Environmental protection is the responsibility of governments, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Environmental protection is the responsibility of governments, not individuals as individuals can do too little.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, it has become increasingly common that the government should be responsible for the protection of the environment. While this is beneficial to a certain extent, I would argue that individuals play a important role in solving this problem.
Admittedly, authorities have primary responsibility to alleviate this issue. The key argument is that they are able to impose new laws against actions damaging the environment. Take, for example, environmental pollution caused by the overuse of plastic products, like bottles and bags in which the government issues an official ban on all companies from using plastic packaging in order to stop this problem. Another reason is that they can also impose strict punishments with actions that severely impact the environment such as those who cut down trees illegally. To reduce the rate of this deforestation, the high-ranking bureaucrat needs to introduce long-term imprisonment to deter these acts. As a result, the government may play an important role in the protection of the environment.
However, there are stronger reasons to believe that ordinary people can also greatly contribute to protecting the environment through everyday changes. Chief of these is that individuals are likely to start with simple changes to their habits. For instance, Vietnamese citizens have now switched from using automobiles to bicycles and trains for their daily travel, hence the ability to reduce a tremendous amount of CO2 released into the air. Moreover, people can raise awareness of environmental protection by setting a good example for parents, children and neighbors. An example of this is that parents want to teach their children to avoid purchasing over-packaged toys, so they always try to buy many goods without using packaging. Therefore, each person may make substantial impacts on the environment.
In conclusion, while politicians alone have found it hard to deal with all environmental problems such as enforcing laws and punishments, I believe that residents should also take steps to change their daily habits and set a good model for their children or neighbors, which leads to the limitation of polluted environments.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In this day and age" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

2. "it has become increasingly common that" -> "it has become increasingly common for"
   Explanation: The phrase "it has become increasingly common that" is grammatically incorrect. "It has become increasingly common for" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.

3. "play a important role" -> "play an important role"
   Explanation: "a important" is grammatically incorrect. "an important" is the correct form.

4. "authorities have primary responsibility" -> "authorities have primary responsibility"
   Explanation: This is a typographical error. The word "responsibility" should not be repeated.

5. "impose new laws against actions damaging" -> "enact new laws to prevent actions that damage"
   Explanation: "Impose" is less precise in this context; "enact" is more appropriate for laws. Also, "damaging" is less formal than "that damage," which is more precise.

6. "like bottles and bags" -> "such as bottles and bags"
   Explanation: "Like" is informal and imprecise in this context. "Such as" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

7. "the government issues an official ban" -> "the government imposes an official ban"
   Explanation: "Issues" is less specific in this context; "imposes" is more precise and formal, fitting the context of government actions.

8. "stop this problem" -> "address this issue"
   Explanation: "Stop this problem" is vague and informal. "Address this issue" is more precise and formal.

9. "those who cut down trees illegally" -> "those who illegally cut down trees"
   Explanation: The original order is awkward and less formal. Rearranging the words improves clarity and formality.

10. "the high-ranking bureaucrat needs to introduce long-term imprisonment" -> "high-ranking officials should impose long-term imprisonment"
    Explanation: "The high-ranking bureaucrat" is too specific and informal. "High-ranking officials" is more general and formal, suitable for an academic context.

11. "Chief of these is that" -> "First and foremost, it is that"
    Explanation: "Chief of these" is an awkward and informal construction. "First and foremost" is a more formal and clear way to introduce a main point.

12. "Vietnamese citizens have now switched from using automobiles to bicycles and trains" -> "Vietnamese citizens have increasingly opted for bicycles and trains over automobiles"
    Explanation: The original phrase is wordy and informal. The suggested revision is more concise and formal.

13. "hence the ability to reduce a tremendous amount of CO2" -> "thereby reducing a significant amount of CO2"
    Explanation: "Hence" is somewhat informal and vague. "Thereby" is more precise and formal, and "a significant amount" is more academically appropriate than "a tremendous amount."

14. "people can raise awareness of environmental protection" -> "individuals can promote environmental awareness"
    Explanation: "Raise awareness of" is a bit informal and vague. "Promote environmental awareness" is more precise and formal.

15. "setting a good example for parents, children and neighbors" -> "serving as a positive example for family members and neighbors"
    Explanation: "Setting a good example for" is informal and vague. "Serving as a positive example for" is more formal and specific.

16. "want to teach their children to avoid purchasing over-packaged toys" -> "aim to instruct their children to avoid purchasing over-packaged toys"
    Explanation: "Want to teach" is informal and less precise. "Aim to instruct" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

