Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

C-level managers have been paid higher than other normal workers. There is a school of thought that it lessens the benefit of ordinary jobholders, while others think that managers deserve high income. In my viewpoint, I strongly believe the latter view.

Some have voiced support for letting businesses increase their employee’s income as same as C-level managers as they believe those workers contribute a large amount of time and skills for the completion of each task. These people think that the team leader plays a minute contribution since they solely take responsibility for managing and adjusting the project in the suitable timeline. However, this discounts the fact that the main key point of managers is they have a well-rounded perpective and can master in the project management skill. That is to say, employees should practice these useful skills to become high earners.

While normal jobholders do repetitive work or clearly defined tasks, C – level managers need to solve multiple tasks and take on a huge amount of responsibilities every single day. They also need to keep themselves calm and energetic in most circumstances to get higher performances for the whole team. It is clear that this group deserves competitive salary due to their heavier load of work. Moreover, the C-level staffs also play an important role in each institution as they define and shape plans as well as visions for the development of the whole organization. This is the core difference to distinguish between C-level employees and ordinary ones. Expert knowledge, experiences and having deep industry connections help them to make smart decisions.

In conclusion, while many people think that businesses should allocate more money for ordinary employees’s income, I think that it is a worthy investment for managers due to their contribution.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"normal workers" -> "regular employees" or "non-managerial employees"
Explanation: "Normal workers" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "regular employees" or "non-managerial employees" to maintain a formal tone suitable for academic writing.
"There is a school of thought" -> "There are differing perspectives"
Explanation: "There is a school of thought" is slightly informal. "There are differing perspectives" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce differing opinions.
"it lessens the benefit of ordinary jobholders" -> "it diminishes the advantages for non-managerial employees"
Explanation: "Lessens the benefit" is vague. "Diminishes the advantages for non-managerial employees" is clearer and more precise in academic writing.
"In my viewpoint, I strongly believe the latter view." -> "From my perspective, I strongly support the latter stance."
Explanation: "In my viewpoint" can be replaced with "From my perspective" for a more formal tone. "Latter view" can be changed to "latter stance" for clarity and precision.
"Some have voiced support for letting businesses increase their employee’s income as same as C-level managers" -> "Some advocate for equalizing employees’ income with that of C-level managers."
Explanation: "Letting businesses increase their employee’s income as same as C-level managers" can be simplified to "equalizing employees’ income with that of C-level managers" for conciseness and clarity.
"those workers contribute a large amount of time and skills for the completion of each task" -> "those workers contribute significant time and skills to task completion"
Explanation: The phrase "a large amount of time and skills" can be streamlined to "significant time and skills" without losing meaning but improving formality.
"the team leader plays a minute contribution" -> "the team leader plays a minor role"
Explanation: "Plays a minute contribution" is not idiomatic; "plays a minor role" is a more appropriate and formal phrase.
"they solely take responsibility for managing and adjusting the project in the suitable timeline" -> "they bear sole responsibility for managing and adjusting projects within set timelines"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and formality. "Managing and adjusting the project in the suitable timeline" can be revised to "managing and adjusting projects within set timelines" for clarity and academic style.
"the main key point of managers is they have a well-rounded perspective" -> "the primary attribute of managers is their well-rounded perspective"
Explanation: "Main key point" is redundant. "Primary attribute" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"employees should practice these useful skills to become high earners" -> "employees should cultivate these essential skills to advance their earning potential"
Explanation: "Practice these useful skills to become high earners" is informal. "Cultivate these essential skills to advance their earning potential" is more formal and academically appropriate.
"normal jobholders" -> "non-managerial employees"
Explanation: For consistency, using "non-managerial employees" throughout the essay maintains a formal and clear language style.
"take on a huge amount of responsibilities every single day" -> "undertake significant responsibilities daily"
Explanation: "Take on a huge amount of responsibilities every single day" can be simplified to "undertake significant responsibilities daily" for a more formal tone.
"get higher performances for the whole team" -> "achieve higher performance levels for the entire team"
Explanation: "Get higher performances for the whole team" can be rephrased as "achieve higher performance levels for the entire team" for clarity and formality.
"C-level staffs" -> "C-level executives" or "C-suite personnel"
Explanation: "C-level staffs" is not the most precise term. "C-level executives" or "C-suite personnel" are more specific and formal.
"This is the core difference to distinguish between C-level employees and ordinary ones." -> "This is the fundamental distinction between C-level executives and non-managerial employees."
Explanation: "Core difference to distinguish between" is wordy. "Fundamental distinction between" is a more concise and formal expression.
"Expert knowledge, experiences and having deep industry connections help them to make smart decisions." -> "Expertise, experience, and extensive industry connections aid them in making informed decisions."
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone and clarity by using more precise vocabulary and structure.
"while many people think that businesses should allocate more money for ordinary employees’s income" -> "while many argue that businesses should allocate more funds to non-managerial employees"
Explanation: "Allocate more money for ordinary employees’s income" can be rephrased as "allocate more funds to non-managerial employees" for a more formal and precise expression.

Overall, these adjustments enhance the academic tone and formal language of the essay while maintaining its clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately discusses both views, acknowledging the perspective that directors deserve high salaries while also presenting the opposing view that it is unfair to ordinary employees.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide a more detailed exploration of each viewpoint, including specific examples or statistics to support the arguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position supporting the view that managers deserve high incomes, which is maintained throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction and conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but could benefit from further development and support. For instance, the argument that managers have a well-rounded perspective and project management skills could be elaborated with examples or case studies.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, the author could provide more detailed explanations, examples, or evidence to strengthen the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could be more focused. For example, the discussion of managers’ responsibilities could be linked more explicitly to the topic of salary disparity.
- How to improve: To stay more on topic, the author should ensure that each point directly relates to the prompt and that all examples or explanations support the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument and maintains a clear position, it could improve by providing more detailed explanations, examples, and support for its arguments. Additionally, staying more focused on the topic and directly addressing all parts of the prompt would strengthen the essay’s coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting both views on the topic, supporting each perspective with reasoning and examples. It begins with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views and ends with a clear conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, providing a coherent progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument of the essay. Additionally, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs to strengthen the overall flow of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the argument, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. Topic sentences are generally clear, signaling the main point of each paragraph.
- How to improve: While the essay employs paragraphs adequately, there are instances where paragraph breaks could be utilized more effectively to improve readability and coherence. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to provide clearer delineation of ideas and to prevent overwhelming the reader with dense text.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, including pronouns ("these people"), transitional phrases ("however"), and repetition ("C-level managers"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by linking ideas and facilitating smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are utilized, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of devices used. Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("furthermore," "in addition"), synonyms, and parallel structures to enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and presenting a cohesive argument. To improve further, focus on refining paragraph structure, enhancing the variety of cohesive devices used, and ensuring consistent application of these devices throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "C-level managers," "ordinary jobholders," "contribution," "perspective," "master," "repetitive," "defined tasks," "heavier load," "institution," "visions," "expert knowledge," "experiences," and "industry connections." However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. Some phrases could be replaced with more precise or varied alternatives to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To expand the lexical resource, consider incorporating synonyms, antonyms, idiomatic expressions, and more specialized vocabulary related to business management and employment. Additionally, aim for more nuanced and refined language choices to elevate the sophistication of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary effectively to convey ideas, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "plays a minute contribution" could be refined to "plays a minor role" for clearer communication. Similarly, "well-rounded perpective" could be corrected to "well-rounded perspective" for accuracy.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting the most appropriate words and phrases to express concepts accurately. Avoid using vague or ambiguous language that may obscure the intended meaning. Proofreading for typographical errors, such as "perpective" instead of "perspective," is also essential to maintain clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates satisfactory spelling accuracy with only minor errors observed, such as "perpective" instead of "perspective." While these errors do not significantly detract from the overall readability, ensuring consistent attention to spelling accuracy is crucial to maintain professionalism.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools during the writing process and carefully reviewing the essay for any misspelled words before submission. Additionally, developing a habit of proofreading written work thoroughly can help identify and correct spelling errors effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is a mix of sentence types, although some sentences are repetitive in structure, such as several simple sentences used consecutively.
- How to improve: To enhance variety, consider incorporating more complex structures like conditional sentences, passive voice, or relative clauses. This can add depth and sophistication to your writing, making it more engaging for the reader.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammar and punctuation are mostly accurate. However, there are instances of errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. For example, "C-level managers have been paid higher than other normal workers" could be revised to "C-level managers are paid higher salaries than regular workers." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "C-level managers need to solve multiple tasks" should be "C-level managers need to solve multiple tasks").
- How to improve: Work on fine-tuning your grammar, paying close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Proofread your writing carefully to catch errors and consider seeking feedback from peers or tutors to improve your grammatical accuracy further.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammar to achieve a higher band score. Keep practicing and incorporating feedback to enhance your writing skills further.

Bài sửa mẫu

C-level managers have traditionally received higher salaries compared to regular employees. There are differing perspectives on this issue: some argue that it diminishes the advantages for non-managerial employees, while others assert that managers deserve their higher income. From my perspective, I strongly support the latter stance.

Some advocate for equalizing employees’ income with that of C-level managers, contending that those workers contribute significant time and skills to task completion. However, this perspective overlooks the fact that the primary attribute of managers is their well-rounded perspective and ability to manage projects within set timelines. Therefore, employees should cultivate these essential skills to advance their earning potential.

While non-managerial employees undertake significant responsibilities daily, often achieving higher performance levels for the entire team, C-level executives face a different set of challenges. They must handle multiple tasks and responsibilities, maintaining composure and energy to ensure optimal team performance. This is the fundamental distinction between C-level executives and non-managerial employees. Expertise, experience, and extensive industry connections aid them in making informed decisions that shape the organization’s direction.

In conclusion, while some argue that businesses should allocate more funds to non-managerial employees, I believe it is justified to invest in managers due to their significant contributions to the organization’s success.