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Describe a film or TV program that made you laugh

Describe a film or TV program that made you laugh

Next I would like to talk about a movie called “Grandma’s House”. It is a comedy that was released in many cinema last year. There are four main characters in the sitcom: Camy, Ken, Quynh Lam, Linh Dan. The story revolve around the psychology of teenagers, and their loves. In each role, each person has a different way of acting, which shows that each person’s personality is unique and has a different sense of humor. Though this movie, I learned a lesson: don’t let your ego get too big to win over something. After all, everyone has a different perspective on life, no one is right and no one is wrong. It’s just that they always stubbornly impose their thoughts on others because their ego is too big. If we are careful, stop and reconsider everything, put ourselves in the other person’s position to understand and listen. Sounds like maybe the story will have a better ending.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Next I would like to talk about a movie called ‘Grandma’s House’." -> "Next, I would like to discuss a film titled ‘Grandma’s House’."
    Explanation: The original phrase is a bit informal. Using "discuss" instead of "talk about" and replacing "movie" with "film" adds formality, aligning with academic style.

  2. "It is a comedy that was released in many cinema last year." -> "It is a comedy that premiered in numerous cinemas last year."
    Explanation: The term "many cinema" should be corrected to "numerous cinemas" for a more formal expression. Additionally, replacing "released" with "premiered" is more precise in the context of a film.

  3. "There are four main characters in the sitcom: Camy, Ken, Quynh Lam, Linh Dan." -> "The sitcom features four main characters: Camy, Ken, Quynh Lam, and Linh Dan."
    Explanation: The improved version provides a clearer structure and avoids the informal use of "there are" by starting with "The sitcom features."

  4. "The story revolve around the psychology of teenagers, and their loves." -> "The story revolves around the psychology of teenagers and their relationships."
    Explanation: "Revolve" should be corrected to "revolves" for grammatical accuracy. Additionally, the phrase "and their loves" can be refined to "and their relationships" for a more formal tone.

  5. "In each role, each person has a different way of acting, which shows that each person’s personality is unique and has a different sense of humor." -> "Each character exhibits a distinctive acting style, highlighting their unique personality and sense of humor."
    Explanation: The improved version avoids repetition, uses a more advanced structure, and replaces informal terms like "way of acting" with "exhibits a distinctive acting style."

  6. "Though this movie, I learned a lesson: don’t let your ego get too big to win over something." -> "Through this film, I gained a valuable lesson: avoid letting your ego hinder success."
    Explanation: The phrase "Though this movie" is clarified to "Through this film," and the expression "don’t let your ego get too big to win over something" is refined for more formality.

  7. "After all, everyone has a different perspective on life, no one is right and no one is wrong." -> "Ultimately, individuals possess diverse perspectives on life, and there is no absolute right or wrong."
    Explanation: The improved version uses more sophisticated vocabulary and structure, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

  8. "It’s just that they always stubbornly impose their thoughts on others because their ego is too big." -> "This behavior stems from their persistent imposition of thoughts onto others due to inflated egos."
    Explanation: The improved version uses more formal language and provides a more precise description of the behavior.

  9. "If we are careful, stop and reconsider everything, put ourselves in the other person’s position to understand and listen." -> "By exercising caution, pausing to reconsider, and empathizing by putting ourselves in the other person’s position, we enhance understanding and listening."
    Explanation: The revised version uses more formal language and clarifies the actions for a more academic tone.

  10. "Sounds like maybe the story will have a better ending." -> "This suggests that the narrative may conclude more favorably."
    Explanation: The phrase is refined to sound more formal, replacing "Sounds like maybe" with "This suggests that."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It describes a film, "Grandma’s House," providing some details about its characters, plot, and the lesson learned. However, it lacks depth and detail, and the connection between the movie and the laughter it induced is not clearly established. The essay would benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of the humor elements in the film and how they personally elicited laughter.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, delve deeper into specific scenes, dialogues, or comedic elements that made the essayist laugh. Articulate a more explicit link between these instances and the personal experience of amusement.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a somewhat clear position by discussing the central theme of the movie and the lesson learned. However, the expression of personal opinions and emotions is limited, and the stance could be more explicitly stated and consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of your position by explicitly stating your personal feelings about the humor in the film and consistently weaving your emotional responses into the discussion. This will provide a more engaging and convincing argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the movie, including its characters, plot, and the lesson learned. However, these ideas lack depth and elaboration. The examples provided are too brief and lack sufficient detail or analysis to support the points made.
    • How to improve: Extend and support your ideas by providing more specific examples from the movie. Analyze the comedic elements in greater detail, explaining why they were funny and how they contributed to the overall humor of the film. This will add depth and substance to your discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on the topic of describing a film that made the essayist laugh. However, it deviates slightly by delving into a broader lesson about ego and perspective. While related, this detour could distract from the main focus.
    • How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the laughter-inducing aspects of the film. If discussing broader themes, ensure a clear connection to the amusement factor. This will prevent the essay from straying too far from the central theme.