17. "leads to the limitation of polluted environments" -> "contributes to reducing pollution"
    Explanation: "Leads to the limitation of polluted environments" is awkward and unclear. "Contributes to reducing pollution" is more direct and clear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the role of the government and the individual in environmental protection. The introduction clearly states a position that acknowledges the government’s primary responsibility while also emphasizing the importance of individual actions. The body paragraphs provide relevant examples to support both sides, particularly highlighting the government’s ability to legislate and enforce laws, as well as individuals’ capacity to make impactful lifestyle changes.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could more explicitly state the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. For example, the writer could clarify whether they believe individuals should share equal responsibility with governments or if their role is supplementary. Including a more definitive stance in the introduction and conclusion would strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that while the government has significant responsibilities, individuals also play a crucial role in environmental protection. This dual perspective is articulated well, particularly in the transition from discussing governmental responsibilities to individual actions. However, the phrasing in some areas could lead to ambiguity, such as “this is beneficial to a certain extent,” which may confuse readers about the writer’s ultimate stance.
  • How to improve: To ensure clarity, the writer should consistently reinforce their position throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "It is crucial that" can help to assert their viewpoint more definitively. Additionally, summarizing the position in each paragraph’s concluding sentence can reinforce the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas, supported by relevant examples. The discussion of government actions, such as imposing bans and punishments, is well-supported with specific instances. Similarly, the examples of individuals switching to bicycles and teaching children about packaging are effective in illustrating the potential impact of personal responsibility. However, some ideas could be further developed; for instance, the mention of individuals raising awareness could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the depth of analysis, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with additional examples or evidence. This could include citing studies or statistics that demonstrate the effectiveness of individual actions in reducing environmental impact or providing more detailed case studies of successful governmental policies.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the roles of government and individuals in environmental protection. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the phrase "which leads to the limitation of polluted environments" in the conclusion is somewhat vague and could be interpreted in various ways, detracting from the overall clarity.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the prompt. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that all concluding statements tie back to the main argument will help reinforce the essay’s relevance. Additionally, using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and maintain a strong connection to the prompt throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first body paragraph discusses the government’s role in environmental protection, while the second body paragraph shifts focus to the contributions of individuals. This logical division helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; for instance, the connection between the government’s responsibilities and the individual’s role could be more explicitly stated to enhance the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the two perspectives. For example, after discussing the government’s role, a sentence like "Nevertheless, it is essential to recognize that individuals also have a significant part to play" could serve as a bridge to the next paragraph.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples. However, the first paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that encapsulates the main argument about the government’s responsibility, as the current opening sentence is somewhat vague.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly outline the main point. For instance, the first paragraph could start with, "Governments bear the primary responsibility for environmental protection due to their capacity to legislate and enforce laws." This would provide a clearer framework for the reader.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "moreover," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used, but it could be more effectively linked to the preceding argument to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
  • How to improve: To enhance cohesion, diversify the use of cohesive devices. Incorporate phrases like "in addition," "consequently," or "on the other hand" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device clearly reflects the relationship between the ideas being connected, which will improve the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, addressing these specific areas for improvement can elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "environmental pollution," "deforestation," and "awareness of environmental protection." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, phrases like "simple changes to their habits" could be enhanced with more advanced synonyms or expressions, such as "incremental adjustments to their lifestyles."
  • How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, the writer should incorporate a broader range of synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "the government" and "individuals," consider using "authorities" and "citizens" interchangeably. Additionally, integrating more academic or topic-specific vocabulary related to environmental issues could strengthen the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "a important role," which should be "an important role." This minor error affects the overall precision of the language. Additionally, the phrase "the government issues an official ban on all companies" could be more accurately expressed as "the government can implement a ban on companies’ use of plastic packaging."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should proofread for grammatical errors and ensure that articles and prepositions are used correctly. Furthermore, using contextually appropriate terms will enhance clarity. For example, instead of "high-ranking bureaucrat," a more precise term might be "government officials" or "legislators," depending on the context.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "a important role" contains a grammatical error rather than a spelling error. The spelling of "bureaucrat" is correct, but the term itself may not be the best choice in this context.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with commonly used terms in environmental discourse.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improving vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "While this is beneficial to a certain extent" and "Take, for example, environmental pollution caused by the overuse of plastic products" show an ability to use introductory clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the second paragraph, where many sentences begin with "The key argument is that…" and "Another reason is that…". This can make the writing feel formulaic.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and transitional phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another reason is that…", the writer could use phrases like "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," to introduce new ideas. Additionally, integrating more complex structures, such as relative clauses or participial phrases, can enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "a important role" should be "an important role," indicating a need for attention to articles. Additionally, the sentence "the government issues an official ban on all companies from using plastic packaging in order to stop this problem" could be clearer if rephrased to avoid awkwardness. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could be used to improve readability, such as before "like bottles and bags" for clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review the rules regarding articles and ensure that they are used correctly. Furthermore, proofreading for common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, will be beneficial. For punctuation, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can help improve the flow of ideas and make the writing more coherent.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical details will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, it has become increasingly common for the government to be responsible for the protection of the environment. While this is beneficial to a certain extent, I would argue that individuals play an important role in solving this problem.

Admittedly, authorities have primary responsibility to address this issue. The key argument is that they are able to enact new laws to prevent actions that damage the environment. Take, for example, environmental pollution caused by the overuse of plastic products, such as bottles and bags, for which the government imposes an official ban on all companies from using plastic packaging in order to stop this problem. Another reason is that they can also impose strict punishments for actions that severely impact the environment, such as those who illegally cut down trees. To reduce the rate of this deforestation, high-ranking officials should impose long-term imprisonment to deter these acts. As a result, the government may play an important role in the protection of the environment.

However, there are stronger reasons to believe that ordinary people can also greatly contribute to protecting the environment through everyday changes. First and foremost, it is that individuals are likely to start with simple changes to their habits. For instance, Vietnamese citizens have increasingly opted for bicycles and trains over automobiles for their daily travel, thereby reducing a significant amount of CO2 released into the air. Moreover, people can promote environmental awareness by setting a good example for family members and neighbors. An example of this is that parents aim to instruct their children to avoid purchasing over-packaged toys, so they always try to buy many goods without using packaging. Therefore, each person may make substantial impacts on the environment.

In conclusion, while politicians alone have found it hard to deal with all environmental problems, such as enforcing laws and punishments, I believe that residents should also take steps to change their daily habits and set a good model for their children and neighbors, which leads to the limitation of polluted environments.