Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of playing sports and participating in physical exercises.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of playing sports and participating in physical exercises.
Engaging in sports and physical workouts is an indispensable part of healthy lifestyle. While these offer a number of benefits, there are several drawbacks involved.
In the one hand, playing sports and doing physical exercises make benificial for people’s health. In other words, these improve overall well-being. Firstly, doing exercies and engaging in sports significantly enhance physical health. This is because participants can strengthen their muscles, bones, so they have a better endurance and immune system. For example, swimming is a total-body workout which help people keep fit and increase their height. In addition, particapating in sport games and doing exercises also can enhance metal health. The key reason is that when individuals play sport games or engage in physical workouts, their brains produce chemicals which improve their moods distract negative thoughts.
On the other hand, there are some disadvantages of playing sports and physical exercises. A significant negative aspect is that player can take risks of injuries. In other words, there is a higher chance of sprains or other injuries. For instance, if players pose wrong postures or overtraining when doing gym, those lead to back pain and burnout. Additionally, there are some extreme sports with potential accidents. Another disadvantage of playing sports and physical exercises is that those require highly time commitment. The explanation is that those can be time-consuming in a hectic schedule nowadays. This is because sports or physical activities effective need to dedicate a lot of time for regular practice.
In conclusion, engaging in sports and physical workouts offer numerous advantages. However, it is crucial to acknowledge the potential disadvantages.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Engaging in sports and physical workouts" -> "Participating in sports and physical activities"
Explanation: "Participating" is a more formal and precise term than "engaging in," and "physical activities" is a broader and more academically appropriate term than "physical workouts." -
"an indispensable part of healthy lifestyle" -> "an essential component of a healthy lifestyle"
Explanation: "Essential component" is more precise and formal than "indispensable part," and "a healthy lifestyle" is grammatically correct. -
"In the one hand" -> "On the one hand"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is the correct idiomatic expression for introducing contrasting ideas. -
"make benificial" -> "are beneficial"
Explanation: "Are beneficial" corrects the spelling error and aligns with formal academic writing standards. -
"doing exercies" -> "performing exercises"
Explanation: "Performing" is more formal and precise than "doing" in this context, and "exercises" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific type of activity. -
"strengthen their muscles, bones, so they have a better endurance and immune system" -> "strengthen their muscles and bones, thereby enhancing their endurance and immune systems"
Explanation: "Thereby enhancing" is more formal and precise than "so they have a better endurance and immune system," and "immune systems" should be plural to match the generalization. -
"swimming is a total-body workout which help people keep fit and increase their height" -> "swimming is a comprehensive workout that helps individuals maintain fitness and increase their height"
Explanation: "Comprehensive" is more formal than "total-body," and "that helps individuals maintain fitness" is more precise and formal than "which help people keep fit." -
"particapating in sport games" -> "participating in sports"
Explanation: "Participating in sports" is grammatically correct and more formal than "participating in sport games." -
"can enhance metal health" -> "can enhance mental health"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "mental" to "mental health." -
"distract negative thoughts" -> "distract from negative thoughts"
Explanation: "Distract from" is the correct prepositional phrase for indicating a relationship between thoughts and activities. -
"player can take risks of injuries" -> "players may incur injuries"
Explanation: "May incur injuries" is more precise and formal than "can take risks of injuries," which is awkwardly phrased. -
"pose wrong postures" -> "adopt incorrect postures"
Explanation: "Adopt" is more formal and precise than "pose" in this context, and "incorrect" is more specific than "wrong." -
"those lead to back pain and burnout" -> "this leads to back pain and burnout"
Explanation: "This" refers more clearly to the previous action of overtraining, and "leads" is more formal than "leads to." -
"those require highly time commitment" -> "these require significant time commitments"
Explanation: "These" refers correctly to the previously mentioned activities, and "significant time commitments" is more formal and precise than "highly time commitment." -
"sports or physical activities effective need to dedicate" -> "sports or physical activities require dedication"
Explanation: "Require dedication" is grammatically correct and more formal than "need to dedicate," which is awkwardly phrased.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of playing sports and participating in physical exercises. The advantages are presented first, highlighting health benefits and mental well-being. The disadvantages follow, discussing risks of injuries and time commitments. However, the discussion could be more balanced; the advantages section is slightly more developed than the disadvantages, which may leave the reader wanting more depth on the latter.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance, consider dedicating an equal amount of detail to each side. For instance, after discussing the health benefits, you could elaborate further on the types of injuries that can occur or provide more examples of time-consuming sports. This would ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are equally explored.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both the pros and cons of sports and physical exercises. However, the phrasing in the introduction could be more assertive in stating the overall stance. Phrases like "these offer a number of benefits" could be replaced with a stronger assertion about the importance of recognizing both sides.
