Employers should give their staff at least four weeks of holidays a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disgaree?

Some individuals are of the opinion that giving employees with a minimum of four weeks of holidays a year is one of the responsibilities of employers, which can make a contribution to the impetus of their staff's job performance. Personally, I partly agree with this school of thought due to some major reasons.
On the one hand, there are some rationales that explain why people endorse giving more holidays to employees. Almost all small or large companies are indeed contributed by whole staff from employers to employees, meaning that a business can not steadily develop without the engagement of these individuals. If employees are satisfied with their companies, they may be better at their jobs. As a result, when being given a long-term vacation, staff might have more time to relax and unwind after a hard working day, which can promote their job performance, productivity of the companies, and reduce the rate of turnover. On the other hand, some drawbacks associated with the more entertainment benefits given by employers to employees can not be ignored. Granted, giving employees at least four weeks of holidays a year may benefit them and companies significantly. However, if employees are given more vacations a year, they would think that is a fact of life, meaning that they may not take a great endeavor to their jobs and the development of the businesses. This can lead to the low quality of employees as well as the slow growth of the whole staff and company.
In conclusion, I believe that although giving more vacations to employees can boost their work and productivity of companies, employers should still establish oversights over long-term entertainment and take a balance between relaxation and work to ensure a high level of productivity for businesses

