing tangential topics in the conclusion and instead summarize key points related to the influence of advertisements on consumers.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, idea development, and staying strictly on topic. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay can enhance its coherence, persuasiveness, and overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that sets the stage by acknowledging the prevalence of advertisements and stating a clear perspective. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, with one discussing the drawbacks of multiple advertisements and the other presenting the benefits. Each paragraph develops its respective point effectively before leading into the conclusion, which summarizes the main arguments. However, there are minor instances where the progression of ideas could be smoother, particularly in transitioning between discussing drawbacks and benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider strengthening transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas. For example, use transition phrases like "On the contrary" or "In contrast" to signal shifts between discussing drawbacks and benefits. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion or disjointedness.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, with clear topic sentences introducing the main idea. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph cohesion, particularly in ensuring that each paragraph builds upon the previous one to create a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph coherence by using transition words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, use words like "furthermore" or "in addition" to connect supporting points to the main argument. Additionally, consider revising topic sentences to more explicitly link each paragraph to the overall argument of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. These include transition words and phrases like "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in addition," and "in conclusion," which help guide the reader through the argument. Furthermore, the essay effectively uses pronouns and demonstratives to reference previously mentioned ideas and maintain coherence within paragraphs.
- How to improve: Continue diversifying the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence further. Introduce a wider range of transitional phrases and conjunctions to vary sentence structure and improve overall flow. Additionally, ensure consistency in pronoun usage to avoid confusion or ambiguity, particularly when referring back to previously mentioned concepts or examples.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating diverse terms such as "ubiquitous," "proliferation," "counter-effective," and "demerits." These choices enhance the essay’s clarity and depth, enriching the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: While the essay utilizes a wide range of vocabulary, there is room for enhancement by incorporating more sophisticated or specialized terms where applicable. For instance, instead of using "demerits," consider employing synonyms like "drawbacks" or "limitations" to further elevate the lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas. For example, the use of "counter-effective" aptly describes the negative impact of excessive advertising. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as replacing the vague phrase "certain drawbacks" with specific descriptors.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, aim for greater specificity in vocabulary selection. Instead of "certain drawbacks," specify the exact disadvantages consumers face due to excessive advertising. For instance, mention potential consequences like desensitization or information overload, providing a clearer picture for the reader.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with few discernible errors detracting from readability. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are evident, such as "counter-effective" instead of "counterproductive."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing proofreading techniques such as spell-checking tools and reviewing written work systematically before submission. Additionally, expanding familiarity with commonly misspelled words and their correct spellings can contribute to overall spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary and relatively accurate spelling, refining precision and enhancing spelling consistency can further elevate the lexical resource component, ultimately contributing to an even stronger essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It utilizes complex sentences, compound sentences, and some compound-complex structures effectively. For instance, it employs complex sentences such as "Advertisements are ubiquitous these days," and "It can be explained by the fact that people are being exposed to numerous advertisements on social media, television, or even on the roads almost every day." These structures enhance the readability and coherence of the essay by providing a varied rhythm to the prose.
- How to improve: To further enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more rhetorical devices such as parallelism, varied clause structures, and occasional use of passive voice. This can add sophistication to the writing and make it more engaging for the reader.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of grammatical accuracy with few errors. However, there are instances where minor grammatical errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("Advertisements are ubiquitous these days," should be "Advertisements are ubiquitous these days,") and punctuation errors (comma splice in "Advertisements are ubiquitous these days. As a consequence, consumers…"). Additionally, there are opportunities to refine sentence structures for clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s recommended to carefully review subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation rules. Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help catch and correct these minor errors. Additionally, pay attention to sentence clarity and structure, ensuring that each sentence effectively communicates its intended meaning without ambiguity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and a varied range of sentence constructions, contributing to its coherence and readability. By addressing minor grammatical errors and refining sentence structures for clarity, the essay can further elevate its effectiveness and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Advertisements have become prevalent in today’s world, exposing consumers to a multitude of ads from competing companies. While this situation has its drawbacks, I believe the benefits outweigh them.

On one hand, the abundance of advertisements for the same product can be somewhat disadvantageous. A major issue is the potential annoyance it causes to consumers. The constant bombardment of ads on social media, television, and roads can lead to boredom and irritation. Consequently, what companies intend to promote may become counterproductive.

On the other hand, I am convinced that the drawbacks mentioned earlier are overshadowed by the benefits of advertising. One significant advantage is that ads serve as a form of entertainment for the public. For instance, the advertising campaigns of Coca-Cola and Pepsi have captivated many consumers, enticing them to try their products. Moreover, a variety of ads enables consumers to compare different options, aiding them in making informed decisions. The abundance of advertisements provides consumers with a wealth of information, facilitating their purchasing choices.

In conclusion, while there are drawbacks to advertisements from competing businesses, their benefits in terms of entertainment and information dissemination are more notable. Therefore, companies should strive to create compelling and informative ads to effectively target their consumer base.