Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education for the adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has never failed to trigger heated debate on whether governmental money should be invested on education for illiterate grown-ups or not. From my perspective, I partly agree with this idea for certain reasons, which will be analyzed in depth.

On the one hand, I believe that this idea brings about some merits. First and foremost, eradicating illiteracy for adults allows them to hold an even brighter career prospect. To be more specific, if they faithfully immerse themselves in studying and set goals, they might have a one-of-a- lifetime chance to turn their lives over to a new page. For example, many blue-collar workers have had a chance to become officers, it may not really be a high-status job, but it definitely is a more well-paid job and a high-esteemed job. Secondly, adults can fully unlock their potential that they might never realize. There are many reasons that have deterred them from studying like: wars or facing family difficulties. However, with the financial support from the government, adults can now hold the opportunities to broaden their horizons, and help boost countries’ economies in the long run.

On the other hand, this idea may be somewhat impractical. Firstly, for some people over the age of 50, it might be too late to acquire new knowledge. Not only have their ability to memorize have reduced over the years, but they also do not have adequate strength to continue their study. For example, they may face back problems, loss of vision, or even alzheimer. Secondly, it is near to impossible for governments in some underdeveloped countries to spend a huge amount of money on illiterate adults. As there are more problems of a urgent to deal with like improving citizen daily life, or resolve the issues of environmental.

