Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid for too much money?

Celebrities undeniably garner substantial incomes, but there are views saying that they are overpaid. In my view, I agree that celebrities are overcompensated, primarily due to the stark contrast in earnings between essential workers and the entertainment industry elite.
First of all, it is undeniable that there is a serious disparity in the wages between people who have careers in both industries. This can clearly be seen as essential workers, like nurses and teachers, often receive meager salaries despite their crucial contributions to society. Unlike these professions, many celebrities are born with innate talents, be it in singing, acting, or sports. While doctors and engineers invest years in education, celebrities rise to fame based on their natural abilities, which raises the questions about the fairness of their substantial earnings. Moreover, the extravagant lifestyles of numerous celebrities further emphasize the skewed financial priorities. Lavish spending on opulent houses, cars, and parties seems excessive when compared to the modest lifestyles of those dedicating their lives to essential services.
However, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint. Celebrities endure a lack of privacy and work relentlessly in the public eye. Achieving success in competitive fields is a rare accomplishment, and their earnings can be seen as a reward for reaching the pinnacle of their profession. Additionally, the argument of supply and demand asserts that high pay is a reflection of the public's willingness to pay for their work, whether through concert attendance or purchasing their creations.
In conclusion, while acknowledging the hard work and demand creation by celebrities, the stark disparity in earnings between them and essential workers raises valid concerns. Striking a balance that recognizes talent and effort while addressing societal inequities is essential in evaluating the appropriateness of celebrity compensation.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Celebrities undeniably garner substantial incomes, but there are views saying that they are overpaid." -> "Celebrities undeniably earn substantial incomes; however, there are perspectives asserting that they are overcompensated."
Explanation: The term "garner" is more informal, and the phrase "views saying" can be refined to "perspectives asserting" for a more formal tone.
"In my view, I agree that celebrities are overcompensated, primarily due to the stark contrast in earnings between essential workers and the entertainment industry elite." -> "In my perspective, I concur that celebrities are overcompensated, primarily owing to the significant disparity in earnings between essential workers and the elite of the entertainment industry."
Explanation: The phrase "I agree" can be replaced with a more formal "I concur," and "stark contrast" can be enhanced to "significant disparity" for a more academic tone.
"First of all, it is undeniable that there is a serious disparity in the wages between people who have careers in both industries." -> "Firstly, it is indisputable that a substantial wage disparity exists between individuals pursuing careers in both industries."
Explanation: Replacing "undeniable" with "indisputable" and restructuring the sentence with "Firstly" contributes to a more formal style.
"This can clearly be seen as essential workers, like nurses and teachers, often receive meager salaries despite their crucial contributions to society." -> "This is evident in the case of essential workers, such as nurses and teachers, who frequently receive modest salaries despite their crucial contributions to society."
Explanation: The phrase "can clearly be seen as" can be streamlined to "is evident in the case of," and "meager" can be replaced with "modest" for a more formal expression.
"While doctors and engineers invest years in education, celebrities rise to fame based on their natural abilities, which raises the questions about the fairness of their substantial earnings." -> "While doctors and engineers invest years in education, celebrities ascend to fame based on their innate abilities, raising questions about the fairness of their substantial earnings."
Explanation: "Rise to fame" can be replaced with "ascend to fame," and "the questions" can be refined to "questions" for a more concise and formal presentation.
"Moreover, the extravagant lifestyles of numerous celebrities further emphasize the skewed financial priorities." -> "Furthermore, the opulent lifestyles of numerous celebrities accentuate the skewed financial priorities."
Explanation: The word "extravagant" can be replaced with "opulent" for a more sophisticated tone, and "further emphasize" can be changed to "accentuate."
"Lavish spending on opulent houses, cars, and parties seems excessive when compared to the modest lifestyles of those dedicating their lives to essential services." -> "The extravagant expenditure on opulent residences, automobiles, and events appears excessive in contrast to the modest lifestyles of individuals dedicating their lives to essential services."
Explanation: "Lavish spending" can be refined to "extravagant expenditure," and the sentence structure is adjusted for a more formal style.
"However, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint." -> "Nevertheless, it is essential to consider the opposing perspective."
Explanation: The term "crucial" can be replaced with "essential," and "viewpoint" can be substituted with "perspective" for a more formal language.
"Achieving success in competitive fields is a rare accomplishment, and their earnings can be seen as a reward for reaching the pinnacle of their profession." -> "Attaining success in competitive fields is a rare accomplishment, and their earnings can be regarded as a reward for reaching the pinnacle of their profession."
Explanation: "Achieving success" can be replaced with "attaining success," and the phrase "can be seen as" is substituted with "can be regarded as" for a more formal tone.
"Additionally, the argument of supply and demand asserts that high pay is a reflection of the public’s willingness to pay for their work, whether through concert attendance or purchasing their creations." -> "Moreover, the economic principle of supply and demand posits that high remuneration reflects the public’s willingness to pay for their work, be it through concert attendance or the acquisition of their creations."
Explanation: "Additionally" is replaced with "Moreover," and the phrase "the argument of supply and demand asserts that" can be refined to "the economic principle of supply and demand posits that" for a more formal expression.
"In conclusion, while acknowledging the hard work and demand creation by celebrities, the stark disparity in earnings between them and essential workers raises valid concerns." -> "In conclusion, while acknowledging the diligent efforts and demand creation by celebrities, the pronounced disparity in earnings between them and essential workers raises valid concerns."
Explanation: "Hard work" is replaced with "diligent efforts," and "stark" is substituted with "pronounced" for a more formal language.
"Striking a balance that recognizes talent and effort while addressing societal inequities is essential in evaluating the appropriateness of celebrity compensation." -> "Achieving a balance that acknowledges talent and effort while addressing societal inequities is crucial in evaluating the appropriateness of celebrity compensation."
