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DESCRIPTION OF A FAMOUS CITY THAT YOU THINK IS INTERESTING

DESCRIPTION OF A FAMOUS CITY THAT YOU THINK IS INTERESTING

Today, I would like to talk about an interesting city that is placed on the top of my travel list. Da Nang is known as the most of worth- living city in Vietnam.
Da Nang is located in middle of Central Vietnam. Da Nang has made significant infrastructure investments as a modern city, making it a handy and welcoming location for tourists.
The breathtaking natural scenery of Da Nang, which includes lovely beaches, mountains, and rivers, is one of its most alluring qualities. There are many interesting places to visit, including the Ba Na Hill, the Hoi An Ancient Town, My Khe Beach, the Museum of Art, Linh Ung Pagoda and Ngu Hanh Son Mountain and so on.
My Khe Beach in the center of the city is regarded as one of the most picturesque beaches in the world. In addition, Hoi An travelers can take in the classic architecture, lantern-lit streets, and vibrant markets.
Visiting Da Nang, the Ba Na Hill is must see- site containing the longest cable car from land to the top of mountain that offers guests spectacular panoramic views of the surrounding area.
Especially, people had chance to witness the Dragon head blowing fire and water in the evening. It was such a wonderful view, and I was really impressed by that.
Another, local people are very polite, generous, and main kind. The city is renowned for its vibrant nightlife, with a wide range of bars, clubs, and restaurants to choose from. Visitors can also sample a variety of local delicacies, such as Cao Lau, Mi Quang, which are known for their unique flavors and spices.
In conclusion, I love the ambiance here since a city with something to offer for everyone. This is the ideal starting point for both leisurely beach vacations and cultural excursions.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Today, I would like to talk about an interesting city that is placed on the top of my travel list." -> "Today, I would like to discuss a captivating city that holds the top spot on my travel itinerary."
    Explanation: Replacing "talk about" with "discuss" and "placed on the top of my travel list" with "holds the top spot on my travel itinerary" enhances formality and precision in expression, aligning with academic style.

  2. "Da Nang is known as the most of worth-living city in Vietnam." -> "Da Nang is renowned as one of the most livable cities in Vietnam."
    Explanation: The phrase "the most of worth-living" is informal and can be simplified. Replacing it with "renowned as one of the most livable" maintains the intended meaning in a more academic and concise manner.

  3. "Da Nang has made significant infrastructure investments as a modern city, making it a handy and welcoming location for tourists." -> "Da Nang has undertaken substantial infrastructure investments, establishing itself as a modern city and a convenient, welcoming destination for tourists."
    Explanation: The term "handy" is informal in this context. Replacing it with "convenient" maintains the meaning while aligning with a more formal tone. Additionally, restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and formality.

  4. "The breathtaking natural scenery of Da Nang, which includes lovely beaches, mountains, and rivers, is one of its most alluring qualities." -> "The breathtaking natural landscape of Da Nang, encompassing picturesque beaches, mountains, and rivers, constitutes one of its most alluring features."
    Explanation: The use of "scenery" is replaced with "landscape" for a more precise and academic term. Additionally, specifying "lovely beaches" as "picturesque beaches" adds sophistication to the description.

  5. "There are many interesting places to visit, including the Ba Na Hill, the Hoi An Ancient Town, My Khe Beach, the Museum of Art, Linh Ung Pagoda and Ngu Hanh Son Mountain and so on." -> "A multitude of captivating destinations awaits visitors, such as Ba Na Hill, Hoi An Ancient Town, My Khe Beach, the Museum of Art, Linh Ung Pagoda, and Ngu Hanh Son Mountain, among others."
    Explanation: The phrase "interesting places" is replaced with "captivating destinations" for a more formal expression. Structuring the list with "such as" and using "among others" at the end adds formality.

  6. "My Khe Beach in the center of the city is regarded as one of the most picturesque beaches in the world." -> "My Khe Beach, situated in the city center, is renowned as one of the most picturesque beaches globally."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "situated in the city center" instead of "in the center of the city" improves formality. "Regarded as" is replaced with "renowned" for a stronger expression.

  7. "In addition, Hoi An travelers can take in the classic architecture, lantern-lit streets, and vibrant markets." -> "Furthermore, travelers visiting Hoi An can appreciate its classic architecture, lantern-lit streets, and vibrant markets."
    Explanation: "Take in" is replaced with "appreciate" for a more formal and precise expression. Using "Furthermore" enhances the transition between paragraphs.

