Due to the increase in population in big cities, more and more people are living in small houses with very little or no outdoor space. What are the problems? What can be done to solve these problems?

Owing to the growth in population in major cities, an increasing number of individuals are residing in compact homes with minimal or no outdoor atmosphere. This trend causes severe consequences, such as decreasing physical well-being. In this essay, I will elaborate on each problem and suggest measures in order to address the issues.
There are several problems related to insufficient space. The primary issue is the decline in mental health. Having inadequate areas to blow off some steam and interact with nature can result in stress, anxiety, and a feeling of confinement. Additionally, it leads to the rise of laziness. When living in a small space, people are more likely to sit in one place and limit physical movement. This not only can increase the rate of obesity and backache but also lessen work productivity. Another consequence is the lack of social connection. Outdoor spaces are an essential factor in bonding neighbor relationships and community spirit. Thus, that can cause a state of isolation which is quite hard for people to enhance their sense of community and social communication skills.
Infrastructure upgrading and building more green spaces are the most potential solutions to tackle these issues. Apartments can be erected with a view to raising the number of houses without wasting areas. For instance, an apartment that contains more than 20 floors can include thousands of people, whereas before a detached house could only consist of a family of 4 people. Furthermore, expanding the number of green areas is necessary as residents can enjoy the feeling of taking in the scenery and breathing the fresh air while exercising.
In conclusion, having not enough outside space can cause heavy problems, such as mental well-being and social skills. However, the government can take action to solve the issues by enhancing amenities and creating additional green areas.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Owing to the growth in population in major cities" -> "Due to the increasing population in major cities"
Explanation: "Owing to" is somewhat archaic and less commonly used in modern academic writing. "Due to" is more straightforward and universally understood, enhancing clarity and formality.
"an increasing number of individuals are residing" -> "an increasing number of individuals reside"
Explanation: The present tense "reside" is more appropriate here as it describes a general condition rather than a specific action, aligning better with the passive voice used in the sentence.
"minimal or no outdoor atmosphere" -> "minimal or no outdoor space"
Explanation: "Atmosphere" is not the correct term here; "space" is the appropriate noun to describe the physical area outside, enhancing precision and accuracy.
"decreasing physical well-being" -> "adverse effects on physical health"
Explanation: "Decreasing physical well-being" is vague and informal. "Adverse effects on physical health" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"blow off some steam" -> "release tension"
Explanation: "Blow off some steam" is an idiom that may be considered too informal for academic writing. "Release tension" is a more formal alternative that conveys the same meaning.
"a feeling of confinement" -> "a sense of confinement"
Explanation: "A feeling" is less formal than "a sense," which is typically used in academic contexts to describe subjective experiences.
"the rise of laziness" -> "increased laziness"
Explanation: "The rise of laziness" is a bit informal and vague. "Increased laziness" is more direct and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"lessen work productivity" -> "reduce work productivity"
Explanation: "Lessen" is less commonly used in formal writing; "reduce" is more precise and widely accepted in academic contexts.
"bonding neighbor relationships" -> "strengthening neighborly relationships"
Explanation: "Bonding" is an informal term; "strengthening" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "neighborly" is more precise than "neighbor" in this context.
"that can cause a state of isolation" -> "which can lead to a state of isolation"
Explanation: "That" is incorrectly used here; "which" is the correct relative pronoun to introduce a restrictive clause. "Lead to" is also more formal than "cause" in this context.
"enhancing amenities" -> "improving amenities"
Explanation: "Enhancing" can imply a more subtle change, whereas "improving" explicitly suggests a significant upgrade, which is more suitable for the context of infrastructure development.
"creating additional green areas" -> "developing additional green spaces"
Explanation: "Creating" is somewhat vague; "developing" suggests a more comprehensive and intentional process, which is more suitable for discussing urban planning and infrastructure development in an academic context.
"having not enough outside space" -> "having insufficient outdoor space"
Explanation: "Having not enough outside space" is informal and awkwardly phrased. "Having insufficient outdoor space" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"can cause heavy problems" -> "can result in significant problems"
Explanation: "Cause heavy problems" is informal and imprecise. "Result in significant problems" is more formal and accurately conveys the severity of the consequences.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying specific problems associated with living in small houses with limited outdoor space, such as declining mental health, increased laziness, and a lack of social connections. Each problem is clearly articulated and supported with relevant explanations. The solutions proposed—upgrading infrastructure and creating more green spaces—are also pertinent and directly related to the issues discussed. However, the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the problems and solutions, particularly by providing additional examples or evidence to strengthen the arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, the writer could include statistics or studies that illustrate the impact of limited outdoor space on mental health and physical well-being. Additionally, discussing more varied solutions, such as community initiatives or policies that encourage outdoor activities, could provide a more rounded perspective.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, emphasizing the negative consequences of living in small houses with little outdoor space and advocating for specific solutions. The introduction sets the stage for this position, and the conclusion reinforces it. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer and more consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates back to the thesis. Using transitional phrases can also help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as the impact on mental health and social connections, and offers some support for these claims. However, the development of these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the essay mentions stress and anxiety, it does not elaborate on how these issues manifest in daily life or provide examples of how outdoor spaces can mitigate these effects.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or anecdotes. This could include discussing how access to parks has been shown to improve community well-being or referencing studies that link outdoor space to physical health benefits.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the issues related to limited outdoor space and proposing relevant solutions. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of laziness could be better connected to the broader theme of physical health and well-being.