employer should give its staff at least 4 weeks of holiday a year to make employees raise better at their job. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the workers should be received at least four weeks of holidays by boss annually to improve work quality. In this essay, i will answer why i agree with this statement.

First of all, generall holiday policies can boost employees morale and satisfaction in their work. For example, when they have some holidays to take rest, they feel excited with their boss. In addition, the employees have to work and solve a lot of problems, and the frequency of work increase more than others. Therefore, it is the pressure that they must take and want to throw away.

Moreover, it is very necessary for workers to get many holidays to relax after several hard-working days. The work productivity can be enhanced and suitable with money that they get. Besides, they will have more time to take care of their family. Because of having a range of works, they can not spend time with family anymore. Hence, the workers ought to be gotten holidays to improve the quality of work and strengthen family bond.

In conclusion, the boss or employers should give their workers at least four weeks of holidays in one year to boost their work productivity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"workers should be received at least four weeks of holidays by boss annually" -> "employees should be granted at least four weeks of annual leave by their employers"
Explanation: "Employees" is a more formal term than "workers," and "granted" is more precise than "received." Additionally, "annual leave" is the correct term for paid time off, and "by their employers" clarifies the relationship.
"i will answer why i agree with this statement" -> "I will explain why I agree with this statement"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error, and "explain" is more formal and appropriate than "answer" in this context.
"generall holiday policies" -> "general holiday policies"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "generall" to "general."
"feel excited with their boss" -> "feel more enthusiastic about their work"
Explanation: "Feel excited with their boss" is awkward and informal. "Feel more enthusiastic about their work" is more precise and formal.
"the employees have to work and solve a lot of problems, and the frequency of work increase more than others" -> "employees face numerous challenges and work more frequently than others"
Explanation: "Face numerous challenges" is more formal and precise than "have to work and solve a lot of problems." "Work more frequently" corrects the grammatical error and improves clarity.
"it is the pressure that they must take and want to throw away" -> "it is the pressure they must endure and seek to alleviate"
Explanation: "Endure" and "seek to alleviate" are more formal and precise than "take and want to throw away," which is colloquial and imprecise.
"it is very necessary for workers to get many holidays" -> "it is essential for employees to receive numerous holidays"
Explanation: "Essential" is more formal than "very necessary," and "receive numerous holidays" is more precise than "get many holidays."
"The work productivity can be enhanced and suitable with money that they get" -> "work productivity can be enhanced and aligned with the compensation they receive"
Explanation: "Aligned with the compensation they receive" is more formal and precise than "suitable with money that they get."
"they will have more time to take care of their family" -> "they will have more time to attend to their family"
Explanation: "Attend to" is a more formal expression than "take care of," which is somewhat colloquial.
"Because of having a range of works" -> "Due to the variety of tasks"
Explanation: "Due to the variety of tasks" is more formal and precise than "Because of having a range of works," which is awkward and unclear.
"the workers ought to be gotten holidays" -> "workers should be granted holidays"
Explanation: "Should be granted" is grammatically correct and more formal than "ought to be gotten," which is awkward and incorrect.
"to boost their work productivity" -> "to enhance their productivity"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "boost," and "productivity" is more commonly used in academic contexts than "work productivity."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating agreement with the idea that employers should provide at least four weeks of holiday. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the topic. The essay does not adequately discuss the extent of agreement or present any counterarguments, which is essential for a balanced response. The phrase "to what extent do you agree or disagree?" implies a need for a nuanced discussion, which is missing here.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should explicitly outline their level of agreement and consider discussing potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives. Including a brief acknowledgment of opposing views would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position taken is somewhat clear, as the writer states agreement with the need for holidays. However, the clarity is undermined by vague language and inconsistent phrasing, such as "the workers should be received" and "ought to be gotten holidays." These phrases detract from the overall clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use straightforward language and ensure that the stance is articulated clearly in both the introduction and conclusion. Rephrasing sentences for clarity and avoiding passive constructions would greatly enhance the overall coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the benefits of holidays, such as improved morale and productivity. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with strong examples. For instance, the mention of "excited with their boss" lacks clarity and does not effectively illustrate the point. Additionally, the reasoning behind the need for holidays is not sufficiently elaborated.
- How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should provide specific examples and evidence to support their claims. For instance, citing studies or statistics that demonstrate the correlation between time off and productivity could strengthen the argument. Each point made should be elaborated with clear explanations and relevant details.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of holidays for workers. However, some sentences introduce ideas that are not directly relevant to the main argument, such as the mention of family time, which could be more tightly linked to the overall theme of productivity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument about the necessity of holidays for improving work performance. Avoiding tangential ideas and ensuring that each paragraph relates back to the main thesis will help keep the essay cohesive.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more comprehensive response to the prompt, clarify their position, provide well-supported ideas, and maintain a tight focus on the topic throughout. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word limit can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of providing employees with four weeks of holiday, which is a strong point. The introduction outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs each focus on specific reasons supporting this stance. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing employee morale to the necessity of holidays for family time feels abrupt and lacks a clear connection. The ideas could be better linked to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main idea. Additionally, using linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently" can help create smoother transitions between ideas. For example, after discussing morale, the writer could introduce the next point about family time with a phrase like, "Moreover, the importance of holidays extends beyond workplace morale."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a different aspect of the argument. However, the second paragraph could be split into two for better clarity and focus. The first part discusses morale and satisfaction, while the second part shifts to productivity and family time. This division could help the reader follow the argument more easily.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. For instance, the second paragraph could be divided into one focusing on the benefits of holidays for employee morale and another discussing productivity and family time. This would create a clearer structure and make the argument more compelling.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "besides," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "Because of having a range of works" is awkward and does not effectively link to the preceding sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Suggestions include using "additionally," "on the other hand," and "in contrast" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Furthermore, ensuring that each cohesive device is used correctly and in context will enhance clarity. For example, instead of "Because of having a range of works," the writer could say, "Due to the demands of their workload," which would provide a clearer connection to the argument about family time.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "boost employees morale," "work productivity," and "strengthen family bond" show an attempt to use varied expressions. However, there are instances of repetition and limited lexical variation, such as the repeated use of "holidays" and "workers." This indicates a reliance on a narrow set of vocabulary to express ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "holidays," alternatives like "time off," "leave," or "vacation" could be used. Additionally, phrases like "work-life balance" or "employee well-being" could add depth to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances where vocabulary is used imprecisely. For example, the phrase "received at least four weeks of holidays by boss" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The term "excited with their boss" is also misleading, as it implies a personal relationship rather than a professional one. Furthermore, "the frequency of work increase more than others" lacks clarity and precision.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, "employees should receive" instead of "received by boss" would clarify the subject’s action. Additionally, rephrasing "excited with their boss" to "appreciative of their employer" would better reflect the intended sentiment. Clearer expressions can enhance the overall effectiveness of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "generall" (should be "general") and "i" (should be "I"). These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing and can distract the reader from the content.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing practice applications can also help identify and correct spelling mistakes. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can aid in improving overall spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these issues, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their arguments, potentially achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complex structures that could enhance the writing. For example, phrases like "the workers should be received at least four weeks of holidays by boss annually" and "the employees have to work and solve a lot of problems" are straightforward but do not incorporate varied grammatical forms. The use of passive voice in "should be received" is an attempt at complexity, but it is awkwardly constructed and does not convey the intended meaning effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the employees have to work and solve a lot of problems," the writer could say, "Although employees often face numerous challenges at work, having sufficient holidays allows them to recharge and perform better." This not only adds variety but also enhances clarity and depth.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "generall holiday policies" contains a spelling error ("generall" should be "general"), and "the boss" should be "the bosses" or "the employer" for consistency. Additionally, the phrase "to take rest" is awkward; a more natural expression would be "to rest." There are also punctuation issues, such as missing commas that could clarify the meaning of sentences, like in "Because of having a range of works, they can not spend time with family anymore," which could be improved by restructuring for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing writing sentences with correct verb forms and ensuring that modifiers are placed correctly can also help. Additionally, the writer should familiarize themselves with punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list. Reading more academic texts could provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, improving the range of grammatical structures and enhancing accuracy in grammar and punctuation will significantly elevate the writing quality and potentially raise the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, workers should receive at least four weeks of holidays from their employers annually to improve work quality. In this essay, I will explain why I agree with this statement.

First of all, general holiday policies can boost employees’ morale and satisfaction in their work. For example, when they have some holidays to take a rest, they feel more enthusiastic about their job. In addition, employees face numerous challenges and work more frequently than others. Therefore, it is the pressure they must endure and seek to alleviate.

Moreover, it is essential for workers to receive numerous holidays to relax after several hard-working days. Work productivity can be enhanced and aligned with the compensation they receive. Besides, they will have more time to attend to their family. Due to the variety of tasks, they cannot spend time with their family anymore. Hence, workers should be granted holidays to improve the quality of their work and strengthen family bonds.

In conclusion, employers should give their workers at least four weeks of holidays each year to boost their work productivity.