Do you argree or disagee that celebrities are paid for too much money?

Nowadays, the income of celebrities is controversial because the revolutionaries believe that they are paid much more than what they do. Personally, I only agree to a certain extent with this point of view. In this essay, I will explain the reasons for this argument.
On the one hand, it is true that celebrities have more opportunities to earn money than ordinary people because they are famous. Collect their information from the advertisements they shoot or from filming. Moreover, there are many celebrities who earn money from businesses such as opening their own brands or becoming investors. However, few celebrities use this money for charity purposes to help the elderly, the homeless or the healthy… they are good jobs. That means they do not waste their income but use it to improve people's lives. For example, the famous Taylor Swift donated a million dollars to help the victims of the Louisiana flood in 2016.
On the other hand, nurses, government workers and other jobs are more important than being famous. They deserve to be paid more than celebrities because their jobs are more practical. On the other hand, some celebrities don't work hard but they still earn a lot of money so they start wasting money to make themselves feel happy or just for their hobby.
In short, every job has its own salary and the amount shouldn't differ too much.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"the income of celebrities is controversial" -> "the compensation of celebrities is contentious"
Explanation: "Compensation" is a more specific term than "income," and "contentious" is a more precise adjective than "controversial" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"the revolutionaries believe" -> "some critics argue"
Explanation: "Some critics argue" is more specific and less emotive than "the revolutionaries believe," which is vague and potentially misleading.
"Personally, I only agree to a certain extent with this point of view." -> "I partially concur with this perspective."
Explanation: "I partially concur" is more formal and precise than "I only agree to a certain extent," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"they are paid much more than what they do" -> "they are remunerated significantly more than their work warrants"
Explanation: "Remunerated significantly more than their work warrants" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "paid much more than what they do."
"Collect their information from the advertisements they shoot or from filming." -> "Gather information from their advertising campaigns or film projects."
Explanation: "Gather information" is more formal than "collect," and "advertising campaigns or film projects" is more specific and professional than "the advertisements they shoot or from filming."
"there are many celebrities who earn money from businesses such as opening their own brands or becoming investors." -> "many celebrities generate income through entrepreneurial ventures such as launching their own brands or investing."
Explanation: "Generate income through entrepreneurial ventures" is more formal and precise than "earn money from businesses."
"few celebrities use this money for charity purposes" -> "only a few celebrities utilize these funds for charitable purposes"
Explanation: "Utilize these funds for charitable purposes" is more formal and precise than "use this money for charity purposes."
"the healthy… they are good jobs" -> "the healthy; these are commendable endeavors"
Explanation: "These are commendable endeavors" is more formal and clear than "they are good jobs," which is awkwardly phrased and informal.
"the famous Taylor Swift donated a million dollars" -> "celebrity Taylor Swift donated one million dollars"
Explanation: "Celebrity Taylor Swift" is more formal than "the famous Taylor Swift," and "one million dollars" is the standard form for large numbers in formal writing.
"nurses, government workers and other jobs are more important" -> "nurses, government employees, and other professions are more vital"
Explanation: "Professions" is a more formal term than "jobs," and "more vital" is a stronger, more academic expression than "more important."
"they deserve to be paid more than celebrities" -> "they merit higher compensation than celebrities"
Explanation: "Merit higher compensation" is more formal and precise than "deserve to be paid more."
"they don’t work hard but they still earn a lot of money" -> "they may not work diligently yet still receive substantial remuneration"
Explanation: "May not work diligently" and "receive substantial remuneration" are more formal and precise, avoiding the informal "don’t work hard" and "earn a lot of money."
"just for their hobby" -> "solely for personal indulgence"
Explanation: "Solely for personal indulgence" is more formal and precise than "just for their hobby," which is too casual for academic writing.
"every job has its own salary and the amount shouldn’t differ too much" -> "each profession has its own compensation, and the disparity should not be excessive"
Explanation: "Each profession has its own compensation, and the disparity should not be excessive" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "every job has its own salary and the amount shouldn’t differ too much."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding celebrity salaries. However, it lacks a clear and direct response to whether the author agrees or disagrees that celebrities are paid too much. The phrase "I only agree to a certain extent" is vague and does not provide a definitive stance. Additionally, the essay does not explicitly state whether the author believes celebrities are overpaid or not, which is crucial for a clear response.
- How to improve: To improve, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Instead of using ambiguous phrases, the author could say, "I believe that celebrities are indeed overpaid" or "I disagree with the notion that celebrities earn too much." This clarity will help ensure that all parts of the question are adequately addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While the author mentions agreement with the viewpoint that celebrities are overpaid, the argument is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The discussion of charitable contributions by celebrities could be interpreted as a justification for their high salaries, which contradicts the initial stance. The use of "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" suggests a balanced view but fails to firmly establish a clear position.
- How to improve: The author should choose a definitive stance and ensure that all arguments support this position. For instance, if the author believes celebrities are overpaid, they should focus on providing examples and reasoning that align with this view, rather than introducing counterarguments that may confuse the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding celebrity income and the value of different professions. However, the support for these ideas is limited. For example, the mention of Taylor Swift’s charitable donation is a good example, but it is not sufficiently elaborated upon to demonstrate its relevance to the argument about celebrity salaries. Additionally, the essay lacks depth in exploring the implications of celebrity income on society or the economy.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should include more examples and elaborate on them. For instance, discussing the impact of celebrity salaries on public perceptions of work value or providing statistics about income disparities could strengthen the argument. Each point made should be followed by a clear explanation of its significance in relation to the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing celebrity salaries and the value of different professions. However, the introduction of the idea that some celebrities "don’t work hard" and "waste money" introduces a somewhat tangential point that detracts from the main argument. The phrase "they are good jobs" is also unclear and could confuse the reader regarding the author’s intent.