Explanation: "Striking a balance" is replaced with "achieving a balance," and "essential" is changed to "crucial" for a more formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay comprehensively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges the opposing viewpoint, discussing the reasons behind both agreeing and disagreeing with the statement. Relevant examples, such as the comparison between essential workers and celebrities, are provided to support the argument. The response engages with the prompt throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively covers all parts of the question, it could enhance clarity by explicitly stating the opposing viewpoint in a separate paragraph. This would create a more organized structure and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance, agreeing that celebrities are overcompensated. This position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, providing a cohesive and focused narrative.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider reinforcing the thesis statement in the conclusion, summarizing the main points that support the agreement that celebrities are overpaid.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides examples, such as the contrast between essential workers and celebrities, to illustrate the argument. The essay is well-organized, with each paragraph contributing to the overall development of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, consider incorporating additional examples or statistics that further illustrate the disparities in earnings between essential workers and celebrities. This would bolster the argument and provide more robust support for the position.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a strong focus on the topic throughout, consistently addressing the issue of whether celebrities are overpaid. There are no significant deviations from the central theme.
- How to improve: To ensure continued relevance, avoid general statements that may not directly contribute to the argument. Streamlining the content further will maintain a tight focus on the topic and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively supports its position. To improve further, consider refining the structure, reinforcing the thesis in the conclusion, providing additional examples or statistics, and avoiding any extraneous information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a logical organization by presenting a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The argument progresses logically, first discussing the wage disparity, then presenting the opposing viewpoint, and concluding with a balanced summary.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one, creating a seamless connection between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. However, in the body paragraphs, there’s room for improvement in terms of topic sentence clarity and development of supporting points.
- How to improve: Start each body paragraph with a concise topic sentence that clearly outlines the main idea. Ensure that subsequent sentences provide robust support, contributing to the overall coherence of the paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, are used adequately to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. Examples include "First of all," "Moreover," and "Additionally."
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are present, expanding the variety of transition words and employing them consistently can enhance overall cohesion. Introduce synonyms or alternate phrases to avoid repetition, providing a smoother transition between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To further improve, focus on refining transitions, ensuring clarity in topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices for a more polished and cohesive piece.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is effective use of terms such as "disparity," "innate talents," "lavish spending," "pinnacle," and "supply and demand." However, some areas could benefit from more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary, particularly in the presentation of ideas and arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative expressions when discussing key concepts. For example, instead of repeatedly using "earnings," explore terms like "remuneration," "compensation," or "income." Additionally, varying sentence structures can contribute to a more dynamic and varied vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. However, there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, the phrase "rise to fame" could be specified with more vivid language to capture the essence of sudden stardom.
- How to improve: Aim for specificity in language to provide a clearer and more nuanced expression of ideas. Instead of "rise to fame," consider alternatives like "skyrocket to stardom" or "ascend to celebrity status." This will add depth to your language use and enhance the overall precision of your expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally high level of spelling accuracy. There are minimal spelling errors, and the majority of words are spelled correctly. However, there is a slight oversight in the phrase "overcompensated," where a space is missing between "over" and "compensated."
- How to improve: Maintain your attention to detail in spelling, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. Proofread your work carefully, and consider using spell-check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Cultivating a habit of reviewing your writing for spelling accuracy will further enhance the overall quality of your essays.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and meticulous spelling. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, refining word choices for precision, and paying close attention to spelling details, you can elevate the sophistication and clarity of your expression, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. It includes complex sentences, such as the one in the introduction ("Celebrities undeniably garner substantial incomes, but…"). There is also the effective use of conditional sentences ("While doctors and engineers invest years in education, celebrities rise to fame based on their natural abilities"). The varied sentence structures contribute to a smooth flow and engagement of the reader.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of your writing, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences. For instance, in complex arguments or detailed explanations, complex structures can provide depth. Additionally, experiment with different sentence beginnings to avoid repetitiveness and add sophistication.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. Sentences are well-constructed, and there are no major grammatical errors. However, a minor punctuation issue is observed in this sentence: "Unlike these professions, many celebrities are born with innate talents, be it in singing, acting, or sports." The use of a colon after "talents" may enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Pay attention to punctuation nuances to ensure clarity. In this specific case, consider using a colon after "talents" to signal a list. Additionally, continue proofreading to catch any potential minor errors that might affect the overall polish of the essay.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. To improve, focus on incorporating even more diverse sentence structures and paying meticulous attention to punctuation details. Keep up the good work!

