Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and tradition methods of food preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, convenience food has become increasingly popular with most people who live in urban cities. Therefore, some people believe that this kind of food will alternate home cooked food one day. I strongly disagree, though these products are inexpensive and convenient, there will always be a meaningful place for traditional food products. This essay will discuss the debate and give a concluding view.

There are many reasons why traditional meals can not be replaced by fast food, but firstly, eating convenience food constantly can cause malnutrition because of a great amount of sugar, carbohydrate or saturated fat and insufficiency of vitamins or mineral contents. Secondly, these unhealthy foods would lead to serious health problems, for instance obesity, diabetes, hypertension or strokes if it is consumed regularly. In fact, people who eat pre-packed food daily tend to lose sight of their weight and get cancer disease easier than those who rarely consumed these types of food.

Furthermore, replacing traditional food with convenience food will make the cuisine culture, which has been preserved for thousands of years as well as reflecting the cultural value of each nation, be devastated.

Overall, convenience food brings many useful values for consumers. However, traditional food and traditional methods of food preparation still play an irreplaceable role in our life.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" provides a more formal transition to discuss the contemporary trend of convenience food.
"alternate" -> "replace"
Explanation: "Alternate" is less precise in this context; "replace" is a more accurate term for discussing the potential displacement of home-cooked food by convenience food.
"I strongly disagree, though these products are inexpensive and convenient," -> "I strongly disagree. Despite their affordability and convenience,"
Explanation: Separating the disagreement statement into a new sentence and replacing "though" with "Despite" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.
"there will always be a meaningful place for traditional food products" -> "traditional food will continue to hold significant cultural value"
Explanation: The proposed change maintains the essence of the statement while refining the wording for a more academic tone.
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the standard contraction-free form used in formal writing.
"great amount of" -> "high levels of"
Explanation: "High levels of" is more precise and formal than "great amount of."
"sugar, carbohydrate or saturated fat" -> "sugar, carbohydrates, and saturated fats"
Explanation: Placing "carbohydrates" and "saturated fats" in plural form improves the grammatical structure of the sentence.
"insufficiency" -> "deficiency"
Explanation: "Deficiency" is a more appropriate and formal term in this context.
"vitamins or mineral contents" -> "vitamins and minerals"
Explanation: Correcting the phrasing to "vitamins and minerals" makes the sentence grammatically accurate and clearer.
"lead to serious health problems" -> "contribute to severe health issues"
Explanation: "Contribute to severe health issues" conveys the causal relationship more precisely and formally.
"if it is consumed regularly" -> "with regular consumption"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and maintains an academic tone.
"get cancer disease easier" -> "are more susceptible to cancer"
Explanation: "Are more susceptible to cancer" is a clearer and more formal way of expressing this idea.
"tend to lose sight of their weight" -> "tend to overlook their weight"
Explanation: "Overlook their weight" is a more refined and suitable phrase for formal writing.
"devastated" -> "compromised"
Explanation: "Compromised" is a nuanced term that aligns better with the discussion of cultural impact.
"useful values" -> "benefits"
Explanation: "Benefits" is a more precise and formal term to describe the positive aspects of convenience food.

