Deforestation is supposed to the main causes that lead to global warmings. Do you agree?

In recent years, eviromental protection has become a broad issue to the general public. Some people believe that it’s important to protect our eviroment. However, others think that it’s not. In my opinion, I agree that we should do our best to protect our enviroment. Discused below are several reasons supporting my perspective.
First and foremost, people should recognize that the eviroment is really important in our life. A very important point to consider is it can help us prevent health problem. To illustrate this point, I would like to mention that if we reduce the emission from the enviroment, we can reduce the risk of lung disease. Another point I would like to mention is natural disaster can be really serious because of the fact that the greenhouse effect is becoming worst. On the other hand, there are some argument in support of the idea that protect the enviroment is not really necessary. It’s also convincing to realize that many people are only focus on making money. This means some of us ignore how necessary the enviroment is in our life.
In conclusion, the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue, and it’s still a controversal issue. As far as I am concerned, I put more highlight on the idea that we make the greenhouse effect become worts by polluting the earth. People should have further consideration on this issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"eviromental" -> "environmental"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "eviromental" to "environmental" ensures the use of the correct term in formal writing.
"broad issue to the general public" -> "widespread concern among the general public"
Explanation: "Widespread concern" is a more precise and formal term than "broad issue," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"it’s" -> "it is"
Explanation: In academic writing, it is preferred to use the full form "it is" instead of the contraction "it’s" to maintain a formal tone.
"enviroment" -> "environment"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "enviroment" to "environment" is necessary for accuracy and professionalism in writing.
"Discused" -> "Discussed"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "Discused" to "Discussed" is essential for maintaining the integrity of the text.
"really important" -> "vitally important"
Explanation: "Vitally important" is a more precise and formal expression than "really important," which is somewhat colloquial.
"health problem" -> "health problems"
Explanation: Using the plural form "health problems" is more accurate as it refers to the variety of health issues that can be prevented by environmental protection.
"reduce the emission from the enviroment" -> "reduce emissions from the environment"
Explanation: "Emissions" is the correct plural form when referring to the release of pollutants into the environment, and "environment" should be spelled correctly as "environment."
"the greenhouse effect is becoming worst" -> "the greenhouse effect is worsening"
Explanation: "Worsening" is the correct verb form to describe the increasing severity of the greenhouse effect, replacing the informal and incorrect "worst."
"there are some argument" -> "there are some arguments"
Explanation: "Arguments" should be plural to match the plural subject "some," and it is grammatically correct to use "arguments" in this context.
"protect the enviroment is not really necessary" -> "protecting the environment is not necessarily necessary"
Explanation: "Protecting the environment is not necessarily necessary" corrects the grammatical structure and removes the informal phrase "really necessary."
"many people are only focus on making money" -> "many people are only focused on making money"
Explanation: "Focused" is the correct form of the verb to use in this context, indicating a state of concentration or attention.
"it’s still a controversal issue" -> "it remains a controversial issue"
Explanation: "Remains" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "still," and "controversial" should be spelled correctly as one word.
"make the greenhouse effect become worts" -> "contribute to the worsening of the greenhouse effect"
Explanation: "Contribute to the worsening of the greenhouse effect" is a more precise and academically appropriate way to express the impact on the environment, replacing the incorrect and informal "make the greenhouse effect become worts."
"People should have further consideration on this issue" -> "People should give further consideration to this issue"
Explanation: "Give further consideration to this issue" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding deforestation as a cause of global warming, but it does not directly engage with the specific assertion made in the question. The response is vague and does not explicitly agree or disagree with the statement about deforestation. Instead, it discusses environmental protection in general, which strays from the core issue. For example, while the essay mentions the importance of the environment and health issues related to pollution, it fails to connect these points back to deforestation specifically.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should clearly state a position on whether deforestation is a main cause of global warming. It could include specific examples of how deforestation contributes to climate change, such as the loss of carbon sinks or increased greenhouse gas emissions.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While the author states agreement with the need to protect the environment, it lacks a definitive stance on deforestation’s role in global warming. The phrase "I agree that we should do our best to protect our environment" is too general and does not focus on the specific topic of deforestation.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their agreement or disagreement with the prompt in the introduction and consistently refer back to this position throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I strongly believe that deforestation is a significant contributor to global warming" would help clarify the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For instance, the mention of health problems related to environmental degradation is relevant but does not directly tie back to deforestation. The arguments made are not well-extended or supported with specific examples or data, making them less persuasive.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should include specific examples of how deforestation leads to global warming, such as statistics on tree loss and its impact on carbon dioxide levels. Each point should be elaborated with clear explanations and relevant evidence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates from the topic by discussing general environmental issues rather than focusing specifically on deforestation. While the author touches on related themes, such as pollution and health, these do not directly address the prompt about deforestation’s role in global warming.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the author should ensure that every paragraph relates back to the central question of deforestation and its impact on global warming. Creating an outline before writing could help maintain focus on the specific aspects of the prompt.