Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

In contemporary society, an increasing number of crimes appearing has sparked a degree of controversy among the public. Several problems have resulted from this tendency, and they should be tackled by a number of effective solutions from both governmental and community sectors.

In terms of the causes of increased crime, several related problems can be anticipated. The main issue is that lack of schooling is the primary element that causes harm to society. In other words, areas with decreased literacy rates have higher crime rates. For example, in developing countries, more crimes are committed due to a lack of education. Another issue is that an underdeveloped economy and poverty are among the causes of increased crime. For example, in India, a group of people living in poverty have robbed and even killed and abused others.

Since such issues are serious, the government and individuals should immediately take steps to address these problems. The first solution would be for families and schools to work together to educate children about the law and the consequences they have to pay for breaking the law. The second measure would be for the government to provide economic support in poor areas. Furthermore, we should help them learn and expand their knowledge to work and make money on their own. If poor people have stable jobs, they will both develop long-term economic stability and reduce crime.

In conclusion, the proliferation of crime yields numerous adverse effects that require urgent attention. To effectively combat this issue, a multifaceted approach is necessary—one that combines governmental intervention with community engagement and education. By addressing the root causes of crime, we foster a safer and more equitable society for all.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"an increasing number of crimes appearing" -> "an increasing number of crimes occurring"
Explanation: "occurring" is more precise and appropriate in this context, as it directly relates to the frequency of crimes happening, whereas "appearing" could imply a visual or noticeable aspect that is not intended here.
"a degree of controversy" -> "considerable controversy"
Explanation: "considerable" is more specific and academically formal than "a degree of," which is somewhat vague and less precise.
"tackled by a number of effective solutions" -> "addressed through a range of effective solutions"
Explanation: "addressed through" is more formal and precise than "tackled by," which is somewhat colloquial and less commonly used in academic writing.
"lack of schooling" -> "insufficient education"
Explanation: "insufficient education" is a more formal and precise term that better captures the idea of inadequate educational opportunities or quality.
"decreased literacy rates" -> "low literacy rates"
Explanation: "low literacy rates" is a more direct and commonly used term in academic discussions about education, whereas "decreased" might imply a change over time, which is not necessarily the intended meaning here.
"more crimes are committed" -> "crime rates increase"
Explanation: "crime rates increase" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea of a rise in criminal activity.
"an underdeveloped economy and poverty" -> "economic underdevelopment and poverty"
Explanation: "economic underdevelopment" is a more formal and precise term that encompasses the broader economic issues, making the phrase more academically suitable.
"a group of people living in poverty have robbed and even killed and abused others" -> "individuals in poverty have committed robbery, murder, and abuse"
Explanation: This revision avoids the informal and vague "a group of people" and uses more specific and formal terms like "individuals" and "committed robbery, murder, and abuse," which are more appropriate for academic writing.
"immediately take steps" -> "promptly implement measures"
Explanation: "promptly implement measures" is more formal and precise, fitting better in an academic context than the more casual "take steps."
"to educate children about the law and the consequences they have to pay for breaking the law" -> "to educate children about the law and its consequences"
Explanation: Removing "they have to pay for" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more direct and formal.
"provide economic support in poor areas" -> "extend economic support to disadvantaged regions"
Explanation: "extend economic support to disadvantaged regions" is more formal and specific, focusing on the geographical areas rather than just the economic status.
"help them learn and expand their knowledge to work and make money on their own" -> "assist them in acquiring skills and knowledge to secure employment"
Explanation: "assist them in acquiring skills and knowledge to secure employment" is more formal and precise, focusing on the acquisition of skills and employment rather than the vague "learn and expand their knowledge to work and make money."
"poor people have stable jobs" -> "individuals in poverty can secure stable employment"
Explanation: "individuals in poverty can secure stable employment" is more formal and avoids the simplistic and somewhat pejorative "poor people," which is less appropriate in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies the causes of crime, such as lack of education and poverty, and proposes solutions like educational initiatives and economic support. The examples provided, such as the situation in developing countries and India, illustrate the points well. However, while the causes are mentioned, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the causes and the proposed solutions, ensuring that each solution directly addresses a specific cause.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly link each cause to its corresponding solution. For instance, when discussing the lack of education, the essay could suggest specific educational programs or community initiatives that could be implemented. This would create a clearer and more cohesive argument that fully addresses the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that crime is a significant issue requiring urgent attention, and it supports this stance throughout. The introduction sets the tone for the discussion, and the conclusion reinforces the need for a multifaceted approach. However, the position could be strengthened by more consistently emphasizing the urgency and importance of the proposed solutions throughout the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should reiterate the importance of addressing crime at various points in the essay, especially when discussing solutions. Phrases that emphasize urgency, such as "immediate action is necessary," could be integrated to reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas regarding the causes of crime and potential solutions. Each idea is supported by examples, which adds depth to the argument. However, some ideas could be further extended. For instance, the discussion on economic support could include specific types of programs or policies that have been successful in other contexts, which would provide a stronger foundation for the proposed solutions.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples or statistics. Including references to successful case studies or research findings would enhance the credibility of the arguments and provide a more robust discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays largely on topic, focusing on the causes of crime and potential solutions. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the writer maintains relevance throughout. However, the introduction could be more concise, as the phrase "an increasing number of crimes appearing has sparked a degree of controversy among the public" may not directly contribute to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to answering the prompt. Streamlining the introduction to focus more on the causes and solutions rather than general public sentiment would enhance clarity and relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By making the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the issues to be discussed. The body paragraphs are organized to first address the causes of crime and then propose solutions. However, while the ideas are generally well-sequenced, some transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing causes to solutions could benefit from a more explicit linking sentence that summarizes the causes before moving on to the solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the causes of crime, a sentence like "Given these significant causes, it is imperative that we explore potential solutions" could provide a clearer transition to the next section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The introduction sets the stage, the first body paragraph discusses causes, and the second body paragraph outlines solutions. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to separately address the roles of families, schools, and government, which would enhance clarity and allow for a more in-depth discussion of each solution.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on educational initiatives and the other on economic support. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each solution and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices such as "for example," "in conclusion," and "furthermore." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are moments where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For instance, the use of "another issue" is effective, but varying the phrases used to introduce examples or additional points could enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "for example," consider alternatives like "for instance," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, using phrases like "in addition to" or "consequently" can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, but there are opportunities for improvement in transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By implementing these suggestions, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "contemporary society," "controversy," "literacy rates," and "economic stability." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks the sophistication expected at higher band scores. For instance, the phrase "increased crime" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "increased crime," alternatives like "rising criminal activity" or "surge in offenses" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to crime and societal issues, such as "delinquency," "criminality," or "socioeconomic factors," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the primary element that causes harm to society" could be more accurately expressed as "the primary factor contributing to societal harm." The use of "robbed and even killed and abused others" is also vague and could be articulated more clearly to specify the nature of the crimes.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "robbed and even killed and abused others," a more precise phrasing could be "committed theft, violence, and assault." Encouraging the use of contextually appropriate terms will enhance clarity and precision in the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no significant errors noted. Words like "contemporary," "controversy," and "education" are spelled correctly, which reflects a good command of basic spelling rules.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consistently proofread their work for any typographical errors or overlooked mistakes. Engaging in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps, can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, focusing on commonly misspelled words in the context of academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling practices. By incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary and maintaining a focus on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "In contemporary society, an increasing number of crimes appearing has sparked a degree of controversy among the public" showcases the writer’s ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "Another issue is that an underdeveloped economy and poverty are among the causes of increased crime" could be restructured for greater impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex clauses and varied sentence openings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The main issue is," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "One significant factor contributing to crime is…" or "Among the various causes, poverty stands out as a critical issue." Additionally, using passive voice or different conjunctions can help diversify sentence construction.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are some issues that detract from the overall clarity. For example, the phrase "an increasing number of crimes appearing" is awkwardly constructed and could be simplified to "the increasing number of crimes." Additionally, the sentence "For example, in India, a group of people living in poverty have robbed and even killed and abused others" contains a list that could be better punctuated for clarity. The use of "have robbed and even killed and abused others" is somewhat convoluted and could be streamlined.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. Revising awkward phrases and ensuring that lists are clearly punctuated will enhance readability. For instance, breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences can help. Instead of "have robbed and even killed and abused others," the writer could say, "have committed robbery, and in some cases, even murder and assault." Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence construction can also aid in improving accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, an increasing number of crimes occurring has sparked considerable controversy among the public. Several problems have resulted from this tendency, and they should be addressed through a range of effective solutions from both governmental and community sectors.

In terms of the causes of increased crime, several related problems can be anticipated. The main issue is that insufficient education is the primary element that causes harm to society. In other words, areas with low literacy rates have higher crime rates. For example, in developing countries, more crimes are committed due to a lack of education. Another issue is that economic underdevelopment and poverty are among the causes of increased crime. For instance, in India, a group of individuals in poverty have committed robbery, murder, and abuse against others.

Since such issues are serious, the government and individuals should promptly implement measures to address these problems. The first solution would be for families and schools to work together to educate children about the law and its consequences. The second measure would be for the government to provide economic support to disadvantaged regions. Furthermore, we should assist them in acquiring skills and knowledge to secure employment. If individuals in poverty can secure stable employment, they will both develop long-term economic stability and reduce crime.