- How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your position on the overall impact of sports and physical exercises. For example, you might say, "While the benefits of sports and physical exercises are significant, it is equally important to consider their drawbacks." This sets a definitive tone for the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the health benefits and risks of injuries, but some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the claim about swimming being a total-body workout could be supported with more detail about how it specifically benefits different muscle groups or cardiovascular health.
- How to improve: Aim to expand on each point with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing mental health benefits, you could elaborate on specific chemicals produced during exercise, such as endorphins, and how they contribute to mood improvement. This would provide a richer, more persuasive argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of sports and physical exercises. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the disadvantages section. The mention of "extreme sports" feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument, as it introduces a new category without sufficient context.
- How to improve: Ensure that all examples and points directly relate to the main topic. If discussing extreme sports, briefly define what they are and how they fit into the broader context of sports and physical exercises. This will help maintain a cohesive focus throughout the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements can be made in terms of depth, clarity, and cohesion. By expanding on ideas, ensuring a strong position, and maintaining focus, the essay could achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of sports to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "On the other hand" is used, but the preceding paragraph could better set up this transition by summarizing the benefits before moving to the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing the next. For example, after discussing the benefits, a sentence like "Despite these advantages, there are also significant drawbacks to consider" could provide a smoother transition.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to advantages and another to disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the first body paragraph could be divided into two: one focusing on physical health benefits and another on mental health benefits. This would allow for a clearer presentation of ideas and make it easier for the reader to follow.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Consider starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by specific examples and explanations. This will enhance clarity and coherence.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "On the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "This is because" is used repetitively, which can detract from the overall flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Conversely," and "As a result." Additionally, using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "sports and physical exercises," you could use "they" or "these activities" in subsequent sentences to maintain flow.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of sports and physical exercises. Words such as "indispensable," "well-being," and "enhance" show an attempt to use more sophisticated language. However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are repetitive or overly simplistic, such as the repeated use of "playing sports" and "doing exercises."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "doing exercises," you could use "engaging in physical activities," "participating in workouts," or "taking part in fitness routines." This will not only enrich the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader command of the language.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are notable instances of imprecise usage. For example, "benificial" should be "beneficial," and "particapating" should be "participating." Additionally, phrases like "those lead to back pain" are awkward; "this can lead to back pain" would be more appropriate. The phrase "enhance metal health" should be "enhance mental health," indicating a spelling error that affects clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on proofreading for spelling errors and awkward phrases. It may also help to use a thesaurus to find more suitable words that convey the intended meaning accurately. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and correctness will also aid in developing this skill.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "benificial," "exercies," "particapating," and "metal." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a few strategies:
- Regularly practice spelling through exercises or apps designed for vocabulary building.
- After writing, take a moment to proofread the essay specifically for spelling errors.
- Familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and exceptions in English, which can help reduce mistakes in the future.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the overall quality of the essay can be significantly improved, potentially raising the Lexical Resource band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "In other words, these improve overall well-being" shows an attempt to connect ideas clearly. However, the essay predominantly relies on simpler structures, such as "doing exercises and engaging in sports significantly enhance physical health." This limits the overall complexity and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied clauses. For instance, instead of saying "A significant negative aspect is that player can take risks of injuries," the writer could say, "One significant negative aspect is the risk of injuries that players may encounter, particularly when they do not follow proper techniques." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "In the one hand" should be "On the one hand," and "benificial" is a misspelling of "beneficial." Additionally, the phrase "those lead to back pain and burnout" lacks a subject, making it unclear. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also affect readability, particularly in longer sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and spelling mistakes. For example, "those require highly time commitment" should be corrected to "they require a significant time commitment." Moreover, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help raise the band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.
Bài sửa mẫu
Engaging in sports and physical activities is an essential component of a healthy lifestyle. While these offer a number of benefits, there are several drawbacks involved.
On the one hand, participating in sports and performing physical exercises are beneficial for people’s health. In other words, these activities improve overall well-being. Firstly, engaging in exercises and sports significantly enhances physical health. This is because participants can strengthen their muscles and bones, thereby enhancing their endurance and immune systems. For example, swimming is a comprehensive workout that helps individuals maintain fitness and can even contribute to increased height. In addition, participating in sports and physical activities can also enhance mental health. The key reason is that when individuals play sports or engage in physical workouts, their brains produce chemicals that improve their moods and distract from negative thoughts.
On the other hand, there are some disadvantages of playing sports and participating in physical exercises. A significant negative aspect is that players can incur risks of injuries. In other words, there is a higher chance of sprains or other injuries. For instance, if players adopt incorrect postures or overtrain while exercising at the gym, this can lead to back pain and burnout. Additionally, some extreme sports carry the potential for accidents. Another disadvantage of engaging in sports and physical activities is that they require significant time commitments. The explanation is that these activities can be time-consuming in today’s hectic schedules. This is because sports or physical activities effectively need individuals to dedicate a lot of time for regular practice.
In conclusion, engaging in sports and physical activities offers numerous advantages. However, it is crucial to acknowledge the potential disadvantages.