Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nations with extended working hours are thought to be more economically thriving than countries where people work less. However, while longer working hours might suggest greater economic productivity, they often come with significant social drawbacks. In my view, I agree that the longer employees are at work, the more likely they are to face social negativity, but a country with long working hours do not necessarily translate into a more prosperous country. My argument is that long hours of work can result in stress and struggles in maintaning work-life balance. This would lead to social problems. Moreover, there are nations with less working time and more holidays that are still economically booming.

Firstly, prolonged working hours causes stress and the imbalance in work-life relationship. This is because relaxation is necessary for everyone. Therefore, when people work more, they will not have much time for themselves to relax, which attributes to work-life imbalance. Because people have less time to unwind, they are also likely to suffer from stress as a result. This situation undeniably prompts various social issues, such as declining mental health and lower overall life satisfaction. For example, in Japan, where the work cultures emphasize completing tasks over completing the required working time. In other words, employees have to work overtime and often face immense pressure to have their work done before leaving the office. Consequently, there are numerous instances of death reported due to overwork and many cases of severe stress and health problems among Japanese citizens.

However, not all countries have long working hours like Japan. In fact, some nations, despite having just 8 hours working a day and more holidays, still entail a financial stability for their nations. Some notable examples of this are European countries, such as the Netherlands, Denmark, or Sweden. Those countries are well-known for having shorter workweeks and generous vacations policies. Notwithstanding this, they still experience higher productivity levels, stronger economies and a superior quality of life. These nations demonstrate that economic prosperity can be achieved without sacrificing social well-being.

In conclusion, although longer working hours might contribute to economic prospect, they are not the sole measurement of a nation's wealth. Indeed, social issues stemming from stress and poor work-life balance are likely due to this heavy emphasis on working longer hours. Countries with a more balanced approach to work and leisure can still achieve high performance in economy while ensuring the general welfare of their residents.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nations with extended working hours are thought to be more economically thriving" -> "Nations with extended working hours are perceived as more economically prosperous"
Explanation: Replacing "thriving" with "prosperous" provides a more precise and formal term that is commonly used in academic and economic contexts to describe economic success.
"longer working hours might suggest greater economic productivity" -> "extended working hours may imply greater economic productivity"
Explanation: Changing "might suggest" to "may imply" refines the language to a more formal and academically appropriate tone, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"they often come with significant social drawbacks" -> "they frequently entail significant social drawbacks"
Explanation: Replacing "come with" with "entail" strengthens the formal tone and aligns better with academic language, emphasizing the inherent consequences of extended working hours.
"a country with long working hours do not necessarily translate into a more prosperous country" -> "a country with extended working hours does not necessarily translate into a more prosperous nation"
Explanation: Correcting "do not" to "does not" for grammatical accuracy and replacing "country" with "nation" for a more formal tone, and "prosperous country" to "prosperous nation" for consistency in noun form.
"prolonged working hours causes stress and the imbalance in work-life relationship" -> "prolonged working hours causes stress and disrupts the work-life balance"
Explanation: Changing "causes stress and the imbalance in work-life relationship" to "causes stress and disrupts the work-life balance" corrects the grammatical structure and uses the more precise term "disrupts" to describe the impact on balance.
"relaxation is necessary for everyone" -> "relaxation is essential for everyone"
Explanation: Replacing "necessary" with "essential" enhances the formality and emphasizes the critical nature of relaxation in the context.
"they are also likely to suffer from stress as a result" -> "they are also likely to experience stress as a consequence"
Explanation: Replacing "suffer from" with "experience" and "as a result" with "as a consequence" refines the language to be more formal and precise.
"not all countries have long working hours like Japan" -> "not all countries have extended working hours similar to those in Japan"
Explanation: Changing "long working hours like Japan" to "extended working hours similar to those in Japan" provides a more precise and formal description.
"entail a financial stability for their nations" -> "ensure financial stability for their nations"
Explanation: Replacing "entail" with "ensure" corrects the verb choice to better fit the context, indicating a direct contribution to stability.
"stronger economies and a superior quality of life" -> "stronger economies and a superior quality of life"
Explanation: No change needed here, as the phrase is already academically appropriate and clear.
"economic prospect" -> "economic prospects"
Explanation: Changing "prospect" to "prospects" corrects the grammatical number to plural, aligning with the plural context of discussing multiple economic outcomes.
"social issues stemming from stress and poor work-life balance" -> "social issues arising from stress and poor work-life balance"
Explanation: Replacing "stemming from" with "arising from" provides a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing.
"can still achieve high performance in economy" -> "can still achieve high economic performance"
Explanation: Adding "economic" before "performance" clarifies the subject and enhances the formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses the prompt by discussing both the economic benefits and social drawbacks of longer working hours. It acknowledges that extended work hours may lead to economic prosperity but argues that this does not necessarily equate to overall success for a nation. It also explores the negative social consequences such as stress and poor work-life balance.
- How to improve: To enhance this criterion, ensure that every paragraph directly ties back to the prompt. Emphasize specific examples and provide deeper analysis on how these examples illustrate the broader points made about economic success and social consequences.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear stance agreeing with the statement that longer working hours lead to negative social consequences. It maintains this position throughout, using examples such as Japan’s work culture and contrasting with European countries.
- How to improve: Maintain consistency in expressing the stance across all paragraphs. Ensure that each example and argument directly supports the central thesis without ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about economic success and social drawbacks clearly. It extends these ideas with examples from Japan and European countries to illustrate the points made. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration and deeper analysis.
- How to improve: Expand on each example by providing more specific details and statistics where possible. Analyze the impact of longer working hours on productivity and compare these effects across different nations more thoroughly.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the correlation between working hours, economic success, and social consequences. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing general welfare without tying it directly back to the economic success of nations.
- How to improve: Maintain a tight focus on the prompt throughout the essay. Ensure that every example or argument contributes directly to the discussion of economic success versus social consequences of long working hours.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a consistent position throughout, improvements can be made in providing more detailed examples, deeper analysis, and ensuring every point directly relates to the topic. This will strengthen the essay’s coherence and relevance, potentially leading to a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing different aspects of the issue (economic success vs. social consequences), and a conclusion summarizing the main points. Each paragraph is focused on a specific idea (long working hours and economic success, negative social consequences, examples from Japan and European countries), contributing to a coherent argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the essay prompt and thesis statement. Consider refining topic sentences to clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph and maintain a consistent focus on either agreeing or disagreeing with the prompt throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs clear paragraphs that generally adhere to the topic of each discussion point (economic success vs. social consequences). However, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve coherence. For instance, the shift from discussing negative social consequences to examples from different countries could be more seamless.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph coherence by using more explicit transitional phrases between paragraphs (e.g., "Moreover," "However," "In conclusion"). This will help readers follow the development of ideas more effectively and ensure paragraphs build upon each other logically.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes use of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these"), conjunctions ("however," "although"), and transitional phrases ("in conclusion," "for example"). These devices generally connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs adequately.
- How to improve: Increase variety in cohesive devices by incorporating more advanced transitional phrases and connectors (e.g., "nevertheless," "on the other hand," "despite"). This can further enhance the coherence by explicitly linking complex ideas and arguments.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and variety of cohesive devices can elevate the coherence and cohesion score to a higher band level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with varied expressions such as "economically thriving," "social drawbacks," "work-life imbalance," "undeniably prompts," "generous vacations policies," and "achieved without sacrificing." These phrases are well-chosen and contribute to the clarity and depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary usage, consider incorporating more nuanced synonyms or academic phrases where appropriate. For instance, instead of "social issues," you could use "socioeconomic challenges" or "adverse societal implications." This can elevate the sophistication of your argument and demonstrate a deeper grasp of lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely to convey ideas, such as "work-life imbalance" and "economic prosperity." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "economic prospect" could be replaced with "economic growth" or "economic development," depending on the context.
- How to improve: Aim to consistently use specific vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Avoid generic terms where more precise alternatives are available. For instance, instead of "a country’s wealth," consider "a nation’s economic wealth" or "economic affluence." This specificity enhances clarity and academic tone.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with correct usage of words such as "prosperity," "imbalances," and "economically." However, there are a few errors, such as "struggles in maintaning" (maintaining) and "workweeks" (work weeks).
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading carefully and using spell-check tools to catch errors like those mentioned. Additionally, pay attention to common tricky words and ensure they are correctly spelled in your final draft.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary use, with clear strengths in range and precision. By refining specific vocabulary choices and enhancing spelling accuracy, you can further elevate the clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It includes complex sentences (e.g., "Countries with extended working hours are thought to be more economically thriving than countries where people work less"), compound sentences (e.g., "In my view, I agree that the longer employees are at work, the more likely they are to face social negativity, but a country with long working hours do not necessarily translate into a more prosperous country"), and some instances of conditional sentences (e.g., "if people work more, they will not have much time for themselves to relax"). These structures contribute to coherence and clarity throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance effectiveness, consider incorporating more nuanced structures such as complex noun phrases or passive constructions where appropriate. For instance, varying the use of conditional sentences with different forms (e.g., mixed conditionals) could further enrich the argumentative depth and complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical control with few errors. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be tightened (e.g., "a country with long working hours do not necessarily translate into a more prosperous country" should be "does not necessarily translate into").
- How to improve: Continuously proofread for subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tense usage, especially in complex sentences. Additionally, pay attention to comma placement for clarity and coherence, particularly in separating clauses within compound and complex sentences.