- How to improve: The author should focus on maintaining relevance to the topic by ensuring that all points made directly relate to the question of whether celebrities are overpaid. Avoiding vague or unrelated statements will help keep the essay focused. The author could also benefit from outlining their main points before writing to ensure coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should work on providing a clear and definitive position, supporting their arguments with relevant examples, and ensuring that all points made are directly related to the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word count can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with two main perspectives: one supporting the high earnings of celebrities and the other opposing it. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the body paragraphs are divided into opposing views. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the positive contributions of celebrities to the importance of other professions feels abrupt and lacks a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence like, "However, this raises the question of whether their earnings are justified compared to those in essential professions," could help bridge the two perspectives more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more developed. The first paragraph introduces the benefits of celebrity earnings but lacks depth in exploring why these earnings are justified. The second paragraph mentions the importance of other jobs but does not fully articulate the argument against celebrity salaries.
- How to improve: Strengthen each paragraph by ensuring that each one contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. For example, in the second body paragraph, you could start with a strong topic sentence like, "Despite the allure of celebrity wealth, many essential professions play a crucial role in society and deserve higher compensation."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," to indicate contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, making the flow less smooth. For instance, the phrase "they are good jobs" is vague and does not clearly connect to the preceding sentence about charitable contributions.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "for instance." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas. For example, instead of saying "they are good jobs," you could specify, "This demonstrates that many celebrities use their wealth to contribute positively to society, which contrasts sharply with the underappreciated roles of essential workers."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, developing paragraphs more fully, and diversifying cohesive devices will help achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. For instance, terms like "celebrities," "money," and "jobs" are repeated frequently without much variation. Phrases such as "earn money" and "use this money" could be replaced with synonyms or more descriptive expressions to enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, the phrase "good jobs" is vague and could be articulated more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and more specific terms. For example, instead of repeating "celebrities," you might use "public figures," "stars," or "famous personalities." Instead of "earn money," consider phrases like "generate income," "receive compensation," or "accrue wealth." Expanding your vocabulary through reading and practice will help you express ideas more dynamically.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "Collect their information from the advertisements they shoot" is unclear and awkwardly constructed. It seems to imply that celebrities gather information, which is not the intended meaning. Additionally, the phrase "the healthy" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended group of people.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects your intended meaning. In the case of the aforementioned phrase, you could clarify by saying, "They generate income through advertising campaigns and film projects." Instead of "the healthy," consider specifying "individuals in good health" or simply omitting it if it does not contribute meaningfully to your argument. Practicing precise language in writing exercises can help improve this aspect.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "argree" should be "agree," and "disagee" should be "disagree." Additionally, "revolutionaries" is an incorrect choice in this context; "critics" or "opponents" would be more appropriate. These errors can disrupt the reader’s understanding and detract from the credibility of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy where you review your essay for common spelling mistakes before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing regularly can also help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with frequently misspelled words can enhance your overall writing quality.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling—you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria for IELTS Task 2 essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "On the one hand, it is true that celebrities have more opportunities to earn money than ordinary people because they are famous" shows an ability to connect ideas effectively. However, the essay also contains several simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall complexity. The phrase "they are good jobs" is vague and lacks clarity, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex and compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of saying, "they are good jobs," the writer could elaborate by saying, "these professions, while often underappreciated, play a crucial role in society." Additionally, using varied sentence beginnings and transitions can help create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "Collect their information from the advertisements they shoot or from filming" is grammatically incorrect and lacks a subject. This could be revised to "They collect income from the advertisements they shoot or from filming." Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as the misuse of ellipses in "the elderly, the homeless or the healthy… they are good jobs," which should be a period or semicolon instead.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring that each sentence has a clear subject and verb. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing subject-verb agreement will help. Furthermore, the writer should pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and periods, to enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Question:** Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid too much money?

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, the compensation of celebrities is contentious because many revolutionaries believe that they are remunerated significantly more than their work warrants. Personally, I partially concur with this perspective. In this essay, I will explain the reasons for this argument.

On the one hand, it is true that celebrities have more opportunities to earn money than ordinary people due to their fame. They gather information from their advertising campaigns or film projects. Moreover, many celebrities generate income through entrepreneurial ventures such as launching their own brands or investing. However, only a few celebrities utilize these funds for charitable purposes to help the elderly, the homeless, or those in need. While these are commendable endeavors, it suggests that many do not prioritize using their wealth to improve people’s lives. For example, the renowned Taylor Swift donated one million dollars to assist the victims of the Louisiana flood in 2016.

On the other hand, professions such as nursing, government work, and other essential jobs are more vital to society than celebrity status. These individuals merit higher compensation than celebrities because their roles are more practical and impactful. Conversely, some celebrities may not work diligently yet still receive substantial remuneration, often using their wealth solely for personal indulgence or hobbies.

In short, each profession has its own compensation, and the disparity should not be excessive.