  8. "Visiting Da Nang, the Ba Na Hill is must see-site containing the longest cable car from land to the top of mountain that offers guests spectacular panoramic views of the surrounding area." -> "When visiting Da Nang, the Ba Na Hill is a must-see site featuring the longest cable car from the land to the mountaintop, providing guests with spectacular panoramic views of the surrounding area."
    Explanation: The phrase "must see-site" is corrected to "must-see site" for proper usage. Restructuring the sentence and providing additional details improve clarity and formality.

  9. "Especially, people had chance to witness the Dragon head blowing fire and water in the evening." -> "Particularly noteworthy is the opportunity for people to witness the Dragon head exhaling fire and water in the evening."
    Explanation: The phrase "Especially, people had chance to" is refined to "Particularly noteworthy is the opportunity for people to," enhancing formality and precision in expression.

  10. "Another, local people are very polite, generous, and main kind." -> "Moreover, the local populace is known for its politeness, generosity, and kindness."
    Explanation: Replacing "Another" with "Moreover" improves the transition, and using "populace" instead of "people" adds formality. The term "main kind" is corrected to "kindness" for proper usage.

  11. "The city is renowned for its vibrant nightlife, with a wide range of bars, clubs, and restaurants to choose from." -> "The city is celebrated for its lively nightlife, offering a diverse selection of bars, clubs, and restaurants."
    Explanation: Replacing "renowned" with "celebrated" adds variety to the language. The phrase "to choose from" is retained for clarity and emphasis.

  12. "In conclusion, I love the ambiance here since a city with something to offer for everyone." -> "In conclusion, I appreciate the diverse ambiance of this city, as it caters to the preferences of every visitor."
    Explanation: Replacing "love" with "appreciate" adds formality, and specifying "as it caters to the preferences of every visitor" enhances clarity and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a general overview of Da Nang, discussing its geographical location, infrastructure, natural scenery, and attractions. It covers several aspects of the city but falls short of addressing the full depth of the prompt. It mentions attractions and the general ambiance but lacks specific details about why the city is interesting. The essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of Da Nang’s unique features that make it fascinating to the author.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, delve into specific cultural, historical, or architectural elements that contribute to Da Nang’s interest. Include anecdotes, statistics, or personal experiences to vividly illustrate what makes the city stand out. Providing more concrete examples and details will enrich the content.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position throughout, expressing the author’s positive view of Da Nang. However, there are instances where the essay becomes more descriptive than evaluative. For instance, while the essay mentions the Dragon head blowing fire and water as a "wonderful view," it could strengthen the evaluation by explaining why this is particularly impressive or unique.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, focus on explicitly expressing opinions and evaluations. Provide more analysis of the features mentioned, explaining why they contribute to the city’s allure. Connect personal experiences or observations to the overall assessment of Da Nang’s interest.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas about Da Nang, including its infrastructure, natural scenery, attractions, and local culture. However, some ideas lack elaboration and depth. For instance, the mention of the Ba Na Hill and Dragon head blowing fire could be extended with more details about the cable car experience and the significance of the dragon display.
    • How to improve: Extend each idea by providing more context, details, and examples. Elaborate on why each attraction or feature is noteworthy, enhancing the reader’s understanding and appreciation. Strengthen the essay by offering a deeper exploration of the presented ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing Da Nang and its various attractions. However, there are moments where the narrative becomes slightly disjointed, such as the sudden transition from describing the Ba Na Hill to the local people’s politeness. While these elements may contribute to the overall appeal of Da Nang, a smoother transition between ideas would improve coherence.
    • How to improve: Ensure a smooth flow between ideas by using transition sentences or paragraphs. Connect different aspects of Da Nang’s appeal logically to maintain a cohesive narrative. This will help the essay feel more organized and focused on the prompt.

