Development in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live simpler lives to solve those problems. Others believe that technology in the way to solve these problems. discuss both views and give opinion.

Evolvement in technology play a cause of pollutions which relate to environment or technology is a cure for environmental issues is a debatable topic worldwide. In this author's perspective that reducing our needs and maintaining basic lifestyle are the most effective way to save our planet rather than technology's ability can prevent environmental pollutions.
It is vital to acknowledge that when our needs are basic as it was in the past, there is no room for technology to develop and industrialization cannot evolve significantly also. Enormous spaces are taken to build companies and factories, so there is fewer green spaces and exhaust fumes from production process also led to pollution. In this writer's point of view that less needs means the environment will be protected and maintained for a long time.
Conversely, using technology is one of various way to deal with pollutions. artificial intelligence can help people to do work faster and more effective, moreover it can do everything that human cannot do such as lift heavy objects or work without rest. For example, robots can plant trees with large amount, and it can also work day by day without tired with the most bonanza. It could be true but to produce those robots human have to build lot of factories and use many minerals, so that it will affect badly on the environment.
Another key component is that keep a casual lifestyle is also a way to save The Earth. when we do not care much about our looks and satisfy with whatever we have our lives will be simple and the environment do not have to suffer pollutions. The reason is if we less worry about clothes, hair or property, there will be fewer chance for many brands to rise up, in case there are not many brands there will be less factories, and natural materials will be saved.
To sum up, technology plays an important role in our daily lives, but keeping simple in lifestyle will save the environment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Evolvement in technology play a cause of pollutions" -> "Advancements in technology contribute to pollution"
Explanation: "Evolvement" is not a standard term and is likely a typo for "advancements." The phrase "play a cause of pollutions" is grammatically incorrect and vague; "contribute to pollution" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"relate to environment or technology is a cure for environmental issues" -> "relate to environmental issues or technology offers a solution to environmental issues"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and unclear. The revised version clarifies the relationship between technology and environmental issues, making it more direct and formal.
"In this author’s perspective" -> "From this perspective"
Explanation: "In this author’s perspective" is redundant as "author" is implied in academic writing. "From this perspective" is more concise and appropriate.
"reducing our needs and maintaining basic lifestyle" -> "reducing our needs and adopting a basic lifestyle"
Explanation: "Maintaining" implies a current state, whereas "adopting" suggests a deliberate choice, which is more precise in this context.
"technology’s ability can prevent environmental pollutions" -> "technology can prevent environmental pollution"
Explanation: "Pollutions" is not a standard term; "pollution" is the correct singular form. Also, "technology’s ability" is redundant; "technology" is sufficient.
"Enormous spaces are taken to build companies and factories" -> "Significant space is allocated for building companies and factories"
Explanation: "Enormous spaces are taken" is informal and vague; "significant space is allocated" is more precise and formal.
"there is fewer green spaces" -> "there are fewer green spaces"
Explanation: "There is" should be "there are" to agree with the plural subject "spaces."
"exhaust fumes from production process also led to pollution" -> "exhaust fumes from the production process also contribute to pollution"
Explanation: "Led to" is too simplistic and passive; "contribute to" is more active and precise.
"artificial intelligence can help people to do work faster and more effective" -> "artificial intelligence can facilitate faster and more effective work"
Explanation: "Help people to do work" is verbose and informal; "facilitate faster and more effective work" is concise and formal.
"it can do everything that human cannot do" -> "it can perform tasks that humans cannot perform"
Explanation: "Do everything that human cannot do" is grammatically incorrect and informal; "perform tasks that humans cannot perform" is grammatically correct and formal.
"with the most bonanza" -> "without fatigue"
Explanation: "With the most bonanza" is unclear and incorrect; "without fatigue" is a clear and appropriate description of the robot’s capabilities.
"keep a casual lifestyle" -> "maintain a simple lifestyle"
Explanation: "Keep a casual lifestyle" is informal and vague; "maintain a simple lifestyle" is more precise and formal.
"do not care much about our looks and satisfy with whatever we have" -> "are not concerned with our appearance and are content with what we have"
Explanation: "Do not care much about our looks and satisfy with whatever we have" is awkward and informal; "are not concerned with our appearance and are content with what we have" is more formal and clear.
"there will be fewer chance for many brands to rise up" -> "there will be fewer opportunities for many brands to emerge"
Explanation: "Fewer chance" is incorrect; "fewer opportunities" is the correct term. Also, "rise up" is informal; "emerge" is more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the role of technology in environmental issues and the need for simpler living. The introduction presents the topic well, and the body paragraphs discuss the negative impacts of technology on the environment and the potential benefits of a simpler lifestyle. However, the discussion could be more balanced. The argument for technology as a solution is somewhat underdeveloped, lacking sufficient examples and depth. The conclusion reiterates the author’s opinion but does not fully encapsulate the discussion of both perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that both views are explored equally. This could involve providing more detailed examples of how technology can mitigate environmental problems, such as advancements in renewable energy or waste management technologies. Additionally, a more explicit comparison between the two perspectives could help clarify the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author presents a clear position favoring a simpler lifestyle as the most effective solution to environmental issues. However, the clarity of this position fluctuates, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of technology’s benefits is somewhat contradictory. Phrases like "it could be true" introduce uncertainty, which detracts from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should avoid ambiguous language and ensure that each point made supports the central thesis. A stronger transition between the discussion of both views could help reinforce the author’s stance while acknowledging the merits of the opposing argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of industrialization on green spaces and the potential of technology to assist in environmental efforts. However, some ideas lack sufficient development. For instance, the mention of robots planting trees is interesting but not elaborated upon in terms of its environmental impact or feasibility. The supporting details often feel rushed or insufficiently explained.