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should directly address the prompt regarding deforestation, present a clear and consistent position, support ideas with specific examples, and maintain focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is often disrupted by unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from discussing the importance of the environment to the health implications is abrupt and lacks a clear link. Additionally, the argument against environmental protection is introduced without sufficient context, making it difficult for the reader to follow the line of reasoning.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly related to the thesis statement. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help clarify the main point. Furthermore, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "In addition," "Conversely," "For instance") can guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is not effectively utilized. The introduction is somewhat clear, but the body paragraphs lack distinct separation of ideas. The second paragraph tries to cover multiple points without clear delineation, leading to confusion about which argument is being made at any given time. The conclusion, while present, does not effectively summarize the main points discussed.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument. The writer should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. For instance, the paragraph discussing health implications could be separated from the one discussing economic motivations for environmental neglect. This would create a clearer structure and make the essay easier to follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "on the other hand," but their use is limited and sometimes incorrect. For example, "this means" is used without a clear antecedent, making it difficult for the reader to understand what is being referenced. Additionally, the repetition of phrases like "the environment" without variation can make the text feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using "furthermore," "in contrast," or "as a result" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, varying vocabulary when referring to the environment (e.g., "natural world," "ecosystem") can enhance the richness of the text and maintain reader interest.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, enhancing the logical organization, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will significantly improve coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in vocabulary, such as "environmental protection," "health problem," and "natural disaster." However, the range is limited, with repetitive phrases like "protect our environment" and "important" appearing multiple times. The use of terms like "greenhouse effect" shows some awareness of topic-specific vocabulary, but overall, the vocabulary lacks depth and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "important," alternatives like "crucial," "vital," or "essential" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more specific terms related to environmental issues, such as "biodiversity," "sustainability," or "climate change," would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the greenhouse effect is becoming worst," where "worst" should be "worse." The phrase "health problem" is vague; a more precise term like "respiratory illnesses" could be used. The phrase "protect the environment is not really necessary" also lacks clarity and could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This involves choosing words that are specific and contextually appropriate. For example, instead of saying "the environment is really important in our life," a more precise statement could be "the environment plays a crucial role in sustaining human health and well-being."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "eviromental" (environmental), "discused" (discussed), "argument" (arguments), and "controversal" (controversial). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools, and proofreading their work before submission. Creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences present. For instance, the sentence "A very important point to consider is it can help us prevent health problem" lacks complexity and could be more effectively expressed as "A very important point to consider is that it can help us prevent health problems." The use of phrases like "On the other hand" and "In conclusion" indicates some awareness of discourse markers, but overall, the variety in sentence structures is insufficient to convey nuanced arguments effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Another point I would like to mention is natural disaster can be really serious," the writer could say, "Another point worth mentioning is that natural disasters can be particularly severe due to the worsening greenhouse effect." Engaging with a wider variety of sentence types will enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impede clarity. For example, "eviromental" is misspelled throughout the essay, and "health problem" should be pluralized to "health problems." Additionally, the phrase "the greenhouse effect is becoming worst" should use "worse" instead of "worst." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "there are some argument" which should be "there are some arguments." Punctuation is generally used correctly, but the lack of commas in complex sentences leads to run-on sentences that affect readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors such as spelling, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of comparative forms. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct these mistakes. Additionally, practicing writing with attention to punctuation rules, especially in complex sentences, will enhance clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear stance on the issue of environmental protection, significant improvements are needed in both the range of grammatical structures used and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Engaging in targeted practice in these areas will help elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, environmental protection has become a widespread concern among the general public. Some people believe that it is vitally important to protect our environment. However, others think that it is not necessary. In my opinion, I agree that we should do our best to protect our environment. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective.

First and foremost, people should recognize that the environment is crucial in our lives. A very important point to consider is that it can help us prevent health problems. To illustrate this point, I would like to mention that if we reduce emissions from the environment, we can decrease the risk of lung disease. Another point I would like to highlight is that natural disasters can be extremely serious due to the fact that the greenhouse effect is worsening.

On the other hand, there are some arguments in support of the idea that protecting the environment is not necessarily important. It is also convincing to realize that many people are only focused on making money. This means some of us ignore how essential the environment is in our lives.

In conclusion, the facts mentioned above have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue, and it remains a controversial issue. As far as I am concerned, I emphasize that we contribute to the worsening of the greenhouse effect by polluting the Earth. People should give further consideration to this issue.