Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays, people are watching the same films, fashion, advertisements or TV channels. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

With the globalization of all the countries, there is a fact that people are exposed to the same films, fashion, or TV channels. Therefore, the disparities of each region are increasingly blurred. This essay is to explore both its merits and demerits and ultimately propose my perspective.
On the one hand, there is a main disadvantage to this phenomenon. To commence with, in this way, people are provided with a variety of news, information, or trends from other countries. Therefore, they may not be concerned with what is happening in their homeland or they would adopt a new lifestyle, which can be a threat to the homeland’s tradition, especially the young who are easily affected by the novelty.
On the other hand, I am of the claim that its advantages should be overwhelming. Firstly, by accessing similar content on the internet, people can improve their country's image worldwide. For instance, many bloggers and influencers introduce themselves to the audience about Vietnam and make compliments and reviews about the country, significantly promoting tourism, local cuisine, and culture. Secondly, if people watch and know more about other nations, they can broaden their horizons with the diverse cultures from many parts worldwide. This can help them to improve their career prospects, especially in a foreign working environment, which may be crucial for being successful.
In conclusion, while there is primary drawback of the identities between countries is less clear, I strongly advocate that the benefits of this development overcome the disadvantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"With the globalization of all the countries" -> "With globalization affecting all countries"
Explanation: The phrase "With the globalization of all the countries" is awkward and redundant. Simplifying it to "With globalization affecting all countries" streamlines the sentence and maintains a formal tone.
"there is a fact that" -> "it is a fact that"
Explanation: "There is a fact that" is grammatically incorrect. "It is a fact that" is the correct form, which is more appropriate for formal writing.
"the disparities of each region are increasingly blurred" -> "the disparities between regions are increasingly diminishing"
Explanation: "The disparities of each region" is grammatically incorrect. "The disparities between regions" is the correct phrase, and "are increasingly diminishing" is a more precise and formal way to describe the process.
"This essay is to explore" -> "This essay aims to explore"
Explanation: "This essay is to explore" is somewhat informal and vague. "This essay aims to explore" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style.
"there is a main disadvantage to this phenomenon" -> "a primary disadvantage of this phenomenon is"
Explanation: "There is a main disadvantage to this phenomenon" is awkward and unclear. "A primary disadvantage of this phenomenon is" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"To commence with" -> "To begin with"
Explanation: "To commence with" is slightly archaic and less commonly used in modern academic writing. "To begin with" is more straightforward and appropriate.
"people are provided with a variety of news, information, or trends" -> "people are exposed to a diverse range of news, information, and trends"
Explanation: "Provided with" is less specific and slightly informal. "Exposed to" is more precise and formal, and "a diverse range of" is more academically appropriate than "a variety of."
"they may not be concerned with what is happening in their homeland" -> "they may become less concerned with developments in their homeland"
Explanation: "They may not be concerned with what is happening in their homeland" is wordy and informal. "They may become less concerned with developments in their homeland" is more concise and formal.
"they would adopt a new lifestyle" -> "they may adopt a new lifestyle"
Explanation: "Would" implies certainty, which is not suitable here as it is speculative. "May" is more appropriate for expressing possibility.
"I am of the claim that" -> "I contend that"
Explanation: "I am of the claim that" is awkward and unclear. "I contend that" is a more direct and formal expression.
"its advantages should be overwhelming" -> "its advantages are likely to be significant"
Explanation: "Should be overwhelming" is too strong and informal. "Are likely to be significant" is more measured and appropriate for academic discourse.
"by accessing similar content on the internet" -> "through accessing similar content online"
Explanation: "By accessing similar content on the internet" is slightly informal and verbose. "Through accessing similar content online" is more concise and formal.
"make compliments and reviews about the country" -> "make positive comments and reviews about the country"
Explanation: "Make compliments" is informal and less precise. "Make positive comments" is more formal and clear.
"the identities between countries is less clear" -> "the identities between countries are less distinct"
Explanation: "Is" should be "are" for subject-verb agreement, and "less distinct" is a more precise term than "less clear" in this context, which refers to the clarity of differences.
"I strongly advocate that the benefits" -> "I strongly advocate that the benefits"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. The sentence should end with a period, not a comma.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the phenomenon of cultural convergence due to globalization. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. The phrase "should be overwhelming" suggests a lack of clear analysis regarding the balance between the two sides. The conclusion also fails to explicitly articulate the extent to which the disadvantages are outweighed by the advantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more explicit comparison between the advantages and disadvantages. This could involve quantifying the impact of each side or providing more examples that illustrate how the advantages may outweigh the disadvantages. A clearer statement in the conclusion regarding the extent of this balance would also strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards the advantages of globalization, but the clarity of this position is somewhat undermined by the initial statement about exploring both merits and demerits. The phrase "I am of the claim that its advantages should be overwhelming" lacks assertiveness and clarity, which makes it difficult for the reader to grasp the writer’s definitive stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should assert their viewpoint more confidently and consistently throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I believe" or "It is clear that" can help establish a stronger position. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the central argument will help reinforce the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the impact of globalization on cultural identity and the benefits of increased exposure to diverse cultures. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with detailed examples. For instance, while the mention of bloggers promoting Vietnam is relevant, it lacks depth and could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to illustrate its significance.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with additional details, examples, or evidence. This could include discussing specific cultural impacts or providing data on tourism growth due to globalization. Each point should be clearly linked back to the main argument to ensure coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of globalization on cultural identities. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of advantages, where the connection to the prompt could be clearer. For example, the mention of improving career prospects, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the main theme of cultural convergence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main ideas before writing to ensure that each paragraph serves a clear purpose in addressing the question. Additionally, reiterating the connection to the prompt in each paragraph can help reinforce the topic’s relevance.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the prompt, a clearer and more assertive position, better-supported ideas, and a tighter focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are logically divided into two distinct viewpoints. However, the transition between the disadvantages and advantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is followed by a single disadvantage, but the transition to the advantages lacks a clear linking phrase that signals a shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" when moving from discussing disadvantages to advantages. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second discusses disadvantages, and the third outlines advantages. However, the paragraphs could be more developed, particularly the disadvantage section, which feels less robust compared to the advantages discussed.
- How to improve: Strengthen the disadvantage paragraph by providing more examples or elaborating on the implications of the loss of cultural identity. Each paragraph should ideally contain multiple sentences that explore the topic in depth, which can help create a more balanced essay. Consider breaking down the advantages into separate paragraphs if they contain distinct points, which would allow for more detailed exploration.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "on the one hand," and "firstly." These devices help connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied expressions to enhance cohesion. For instance, the use of "for instance" is effective, but it could be complemented by other phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," or "similarly" to create a more fluid narrative.
- How to improve: Diversify the cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Incorporate a mix of conjunctions, transitional phrases, and referencing techniques to link ideas more effectively. For example, when introducing examples, instead of repeating "for instance," consider using "such as" or "to illustrate." Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "globalization," "disparities," "phenomenon," and "overwhelming" being used appropriately. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "people are exposed to the same films, fashion, or TV channels," where "same" could be replaced with synonyms such as "similar" or "uniform." Additionally, the phrase "this way" is vague and could be more descriptive.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "people," consider using "individuals," "citizens," or "society." Furthermore, using more specific terms related to globalization and cultural exchange could strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "I am of the claim that its advantages should be overwhelming," which could be more clearly expressed as "I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages." Additionally, the phrase "the primary drawback of the identities between countries is less clear" is awkward and could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. For example, instead of "the identities between countries is less clear," a more precise expression could be "the distinct identities of countries are becoming less defined." Regularly reviewing and practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can also enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with no major spelling errors noted. However, there is a minor issue with the phrase "the young who are easily affected by the novelty," where "the young" could be more effectively phrased as "young people" for clarity and formality.
- How to improve: To further improve spelling and ensure accuracy, the writer should engage in regular reading and writing exercises, focusing on commonly misspelled words and practicing their spelling in context. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools can help catch any inadvertent errors before finalizing the essay.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource for future IELTS essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a competent use of various sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the phrase "people are exposed to the same films, fashion, or TV channels" is a straightforward structure, while "they may not be concerned with what is happening in their homeland or they would adopt a new lifestyle" showcases a compound structure. However, the variety is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which can detract from the overall fluency and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using a mix of different types of clauses. For example, instead of starting with "On the one hand," you could use phrases like "Conversely," or "In contrast," to introduce opposing viewpoints. Additionally, integrating more complex sentences that combine ideas can improve the sophistication of the writing. For instance, "While globalization offers a plethora of information, it simultaneously risks diluting local cultures."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "there is a main disadvantage to this phenomenon" could be more clearly stated as "one significant disadvantage of this phenomenon." Additionally, the sentence "while there is primary drawback of the identities between countries is less clear" contains a grammatical error; it should be rephrased for clarity and correctness, such as "while there is a primary drawback, which is that the identities between countries become less clear." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some missing commas that could enhance readability, such as before "especially the young" in the first body paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in sentence structure and clarity. Practicing complex sentence constructions and ensuring that subjects and verbs agree will also help. Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance the overall clarity of the writing. Consider revising sentences that feel awkward or unclear and breaking them down into simpler components if necessary.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

With globalization affecting all countries, it is a fact that people are exposed to the same films, fashion, and TV channels. Therefore, the disparities between regions are increasingly diminishing. This essay aims to explore both its merits and demerits and ultimately propose my perspective.

On the one hand, a primary disadvantage of this phenomenon is that people are provided with a variety of news, information, and trends from other countries. As a result, they may become less concerned with what is happening in their homeland, or they may adopt a new lifestyle, which can be a threat to their homeland’s traditions, especially for the young who are easily influenced by novelty.

On the other hand, I contend that its advantages are likely to be significant. Firstly, by accessing similar content online, people can improve their country’s image worldwide. For instance, many bloggers and influencers introduce themselves to the audience about Vietnam and make positive comments and reviews about the country, significantly promoting tourism, local cuisine, and culture. Secondly, if people watch and learn more about other nations, they can broaden their horizons with diverse cultures from many parts of the world. This can help them improve their career prospects, especially in a foreign working environment, which may be crucial for success.

In conclusion, while there is a primary drawback that the identities between countries are less distinct, I strongly advocate that the benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages.