Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think is a positive or negative development?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.
Do you think is a positive or negative development?

Wherever people live, they can purchase whatever they want by reason of the advent of international trade and globalization, which is the reason why countries have become similar. While I somewhat recognize the positive sides of this phenomenon, I mostly believe that this is a negative trend.

Opportunities to buy the same products have enhanced the mutual understanding concerning traditional cultures such as traditional garments or cuisine. To illustrate, those keen on Chinese food can arrive at specialized restaurants for that food in every corner of the world.
Conversely, the same products serve as a precursor to the gradual disappearance of cultural identities. In other words, unique products which have long been considered a symbol of pride among the locals, especially in traditional handicraft villages, are presently globalized and manufactured in a sheer volume with state-of-the-art machines, leading to a reduction in unique traditions and customs. This can be elaborated by one striking example, Hanfu, known as the most famous traditional handmade costume in China. With the global accessibility of the machine-made Hanfu attire, people could buy the same items no matter where they are in the world, posing a serious threat to the decrease in the sales of the traditional handmade ones and the unique art form in China.
Moreover, this trend can provoke the reduction in sales or even the closure of local businesses. People tend to buy products from large corporations worldwide, which means that the smaller companies and individual business households cannot compete with those big corporations, thereby giving rise to the loss of market share. Simultaneously, the local skilled workers face the dwindling demand for employment to sustain their livelihoods. As a consequence, local companies will go bankrupt.
To recapitulate, the same goods available globally, though advantageous for the mutual understanding of the cultural values in different countries, adversely impact on the survival of local cultural identities, and also cause the sales reduction or the bankruptcy of local businesses.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Wherever people live" -> "Regardless of location"
Explanation: "Wherever people live" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Regardless of location" maintains the meaning while presenting it in a more formal tone.
"by reason of" -> "due to"
Explanation: "By reason of" is a less common and slightly archaic phrase. "Due to" is a more concise and widely accepted alternative in academic writing.
"which is the reason why" -> "resulting in"
Explanation: "Which is the reason why" is redundant. "Resulting in" succinctly conveys the cause-and-effect relationship between international trade and globalization.
"I somewhat recognize" -> "I acknowledge to some extent"
Explanation: "Somewhat recognize" is imprecise. "Acknowledge to some extent" is more specific and maintains formality.
"positive sides" -> "benefits"
Explanation: "Positive sides" is colloquial. "Benefits" is a more formal and precise term in academic writing.
"mostly believe" -> "largely contend"
Explanation: "Mostly believe" is somewhat informal. "Largely contend" presents a stronger assertion while maintaining formality.
"Opportunities to buy" -> "Access to"
Explanation: "Opportunities to buy" is somewhat redundant. "Access to" is more concise and formal.
"enhanced the mutual understanding" -> "fostered cross-cultural comprehension"
Explanation: "Enhanced the mutual understanding" is a bit wordy and less formal. "Fostered cross-cultural comprehension" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"keen on" -> "interested in"
Explanation: "Keen on" is informal. "Interested in" is a more formal alternative in academic writing.
"Conversely" -> "However"
Explanation: "Conversely" implies a sharp contrast, which might not be entirely appropriate here. "However" introduces a contrast in a more neutral tone.
"precursor to the gradual disappearance" -> "contributor to the gradual erosion"
Explanation: "Precursor to" is less precise. "Contributor to" is a more accurate term in this context.
"presently globalized" -> "now globalized"
Explanation: "Presently globalized" is redundant. "Now globalized" is more concise.
"with state-of-the-art machines" -> "using advanced machinery"
Explanation: "State-of-the-art machines" is slightly informal. "Using advanced machinery" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning.
"leading to a reduction" -> "resulting in a decrease"
Explanation: "Leading to a reduction" is less formal. "Resulting in a decrease" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"This can be elaborated by one striking example" -> "This is exemplified by"
Explanation: "This can be elaborated by one striking example" is unnecessarily wordy. "This is exemplified by" is more concise and formal.
"known as the most famous" -> "renowned as the most"
Explanation: "Known as the most famous" is redundant. "Renowned as the most" is more concise and formal.
"With the global accessibility of" -> "Due to the widespread availability of"
Explanation: "With the global accessibility of" is slightly informal. "Due to the widespread availability of" is more formal and precise.
"posing a serious threat to the decrease" -> "posing a significant threat to the decline"
Explanation: "Serious threat to the decrease" is awkward and redundant. "Significant threat to the decline" is more concise and precise.
"dwindling demand for employment" -> "diminishing employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Dwindling demand for employment" is less formal. "Diminishing employment opportunities" is more appropriate in academic writing.
"To recapitulate" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "To recapitulate" is a bit formal and outdated. "In conclusion" is more commonly used in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of the phenomenon. It discusses the positive impact on mutual understanding of cultures due to the availability of international products. However, the main argument focuses more on the negative impact, emphasizing the threat to cultural identities and local businesses.
- How to improve: The essay could improve by balancing the discussion more evenly between the positive and negative impacts. While the negative impact is well-developed, the positive aspects could be elaborated further to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that buying the same products globally is mostly a negative development. This position is maintained throughout the essay with consistent arguments.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay’s clarity, the introduction could explicitly state the writer’s position, and each body paragraph could reinforce this stance with a clear topic sentence that directly ties back to the thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about cultural understanding and the threat to local cultural identities and businesses. It provides specific examples, such as Hanfu and local businesses, to support these ideas.
- How to improve: To further develop ideas, the essay could explore more diverse examples and perspectives. For instance, it could discuss other cultural aspects beyond traditional garments and cuisine, or delve deeper into the economic impacts on local businesses.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the impact of global availability of products on cultural identities and local businesses.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay could avoid unnecessary tangents and ensure that each example or point directly relates back to the main topic of how global product availability affects countries’ cultural uniqueness and local economies.

