Describe the human causes of climate change and the effects that climate change will have on the planet.

In recent years, the effects of climate change on the planet have become more and more noticeable. It can be seen that the main reasons for this phenomena come from humans’ activities and in this essay, I will go into those causes and its impact on the lives of all creatures on this planet.

It is clear that the human causes of climate change are numerous, but they mainly are the results of one goal: to achieve economic development. In order to work more effectively, we have to use machines, vehicles,… and those mechanic devices require power and electricity, which are mostly created by burning fuels – one of the most common reasons contributing to the global emission issues. The same reason can be applied to deforestation. Many trees have been cut down for agricultural purposes or to exploit their valuable resources. Moreover, as the consuming culture now becomes the main trend of the world, it promotes the unsustainable society while focusing on low price and variety of choices rather than the quality and the performance in the long term. As a result, it contributes negatively to the depletion of natural resources.

In terms of the effects, climate change has led to numerous extreme weather events, some of which even unfamiliar. For instance, higher temperatures resulting in melting glaciers, contributing to the rising of sea level, pose many nations, including Viet Nam, on the threat of drowning. Higher temperatures means water evaporates at a higher speed, and when the rain can not keep up with it, it brings drought and water shortage. In addition, the extinction of many species, some of which are familiar with us such as elephants, rhinos,… because of their habitat being destroyed or victims of hunting. Polluted environment comes along with fatal viruses. Moreover, as many areas on earth now suffer from illness and poverty, it encourages immigration to other nations, which can bring political unrest, crimes and even wars.

To conclude, as everything comes with a price, the will to maximize profit now has to pay with a polluted planet. However, it is important that each and everyone of us realize our responsibility to reduce the negative impact yet promote a green lifestyle by using renewable energy, making reducing – reusing – recycling as a part of your life. Protecting our planet is also protecting your life and the life of your beloved one. Because of all differences, we are all humans on one planet.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the effects of climate change on the planet have become more and more noticeable" -> "the effects of climate change have become increasingly evident"
Explanation: The phrase "increasingly evident" is more precise and formal, avoiding the repetitive and informal structure of "more and more noticeable."
"the main reasons for this phenomena" -> "the primary causes of this phenomenon"
Explanation: "Phenomena" is a plural noun and should be used with a plural verb. "Primary causes" is more specific and academically appropriate than "main reasons."
"humans’ activities" -> "human activities"
Explanation: The possessive form "humans’" is unnecessary and can be simplified to "human" for clarity and formality.
"in this essay, I will go into those causes and its impact" -> "this essay will explore these causes and their impact"
Explanation: "This essay will explore" is more formal and avoids the first-person singular "I," which is less suitable for academic writing.
"to achieve economic development" -> "to promote economic development"
Explanation: "Promote" is a more precise verb in this context, indicating active encouragement rather than mere achievement.
"we have to use machines, vehicles,… and those mechanic devices" -> "we employ machines, vehicles, and mechanical devices"
Explanation: "Employ" is more formal than "have to use," and "mechanical devices" is the correct term, replacing the informal "mechanic devices."
"the consuming culture now becomes the main trend of the world" -> "the consumerist culture has become a dominant global trend"
Explanation: "Consumerist culture" is a more precise term, and "has become a dominant global trend" is more formal and accurate.
"it contributes negatively to the depletion of natural resources" -> "it exacerbates the depletion of natural resources"
Explanation: "Exacerbates" is a more precise term that conveys the intensification of the negative impact.
"some of which even unfamiliar" -> "some of which are unfamiliar"
Explanation: "Are" is the correct verb form to use with "unfamiliar," correcting the grammatical error.
"Higher temperatures means water evaporates at a higher speed" -> "Higher temperatures result in faster water evaporation"
Explanation: "Result in" is a more formal and precise way to express causality than "means."
"the rain can not keep up with it" -> "rain cannot keep pace with it"
Explanation: "Cannot keep pace with" is a more formal and precise expression than "can not keep up with."
"because of their habitat being destroyed or victims of hunting" -> "due to habitat destruction or hunting"
Explanation: "Due to" is more formal than "because of," and "habitat destruction or hunting" is a more concise and formal phrase.
"Polluted environment comes along with fatal viruses" -> "Pollution is often accompanied by the spread of deadly viruses"
Explanation: "Is often accompanied by" is a more precise and formal way to describe the relationship between pollution and the spread of viruses.
"as many areas on earth now suffer from illness and poverty" -> "as many regions worldwide now experience illness and poverty"
Explanation: "Regions worldwide" is more specific and formal than "areas on earth," and "experience" is more appropriate than "suffer from" in this context.
"it encourages immigration to other nations" -> "it fosters migration to other countries"
Explanation: "Fosters" is a more precise term than "encourages" in this context, and "migration" is more specific than "immigration," and "countries" is more formal than "nations."
"each and everyone of us" -> "each of us"
Explanation: "Each and everyone" is redundant; "each of us" is the correct and more formal expression.
"making reducing – reusing – recycling as a part of your life" -> "incorporating the principles of reduce, reuse, recycle into daily life"
Explanation: "Incorporating the principles of reduce, reuse, recycle" is more formal and precise than "making reducing – reusing – recycling as a part of your life."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively identifies human causes of climate change, such as economic development, reliance on fossil fuels, and deforestation. It also discusses the effects of climate change, including extreme weather events, rising sea levels, and species extinction. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced exploration of both causes and effects, as the latter section feels less developed compared to the former.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the prompt is given equal attention. For instance, dedicating more space to discussing specific effects of climate change, such as its impact on agriculture, human health, and biodiversity, would provide a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the human causes of climate change and the need for action. The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion reinforces the urgency of addressing climate change. However, the phrase "the will to maximize profit now has to pay with a polluted planet" could be clearer in articulating the author’s stance on economic development versus environmental sustainability.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. Phrases that clarify the trade-offs between economic growth and environmental health can strengthen the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to human activities contributing to climate change, such as the use of machines and deforestation. However, some points, like the "consuming culture," are introduced but not fully explored or supported with examples or data. The effects of climate change are mentioned but could benefit from more detailed examples and connections to real-world implications.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend ideas by providing specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, when discussing species extinction, mentioning specific species and their ecological roles would add depth. Additionally, linking the effects of climate change to human experiences or historical events could make the argument more relatable.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on human causes and effects of climate change. However, phrases like "because of all differences, we are all humans on one planet" in the conclusion feel somewhat tangential and could distract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all concluding remarks tie back to the main points discussed in the essay. Avoiding broad statements that do not directly relate to the topic will help keep the essay cohesive and on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas. By addressing the areas for improvement mentioned above, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main topics of discussion. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first addressing human causes of climate change and the second discussing its effects. However, the transition between the causes and effects could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "In terms of the effects" serves as a transition but lacks a more explicit connection to the previous paragraph, which could enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the two sections, such as "Having discussed the causes, we now turn to the effects of climate change." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, guiding the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs could be more developed. For example, the paragraph discussing human causes could benefit from clearer sub-points or examples to illustrate each cause more thoroughly, rather than listing them in a somewhat abrupt manner.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by specific examples. For instance, when discussing deforestation, elaborate on its impacts with specific statistics or case studies. This would not only strengthen the argument but also provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "In addition," and "As a result," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the use of ellipses ("…") in lists can create ambiguity and disrupt flow. For example, the phrase "machines, vehicles,…" is unclear and could confuse readers about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Consequently," and "On the other hand." Additionally, avoid using ellipses in formal writing; instead, clearly list items or ideas to maintain clarity. For instance, instead of "machines, vehicles,…," consider stating "machines, vehicles, and other mechanical devices."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion, enhancing transitions, developing paragraphs more fully, and diversifying cohesive devices will improve clarity and logical flow, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "economic development," "deforestation," and "unsustainable society." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "climate change" and "human causes," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "causes," alternatives like "factors," "drivers," or "contributors" could be employed.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of saying "the effects of climate change," they could use "the repercussions of climate change" or "the consequences of climate change." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help diversify word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the main reasons for this phenomena" should be corrected to "this phenomenon" since "phenomena" is the plural form. Additionally, the term "mechanic devices" is somewhat vague; "mechanical devices" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that they are using the correct forms of words and phrases. Regular proofreading and peer review can help identify these errors. Furthermore, expanding knowledge of collocations (words that commonly go together) can enhance the accuracy of vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "phenomena" (should be "phenomenon") and "mechanic" (should be "mechanical"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice spelling exercises and utilize tools like spell checkers. Additionally, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in the range, precision, and spelling of vocabulary. By actively working on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "In order to work more effectively" and "as everything comes with a price" showcases an ability to construct more intricate sentences. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way clauses are introduced, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and conjunctions. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "In order to" or "Moreover," try using alternatives such as "Additionally," "Consequently," or "Furthermore." Experimenting with different sentence openings and varying the lengths of sentences can also create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, the phrase "the main reasons for this phenomena" should use "phenomenon" as it is singular. Additionally, the sentence "Higher temperatures means water evaporates at a higher speed" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "Higher temperatures mean." Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of ellipses ("…") is inappropriate in formal writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. For punctuation, avoid using ellipses in formal essays; instead, use commas or periods to separate ideas. Proofreading the essay for common grammatical errors before submission can also help catch mistakes.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the effects of climate change on the planet have become increasingly evident. It is clear that the primary causes of this phenomenon stem from human activities, and this essay will explore these causes and their impact on the lives of all creatures on this planet.

