Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What is the cause of this? What measures can the international communitiy take to meet this demand?
Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What is the cause of this? What measures can the international communitiy take to meet this demand?
It is claimed that humanity is facing an increasing need for food supplies. This essay aims to discover the cause behind this issue and suggest some possible solutions to tackle it.
On the one hand, it is possibly said the problem of food demand could be attributable to a wide range of reasons. The most likely one is that disasters occur in many areas of the world. The explanation is that in times of epidemics or wars, the supply chain might be broken, which led to interruptting the imports of food between countries. As a result, citizens tend to purchase food supplies in large quantities. For example, during the outbreak of Covid-19, many people were afraid of the potential lack of milk, corn, staples, … which leaded to the decision of hoarding a large amount of food. In addition, the population is increasing worldwide resulting from governments’ policies. In other words, governments of developed countries have implemented population growth policies to avoid the situation of population aging and governments of developing nations insufficient financial resources to address unplanned births. As a result, the number of population dramatically increases over the world leading to growing demand for food.
On the other hand, a number of solutions could be adopted to mitigate the mentioned problem. One of them is for the state to put more investment in the development of agricultural sector. In other words, a shift from traditional agriculture to the production of genetically modified food, which is food from crops whose genes were scientifically changed. As a result, this guarantee a considerably higher yield, which helps production meet the food demand of the population. For instance, in some African countries, the widespread introduction of genetically modified food has saved the trouble of importing food from abroad. Moreover, nations should be collaborate to control the overpopulation problem. The rich countries could offer financial assistance for the poor countries to take effective measures in birth control. For example, there should be more national campaigns to raise people’s awareness about the detrimental effects of overpopulation.
In conclusion, while there are many reasons leading to the problem of escalating needs for food such as the increasing frequency of disaters and overpopulation, investing more money in developing agricultural sector and controlling the overpopulation should be taken to tackle this problem.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"It is claimed that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "It is argued that" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, indicating a scholarly discussion or debate about the topic rather than a simple claim. -
"discover the cause" -> "identify the causes"
Explanation: "Identify the causes" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing, suggesting a systematic and thorough examination of the issue. -
"it is possibly said the problem" -> "it is suggested that the problem"
Explanation: "It is suggested that" is clearer and more direct, avoiding the awkward and vague construction "it is possibly said the problem." -
"disasters occur in many areas of the world" -> "natural disasters occur globally"
Explanation: "Natural disasters occur globally" is more precise and avoids the vagueness of "many areas of the world," which could encompass a wide range of geographical locations. -
"interruptting" -> "interrupting"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text maintains professional standards. -
"citizens tend to purchase" -> "consumers tend to buy"
Explanation: "Consumers" is a more specific term than "citizens," which is more commonly associated with political participation rather than economic activities. -
"which leaded" -> "which led"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring the verb tense is consistent throughout the sentence. -
"the population is increasing worldwide" -> "the global population is increasing"
Explanation: "The global population" is a more precise and formal way to refer to the population across the world. -
"resulting from governments’ policies" -> "resulting from government policies"
Explanation: Removing the possessive apostrophe after "governments" corrects a grammatical error and aligns with formal writing standards. -
"the number of population dramatically increases" -> "the global population is increasing dramatically"
Explanation: "The global population is increasing dramatically" corrects the awkward phrasing and ensures grammatical accuracy. -
"a number of solutions could be adopted" -> "several solutions could be implemented"
Explanation: "Several solutions could be implemented" is more specific and formal, suggesting a more deliberate and systematic approach. -
"put more investment in the development of agricultural sector" -> "invest more in the agricultural sector"
Explanation: "Invest more in the agricultural sector" is a more direct and formal expression, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "put more investment." -
"food from crops whose genes were scientifically changed" -> "genetically modified food"
Explanation: "Genetically modified food" is a more precise and commonly accepted term in academic and scientific contexts. -
"guarantee a considerably higher yield" -> "ensure a significantly higher yield"
Explanation: "Ensure" is more appropriate than "guarantee" in this context, as it implies a commitment to achieve a goal rather than a promise of absolute certainty. -
"nations should be collaborate" -> "nations should collaborate"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring the verb agrees with the subject. -
"the overpopulation problem" -> "the issue of overpopulation"
Explanation: "The issue of overpopulation" is a more formal and precise way to refer to the problem, aligning better with academic style. -
"there are many reasons leading to the problem" -> "there are several factors contributing to the problem"
Explanation: "Several factors contributing to the problem" is more specific and academically appropriate than "many reasons leading to the problem," which is vague and informal.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt effectively. It identifies the causes of increasing food demand, such as disasters and population growth, and suggests measures like investment in agriculture and international collaboration on overpopulation. However, the discussion of causes could be more comprehensive, as it primarily focuses on two points without exploring other potential factors like climate change or economic disparities.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider including additional causes of food demand, such as urbanization, changing diets, or economic factors. This would provide a more rounded view of the issue and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by consistently addressing the causes and solutions related to food demand. The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some sentences feel slightly disjointed, which may confuse the reader about the main argument.