This feedback highlights the essay’s strengths in structural variety and grammatical accuracy while providing targeted suggestions for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nations with extended working hours are often perceived as more economically prosperous compared to those where people work fewer hours. While longer working hours might imply greater economic productivity, they also bring significant social drawbacks. In my opinion, I agree that extended work hours can lead to social issues, but I do not believe they necessarily make a country more prosperous.

One major drawback of prolonged working hours is the increased stress and disrupted work-life balance they cause. It is universally acknowledged that relaxation is essential for everyone. Therefore, when individuals spend more time at work, they have less time for personal relaxation, which exacerbates the imbalance between work and personal life. This inevitably leads to social problems such as declining mental health and overall life satisfaction. For instance, in Japan, where the work culture prioritizes completing tasks over adhering to standard working hours, employees often face pressure to work overtime, which has resulted in severe stress-related health issues and even deaths.

However, not all countries follow Japan’s model of extended working hours. Some nations, such as European countries like the Netherlands, Denmark, and Sweden, have shorter workweeks and more holidays, yet they maintain financial stability. These countries demonstrate that economic prosperity and a high quality of life can be achieved without excessively long working hours. They prioritize a balanced approach to work and leisure, which contributes to higher productivity levels and a better overall welfare for their residents.

In conclusion, although longer working hours may contribute to economic productivity, they are not the sole determinant of a nation’s wealth. The social issues arising from stress and poor work-life balance underscore the importance of adopting a balanced approach to work hours and leisure time. Countries that achieve this balance can excel economically while ensuring the well-being of their citizens.