In summary, the essay shows potential but needs improvement in addressing the prompt comprehensively, maintaining a clear and consistent position, providing detailed examples to support ideas, and ensuring a more focused discussion on the elements that made the film humorous.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. It starts by introducing the movie and its characters but could benefit from a clearer structure. The transition from discussing characters to the life lesson learned is somewhat abrupt. Additionally, the essay could have a more defined introduction and conclusion to enhance overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider a more structured approach. Begin with a clear introduction, providing a brief overview of the movie. Follow this with a well-organized body discussing characters, plot, and humor. Conclude by summarizing the key points and reinforcing the main lesson learned.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. While it attempts to separate information about the movie and the lesson learned, the transitions between these sections are not seamless. This impacts the essay’s readability and overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by dedicating each paragraph to a specific aspect of the essay. For example, have one paragraph for introducing the movie, another for discussing characters, and a separate one for the lesson learned. This will create a more organized and reader-friendly presentation.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Next," "After all") and pronouns ("it," "they"). However, the use is limited, leading to a somewhat choppy flow. More varied and sophisticated cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and linking words, could improve the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Incorporate connectors like "however," "furthermore," or "in conclusion" to guide the reader through the essay. This will enhance the connectivity of ideas and contribute to a more cohesive and well-structured piece.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some basic and repetitive expressions. There is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary to enhance the overall richness of the essay. For instance, the repeated use of phrases like "different sense of humor" and "ego is too big" could be substituted with more varied expressions to convey the same ideas more effectively.
    • How to improve: To broaden your vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring alternative expressions. Instead of repeating phrases, experiment with varied terms to convey nuances of meaning. For example, when discussing unique personalities, you could employ terms like "individuality" or "distinctive traits" to add depth to your descriptions.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs imprecise vocabulary, such as "the psychology of teenagers" and "their loves." These phrases lack specificity and could be refined for a more accurate portrayal of the content. Precision in vocabulary will contribute to a clearer and more engaging presentation of ideas.
    • How to improve: Strive for precision in your choice of words. Instead of using broad terms like "psychology of teenagers," consider specifying the aspect you are referring to, such as "adolescent behavior" or "teenagers’ emotional experiences." This will add clarity and depth to your writing.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where errors are present, such as "Camy" instead of "Cami" and "Quynh Lam" instead of "Quynh Lam." While these errors do not significantly impact understanding, refining spelling accuracy will enhance the overall professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, carefully proofread your work, paying special attention to names and proper nouns. Utilize spell-check tools and take the time to verify the correct spelling of characters’ names, titles, and other specific terms. Consistent practice in proofreading will contribute to more polished and error-free writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a limited variety of sentence structures. Primarily, simple sentences are employed throughout the text, and there is minimal use of complex or compound-complex structures. While the writer demonstrates a reasonable command of basic sentence constructions, there is a lack of diversity that could enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, the writer should aim to incorporate a more varied sentence structure. Introduce complex sentences by combining related ideas, use compound sentences to show relationships between different concepts, and experiment with sentence lengths to create a more engaging rhythm. This will contribute to a more dynamic and polished piece of writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some noticeable errors, such as in the phrase "In each role, each person has a different way of acting," where the article "the" is missing before "each role." Additionally, there is a minor punctuation issue in "Though this movie," where "Though" should be replaced with "Through" for clarity. Overall, while the majority of the essay is grammatically sound, attention to these specific details is needed for a more polished writing style.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay, paying attention to articles, prepositions, and conjunctions. In particular, focus on the correct usage of articles ("the," "a," "an") to ensure precision in expressing ideas. Additionally, proofreading will help catch and correct minor punctuation errors, contributing to a more refined and professional presentation of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Next, I would like to discuss a film titled ‘Grandma’s House’. It is a comedy that premiered in numerous cinemas last year. The sitcom features four main characters: Camy, Ken, Quynh Lam, and Linh Dan. The story revolves around the psychology of teenagers and their relationships. In each role, every character has a distinct way of acting, showcasing their unique personality and sense of humor.

Through this film, I gained a valuable lesson: avoid letting your ego hinder success. After all, everyone has a different perspective on life, and there is no absolute right or wrong. This behavior stems from their persistent imposition of thoughts onto others due to inflated egos. By exercising caution, pausing to reconsider, and empathizing by putting ourselves in the other person’s position, we enhance understanding and listening. This suggests that the narrative may conclude more favorably.

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