DESCRIBE A SPECIAL DAY OUT THAT YOU ENJOYED

Well, I’d like to talk about the day I and my ex went to AEON mall. She was my girlfriend in the secondary school and we haven’t met almost a semester. As I recall, that the first time we went such a long time. Jumping up the fact that we were both having a weekend break, we wanted to meet and catch up over dinner.
We actually planned to spend a day going around Hai Phong city and then eating out at Khao&Nua, a popular Thai restaurant. But she told me that she haven’t gone to AEON mall before, so we changed our aim to there. Frankly speaking, I also went there only 2 times, so this day out could bring our love together. We took some drinks at The Coffee House after having taken some alluring pictures. That was a special occasion for us to talk and understand together about our lives, families’ problems, even our future. After that, we went to GoGi restaurant for lunch, found a comfortable seat and enjoyed ourselves. Next, we went to cinema to watch “ Despicable 4”, a cartoon blockbuster movie of Universal picture. The amosphere was very quiet and romantic so it made the movie better. Lastly, we went shopping, she bought for me two cute polo shirts and a white shoes. I worried it would be raining, so her clothes could be dirty. However, it turned to be a beautiful day, so our day was very pretty.
It was a rewarding experience because we can relax cofortably. We updated each other on what was going on in our lives and discussed our plans for the future. It was a nice feeling to know even though we couldn’t meet and talk frequently, we could still bond easily . It made me realize that sometimes we only need good company and good conversations to make something memorable. That was pretty such a milstone in my life that I was gradually mature though my love was over. However, I'll always appreciate every moment of that day.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Well, I’d like to talk about" -> "I would like to discuss"
Explanation: "I would like to discuss" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "talk about" and the contraction "I’d" with the full form "I would" for formality.
"I and my ex" -> "my former girlfriend and I"
Explanation: "My former girlfriend and I" is more formal and precise than "I and my ex," which is informal and colloquial.
"almost a semester" -> "nearly a semester"
Explanation: "Nearly" is more precise and academically appropriate than "almost," which can sound vague and informal in this context.
"Jumping up the fact that" -> "Notwithstanding the fact that"
Explanation: "Notwithstanding the fact that" is a more formal and appropriate transitional phrase for academic writing, replacing the informal and awkward "Jumping up the fact that."
"we wanted to meet and catch up over dinner" -> "we sought to meet and converse over dinner"
Explanation: "Sought to meet and converse" is more formal and precise than "wanted to meet and catch up," which is conversational.
"Khao&Nua" -> "Khao&Nua restaurant"
Explanation: Adding "restaurant" clarifies the context and is more specific, enhancing the formality of the sentence.
"haven’t gone to AEON mall before" -> "had not visited AEON mall previously"
Explanation: "Had not visited AEON mall previously" is more formal and precise than "haven’t gone to AEON mall before," which uses contractions and informal language.
"Frankly speaking" -> "Frankly"
Explanation: "Frankly" is sufficient without "speaking," as it is an adverb that can stand alone in formal writing.
"alluring pictures" -> "attractive photographs"
Explanation: "Attractive photographs" is more formal and precise than "alluring pictures," which can be seen as overly dramatic and informal.
"understand together" -> "understand each other"
Explanation: "Understand each other" is grammatically correct and more formal than "understand together," which is awkward and informal.
"families’ problems" -> "family issues"
Explanation: "Family issues" is a more concise and formal way to refer to problems within families, replacing the possessive form "families’ problems."
"GoGi restaurant" -> "GoGi restaurant"
Explanation: No change needed, as "GoGi restaurant" is already correct and formal.
"a cartoon blockbuster movie of Universal picture" -> "a cartoon film from Universal Pictures"
Explanation: "A cartoon film from Universal Pictures" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrase "a cartoon blockbuster movie of Universal picture," aligning with formal language standards.
"The amosphere" -> "The atmosphere"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "amosphere" to "atmosphere," ensuring accuracy and professionalism.
"cofortably" -> "comfortably"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "cofortably" to "comfortably," ensuring the text is free of typos and maintains professionalism.
"pretty such a milstone" -> "such a milestone"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "milstone" to "milestone" and removes the unnecessary "pretty," which is informal and redundant in this context.
"I was gradually mature though my love was over" -> "I was gradually maturing even as my love had ended"
Explanation: "I was gradually maturing even as my love had ended" corrects the grammatical structure and removes the awkward and informal "though," replacing it with "even as," which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"That was pretty such a milstone" -> "That was a significant milestone"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error and replaces the informal "pretty such a milstone" with "a significant milestone," which is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay successfully describes a special day out, detailing the activities and experiences shared between the writer and their ex-girlfriend. It covers the transition from planning to execution, including specific locations and events that took place during the day. However, while the essay provides a narrative of the day, it could benefit from a more explicit connection to why this day was particularly special, beyond just the activities undertaken.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly articulate the significance of the day. This could involve reflecting on emotional aspects or personal growth experienced during the outing. Adding a concluding statement that encapsulates why this day stands out among others would provide a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear narrative about a specific day, but the position regarding the significance of the day could be more consistently emphasized. The writer mentions feelings of nostalgia and appreciation, but these sentiments are somewhat buried within the narrative rather than being highlighted as a central theme.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should introduce the emotional significance of the day earlier in the essay and refer back to it throughout. This could be done by using topic sentences that reflect the emotional journey, ensuring that the reader understands the importance of the day from the outset and throughout the narrative.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of activities that took place during the day, which helps to extend the narrative. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported. For instance, while the writer mentions discussing future plans, there is little elaboration on what those plans entail or how they impacted the relationship.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on key moments or conversations that occurred during the day. Providing specific examples of what was discussed or how certain activities contributed to the overall experience would strengthen the essay. This could involve adding more descriptive language and personal reflections that tie back to the theme of the day being special.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the day out at AEON mall. However, there are moments where the narrative diverges slightly, such as when discussing worries about rain or the mention of the writer’s maturity. These points, while relevant, could distract from the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that all details included directly contribute to the narrative of the special day. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant and contributes to the overall theme. Avoiding tangential thoughts will help keep the essay concise and focused.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent narrative, it can be improved by enhancing emotional depth, ensuring clarity of position, elaborating on key ideas, and maintaining strict adherence to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear chronological structure, detailing the events of the day out in the order they occurred. The narrative begins with the background of the relationship, transitions into the planned activities, and concludes with reflections on the experience. However, some transitions between events could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the coffee house to the lunch at GoGi restaurant feels abrupt, lacking a clear transitional phrase that connects these two activities.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "After that," "Following our coffee break," or "Next, we decided to…" to guide the reader through the sequence of events. Additionally, grouping related activities into thematic paragraphs (e.g., dining experiences, activities, reflections) could improve overall organization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be separated for clarity, such as the background of the relationship and the initial plans. The second paragraph mixes activities and reflections, which could confuse the reader regarding the main focus of each section.
- How to improve: Implement a clearer paragraph structure by dedicating each paragraph to a single theme or idea. For example, the first paragraph could focus solely on the background and initial plans, while the second could detail the activities of the day, and the final paragraph could reflect on the experience and its significance. This separation will help readers follow the narrative more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "after," "next," and "however." However, the range and variety of cohesive devices are limited, which can make the text feel repetitive. For example, the repeated use of "after" to introduce subsequent activities can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "subsequently," "in addition," "on the other hand," and "furthermore" to connect ideas and events. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned nouns, which can help avoid redundancy and enhance cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, focusing on improving transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will elevate the writing quality and potentially increase the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Words like "alluring," "rewarding," and "milestone" show some variety and an attempt to use more sophisticated language. However, there are instances of repetition and simpler vocabulary choices that limit the overall lexical range. For example, the phrase "we went to AEON mall" could have been varied with synonyms or descriptive phrases to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. Instead of repeatedly using "went," they could use "visited," "explored," or "ventured to." Additionally, integrating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enhance the imagery and emotional depth of the narrative.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are notable inaccuracies. For instance, the phrase "she told me that she haven’t gone" should be "she hadn’t gone," reflecting a grammatical error that affects clarity. Additionally, the term "aim" in "changed our aim to there" is awkward and could be replaced with "destination" or "plans."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and appropriate word choice. Reviewing verb tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement will help. Furthermore, replacing vague terms with more specific language will clarify the message. For example, instead of "having taken some alluring pictures," the writer could specify what made the pictures alluring, such as "capturing beautiful moments."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "cofortably" (comfortably) and "amosphere" (atmosphere). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling. It may also be beneficial to read more extensively, as exposure to correctly spelled words can enhance spelling skills over time.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent narrative, focusing on expanding vocabulary, enhancing precision, and improving spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For instance, the use of the compound sentence "We took some drinks at The Coffee House after having taken some alluring pictures" shows an attempt to combine ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence structures, such as the frequent use of "we" at the beginning of sentences, which limits the variety. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "Jumping up the fact that we were both having a weekend break," which detracts from clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences and use different introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "We," the writer could use phrases like "After enjoying drinks at The Coffee House," or "While exploring the mall," to create more dynamic sentence openings. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "we haven’t met almost a semester" should be "we hadn’t met for almost a semester," as the past perfect tense is more appropriate here. The phrase "she told me that she haven’t gone" should be corrected to "she told me that she hadn’t gone." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and before conjunctions, which can lead to run-on sentences. For instance, "Lastly, we went shopping, she bought for me two cute polo shirts and a white shoes" should be split into two sentences or properly connected with a conjunction.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review verb tenses and ensure they are consistent throughout the essay. Practicing the use of past perfect tense in contexts where it is appropriate will help clarify the timeline of events. Additionally, the writer should focus on punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in compound sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that improve clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay conveys a personal experience and includes some effective elements, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Well, I would like to talk about the day my former girlfriend and I went to AEON mall. She was my girlfriend in secondary school, and we hadn’t met for nearly a semester. As I recall, it was the first time we had been together for such a long time. Notwithstanding the fact that we were both having a weekend break, we sought to meet and catch up over dinner.

We actually planned to spend a day going around Hai Phong city and then eating out at Khao&Nua, a popular Thai restaurant. However, she told me that she had not visited AEON mall previously, so we changed our aim to go there. Frankly speaking, I had also been there only two times, so this day out could bring our love together. We took some drinks at The Coffee House after having taken some attractive photographs. That was a special occasion for us to talk and understand each other about our lives, family issues, and even our future. After that, we went to GoGi restaurant for lunch, found a comfortable seat, and enjoyed ourselves. Next, we went to the cinema to watch “Despicable 4,” a cartoon blockbuster movie from Universal Pictures. The atmosphere was very quiet and romantic, which made the movie better. Lastly, we went shopping; she bought me two cute polo shirts and a pair of white shoes. I worried it would rain, so her clothes could get dirty. However, it turned out to be a beautiful day, so our day was very nice.

It was a rewarding experience because we could relax comfortably. We updated each other on what was going on in our lives and discussed our plans for the future. It was a nice feeling to know that even though we couldn’t meet and talk frequently, we could still bond easily. It made me realize that sometimes we only need good company and good conversations to make something memorable. That was a significant milestone in my life, as I was gradually maturing even as my love had ended. However, I’ll always appreciate every moment of that day.