fbpx

education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. Howerver, educating adults who cannot read or write is even more important and government should spend money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. Howerver, educating adults who cannot read or write is even more important and government should spend money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people belive that youngster's edcation is highly prioritized in many countries while many assert that edcation for adult who cannot write or read is much more significant and the government should allocate money on this. Although I partly believe government spend money teaching adults who are illiterate can bring several benefits to community, I still contend that educating youngster should be highly concentrated on in many countries.
Teaching those who cannot read or write has several advantages. First and foremost, education of adults who are illiterate can help lift families out of poverty as illiterate parents are more likely to support their children education, creating a positive cycle. For example, in 1945 95% of Vietnamese couldnot write or read due to crucial policy of France. Because of this, Ho Chi Minh decided to open many classes to teach illiterate adults without taking any tuition. Thanks to his effort, the number of illiterate adults gradually reduced. As a result, in 1975, this problem was almost eradicated, which significantly improved their standard of living and country's economy. However, nowadays, this problem still exist in small proportion of Vietnamese adults, usually the poor ones. The practical solution here is raising fund from the local area and local government should encourage them to study instead of using the money from the government as they have to pay attention to more emergencies ones.
Teaching young people has numerous benefits for that country. First of all, young people tend to learn quickly and effectively, so investing in their education might yield better results. Recent research indicates that in China, most of the top sucessful scientists or doctors often study in Thanh Hoa univesity for its special incentives like unlimited time studying in the library or modern infrastructure . For the national science development and potential national growth, government often invest more money on this university to build better educational environment for students. Secondly, young people is the future of that country as they are future workforce and the economical development of that nation is affected by their edcational level. For example, in Japan, 80% of youngster in Japan have good educational level . The reason is,when they were in primary school, they were under a lot of pressure at school and even at home in order to prepare for hard and competitive tests. As a result, their country's economy and standard of living significant improve a lot.
In conclusion, while educating illiterate adult can reduce the burdensome of the society: poverty or umemplyment but in the long term, the government should allocate more money for better educational environment for youngster to learn and develop themvelves


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some people belive" -> "Some people believe"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "belive" to "believe" ensures the proper use of the verb form, aligning with formal academic writing standards.

  2. "youngster’s edcation" -> "young people’s education"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "edcation" to "education" and replacing "youngster" with "young people" refines the terminology and enhances the formality of the sentence.

  3. "adult who cannot write or read" -> "adults who are illiterate"
    Explanation: Using "illiterate" instead of "cannot write or read" provides a more precise and formal term, which is commonly used in academic contexts to describe individuals with limited literacy skills.

  4. "government spend money teaching" -> "the government spends money on teaching"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "government" and changing "spend" to "spends" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formality of the sentence.

  5. "can bring several benefits to community" -> "can bring several benefits to the community"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "community" corrects the article usage, which is necessary for grammatical accuracy in formal writing.

  6. "educating youngster should be highly concentrated on" -> "the education of young people should be highly prioritized"
    Explanation: Replacing "youngster" with "young people" and "concentrated on" with "prioritized" refines the language to be more formal and precise, aligning with academic standards.

  7. "illiterate parents are more likely to support their children education" -> "illiterate parents are more likely to support their children’s education"
    Explanation: Adding an apostrophe after "children" corrects the possessive form, ensuring grammatical accuracy.

  8. "couldnot" -> "could not"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "couldnot" to "could not" maintains the proper spelling of the contraction.

  9. "crucial policy of France" -> "crucial policy implemented by France"
    Explanation: Changing "policy of France" to "policy implemented by France" clarifies the agency responsible for the policy, enhancing the precision of the statement.

  10. "raising fund from the local area" -> "raising funds from the local area"
    Explanation: Changing "fund" to "funds" corrects the plural form to match the context, as multiple funds are likely being referred to.

  11. "emergencies ones" -> "emergency situations"
    Explanation: Replacing "emergencies ones" with "emergency situations" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more precise terminology.

  12. "young people has" -> "young people have"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb agreement from "has" to "have" aligns with the plural subject "young people," ensuring grammatical correctness.

  13. "univesity" -> "university"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "univesity" to "university" ensures the proper spelling of the word.

  14. "edcational" -> "educational"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "edcational" to "educational" refines the text and maintains professionalism.

  15. "themvelves" -> "themselves"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "themvelves" to "themselves" ensures the proper spelling of the reflexive pronoun.