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly ties back to the main argument. Avoiding tangential ideas and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to answering the prompt will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any off-topic sentences before finalizing it can help tighten the focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention. The body paragraphs are organized around specific problems and solutions, which helps the reader follow the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the problems associated with insufficient outdoor space, while the second body paragraph focuses on potential solutions. This clear separation of ideas contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas and paragraphs. For example, transitioning from discussing problems to solutions could be strengthened with phrases like "In light of these challenges" or "To counteract these issues." Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can further clarify the main idea being addressed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion are clearly delineated, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal structure, as it combines two solutions without explicitly separating them.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focused on infrastructure upgrades and the other on the creation of green spaces. This would allow for a more in-depth discussion of each solution and enhance the overall clarity of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Owing to," "Additionally," and "Thus," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, while the essay uses some conjunctions effectively, it could benefit from incorporating more varied devices, such as referencing phrases (e.g., "As previously mentioned") or contrasting phrases (e.g., "On the other hand").
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For example, use "Moreover" to add information, "Consequently" to indicate results, or "Conversely" when presenting opposing ideas. This variety will enhance the essay’s cohesion and make the argument more compelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, achieving a Band Score of 8. By refining the logical flow, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further improve the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "compact homes," "inadequate areas," and "social connection." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of "issues" and "problems," which could be varied to enhance the essay’s richness. For instance, the phrase "severe consequences" could be replaced with synonyms like "serious repercussions" or "significant effects" to diversify the language.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting can help identify alternative words. Additionally, practicing with vocabulary exercises focused on synonyms and antonyms can aid in expanding the range of vocabulary used.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the term "outdoor atmosphere" is somewhat vague; a more precise phrase like "outdoor spaces" or "green areas" would clarify the meaning. Similarly, "blow off some steam" is informal and may not suit the academic tone of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing the context in which words are used and ensuring that they fit the formal tone of an academic essay. Reading academic articles can also provide insight into appropriate vocabulary for formal writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only a few minor errors. However, the phrase "backache" is spelled correctly, but the term "amenities" in the conclusion is used in a context that could lead to confusion. The phrase "having not enough outside space" could be more clearly expressed as "insufficient outdoor space."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, perhaps reading it aloud to catch any errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises can enhance overall spelling skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "Having inadequate areas to blow off some steam and interact with nature can result in stress, anxiety, and a feeling of confinement." This complexity indicates a solid grasp of grammatical range. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and the use of passive voice or conditional structures to further enhance the range. For instance, the phrase "Apartments can be erected with a view to raising the number of houses without wasting areas" could be restructured to include a conditional clause, such as "If apartments are erected with a view to raising the number of houses, it would help to maximize space."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Experiment with different sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or clauses) and use a wider range of conjunctions to connect ideas. Additionally, practice using passive constructions and conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or emphasize actions over subjects.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with clear subject-verb agreement and appropriate use of tenses. However, there are some minor errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "minimal or no outdoor atmosphere" could be more effectively expressed as "minimal or no outdoor space." Additionally, the sentence "Thus, that can cause a state of isolation which is quite hard for people to enhance their sense of community and social communication skills" is somewhat awkwardly constructed and could be streamlined for clarity. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "and" in lists.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as word choice and awkward phrasing. Practice writing sentences that are clearer and more concise. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences and lists. Reading more academic writing can also help in understanding how to structure sentences more effectively and accurately.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their writing quality and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Owing to the increasing population in major cities, an increasing number of individuals are residing in compact homes with minimal or no outdoor space. This trend causes significant problems, such as adverse effects on physical health and mental well-being. In this essay, I will elaborate on each issue and suggest measures to address these challenges.

There are several problems related to having insufficient outdoor space. The primary issue is the decline in mental health. Having inadequate areas to release tension and interact with nature can result in stress, anxiety, and a sense of confinement. Additionally, it leads to increased laziness. When living in a small space, people are more likely to remain sedentary and limit physical movement. This not only can increase the rates of obesity and back pain but also reduce work productivity. Another consequence is the lack of social connection. Outdoor spaces are essential for strengthening neighborly relationships and fostering community spirit. Thus, this can lead to a state of isolation, making it difficult for individuals to enhance their sense of community and social communication skills.

Improving amenities and developing additional green spaces are the most effective solutions to tackle these issues. Apartments can be constructed with the aim of raising the number of housing units without wasting valuable land. For instance, an apartment building with more than 20 floors can accommodate thousands of residents, whereas a detached house typically houses only a family of four. Furthermore, expanding the number of green spaces is necessary, as residents can enjoy the benefits of taking in the scenery and breathing fresh air while exercising.

In conclusion, having insufficient outdoor space can lead to significant problems, such as declining mental health and social skills. However, the government can take action to solve these issues by improving amenities and creating additional green areas.