- How to improve: Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to reinforce the main idea. Additionally, employing linking phrases can help create a more cohesive flow between points, ensuring that the reader can easily follow the argument.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas and supports them with examples, such as the reference to the Covid-19 pandemic and the introduction of genetically modified foods in Africa. However, some points lack depth; for instance, the explanation of government policies on population growth could be elaborated to provide a stronger basis for the argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, expand on key points with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, discussing specific agricultural investments or successful case studies in other countries could provide more substantial support for the proposed solutions.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes andsolutions to food demand. However, there are minor deviations, such as the brief mention of "governments of developed countries" that could be more relevant if tied back to the main argument about food demand.
- How to improve: Ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the main topic. Avoid introducing ideas that may distract from the central argument. For instance, if discussing government policies, relate them directly to how they impact food supply and demand to maintain focus.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and effectively addresses the prompt, but it could benefit from deeper analysis, smoother transitions, and more comprehensive support for ideas.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first paragraph addresses the causes of increasing food demand, while the second discusses potential solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing disasters and population growth is somewhat abrupt. The connection between these two points could be more explicitly stated to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas. For example, after discussing disasters, you could introduce population growth with a phrase like, "In addition to these disruptions, another significant factor contributing to food demand is the rising global population." This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the relationship between the points.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of the paragraph. The current topic sentence ("On the other hand, a number of solutions could be adopted to mitigate the mentioned problem") is somewhat vague and does not clearly indicate that the paragraph will focus on solutions.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, you could revise the second paragraph’s topic sentence to something like, "To address the increasing demand for food, several effective solutions can be implemented." This will provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "in addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "which led to interruptting" and "which helps production meet the food demand of the population." These errors can disrupt the flow and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "consequently," and "for instance." Additionally, ensure grammatical accuracy to maintain clarity. For example, revise "which led to interruptting" to "which led to interruptions in" to improve grammatical correctness and flow.
By addressing these areas—logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices—the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "humanity," "epidemics," "hoarding," and "genetically modified food." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "food supplies" and "food demand," which could be varied further. The use of phrases such as "the number of population dramatically increases" is awkward and could be expressed more naturally.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "food demand," you could use "food requirements," "nutritional needs," or "culinary necessities." Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating more advanced vocabulary would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the supply chain might be broken," which could be more accurately expressed as "the supply chain may be disrupted." The phrase "which led to interruptting the imports" contains a spelling error and also lacks clarity; it should be "which led to interruptions in food imports." Furthermore, the phrase "the rich countries could offer financial assistance for the poor countries" is vague and could be more specific, such as "developed nations could provide financial aid to developing nations."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that conveys your ideas more clearly. For example, replace "the rich countries" with "developed nations" and "the poor countries" with "developing nations." Additionally, ensure that verb forms are correct and that phrases are grammatically sound to enhance clarity.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "interruptting" (should be "interrupting") and "lead" (should be "led"). These mistakes detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a break and then review it with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can help identify errors before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary lists can also reinforce correct spelling.
By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its lexical resource score, ultimately leading to a higher overall band score in the IELTS writing assessment.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, the use of phrases like "it is claimed that" and "on the one hand" effectively introduces different viewpoints. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are presented. For example, the phrase "the number of population dramatically increases" could be rephrased to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "the most likely one is," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can enhance the overall flow and engagement of the essay.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, "which led to interruptting the imports" contains a spelling error ("interruptting" should be "interrupting") and a tense inconsistency. Furthermore, the phrase "which leaded to the decision of hoarding" uses an incorrect form of the verb ("leaded" should be "led"). Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "which helps production meet the food demand."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, especially with verb forms and spelling. Familiarizing oneself with common grammatical structures and their correct usage can also help. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding clauses and lists, will improve clarity. For example, revising the sentence "the widespread introduction of genetically modified food has saved the trouble of importing food from abroad" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is argued that humanity is facing an increasing need for food supplies. This essay aims to identify the causes behind this issue and suggest some possible solutions to address it.
On the one hand, it is suggested that the problem of food demand could be attributable to a wide range of reasons. The most significant cause is the occurrence of disasters in many areas of the world. During times of epidemics or wars, the supply chain may be disrupted, which leads to interruptions in the import of food between countries. As a result, citizens tend to purchase food supplies in large quantities. For example, during the outbreak of Covid-19, many people were concerned about a potential shortage of essential items such as milk, corn, and staples, which led to the decision to hoard large amounts of food. Additionally, the global population is increasing, partly due to government policies. In other words, governments in developed countries have implemented population growth policies to counteract the effects of an aging population, while governments in developing nations often lack the financial resources to manage unplanned births. Consequently, the global population is dramatically increasing, leading to a growing demand for food.
On the other hand, a number of solutions could be adopted to mitigate this problem. One effective measure is for governments to invest more in the development of the agricultural sector. This could involve a shift from traditional agriculture to the production of genetically modified food, which consists of crops whose genes have been scientifically altered. As a result, this guarantees a considerably higher yield, helping production meet the food demand of the population. For instance, in some African countries, the widespread introduction of genetically modified crops has alleviated the need to import food from abroad. Moreover, nations should collaborate to address the issue of overpopulation. Wealthier countries could offer financial assistance to poorer nations to implement effective birth control measures. For example, there should be more national campaigns to raise awareness about the detrimental effects of overpopulation.
In conclusion, while there are many reasons contributing to the escalating demand for food, such as the increasing frequency of disasters and overpopulation, investing more in the agricultural sector and controlling population growth should be prioritized to tackle this problem.