Despite more access to education, a significant number of adults do not know how to read or write. In what ways are it disadvantaged without these skills? What can governments can do to solve the problem?

In modern world, people can access easily to education, however, there are a dramatical number of mature people who do not know how to read or write. In this essay, I will figure out some drawbacks of this issue and suggest some solutions for it.
On the one hand, literacy plays a crucial role in human’s life, if people do not know how to use these skills, they will have a large number of disadvantages. Firstly, it is inconvenient for people who have illiteracy, nowadays, reading and writing are really necessary in daily life. For instance, people need literacy to use devices which they do not know how to use by reading the guides. Secondly, illiteracy also contributes to unemployment rate. Because of the development of technology, companies would require staffs who have high qualifications. This would prevent illiterate people from gaining success and make them become a burden in their family. In addiction, the more the world develops, the more money people need, this could increase scams and illiterate people would become the best target of crime.
On the other hand, there are a number of solutions which could help governments to solve this problem. Firstly, the governments should cooperate with charity organization to open classes or even construct schools for people who are illiterate. They should invest in facilities for teaching poor people in order to prevent illiteracy, especially in ethic minority areas. Secondly, the governments should raise awareness of the importance of literacy to people, especially children which are the future of the world.
To sum up, reading and writing have a crucial role in life. Illiteracy could make people have lots of disadvantages such as unemployment, inconvenience, scams and more things. Therefore, the governments should open classes, schools and raise awareness of people to prevent the increasing of this issue. This will make the world become better.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In modern world" -> "In the modern world"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "modern world" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.
"access easily to" -> "have easy access to"
Explanation: "Have easy access to" is a more natural and grammatically correct way to express the idea of readily available access.
"dramatical" -> "dramatic"
Explanation: "Dramatical" is not a word; "dramatic" is the correct term to describe a significant change or effect.
"figure out" -> "identify"
Explanation: "Figure out" is too informal and vague for academic writing; "identify" is more precise and appropriate for formal essays.
"solutions for it" -> "solutions to this issue"
Explanation: "Solutions to this issue" is more formal and specific, improving clarity and formality.
"human’s life" -> "human life"
Explanation: "Human’s life" is grammatically incorrect; "human life" is the correct possessive form.
"do not know how to use these skills" -> "lack proficiency in these skills"
Explanation: "Lack proficiency in these skills" is a more precise and formal way to describe the absence of skill usage.
"really necessary" -> "essentially necessary"
Explanation: "Essentially necessary" is a more formal expression than "really necessary," aligning better with academic style.
"do not know how to use by reading the guides" -> "cannot operate by following the instructions"
Explanation: "Cannot operate by following the instructions" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of the original phrase.
"staffs" -> "staff"
Explanation: "Staff" is the correct noun form, not "staffs," which is a plural form that is not needed here.
"In addiction" -> "In addition"
Explanation: "In addiction" is incorrect; "In addition" is the correct conjunction for listing additional points.
"the more the world develops, the more money people need" -> "as the world develops, so does the need for money"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the relationship between development and financial needs, enhancing the sentence structure and formality.
"could help governments to solve this problem" -> "can assist governments in addressing this issue"
Explanation: "Can assist governments in addressing this issue" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"charity organization" -> "charitable organizations"
Explanation: "Charitable organizations" is the correct plural form, as it refers to multiple organizations.
"construct schools for people who are illiterate" -> "establish schools for the illiterate"
Explanation: "Establish schools for the illiterate" is more concise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "people who are illiterate."
"especially in ethic minority areas" -> "especially in ethnic minority areas"
Explanation: "Ethnic" is the correct spelling, and "minority" should be hyphenated as "minority" to form a compound adjective.
"raise awareness of the importance of literacy to people" -> "raise awareness among people of the importance of literacy"
Explanation: "Raise awareness among people of the importance of literacy" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the flow of the sentence.
"lots of disadvantages" -> "numerous disadvantages"
Explanation: "Numerous disadvantages" is a more formal and precise term than "lots of," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"make the world become better" -> "improve the world"
Explanation: "Improve the world" is a more direct and formal way to express the desired outcome, avoiding the awkward construction of "make the world become better."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the disadvantages of illiteracy and suggesting solutions that governments can implement. The disadvantages mentioned include inconvenience in daily life, increased unemployment, and vulnerability to scams. The solutions proposed involve collaboration with charity organizations and raising awareness about literacy. However, while the essay identifies relevant points, it lacks depth in exploring the disadvantages and does not fully develop the solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to elaborate more on each disadvantage, providing specific examples or statistics to illustrate the impact of illiteracy. Additionally, the solutions could be expanded with more detailed plans or examples of successful initiatives from other countries.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that illiteracy is a significant issue and that governments have a role in addressing it. The stance is consistent throughout the essay, though the language could be more assertive and cohesive. Phrases like "I will figure out" could be replaced with stronger statements to reinforce the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should use more definitive language and ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main argument. This will help guide the reader through the essay and reinforce the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the disadvantages of illiteracy and potential solutions. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions that illiteracy contributes to unemployment, it does not provide specific examples or data to support this claim. The solutions are also mentioned but lack detailed explanations or examples of how they could be implemented effectively.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, when discussing unemployment, the writer could include statistics on how literacy affects job opportunities. Additionally, elaborating on how governments can collaborate with charities or the types of awareness campaigns could add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the disadvantages of illiteracy and the role of governments in addressing this issue. However, there are moments where the writing could be more focused. For example, the phrase "this could increase scams and illiterate people would become the best target of crime" could be better integrated into the overall argument about disadvantages rather than introduced abruptly.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the main question. Transition sentences could be used to connect ideas more smoothly, ensuring that the flow of the essay remains coherent and that each point builds on the previous one.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from deeper exploration of those ideas, clearer language, and more cohesive structure to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss drawbacks and solutions. The first body paragraph discusses the disadvantages of illiteracy, while the second addresses potential solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the discussion of disadvantages and solutions feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that connects the two ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph to indicate a shift from discussing problems to solutions. For example, phrases like "In response to these challenges" or "To address these issues" can help guide the reader through the essay’s progression.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The first paragraph addresses the disadvantages of illiteracy, while the second discusses solutions. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. The current topic sentences are somewhat vague and could be more specific to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences by explicitly stating the main point of each paragraph. For example, instead of starting the first paragraph with "On the one hand, literacy plays a crucial role in human’s life," consider a more direct approach like "Illiteracy presents significant disadvantages that affect individuals and society." This would provide clearer guidance for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "To sum up," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied connectors and linking words to enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, the use of "because" in the second disadvantage could be replaced with "as a result" to better connect the cause and effect.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For example, use "Furthermore" or "In addition" to introduce additional points, and "Consequently" or "Thus" to indicate results. This will create a more sophisticated and fluid reading experience.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on enhancing logical transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "illiteracy," "disadvantages," "cooperate," and "awareness." However, the range is somewhat limited, and certain phrases are repetitive, such as "illiterate people" and "literacy." Additionally, the use of phrases like "dramatically number" is awkward and detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "illiterate people," alternatives such as "individuals lacking literacy skills" or "those unable to read and write" could be employed. Furthermore, using more sophisticated vocabulary related to education and social issues would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "dramatically number," which should be "dramatic number" or "a dramatic increase in the number of." The phrase "a burden in their family" could be more clearly expressed as "a burden on their families." Additionally, the term "in addiction" is a misspelling of "in addition," which affects clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary is used accurately and appropriately. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary choices and ensuring they fit the context. For instance, replacing "contributes to unemployment rate" with "contributes to the unemployment rate" would improve precision. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and seeking feedback on word choice can also help.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "dramatically" instead of "dramatic," "in addiction" instead of "in addition," and "staffs" instead of "staff." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch spelling mistakes. Reading widely can also enhance spelling skills, as it exposes the writer to correct word forms and usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement, particularly in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, many sentences are overly simplistic or repetitive, such as "In modern world, people can access easily to education" and "this could increase scams and illiterate people would become the best target of crime." The use of phrases like "the more…the more…" is a good attempt at complexity, but it is not effectively utilized throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "it is inconvenient for people who have illiteracy," the writer could say, "For individuals who are illiterate, daily tasks can become overwhelmingly inconvenient, as they struggle to navigate a world increasingly reliant on written communication." Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using more transitional phrases can help create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "In modern world" should be "In the modern world," and "a dramatical number of mature people" should be corrected to "a dramatic number of adults." There are also instances of incorrect subject-verb agreement, such as "companies would require staffs" (should be "staff"). Punctuation errors include missing commas, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences or confusion about the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as articles (e.g., "the" before "modern world") and plural forms (e.g., "staff" is uncountable). Practicing sentence combining can help the writer create more complex sentences while maintaining grammatical accuracy. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for commas in compound and complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, the sentence "this could increase scams and illiterate people would become the best target of crime" could be revised to "This could increase scams, making illiterate people prime targets for crime."

