Currently many cities are facing population explosion, state the causes and give solutions

In recent decades, population has witnessed a significant rise in population, leading to numerous social, economic and environmental challenges. This essay will explore the primary cause of population explosion and provide some feasible solution to mitigate this issue.
The foremost reason for the rapid increase of population explosion is the advantage in healthcare. with modern medical facilities and improved living standards, the mortality rate has significantly decreased, especially in developing countries. This decline has lead to high life expectancy, meaning that people are living longer, adding to the overall population count. For instance, some countries like India and Nigeria have observed a drastic reduction, resulting in an expanding population base.
Another contributing factor is the lack of awareness. In some societies, some families believe that large families are still viewed as a source of economic strength and contraception use remains limited due to some cultural or economic reasons. consequently, high birth rate are sustained in these regions lead to overcrowded communities and pressure on the resources
To address this problem, the government needs to improve education, especially for women, is crucial. educated women are more likely to have fewer children, as they become aware of family planning options and the economic benefits of a smaller family. Moreover, educated individuals tend to focus on career goals, which naturally delays marriage and childbirth, so that will decline the birth rates.
Another solution is to create more economic development programs that provide more job opportunities. by creating more employment opportunities, especially in underdeveloped areas. when people have stable income, they are likely to prioritize quality over quantity in family planning
In conclusion, while improved healthcare and cultural norms contribute to population growth, promoting economic development and urbanization can help curb this trend, leading to more sustainable resource use and a better quality of life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"population has witnessed a significant rise in population" -> "the population has experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant and awkward. Simplifying it to "the population has experienced a significant increase" clarifies the meaning and maintains formal tone.
"population explosion" -> "population growth"
Explanation: "Population explosion" is an informal and somewhat sensational term. "Population growth" is more neutral and appropriate for academic writing.
"provide some feasible solution" -> "offer some feasible solutions"
Explanation: "Provide" is correct, but "solutions" should be plural to match the context of multiple solutions being discussed.
"The foremost reason for the rapid increase of population explosion" -> "The primary cause of the rapid population growth"
Explanation: "The foremost reason for the rapid increase of population explosion" is awkward and redundant. "The primary cause of the rapid population growth" is more direct and formal.
"advantage in healthcare" -> "advances in healthcare"
Explanation: "Advantage" is incorrect in this context; "advances" correctly refers to improvements in healthcare.
"decline has lead to" -> "decline has led to"
Explanation: "Decline has lead" is grammatically incorrect. "Decline has led" corrects the verb tense and form.
"high life expectancy, meaning that people are living longer" -> "high life expectancy, resulting in longer lifespans"
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant. "Resulting in longer lifespans" is more concise and maintains formal tone.
"adding to the overall population count" -> "contributing to the overall population growth"
Explanation: "Adding to the overall population count" is somewhat informal and vague. "Contributing to the overall population growth" is more precise and formal.
"lack of awareness" -> "lack of awareness about family planning"
Explanation: Adding "about family planning" clarifies the specific area of awareness being referred to, enhancing precision.
"some families believe that large families are still viewed as a source of economic strength" -> "some families still view large families as a source of economic strength"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly constructed. The revised version is clearer and more direct.
"consequently, high birth rate are sustained" -> "consequently, high birth rates are sustained"
Explanation: "High birth rate" should be plural to match the context, and "are" should be used instead of "is" for grammatical correctness.
"improve education, especially for women, is crucial" -> "improving education, particularly for women, is crucial"
Explanation: "Improve" should be "improving" to agree with the gerund form "is crucial," and "especially" is less formal than "particularly."
"educated individuals tend to focus on career goals" -> "educated individuals tend to prioritize career goals"
Explanation: "Prioritize" is a more precise verb than "focus on" in this context, indicating a deliberate choice.
"so that will decline the birth rates" -> "which will reduce birth rates"
Explanation: "So that will decline the birth rates" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Which will reduce birth rates" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"by creating more employment opportunities, especially in underdeveloped areas" -> "by creating more employment opportunities, particularly in underdeveloped regions"
Explanation: "Underdeveloped areas" is less formal than "underdeveloped regions," and "particularly" is preferred over "especially" in formal writing.
"when people have stable income" -> "when individuals have stable incomes"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "incomes" should be plural to match the context.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying causes of population explosion, such as advancements in healthcare and cultural beliefs regarding family size. However, it only partially fulfills the requirement to provide solutions. While it mentions improving education and creating economic development programs, these solutions could be elaborated further to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic. The essay does not explicitly state a second solution, which detracts from fully addressing the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each part of the prompt is thoroughly covered. Include at least two distinct causes and two solutions. For instance, consider discussing urbanization or migration as additional causes, and explore policies like family planning initiatives or government incentives for smaller families as solutions.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position on the causes and solutions to population explosion is generally clear, particularly in the discussion of healthcare and education. However, the essay lacks a strong, consistent stance throughout. The phrasing in some sections, such as "the government needs to improve education," could be more assertive to reflect a clear position. Additionally, the conclusion could better encapsulate the argument presented in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by using definitive language and ensuring that the thesis statement is reinforced in the conclusion. Consider restating the main argument in the conclusion to remind the reader of the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to causes and solutions, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions that educated women tend to have fewer children, it does not provide specific evidence or examples to support this claim. The connection between economic development and family planning is also mentioned but lacks depth.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, include specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, cite data showing the correlation between education levels and birth rates in various countries. This would enhance the credibility of the arguments and provide a more robust analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions to population explosion. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the transition between discussing healthcare and cultural beliefs could be smoother, and the connection to the solutions could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the prompt. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas and maintain a logical flow throughout the essay. This will help reinforce the relevance of each point made to the overall topic of population explosion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes, and solutions, followed by a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing causes to solutions feels abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses healthcare improvements, but the second body paragraph introduces the lack of awareness without a clear link to the previous point. This could confuse readers regarding how these points interrelate.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing healthcare, you could introduce the next point with a phrase like, "In addition to healthcare advancements, cultural factors also play a significant role in population growth." This will help create a smoother transition between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific cause or solution, which is a strength. However, the second body paragraph lacks clarity in its structure. The sentences are somewhat disjointed, and the argument about cultural beliefs and their impact on birth rates could be more cohesive.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, in the second body paragraph, start with a sentence like, "Cultural beliefs significantly influence family planning decisions, particularly in certain societies." This will provide a clearer focus and guide the reader through your argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "this decline has lead to high life expectancy," which could confuse readers. Additionally, the use of "consequently" at the beginning of a sentence is not effectively linked to the previous idea.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore," "in contrast," or "as a result" to enhance connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a contextually appropriate manner to maintain clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of population growth, such as "population explosion," "mortality rate," "life expectancy," and "economic development." However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with the term "population," which appears multiple times in close proximity. The phrases "advantage in healthcare" and "lack of awareness" are somewhat generic and could be expanded with more varied vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could replace repetitive terms with synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "population," alternatives like "demographic growth" or "population surge" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more specific terms related to the causes and effects of population growth, such as "urbanization," "fertility rates," or "socioeconomic factors," would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, some phrases lack precision. For example, "advantage in healthcare" could be misinterpreted; a more precise phrase like "advancements in healthcare" would better convey the intended meaning. The phrase "high birth rate are sustained" contains grammatical errors that affect clarity, as "rate" should be singular.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For example, instead of saying "some families believe that large families are still viewed as a source of economic strength," the writer could specify "some families perceive large families as economically beneficial." Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "consequently" (spelled as "consequently"), "lead" (should be "led"), and "birth rate are sustained" (should be "birth rates are sustained"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or quizzes. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch spelling mistakes. Utilizing tools like spell check in word processors can also be beneficial, but the writer should ensure they understand the context of the words used.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "In some societies, some families believe that large families are still viewed as a source of economic strength" showcases an understanding of more intricate grammatical forms. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the opening sentences of each paragraph, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the sentence openings and incorporating more complex clauses. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another contributing factor is," you could use introductory phrases like "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," to create a smoother flow and more varied rhythm in your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "with modern medical facilities and improved living standards" lacks a subject and should be connected to the preceding sentence. Additionally, the sentence "consequently, high birth rate are sustained in these regions lead to overcrowded communities and pressure on the resources" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("rate" should be "rates") and lacks proper punctuation. Furthermore, the use of lowercase letters at the beginning of sentences, such as "with modern medical facilities," is incorrect.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and proper sentence structure. Pay close attention to punctuation, ensuring that each sentence begins with a capital letter and that commas are used appropriately to separate clauses. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors can also be beneficial. Additionally, consider reading your essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes that may not be immediately obvious when reading silently.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent decades, the population has experienced a significant increase, leading to numerous social, economic, and environmental challenges. This essay will explore the primary cause of the population explosion and offer some feasible solutions to mitigate this issue.

The foremost reason for the rapid population growth is the advances in healthcare. With modern medical facilities and improved living standards, the mortality rate has significantly decreased, especially in developing countries. This decline has led to high life expectancy, resulting in longer lifespans and contributing to the overall population growth. For instance, countries like India and Nigeria have observed a drastic reduction in mortality rates, resulting in an expanding population base.

Another contributing factor is the lack of awareness about family planning. In some societies, families still view large families as a source of economic strength, and contraception use remains limited due to cultural or economic reasons. Consequently, high birth rates are sustained in these regions, leading to overcrowded communities and increased pressure on resources.

To address this problem, improving education, particularly for women, is crucial. Educated women are more likely to have fewer children, as they become aware of family planning options and the economic benefits of a smaller family. Moreover, educated individuals tend to prioritize career goals, which naturally delays marriage and childbirth, thereby reducing birth rates.

Another solution is to create more economic development programs that provide job opportunities, particularly in underdeveloped regions. When individuals have stable incomes, they are likely to prioritize quality over quantity in family planning.

In conclusion, while advances in healthcare and cultural norms contribute to population growth, promoting education and economic development can help curb this trend, leading to more sustainable resource use and a better quality of life.