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are of the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Hold the view" is a more formal and precise expression commonly used in academic writing to indicate a belief or opinion.
"giving employees with a minimum of four weeks of holidays" -> "providing employees with a minimum of four weeks of annual leave"
Explanation: "Providing" is more specific and formal than "giving," and "annual leave" is the standard term used in formal and professional contexts.
"the impetus of their staff’s job performance" -> "the motivation of their staff’s job performance"
Explanation: "Motivation" is more accurate in this context, as "impetus" typically refers to a driving force or stimulus, which is less commonly used in this sense.
"due to some major reasons" -> "due to several significant reasons"
Explanation: "Several significant reasons" is more precise and formal than "some major reasons," aligning better with academic style.
"Almost all small or large companies are indeed contributed by whole staff from employers to employees" -> "Most small and large companies are indeed supported by their entire staff"
Explanation: "Supported" is more appropriate than "contributed," and "their entire staff" is clearer and more formal than "whole staff from employers to employees."
"a business can not steadily develop" -> "a business cannot steadily develop"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form in formal writing, and the article "a" should precede "business" for grammatical correctness.
"If employees are satisfied with their companies" -> "If employees are satisfied with their employers"
Explanation: "Employers" is the correct noun to use here, referring to the organizations that employ the staff.
"staff might have more time to relax and unwind after a hard working day" -> "staff may have more time to relax and unwind after a long working day"
Explanation: "May" is more formal than "might," and "long working day" is a more precise phrase than "hard working day."
"the rate of turnover" -> "the rate of employee turnover"
Explanation: Adding "employee" clarifies that the context is about employee turnover, which is a standard term in business and human resources.
"can not be ignored" -> "cannot be ignored"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form in formal writing.
"is a fact of life" -> "becomes a norm"
Explanation: "Becomes a norm" is a more formal and precise way to describe something that becomes widely accepted or expected.
"take a great endeavor to their jobs" -> "make significant efforts in their jobs"
Explanation: "Make significant efforts" is a clearer and more formal expression than "take a great endeavor," which is awkward and unclear in this context.
"the low quality of employees" -> "a decline in employee quality"
Explanation: "A decline in employee quality" is a more precise and formal way to describe a decrease in the quality of employees.
"oversights over long-term entertainment" -> "oversight of extended leave"
Explanation: "Oversight of extended leave" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and informal "oversights over long-term entertainment."
"take a balance between relaxation and work" -> "strike a balance between relaxation and work"
Explanation: "Strike a balance" is a more idiomatic and formal expression than "take a balance," which is not commonly used in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of providing employees with four weeks of holidays. The introduction clearly states a partial agreement with the idea, which aligns with the task’s requirement to express an opinion. However, the discussion could be more balanced; while the benefits are elaborated upon, the drawbacks are somewhat underdeveloped. For instance, the essay mentions that employees may become complacent but does not provide concrete examples or evidence to support this claim.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could include more specific examples or data to illustrate the potential negative impacts of extended holidays. Additionally, addressing the counterarguments more thoroughly would provide a more comprehensive response to all parts of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the introduction and conclusion, indicating a partial agreement with the statement. However, the body paragraphs could be clearer in maintaining this position. The transition between discussing the benefits and drawbacks could be smoother, as the shift may confuse readers regarding the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. For example, explicitly stating how each point relates back to the main argument can help maintain clarity and coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of holidays, such as increased job satisfaction and productivity. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat general and lacks depth. The mention of employee satisfaction is a strong point but could be further extended with examples or studies that demonstrate the correlation between holidays and productivity.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or statistics that back up their claims. Additionally, elaborating on how holidays can lead to improved performance with real-world scenarios would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of holiday policies for employees and employers. However, some sentences are slightly convoluted or off-topic, such as the phrase "the low quality of employees as well as the slow growth of the whole staff and company," which could be clearer in its meaning and relevance.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly supports the main argument. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each point ties back to the central thesis will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from more detailed examples, clearer transitions, and a more balanced exploration of the arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally organized in a logical manner, with the first body paragraph focusing on the benefits of holidays and the second addressing potential drawbacks. However, there are moments where the flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the benefits and drawbacks could be more explicit to guide the reader smoothly through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" at the beginning of the second body paragraph would help delineate the shift in focus more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with a clear separation between the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could be further refined to ensure that each one contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. For example, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing solely on the benefits of holidays and another discussing how employee satisfaction translates into productivity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider using supporting sentences that provide specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument presented in each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to contrast the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, phrases like "As a result" and "However" are used, but there could be more variety in the devices employed to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "Nevertheless." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect sentences and ideas within paragraphs, which will enhance overall coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "job performance," "long-term vacation," and "rate of turnover." However, the vocabulary used tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "employees" and "employers," which appear frequently without variation. The use of "rationales" and "endorse" shows an attempt to incorporate more advanced vocabulary, but overall, the range is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "employees," alternatives like "staff members," "workforce," or "personnel" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "work-life balance" or "employee well-being" could diversify the language and make the argument more nuanced.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "the more entertainment benefits given by employers to employees" is convoluted and could be simplified. Additionally, "the quality of employees" is vague; it would be clearer to specify what aspect of quality is being referred to (e.g., "work quality" or "job satisfaction"). The phrase "meaning that they may not take a great endeavor to their jobs" is also unclear and could be expressed more directly.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. Instead of "the more entertainment benefits," a clearer phrase could be "excessive vacation benefits." Furthermore, replacing "take a great endeavor to their jobs" with "put forth effort in their work" would enhance clarity. Encouraging the use of specific terms related to the topic can also help convey ideas more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "disgaree" (should be "disagree") and "contributed by whole staff from employers to employees" (which is awkwardly phrased). While the overall spelling is mostly accurate, these errors detract from the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing them can build confidence in spelling. Engaging in regular writing practice can also help reinforce correct spelling over time.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, focusing on clarity, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "which can make a contribution to the impetus of their staff’s job performance" and "if employees are satisfied with their companies, they may be better at their jobs" showcases an ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly phrased, such as "meaning that a business can not steadily develop without the engagement of these individuals," which could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different types of clauses (e.g., relative clauses, adverbial clauses) and varying sentence lengths. Additionally, simplifying overly complex sentences can improve readability. For instance, breaking down long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help convey ideas more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar, with a few notable errors. For instance, "giving employees with a minimum of four weeks of holidays" should be revised to "giving employees a minimum of four weeks of holidays." There are also issues with punctuation, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. The phrase "which can promote their job performance, productivity of the companies, and reduce the rate of turnover" could be clearer with better punctuation and structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for compound and complex sentences, will help avoid run-on sentences and improve overall clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the precision of grammar and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the view that providing employees with a minimum of four weeks of annual leave is one of the responsibilities of employers, which can significantly contribute to the motivation of their staff’s job performance. Personally, I partly agree with this perspective due to several significant reasons.

On the one hand, there are several rationales that explain why people endorse giving more holidays to employees. Almost all small and large companies are indeed supported by their entire staff, meaning that a business cannot steadily develop without the engagement of these individuals. If employees are satisfied with their employers, they may perform better in their jobs. As a result, when given a long-term vacation, staff may have more time to relax and unwind after a long working day, which can enhance their job performance, increase the productivity of the companies, and reduce the rate of employee turnover.

On the other hand, some drawbacks associated with the oversight of extended leave cannot be ignored. Granted, providing employees with at least four weeks of holidays a year may benefit them and companies significantly. However, if employees come to expect more vacations as a norm, they may not make significant efforts in their jobs or contribute to the development of the businesses. This can lead to a decline in employee quality as well as slow growth for both the staff and the company.

In conclusion, I believe that although giving more vacations to employees can boost their work performance and the productivity of companies, employers should still establish oversight over extended leave and strike a balance between relaxation and work to ensure a high level of productivity for businesses.