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern world, people have easy access to education; however, there is a dramatic number of adults who do not know how to read or write. In this essay, I will identify some drawbacks of this issue and suggest some solutions to it.

On the one hand, literacy plays a crucial role in human life. If people do not know how to use these skills, they will face numerous disadvantages. Firstly, it is inconvenient for people who lack proficiency in these skills; nowadays, reading and writing are essentially necessary in daily life. For instance, people need literacy to use devices, which they cannot operate by following the instructions in the guides. Secondly, illiteracy also contributes to the unemployment rate. Because of the development of technology, companies require staff who have high qualifications. This prevents illiterate people from achieving success and makes them a burden on their families. In addition, as the world develops, so does the need for money; this could increase scams, and illiterate people would become prime targets for crime.

On the other hand, there are several solutions that can assist governments in addressing this issue. Firstly, governments should cooperate with charitable organizations to open classes or even establish schools for the illiterate. They should invest in facilities for teaching poor people to prevent illiteracy, especially in ethnic minority areas. Secondly, governments should raise awareness among people of the importance of literacy, particularly for children, who are the future of the world.

To sum up, reading and writing play a crucial role in life. Illiteracy can lead to numerous disadvantages, such as unemployment, inconvenience, scams, and more. Therefore, governments should open classes and schools and raise awareness among people to prevent the increase of this issue. This will help improve the world.