In summary, the essay effectively explores the impact of global product availability on cultural identities and local businesses, maintaining a clear and consistent position that this trend is mostly negative. To enhance the essay, it would benefit from a more balanced discussion of the positive aspects, a clearer thesis statement, deeper development of examples and ideas, and strict adherence to the main topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, beginning with an introduction that states the author’s position, followed by body paragraphs that provide supporting examples and reasoning, and concluding with a summary of the main points. For instance, the essay starts by introducing the topic, followed by two body paragraphs that discuss the positive and negative aspects of the phenomenon, respectively. Finally, it concludes by summarizing the main arguments presented.
- How to improve: While the organization is generally effective, there is room for improvement in transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence. Using transition phrases or sentences at the beginning or end of paragraphs can help to smoothly connect ideas and improve the flow of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the content, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point or aspect of the argument. The paragraphs are well-developed and coherent, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. For example, each body paragraph discusses a different aspect of the argument: the positive effects of global accessibility to products and the negative consequences on cultural identities and local businesses, respectively.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence by sticking to a single main idea or argument. Additionally, consider varying the length and complexity of sentences within paragraphs to add dynamism to the essay’s structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. These devices include transitional words and phrases (e.g., "conversely," "moreover," "to recapitulate"), pronouns (e.g., "this," "those," "simultaneously"), and lexical cohesion (e.g., "traditional cultures," "unique products," "local businesses"). These cohesive devices help to create coherence and facilitate the reader’s understanding of the argument.
- How to improve: While the essay already utilizes cohesive devices effectively, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to further enhance coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of pronouns and other cohesive elements throughout the essay to ensure clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "advent," "globalization," "precursor," "traditional handicraft," "state-of-the-art," and "market share." These terms contribute to a nuanced discussion of the topic and help convey the author’s ideas effectively.
- How to improve: While the essay utilizes a diverse vocabulary, incorporating more specialized terminology related to globalization, cultural preservation, and economic impact could further enrich the discussion. For instance, exploring terms like "cultural hegemony," "economic homogenization," or "artisanal craftsmanship" could add depth to the analysis.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay employs vocabulary with a reasonable level of precision. For example, the use of "mutual understanding," "traditional garments," and "cultural identities" accurately reflects the intended meaning. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "sheer volume" could be replaced with a more precise term like "mass production" to convey the idea more accurately.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it’s advisable to carefully select terms that precisely convey the intended meaning. This involves avoiding vague or ambiguous language and opting for specific terms that clearly articulate the concepts being discussed. Additionally, incorporating synonyms or related terms can add variety and depth to the vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no apparent spelling errors detected. The author demonstrates proficiency in spelling throughout the essay, enhancing the overall readability and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Since spelling accuracy is already at a satisfactory level, maintaining this standard through continued practice and proofreading would be beneficial. Additionally, utilizing spelling and grammar checkers can serve as a helpful tool in identifying and correcting any potential errors in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it employs complex sentences with subordinate clauses to convey intricate ideas, such as, "Opportunities to buy the same products have enhanced the mutual understanding concerning traditional cultures such as traditional garments or cuisine." Additionally, the essay effectively uses transitions like "Conversely" and "Moreover" to signal shifts in ideas, enhancing the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates proficiency in utilizing various sentence structures, further diversification could be achieved by incorporating rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion for emphasis. Additionally, varying sentence lengths can enhance the overall flow and readability of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors observed. One instance of grammatical inaccuracy is the phrase "Do you think is a positive or negative development?" where the auxiliary verb "is" is omitted after "think." Furthermore, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases like "To illustrate" and "Moreover." However, these errors do not significantly detract from the clarity or coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread carefully for missing auxiliary verbs and punctuation errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, revisiting complex grammatical structures, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, can further strengthen the overall accuracy of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Wherever people reside, they now have the ability to purchase a wide array of goods due to the emergence of international trade and globalization, leading to a convergence of countries. While I acknowledge to some extent the benefits of this trend, I largely contend that it brings about more negative consequences.

Access to identical products has indeed fostered cross-cultural comprehension, particularly in regard to traditional items like clothing and cuisine. For instance, those interested in Chinese cuisine can easily find specialized restaurants serving authentic dishes no matter where they are in the world.

However, this increased availability of the same products also acts as a contributor to the gradual erosion of cultural identities. Unique products, once symbols of local pride, are now globalized and mass-produced using advanced machinery. This results in a decrease in the prominence of traditional customs and handicrafts. This is exemplified by Hanfu, renowned as the most famous traditional handmade costume in China. With the widespread availability of machine-made Hanfu attire, the demand for traditional handmade ones diminishes, posing a significant threat to the decline of this unique art form.

Furthermore, this trend can lead to diminishing employment opportunities and the closure of local businesses. Consumers tend to favor products from large global corporations, leaving smaller local companies unable to compete. Consequently, local skilled workers face reduced demand for their services, jeopardizing their livelihoods and leading to the bankruptcy of local businesses.

In conclusion, while the global availability of goods facilitates cross-cultural understanding, it also undermines the preservation of local cultural identities and poses economic challenges for small businesses.