- How to improve: The author should aim to extend each idea with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing how technology can help the environment, the author could elaborate on specific technologies that have proven effective, such as solar panels or electric vehicles, and provide data or studies to support these claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between technology, lifestyle choices, and environmental issues. However, there are moments where the connection becomes tenuous, particularly in the discussion of a "casual lifestyle." The link between personal appearance and environmental impact is not clearly established, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central argument of the essay. Clarifying how lifestyle choices impact environmental issues, perhaps by discussing consumerism or waste generation, would strengthen the relevance of this section.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, it would benefit from more balanced exploration of both perspectives, clearer articulation of the author’s position, and more detailed support for the ideas presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the negative impacts of technology to the benefits of a simpler lifestyle could be smoother. The introduction mentions both sides of the argument but does not clearly outline the structure of the essay, which can leave readers uncertain about what to expect.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider including a brief outline of the main points in the introduction. This could help guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can establish the focus of each section more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, but some paragraphs could be better structured. For example, the second paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it harder to follow. The lack of clear topic sentences in some paragraphs also contributes to this issue.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. For instance, the paragraph discussing the environmental impact of technology could begin with a statement like, "While technology has the potential to solve environmental issues, it also contributes significantly to pollution." This would provide clarity and focus for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "Conversely" and "To sum up," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions are abrupt. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of technology and the argument for a simpler lifestyle lacks a cohesive link, which can disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking phrases and words. For example, use phrases like "On the other hand," "Furthermore," or "In addition" to create smoother transitions between contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to enhance clarity rather than confuse the reader.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would help achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "Evolvement," "industrialization," and "artificial intelligence" show an effort to incorporate specific vocabulary related to the topic. However, the use of phrases such as "play a cause of pollutions" and "cure for environmental issues" indicates a limited range and some awkwardness in expression. The vocabulary choices are sometimes repetitive, particularly with words like "pollution" and "environment."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeating "pollution," they could use "contamination," "degradation," or "environmental harm." Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to technology and environmental issues would enrich the essay. Engaging with academic texts or articles on these topics could provide inspiration for more varied language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, "Evolvement in technology play a cause of pollutions" is awkward and unclear. The phrase "less needs means the environment will be protected" is also vague and could be articulated more clearly. The phrase "with the most bonanza" is particularly confusing and does not convey a clear meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "play a cause of pollutions," a more precise expression could be "contributes to pollution." Clarifying phrases and ensuring that they directly relate to the intended message will enhance overall comprehension. Practicing paraphrasing exercises can help in developing this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Evolvement" (should be "Development"), "pollutions" (should be "pollution"), and "effective" (should be "effectively"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility. Additionally, the incorrect capitalization of "artificial intelligence" and inconsistent capitalization of "The Earth" indicate a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps by keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them. Utilizing spell-check tools during the writing process can also help catch errors before finalizing the essay. Reading more extensively can improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using vocabulary relevant to the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "Evolvement in technology play a cause of pollutions" and "there is fewer green spaces and exhaust fumes from production process also led to pollution" indicate a limited range of grammatical structures. The use of complex sentences is minimal, which restricts the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "technology is a cure for environmental issues," the writer could say, "While some argue that technology is a cure for environmental issues, others believe that a simpler lifestyle is necessary." This not only adds complexity but also improves coherence and clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "Evolvement in technology play a cause of pollutions" should be corrected to "The evolution of technology plays a role in pollution." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "there is fewer green spaces," which should be "there are fewer green spaces." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and capitalization errors (e.g., "artificial intelligence" should be capitalized at the beginning of a sentence), also contribute to the lack of clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the proper use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common pitfalls like pluralization and verb forms, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence begins with a capital letter will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, the writer should aim to diversify sentence structures and improve grammatical and punctuation accuracy through focused practice and careful proofreading.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Evolvement in technology has brought about various environmental problems, and whether people need to live simpler lives to address these issues or if technology offers a solution is a debatable topic worldwide. From this perspective, I believe that reducing our needs and adopting a basic lifestyle is the most effective way to protect our planet, rather than relying solely on technology to prevent environmental pollution.**

**It is vital to acknowledge that when our needs are basic, as they were in the past, there is less room for technology to develop, and industrialization cannot evolve significantly. Significant space is allocated for building companies and factories, which means there are fewer green spaces. Additionally, exhaust fumes from the production process also contribute to pollution. In my view, fewer needs mean that theenvironment will be better protected and maintained for a longer time.**

**Conversely, using technology is one of the various ways to address pollution. Technology can facilitate faster and more effective work; moreover, it can perform tasks that humans cannot do, such as lifting heavy objects or working without fatigue. For example, robots can plant trees in large quantities, and they can work day after day without tiring. While this could be beneficial, to produce these robots, humans must build many factories and use numerous minerals, which can negatively impact the environment.**

**Another key component is that maintaining a simple lifestyle is also a way to save the Earth. When we do not concern ourselves much with our appearance and are content with what we have, our lives become simpler, and the environment does not have to suffer from pollution. The reason is that if we worry less about clothes, hair, or property, there will be fewer opportunities for many brands to emerge. If there are not many brands, there will be fewer factories, and natural resources will be preserved.**

**To sum up, while technology plays an important role in our daily lives, adopting a simpler lifestyle will ultimately contribute more to saving the environment.**