In summary, while the essay effectively introduces Da Nang and highlights some of its attractions, improvements in detail, analysis, and coherence can elevate the response to a higher band score. Enriching the content with specific examples and ensuring a consistent evaluative tone will enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by introducing the city of Da Nang, providing information on its location, infrastructure, natural attractions, and local features. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the transition between discussing Ba Na Hill and the local people’s characteristics is somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider creating smoother transitions between different aspects of the city. Provide a clear roadmap for the reader by ensuring each paragraph logically follows the previous one. For instance, after discussing attractions like Ba Na Hill, transition smoothly to cultural aspects or local characteristics.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is organized into paragraphs, but some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, leading to a lack of clarity. For instance, the paragraph discussing My Khe Beach combines information about the beach and Hoi An, making it less focused.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and focus. Divide long paragraphs into shorter ones, each addressing a specific aspect of the city. This will improve readability and make the essay more organized.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and linking words, are used to some extent. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of these devices. Some transitions, like moving from Ba Na Hill to local people, could be smoother.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, including synonyms, pronouns, and transitional phrases. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are seamless. For instance, use phrases like "Moreover," or "In addition," to better connect ideas. Additionally, consider rephrasing sentences for smoother transitions, enhancing the overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay provides a generally coherent discussion of Da Nang, addressing the identified areas for improvement will elevate the logical flow and cohesion. Strengthening paragraph structure, employing a wider range of cohesive devices, and refining transitions will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some descriptive words are used to portray Da Nang, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "interesting places" and "wonderful view" could be replaced with more varied expressions to enhance the richness of the language.
    • How to improve: To broaden your vocabulary, consider using synonyms and exploring different ways to express similar ideas. Instead of relying on general terms like "interesting," experiment with specific adjectives that capture the essence of the places you mention. For example, you might describe the Ba Na Hill as a "captivating site" or the My Khe Beach as an "enchanting coastal destination."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the most of worth-living city" and "handy and welcoming location for tourists." These expressions are somewhat vague and can be refined for greater clarity.
    • How to improve: Aim for more precision in your choice of words. Instead of "the most of worth-living city," consider describing Da Nang as a "highly desirable city to live in." When referring to the city as a "handy and welcoming location," specify why it is convenient and welcoming. For instance, you could mention specific amenities, services, or cultural aspects that contribute to its appeal.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling inaccuracies, such as "Ba Na Hill" instead of "Ba Na Hills" and "main kind" instead of "mainly kind." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they slightly impact the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully. Pay attention to details such as singular/plural forms ("Hill" vs. "Hills") and ensure correct usage of words ("main kind" vs. "mainly kind"). Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software to catch and correct these errors more efficiently.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy can elevate the overall quality of expression and communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are predominantly used, with occasional complex sentences. For example, "Da Nang is located in the middle of Central Vietnam" (simple sentence), "Visiting Da Nang, the Ba Na Hill is a must-see site containing the longest cable car from land to the top of the mountain" (complex sentence). However, there is room for improvement in terms of incorporating more complex structures, such as varying sentence lengths and using advanced grammatical constructions for stylistic diversity.

    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with dependent clauses. For instance, instead of using straightforward statements, try adding subordinate clauses to provide additional details. Additionally, experiment with different sentence lengths to create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "Da Nang is known as the most of worth-living city in Vietnam," where a more precise expression would be "Da Nang is considered the most livable city in Vietnam." Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, like missing commas in some complex sentences.

    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to grammar and phrasing to ensure clarity and precision. Review sentence structures to eliminate fragments or run-on sentences. Moreover, proofread for missing commas and ensure proper placement to enhance the overall readability. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to identify and correct specific grammatical errors.

Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation for a more polished and sophisticated presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, I would like to discuss a captivating city that holds the top spot on my travel itinerary. Da Nang is renowned as one of the most livable cities in Vietnam.

Situated in the middle of Central Vietnam, Da Nang has undertaken substantial infrastructure investments, establishing itself as a modern city and a convenient, welcoming destination for tourists.

The breathtaking natural landscape of Da Nang, encompassing picturesque beaches, mountains, and rivers, constitutes one of its most alluring features. A multitude of captivating destinations awaits visitors, such as Ba Na Hill, Hoi An Ancient Town, My Khe Beach, the Museum of Art, Linh Ung Pagoda, and Ngu Hanh Son Mountain, among others.

My Khe Beach, situated in the city center, is renowned as one of the most picturesque beaches globally. Furthermore, travelers visiting Hoi An can appreciate its classic architecture, lantern-lit streets, and vibrant markets.

When visiting Da Nang, the Ba Na Hill is a must-see site featuring the longest cable car from the land to the mountaintop, providing guests with spectacular panoramic views of the surrounding area. Particularly noteworthy is the opportunity for people to witness the Dragon head exhaling fire and water in the evening.

Moreover, the local populace is known for its politeness, generosity, and kindness. The city is celebrated for its lively nightlife, offering a diverse selection of bars, clubs, and restaurants.

In conclusion, I appreciate the diverse ambiance of this city, as it caters to the preferences of every visitor.

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