Employers should give their staff at least 4-week holiday a year to help employees perform better in their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the digital age, workers are often under pressure to study, so many people believe that companies should give their employees at least one month off every year. I believe this is essential to prevent burnout and improve their health so they can complete assigned tasks well.
On the one hand, ample vacation time helps employees recharge, leading to increased productivity when they return to work. Vacations provide an opportunity to relax and unplug from the pressures of daily work, reducing stress levels. Mental well-being can significantly boost motivation and creativity, allowing employees to tackle tasks with renewed energy and innovative approaches. For example, researchers have shown that rest reduces stress, depression, and anxiety, productivity is improved, and life satisfaction is higher. Therefore, a vacation of at least four weeks not only helps employees perform better but also increases their job satisfaction.

Furthermore, extended vacation time promotes a healthier work-life balance, ensuring employees' overall well-being. Personal time off allows individuals to nurture their mental health, step away from the hustle and bustle of days to bond with family and friends, pursue hobbies, or explore new experiences, which Encourages a more motivated and enthusiastic workforce when they return, productivity increases, and burnout rates decrease. For example, the Harvard Business Review points out that you get the most out of your work when they feel comfortable, bring their whole self to the table, and at the same time ensure they have enough opportunities to recharge. Therefore, a company needs to have a vacation, so that they can rest peacefully and fully recharge to carry out their responsibilities.