These corrections and improvements enhance the clarity, precision, and formality of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the importance of educating adults and the necessity of prioritizing the education of young people. The writer acknowledges the significance of both perspectives, which aligns with the task of agreeing or disagreeing to a certain extent. However, the response could be clearer about the extent of agreement or disagreement. For instance, the phrase "I partly believe" suggests a lack of a definitive stance, which can confuse the reader regarding the author’s position.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A clearer distinction between the two viewpoints, along with a more balanced discussion, would strengthen the argument. For example, the writer could specify whether they believe more resources should be allocated to adult education or if young people’s education should take precedence.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that values both adult and youth education but struggles to maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout. The initial statement suggests a partial agreement with the importance of adult education, yet the subsequent paragraphs lean heavily towards the benefits of educating young people. This inconsistency can lead to confusion about the author’s true stance.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should choose one side to emphasize more strongly and ensure that all arguments support this main idea. If the intent is to argue for prioritizing young people’s education, the author should minimize the discussion of adult education or frame it as a secondary concern. Using clear transitional phrases can also help reinforce the main argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of educating both adults and young people, supported by examples. For instance, the historical reference to Ho Chi Minh’s efforts in Vietnam provides a concrete example of adult education’s impact. However, some ideas are not fully developed or lack clarity, such as the claim about the educational environment in Japan. The connection between the educational level of young people and the economy could be more explicitly articulated.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should ensure that each point is clearly linked to the overall argument. Expanding on examples with more detail and explanation would enhance understanding. For instance, discussing specific outcomes of educational investments in young people or providing more context for the statistics mentioned would strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the education of both young people and adults. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing the historical context of Vietnam or the specifics of educational institutions in China. These digressions can detract from the main argument and make the essay feel less cohesive.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding overly detailed historical or geographical information that does not directly support the argument can help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, clearer positioning, more developed ideas, and tighter focus would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the importance of both adult and youth education. The introduction outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs are organized to discuss the advantages of educating adults first, followed by the benefits of youth education. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing adult education to youth education lacks a clear linking sentence that would help the reader follow the argument more easily.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two ideas. For example, after discussing the benefits of adult education, a sentence like, "While the education of adults is crucial, it is equally important to focus on the youth, as they represent the future of our society," could provide a clearer transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. The first body paragraph discusses adult education, while the second focuses on youth education. However, the paragraphs could be improved by ensuring that each one begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of the paragraph. Additionally, some sentences within the paragraphs are overly long and could be broken down for clarity.
    • How to improve: Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. For example, the first paragraph could begin with, "Educating illiterate adults provides significant social benefits." This would set a clear focus for the paragraph. Furthermore, aim to vary sentence length and structure to enhance readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "for example," and "however," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be stronger. For example, the phrase "the practical solution here is raising fund from the local area" could benefit from a clearer connection to the previous sentence.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "in addition," "furthermore," or "conversely" to enhance connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity. For example, instead of "however," which indicates a contrast, consider using "on the other hand" when presenting a different perspective.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better overall score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in some areas. For instance, terms like "youngster," "illiterate," and "education" are repeated frequently without much variation. The phrase "allocate money" is used correctly, but alternatives such as "funding" or "investing in education" could enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, the use of "significant" and "numerous" is appropriate, but the essay could benefit from more advanced synonyms or phrases to convey similar meanings.
    • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "youngster," consider using "youth," "adolescents," or "young adults." Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can help find alternative words that fit the context better.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "support their children education" should be "support their children’s education." Additionally, "raising fund" should be "raising funds," and "the practical solution here is raising fund from the local area" could be more clearly expressed as "the practical solution is to raise funds locally." The phrase "the economical development" should be "the economic development," as "economic" pertains to the economy, while "economical" refers to being cost-effective.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should pay attention to grammatical structures and ensure that possessive forms and pluralizations are correctly applied. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases or grammatical errors that may detract from clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "belive" (believe), "Howerver" (However), "edcation" (education), "sucessful" (successful), "univesity" (university), "exist" (exists), and "themselves" (themselves). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools in word processing software can help catch many common errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of frequently used words.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are essential for achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "Although I partly believe" and "First and foremost" indicates an attempt to employ more complex structures. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences being quite similar in construction, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "young people is the future of that country" is a simple structure that could be enhanced with more complex variations.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "First of all," the writer could use transitions like "Moreover," "In addition," or "Furthermore," to introduce new points. Additionally, practicing the use of conditional sentences (e.g., "If the government invests in adult education, it could lead to…") could enhance the complexity of the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "belive" should be "believe," and "youngster’s edcation" should be "youngsters’ education." The phrase "adults who cannot write or read" is awkwardly structured; it would be clearer as "adults who cannot read or write." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For example, "the reason is,when they were in primary school" should have a space after the comma and could be restructured for clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring subject-verb agreement (e.g., "young people is" should be "young people are"). It is also important to practice proper punctuation, especially in complex sentences, to avoid run-ons and fragments. Using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct these issues. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures and practicing their usage in writing exercises can lead to improvement.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that young people’s education is highly prioritized in many countries, while many assert that educating adults who cannot read or write is even more significant and that the government should allocate money for this. Although I partly believe that government spending on teaching adults who are illiterate can bring several benefits to the community, I still contend that the education of young people should be highly prioritized in many countries.

Teaching those who cannot read or write has several advantages. First and foremost, the education of adults who are illiterate can help lift families out of poverty, as illiterate parents are more likely to support their children’s education, creating a positive cycle. For example, in 1945, 95% of Vietnamese could not read or write due to a crucial policy implemented by France. Because of this, Ho Chi Minh decided to open many classes to teach illiterate adults without charging any tuition. Thanks to his efforts, the number of illiterate adults gradually decreased. As a result, by 1975, this problem was almost eradicated, significantly improving their standard of living and the country’s economy. However, nowadays, this issue still exists among a small proportion of Vietnamese adults, usually those who are poor. A practical solution here is raising funds from the local area, and the local government should encourage them to study instead of relying solely on government funding, as they need to pay attention to more urgent situations.

Educating young people has numerous benefits for the country. First of all, young people tend to learn quickly and effectively, so investing in their education might yield better results. Recent research indicates that in China, many of the top successful scientists and doctors often study at Thanh Hoa University, which offers special incentives like unlimited study time in the library and modern infrastructure. For national scientific development and potential growth, the government often invests more money in this university to create a better educational environment for students. Secondly, young people are the future of the country, as they represent the future workforce, and the economic development of the nation is affected by their educational level. For example, in Japan, 80% of young people have a good educational level. The reason is that when they were in primary school, they faced a lot of pressure at school and even at home to prepare for difficult and competitive tests. As a result, their country’s economy and standard of living have significantly improved.

In conclusion, while educating illiterate adults can alleviate societal burdens such as poverty and unemployment, in the long term, the government should allocate more money to create a better educational environment for young people to learn and develop themselves.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này