In conclusion, while I believe that eradicating illiteracy for adults plays a pivotal role, as it might help enhance their career path and nation’s economy, I would still argue that this idea can not be practical, including health problems and financial inadequacy in some countries .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It has never failed to trigger heated debate" -> "It has consistently sparked heated debate"
Explanation: "Consistently sparked" is more precise and formal than "never failed to trigger," which is somewhat redundant and informal.
"governmental money" -> "government funds"
Explanation: "Government funds" is a more formal and precise term than "governmental money," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"invested on" -> "invested in"
Explanation: "Invested in" is the correct prepositional phrase for discussing investment, whereas "on" is incorrect in this context.
"illiterate grown-ups" -> "adults with literacy issues"
Explanation: "Adults with literacy issues" is a more formal and precise way to describe individuals who are illiterate, avoiding the colloquial "grown-ups."
"partly agree" -> "partially agree"
Explanation: "Partially agree" is a more formal expression than "partly agree," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"brings about some merits" -> "offers several benefits"
Explanation: "Offers several benefits" is more formal and specific than "brings about some merits," which is vague and less formal.
"brighter career prospect" -> "brighter career prospects"
Explanation: "Prospects" should be plural to match the plural subject "adults."
"faithfully immerse themselves" -> "dedicate themselves"
Explanation: "Dedicate themselves" is a more formal and precise term than "faithfully immerse themselves," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"one-of-a-lifetime chance" -> "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity"
Explanation: "Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "one-of-a-lifetime chance" is incorrect.
"turn their lives over to a new page" -> "transform their lives"
Explanation: "Transform their lives" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea of significant change, avoiding the metaphorical "turn their lives over to a new page."
"blue-collar workers have had a chance to become officers" -> "blue-collar workers have had the opportunity to become officers"
Explanation: "Have had the opportunity to become" is more formal and precise than "have had a chance to become."
"high-esteemed job" -> "highly respected job"
Explanation: "Highly respected job" is a more accurate and formal term than "high-esteemed job," which is less commonly used.
"fully unlock their potential" -> "fully realize their potential"
Explanation: "Realize their potential" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "unlock their potential" is less common and slightly informal.
"deterred them from studying" -> "prevented them from pursuing education"
Explanation: "Prevented them from pursuing education" is more specific and formal than "deterred them from studying."
"hold the opportunities" -> "seize the opportunities"
Explanation: "Seize the opportunities" is more active and formal than "hold the opportunities," which is awkward and less precise.
"boost countries’ economies" -> "enhance national economies"
Explanation: "Enhance national economies" is more formal and specific than "boost countries’ economies."
"it might be too late" -> "it may be too late"
Explanation: "May" is more formal than "might" in academic writing, especially when discussing hypothetical situations.
"Not only have their ability to memorize have reduced" -> "Not only has their ability to memorize been reduced"
Explanation: "Has been reduced" corrects the grammatical error and improves the formality of the sentence.
"do not have adequate strength" -> "lack sufficient strength"
Explanation: "Lack sufficient strength" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of insufficient physical ability.
"it is near to impossible" -> "it is nearly impossible"
Explanation: "Nearly" is the correct adverbial form to use with "impossible," whereas "near to" is incorrect.
"urgent to deal with" -> "urgent issues to address"
Explanation: "Urgent issues to address" is a more formal and precise way to describe pressing problems, avoiding the awkward "urgent to deal with."
"can not be practical" -> "cannot be practical"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of the modal verb in formal writing, whereas "can not" is less formal and incorrect in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding government spending on adult education versus the importance of education for young people. The writer partially agrees with the notion of prioritizing adult education, which is a direct response to the question. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer delineation of the extent of agreement or disagreement. The phrase "partly agree" is vague and does not specify the degree of importance the writer places on each side.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement in the introduction and reiterate this stance in the conclusion. This could involve quantifying their position (e.g., "I believe that while adult education is important, it should not overshadow the need for investment in young people’s education").
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges the merits of adult education while also highlighting its impracticalities. However, the position is somewhat muddled by the use of "partly agree," which can create confusion about the writer’s overall stance. The transition between agreeing with the benefits and then discussing the drawbacks could be smoother to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should work on maintaining a consistent tone throughout the essay. Clearly stating their position in the introduction and summarizing it effectively in the conclusion can help reinforce their viewpoint. Additionally, using transitional phrases to connect ideas and clarify the relationship between the benefits and drawbacks would improve coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of adult education, such as improved career prospects and economic contributions. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the writer mentions that adults can unlock their potential, they do not provide concrete examples or data to support this claim. The counterarguments regarding the impracticality of adult education are also introduced but could be further developed.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics on the impact of adult education on employment rates or specific case studies of successful adult learners. Additionally, elaborating on the counterarguments with more nuanced reasoning would create a more balanced and persuasive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate over government spending on education for adults versus young people. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off track, particularly when addressing the challenges faced by older adults in learning. The mention of health issues and financial inadequacies is relevant but could be tied back more explicitly to the main argument about government spending priorities.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of government spending priorities. This could involve explicitly linking the challenges faced by older learners to the argument about whether funds should be allocated to them or to younger populations. Keeping the discussion tightly aligned with the prompt will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while the body paragraphs are divided into arguments for and against the idea of government spending on adult education. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the two body paragraphs feels abrupt. The second paragraph begins with "On the other hand," but the connection to the first paragraph’s arguments could be more explicitly stated to enhance the reader’s understanding of the contrasting viewpoints.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing the counterargument. For example, after discussing the benefits of adult education, you could add a sentence like, "Despite these advantages, there are significant challenges that must be addressed." This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the relationship between the ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of adult education, while the second addresses the potential drawbacks. However, the paragraphs could be strengthened by ensuring that each one begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the benefits of adult education, rather than starting with "I believe that this idea brings about some merits."
- How to improve: Begin each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that clearly outlines the main point of that paragraph. This will help guide the reader and provide a clear framework for your arguments. Additionally, consider breaking down longer sentences into shorter, more concise ones to improve readability and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "to be more specific," and "on the one hand," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "however" is used, but there are opportunities to incorporate more varied cohesive devices to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "therefore." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in your arguments.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on improving transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "illiterate," "eradicate," "prospect," and "broaden horizons" showing an attempt to use varied language. However, the vocabulary choices are somewhat limited in terms of sophistication and variety. For instance, phrases like "high-status job" and "well-paid job" are somewhat repetitive and could be expressed with more diverse synonyms or phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more advanced and varied synonyms. For example, instead of repeating "job," they could use terms like "occupation," "profession," or "employment." Additionally, using idiomatic expressions or collocations related to education and career could enrich the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "turn their lives over to a new page" is a bit awkward and not commonly used in academic writing. Additionally, the term "officers" is vague; it would be clearer to specify "government officers" or "administrative roles." The phrase "a one-of-a-lifetime chance" is also incorrect; the correct expression is "once-in-a-lifetime chance."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They can practice by reading more academic texts and noting how precise language is used. Additionally, revising phrases for clarity and correctness before finalizing the essay would help eliminate awkward expressions.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with few errors. However, there are some issues, such as "alzheimer," which should be capitalized as "Alzheimer’s" when referring to the disease. The phrase "a huge amount of money on illiterate adults" could also be misinterpreted; "illiterate adults" might not need to be capitalized, but clarity in context is essential.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on proper nouns and commonly misspelled words. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of frequently misspelled words can also aid in improving overall spelling skills. Additionally, practicing writing and receiving feedback on spelling can help identify patterns of errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling through careful proofreading, the writer can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For instance, phrases like "if they faithfully immerse themselves in studying and set goals" and "there are more problems of a urgent to deal with" show an attempt to use conditional and complex structures. However, the essay also includes several instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "firstly" or "secondly," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and transitions. For example, instead of relying heavily on "firstly" and "secondly," the writer might use phrases like "In addition," "Moreover," or "Conversely" to introduce new points. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can create a more engaging reading experience. For example, combining shorter sentences into more complex ones can improve flow and coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "governmental money should be invested on education" should use "in" instead of "on." Additionally, the sentence "there are more problems of a urgent to deal with" contains a grammatical error; it should be "more urgent problems to deal with." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the missing comma in "For example, many blue-collar workers have had a chance to become officers, it may not really be a high-status job," which creates a run-on sentence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as preposition usage and subject-verb agreement. It may be beneficial to review grammar rules related to complex sentences and punctuation, particularly the use of commas in compound sentences. Additionally, practicing writing shorter paragraphs and sentences can help clarify thoughts and reduce the likelihood of run-on sentences.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It has consistently sparked heated debate whether government funds should be invested in education for illiterate adults. From my perspective, I partially agree with this idea for several reasons, which will be analyzed in depth.

On the one hand, I believe that this initiative offers several benefits. First and foremost, eradicating illiteracy among adults allows them to hold brighter career prospects. To be more specific, if they dedicate themselves to studying and set achievable goals, they might have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to transform their lives. For example, many blue-collar workers have had the chance to become officers; while it may not be a highly respected job, it is certainly a better-paid position and one that is held in higher esteem. Secondly, adults can fully realize their potential that they might never have discovered otherwise. Numerous factors have prevented them from pursuing education, such as wars or family difficulties. However, with financial support from the government, adults can seize the opportunities to broaden their horizons and help enhance national economies in the long run.

On the other hand, this idea may be somewhat impractical. Firstly, for some individuals over the age of 50, it may be too late to acquire new knowledge. Not only has their ability to memorize been reduced over the years, but they also lack sufficient strength to continue their studies. For instance, they may face back problems, loss of vision, or even Alzheimer’s disease. Secondly, it is nearly impossible for governments in some underdeveloped countries to allocate substantial funds for illiterate adults. There are more urgent issues to address, such as improving citizens’ daily lives or resolving environmental challenges.

In conclusion, while I believe that eradicating illiteracy among adults plays a pivotal role in enhancing their career paths and contributing to the nation’s economy, I would still argue that this idea cannot be practical due to health problems and financial inadequacies in some countries.