The human causes of climate change are numerous, but they primarily result from one goal: to promote economic development. To work more effectively, we employ machines, vehicles, and various mechanical devices, which require power and electricity. Most of this energy is generated by burning fossil fuels—one of the most common contributors to global emissions. A similar rationale applies to deforestation, as many trees are cut down for agricultural purposes or to exploit their valuable resources. Furthermore, the consumerist culture has become a dominant global trend, promoting an unsustainable society that prioritizes low prices and a variety of choices over quality and long-term performance. Consequently, this exacerbates the depletion of natural resources.

Regarding the effects of climate change, it has led to numerous extreme weather events, some of which are unfamiliar. For instance, higher temperatures result in faster water evaporation, and when rainfall cannot keep pace, it leads to drought and water shortages. Additionally, the melting of glaciers contributes to rising sea levels, posing a threat of drowning to many nations, including Vietnam. The extinction of various species, some of which are familiar to us, such as elephants and rhinos, occurs due to habitat destruction or hunting. Pollution is often accompanied by the spread of deadly viruses. Moreover, as many regions worldwide now experience illness and poverty, it fosters migration to other countries, which can lead to political unrest, crime, and even wars.

To conclude, the desire to maximize profit comes at the cost of a polluted planet. However, it is crucial that each of us recognizes our responsibility to reduce the negative impact of climate change while promoting a green lifestyle. By incorporating the principles of reduce, reuse, and recycle into our daily lives, we can protect our planet. Protecting our planet is also safeguarding our lives and the lives of our loved ones. Despite our differences, we are all humans on one planet.