In conclusion , business owners should give their employees enough rest time to recover mentally and physically because this is always necessary for everyone to be able to do their job well.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"workers are often under pressure to study" -> "employees are frequently under pressure to work"
Explanation: The phrase "study" is incorrectly used here, as it implies academic pursuits rather than professional work. "Work" is the correct term to use in this context, enhancing the accuracy and clarity of the statement.
"give their employees at least one month off every year" -> "provide their employees with at least a month’s leave annually"
Explanation: "Give" is somewhat informal and vague; "provide" is more formal and precise. Additionally, "leave" is the correct term for paid time off, and "annually" is more formal than "every year."
"I believe this is essential to prevent burnout" -> "I contend that this is crucial to preventing burnout"
Explanation: "I believe" is somewhat informal and vague; "I contend" is more assertive and academic. "Crucial" is also more formal than "essential."
"complete assigned tasks well" -> "fulfill their tasks effectively"
Explanation: "Complete assigned tasks well" is a bit redundant; "fulfill their tasks effectively" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"ample vacation time helps employees recharge" -> "sufficient vacation time enables employees to recharge"
Explanation: "Ample" is somewhat informal and vague; "sufficient" is more precise and formal. "Enables" is also more formal than "helps."
"reduced stress levels" -> "reduced stress"
Explanation: "Levels" is unnecessary here; "stress" is sufficient to convey the intended meaning.
"boost motivation and creativity" -> "enhance motivation and creativity"
Explanation: "Boost" is slightly informal; "enhance" is more academically appropriate.
"increases their job satisfaction" -> "enhances job satisfaction"
Explanation: "Increases" is correct but can be replaced with "enhances" for a more formal tone.
"extended vacation time promotes a healthier work-life balance" -> "extended vacation time fosters a healthier work-life balance"
Explanation: "Promotes" is somewhat general; "fosters" is more specific and formal, indicating a nurturing or supportive role.
"step away from the hustle and bustle of days" -> "step away from the hustle and bustle of daily life"
Explanation: "Days" is too vague; "daily life" provides a clearer context.
"Encourages a more motivated and enthusiastic workforce" -> "Encourages a more motivated and enthusiastic workforce."
Explanation: The period at the end of the sentence is missing, which is necessary for proper punctuation.
"you get the most out of your work" -> "one derives the most from their work"
Explanation: "You" is informal and specific; "one" is more general and formal, suitable for academic writing. "Derives" is also more formal than "get."
"bring their whole self to the table" -> "bring their full selves to the table"
Explanation: "Whole self" is less formal and slightly awkward; "full selves" is more natural and formal.
"at the same time ensure they have enough opportunities to recharge" -> "simultaneously ensuring they have sufficient opportunities to recharge"
Explanation: "At the same time" is informal and can be replaced with "simultaneously" for a more formal tone. "Ensure" is also more formal than "ensure."
"business owners should give their employees enough rest time" -> "business owners should provide their employees sufficient rest time"
Explanation: "Give" is informal; "provide" is more formal and precise. "Sufficient" is also more formal than "enough."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by arguing in favor of the necessity of a four-week holiday for employees, citing both productivity and well-being as key benefits. The introduction clearly states the author’s position, and the body paragraphs provide relevant arguments and examples that support this stance. However, the essay could have benefited from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would demonstrate a more comprehensive engagement with the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider briefly discussing potential counterarguments, such as the challenges businesses might face in implementing such policies or the perspective of employers who may disagree. This would provide a more balanced view and strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position is clear and consistent throughout the essay. The thesis statement in the introduction is well-articulated, and the subsequent paragraphs reinforce this viewpoint. Phrases like "I believe this is essential" and "a company needs to have a vacation" effectively communicate the author’s stance. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, use transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas back to the main argument. For instance, after presenting an example, reiterate how it supports the thesis. This will help reinforce the position and guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents strong ideas regarding the benefits of vacation time, such as increased productivity and improved mental health. The use of examples, like references to research findings and the Harvard Business Review, adds credibility. However, some points could be elaborated further. For instance, the mention of "life satisfaction" could be expanded to explain how this directly correlates with job performance.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing how vacations reduce stress, consider including specific statistics or studies that illustrate this effect. Additionally, exploring more diverse examples could enrich the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of employee holidays and their impact on performance. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be clearer. For instance, the phrase "you get the most out of your work when they feel comfortable" could be more directly tied back to the necessity of vacations.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, consistently relate all points back to the central argument about the importance of a four-week holiday. Before concluding each paragraph, summarize how the discussed point reinforces the thesis. This will help ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic at hand.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates strong arguments and a clear position, addressing counterarguments, enhancing the development of ideas, and improving transitions would elevate the overall quality and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of extended vacation time for employees, structured in a logical manner. The introduction effectively sets the context and states the writer’s position. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument: the first discusses the benefits of vacation for productivity, while the second emphasizes the importance of work-life balance. This clear separation of ideas aids in understanding the overall argument. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between increased productivity and work-life balance is not explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases or sentences that link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing productivity, you could introduce the next paragraph with a sentence like, "In addition to boosting productivity, extended vacations also play a crucial role in maintaining a healthy work-life balance."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into specific arguments supporting that stance. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it merely restates the main argument without summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly summarizing the main arguments presented in the essay. This could reinforce the points made and provide a more satisfying closure. For instance, you might say, "In summary, the benefits of extended vacation time, including enhanced productivity and improved work-life balance, underscore the necessity for employers to prioritize their employees’ well-being."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Furthermore," and "For example," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. However, some sentences could benefit from more varied cohesive devices to avoid repetition and enhance fluidity. For instance, the phrase "therefore" is used multiple times, which can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "therefore," consider using "as a result," "consequently," or "thus." Additionally, you can use more complex cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" constructions, to create more sophisticated connections between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively conveying the writer’s argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication in its organization and use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "burnout," "productivity," "mental well-being," and "work-life balance" being effectively employed. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the phrases used to describe the benefits of vacation time. For instance, the terms "employees," "vacation," and "productivity" recur frequently without sufficient variation.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "employees," alternatives like "staff," "workforce," or "team members" could be utilized. Additionally, varying expressions for "vacation" such as "time off," "leave," or "holiday" would enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "you get the most out of your work when they feel comfortable" is vague and lacks clarity regarding who "you" refers to. Furthermore, the statement "a vacation of at least four weeks not only helps employees perform better but also increases their job satisfaction" could be more specific about how vacation time translates into job satisfaction.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that pronouns are clear and that ideas are articulated with specific language. For instance, instead of "you get the most out of your work," a more precise phrasing could be "employees are more effective in their roles when they feel comfortable." Additionally, providing specific examples or data to support claims about job satisfaction would enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "Encourages" (which should not be capitalized mid-sentence) and "in conclusion ," where there is an unnecessary space before the comma. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the text aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using flashcards for commonly misspelled words could be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a broader range of vocabulary, ensuring clarity in word choice, and meticulously checking for spelling errors, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "Mental well-being can significantly boost motivation and creativity, allowing employees to tackle tasks with renewed energy and innovative approaches" showcases the writer’s ability to convey detailed ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence structures, particularly in the second body paragraph where several sentences begin with "Personal time off allows individuals to…" and "For example, the Harvard Business Review points out that…". This repetition can detract from the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases or clauses, use different conjunctions to connect ideas, and vary the placement of modifiers. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Personal time off allows," the writer could rephrase to say, "By taking personal time off, individuals can…" or "Such time off enables individuals to…". This will not only diversify the structure but also improve the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being clear and correctly structured. However, there are a few grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, in the sentence "researchers have shown that rest reduces stress, depression, and anxiety, productivity is improved, and life satisfaction is higher," there is a comma splice that incorrectly joins two independent clauses. Additionally, the phrase "which Encourages a more motivated and enthusiastic workforce when they return" contains a capitalized "Encourages" that is not grammatically correct.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas to separate independent clauses. In the aforementioned example, it would be more appropriate to use a semicolon or to break it into two sentences: "Researchers have shown that rest reduces stress, depression, and anxiety. Furthermore, productivity is improved, and life satisfaction is higher." Additionally, proofreading for capitalization errors and ensuring consistent verb forms will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical and punctuation errors will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the digital age, workers are often under pressure to perform, so many people believe that companies should provide their employees with at least a month’s leave annually. I contend that this is crucial to preventing burnout and improving their health so they can fulfill their tasks effectively.

On the one hand, ample vacation time helps employees recharge, leading to increased productivity when they return to work. Vacations provide an opportunity to relax and unplug from the pressures of daily work, reducing stress levels. Mental well-being can significantly boost motivation and creativity, allowing employees to tackle tasks with renewed energy and innovative approaches. For example, researchers have shown that rest reduces stress, depression, and anxiety; productivity is improved, and life satisfaction is higher. Therefore, a vacation of at least four weeks not only helps employees perform better but also enhances job satisfaction.

Furthermore, extended vacation time fosters a healthier work-life balance, ensuring employees’ overall well-being. Personal time off allows individuals to nurture their mental health, step away from the hustle and bustle of daily life to bond with family and friends, pursue hobbies, or explore new experiences, which encourages a more motivated and enthusiastic workforce. When they return, productivity increases, and burnout rates decrease. For example, the Harvard Business Review points out that one derives the most from their work when they feel comfortable, bring their full selves to the table, and simultaneously ensure they have sufficient opportunities to recharge. Therefore, a company needs to provide their employees with at least a month’s leave annually so that they can rest peacefully and fully recharge to carry out their responsibilities.

In conclusion, business owners should give their employees sufficient rest time to recover mentally and physically because this is essential for everyone to be able to do their job well.