These improvements enhance the clarity, precision, and formality of the essay, aligning the vocabulary more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all aspects of the prompt by presenting a clear argument against the idea that convenience foods will completely replace traditional foods and methods of food preparation. It discusses reasons why traditional foods will persist, such as health concerns and cultural significance.
- How to improve: While the essay covers the main points, it could enhance its response by providing more nuanced analysis and examples. Additionally, expanding on the potential impacts of convenience foods on traditional cuisine culture would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance against the notion of convenience foods entirely replacing traditional foods. The writer’s position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly outline its argument in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, reinforcing the position with stronger language would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the health implications and cultural significance of traditional foods, supported by examples and reasoning. However, some points could be further developed to provide deeper analysis.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to illustrate the health risks associated with convenience foods. Additionally, elaborating on the cultural importance of traditional foods would enrich the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the potential impact of convenience foods on traditional food culture and methods of preparation. However, it briefly touches on the benefits of convenience foods without fully exploring their role in the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should prioritize discussing the reasons why traditional foods will persist rather than providing a balanced view of convenience foods. Streamlining the discussion to focus solely on traditional foods would prevent potential tangents and strengthen coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues against the complete replacement of traditional foods by convenience foods, it could enhance its response by providing more detailed analysis, reinforcing its position, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs presenting reasons supporting the argument against convenience foods replacing traditional foods. The essay concludes with a succinct summary. However, there is a slight lack of depth in the development of each argument, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure each paragraph develops a single main idea supported by relevant examples or evidence. Use transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs, providing a seamless flow of thought throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphing could be improved for better coherence and clarity. For instance, the second paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs to differentiate between the reasons why convenience foods cannot replace traditional meals and the health risks associated with them. Additionally, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
- How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused paragraphs to maintain clarity and coherence. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, and use supporting sentences to elaborate on that idea. Use transition words or phrases to signal shifts between paragraphs and maintain a logical progression of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "firstly," "secondly," and "Furthermore," to structure the argument and indicate the progression of ideas. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, and their use could be more sophisticated to enhance coherence further. Additionally, some transitions feel abrupt, impacting the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices beyond basic transitional phrases to strengthen the connections between ideas. Consider using cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these," "those"), synonyms, parallel structures, and referencing techniques to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that transitions are not only present but also seamlessly integrated to maintain coherence and readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, with varied terms like "convenience food," "traditional meals," "malnutrition," "insufficiency," "cuisine culture," and "preserved." However, there’s room for enhancement in utilizing more diverse vocabulary to convey nuanced ideas and strengthen arguments. For instance, employing synonyms or exploring related terms could enrich the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating specialized terminology related to nutrition and health to articulate the detrimental effects of convenience foods more precisely. Additionally, explore synonyms or idiomatic expressions to add depth and sophistication to the argumentation. For example, instead of repeatedly using "convenience food," try alternatives like "processed food," "ready-made meals," or "fast food" where contextually appropriate.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs vocabulary effectively, with terms like "malnutrition," "obesity," "diabetes," and "hypertension" used accurately to describe health issues associated with convenience food consumption. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "eating convenience food constantly" could be refined to specify the frequency or duration of consumption for better clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using more specific vocabulary. Instead of general terms like "unhealthy foods," specify the nutritional deficiencies or harmful ingredients present in convenience foods. Additionally, provide precise details on the health risks associated with regular consumption, utilizing medical terminology or statistical data to bolster the argumentation.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with no noticeable errors detracting from readability or comprehension. However, attention to detail is essential to maintain spelling accuracy consistently.
- How to improve: To sustain spelling accuracy, consider implementing proofreading techniques such as reviewing written work systematically, utilizing spell-checking tools, and seeking feedback from peers or educators. Developing a habit of revising written content meticulously can help identify and rectify any spelling errors effectively. Additionally, expanding vocabulary through reading diverse materials can contribute to improved spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences. There is evidence of sentence combining, which adds coherence and sophistication to the essay. For example, "Therefore, some people believe that this kind of food will alternate home cooked food one day" utilizes a compound sentence structure to express a contrast. Additionally, the essay effectively employs conditional sentences, as seen in "if it is consumed regularly." These structures contribute to the clarity and depth of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions, such as subordinate clauses or participial phrases. For instance, instead of solely relying on basic sentence structures, explore the use of relative clauses to provide additional information. Additionally, varying sentence lengths can add rhythm and emphasis to the essay, creating a more engaging reading experience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors detracting from overall clarity. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical inaccuracies are present, such as "can not" instead of "cannot" and "irreplaceable role in our life" instead of "in our lives." Additionally, there are a couple of punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases, as in "Secondly, these unhealthy foods would lead to serious health problems."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, proofreading carefully for common errors such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct word usage is essential. Additionally, paying close attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and apostrophes, can help refine the clarity and precision of the writing. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and rectifying any lingering grammatical or punctuation errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with formal writing conventions through practice and exposure to high-quality literature can further refine grammatical skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, convenience food has gained immense popularity, especially among urban dwellers. Some argue that these products will eventually supplant traditional home-cooked meals. However, I strongly disagree. Despite their affordability and convenience, traditional food will continue to hold significant cultural value. This essay will discuss this debate and present a concluding perspective.

There are several reasons why traditional meals cannot be replaced by fast food. Firstly, consuming convenience food regularly can lead to malnutrition due to high levels of sugar, carbohydrates, and saturated fats, along with deficiencies in essential vitamins and minerals. Secondly, the consumption of these unhealthy foods can result in severe health issues such as obesity, diabetes, hypertension, or strokes. In fact, individuals who rely on pre-packaged meals daily are more susceptible to cancer and tend to overlook their weight compared to those who consume them infrequently.

Moreover, substituting traditional food with convenience food would compromise culinary cultures that have been preserved for thousands of years, thereby eroding the cultural identity of each nation.

In conclusion, while convenience food offers many benefits to consumers, traditional food and methods of food preparation retain an irreplaceable role in our lives.