Bài sửa mẫu

Celebrities undeniably earn substantial incomes; however, there are perspectives asserting that they are overcompensated. In my perspective, I concur that celebrities are overcompensated, primarily owing to the significant disparity in earnings between essential workers and the elite of the entertainment industry.

Firstly, it is indisputable that a substantial wage disparity exists between individuals pursuing careers in both industries. This is evident in the case of essential workers, such as nurses and teachers, who frequently receive modest salaries despite their crucial contributions to society. While doctors and engineers invest years in education, celebrities ascend to fame based on their innate abilities, raising questions about the fairness of their substantial earnings.

Furthermore, the opulent lifestyles of numerous celebrities accentuate the skewed financial priorities. The extravagant expenditure on opulent residences, automobiles, and events appears excessive in contrast to the modest lifestyles of individuals dedicating their lives to essential services.

Nevertheless, it is essential to consider the opposing perspective. Attaining success in competitive fields is a rare accomplishment, and their earnings can be regarded as a reward for reaching the pinnacle of their profession. Moreover, the economic principle of supply and demand posits that high remuneration reflects the public’s willingness to pay for their work, be it through concert attendance or the acquisition of their creations.

In conclusion, while acknowledging the diligent efforts and demand creation by celebrities, the pronounced disparity in earnings between them and essential workers raises valid concerns. Achieving a balance that acknowledges talent and effort while addressing societal inequities is crucial in evaluating the appropriateness of celebrity compensation.