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Environmental protection should be the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Environmental protection should be the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that politicians should bear responsibility for environmental conservation as the impact of individual actions is limited. In my perspective, the responsibility should not rest exclusively on legislators but should also involve ordinary individuals.

On the one hand, I agree with the idea that officeholder should bears great responsibility in solving environmental problems. For instance, they hold the power to enact robust legislations and severe punishment for actions which damage the environment. By doing that, legislators could create a foudation for sustainable practices and mitigate large-scale enviromental threat. Moreover, policymakers can allocate national resouces to serve for reseaching and innovating new eco-friendly technologies that would contribute to long-term environmental susstainability as well.

On the other hand, there are more compelling reasons why I firmly believe that individuals as well as normal local residents should the responsibility for natural protection alongside the government. Firstly, locals serve as the primary workforce, responsible not only for adhering to national environmental protection laws but also for implementing various innovations to advance new technologies for conservation. Secondly, individuals have a direct influence on the environment through their daily choices. For example, there are a wide range of commuters opting for public transport over personal ones, families reducing their energy consumption and people participating in recycling stuffs. Although these actions have a small impact, they make a huge contribution to protecting the environment. Locals serve as examples that can influence and inspire others to adopt similar practices. In this way, individual actions not only contribute directly to environmental protection but also play a crucial role in spreading awareness and encouraging a more widespread adoption of eco-friendly practices within the larger community.

In conclusion, I suppose that the responsibility for environmental protection should not be confined to either politicians or individuals alone. The way politicians could enact and enforce robust environmental policies, while individuals should actively engage in environmentally responsible behaviors would be a great collaborative effort to resolve environment issues.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "On the one hand, I agree with the idea that officeholder should bears great responsibility…" -> "On the one hand, I agree with the idea that officeholders should bear great responsibility…"
    Explanation: "Officeholder" should be pluralized to "officeholders," and "bears" should be corrected to "bear" to maintain subject-verb agreement and adhere to formal language conventions.

  2. "By doing that, legislators could create a foudation for sustainable practices…" -> "By doing so, legislators could establish a foundation for sustainable practices…"
    Explanation: "By doing that" is somewhat informal; using "By doing so" provides a more formal transition. Additionally, "foudation" should be corrected to "foundation" for accuracy and formality.

  3. "…and mitigate large-scale enviromental threat." -> "…and mitigate large-scale environmental threats."
    Explanation: "Enviromental" should be corrected to "environmental," and "threat" should be pluralized to maintain proper grammar and convey the idea more accurately.

  4. "…normal local residents should the responsibility for natural protection alongside the government." -> "…normal local residents should share the responsibility for environmental protection alongside the government."
    Explanation: "Should the responsibility" should be replaced with "should share the responsibility" for clarity and correctness. Also, "natural protection" is better replaced with "environmental protection."

  5. "Firstly, locals serve as the primary workforce, responsible not only for adhering to national environmental protection laws but also for implementing various innovations to advance new technologies for conservation." -> "Firstly, locals constitute the primary workforce, responsible not only for adhering to national environmental protection laws but also for implementing various innovations to advance new technologies for conservation."
    Explanation: Replacing "serve as" with "constitute" adds formality, and "advance new technologies for conservation" is a more precise and sophisticated expression than "advance new technologies."

  6. "Secondly, individuals have a direct influence on the environment through their daily choices." -> "Secondly, individuals exert a direct influence on the environment through their daily choices."
    Explanation: "Have a direct influence" can be enhanced by using "exert a direct influence" for a more academically formal expression.

  7. "…families reducing their energy consumption and people participating in recycling stuffs." -> "…families reducing their energy consumption and individuals participating in recycling efforts."
    Explanation: "Recycling stuffs" should be replaced with "recycling efforts" to maintain formality and clarity.

  8. "Although these actions have a small impact, they make a huge contribution to protecting the environment." -> "Despite the modest impact of these actions, they make a significant contribution to environmental protection."
    Explanation: Replacing "Although" with "Despite" adds formality, and "modest" and "significant" convey a more nuanced and precise meaning.

  9. "…environmental protection should not be confined to either politicians or individuals alone." -> "…environmental protection should not be restricted to either politicians or individuals alone."
    Explanation: "Confined" can be replaced with "restricted" for a more formal tone.

  10. "The way politicians could enact and enforce robust environmental policies, while individuals should actively engage in environmentally responsible behaviors would be a great collaborative effort to resolve environment issues." -> "The collaboration between politicians enacting and enforcing robust environmental policies and individuals actively engaging in environmentally responsible behaviors would be instrumental in resolving environmental issues."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, avoiding the use of "The way" at the beginning, and replacing "resolve environment issues" with "resolving environmental issues" for grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges both sides of the argument—support for politicians’ responsibility and the importance of individual involvement. The essay cites examples and reasons to support the dual responsibility.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing a brief counterargument for the opposing view to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, stating that both politicians and individuals share responsibility for environmental protection. Examples and arguments consistently support this stance.
    • How to improve: Ensure that the thesis statement is explicitly presented in the introduction to set a clear tone for the entire essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas and supports them with examples. It elaborates on the roles of politicians and individuals, providing specific instances to strengthen the arguments.
    • How to improve: To further enhance, consider providing more detailed examples or real-world scenarios to make the arguments more vivid and compelling.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both the role of politicians and individuals in environmental protection. However, there is a slight deviation in the phrase "ordinary individuals" as it might imply non-politicians, but this doesn’t significantly affect the overall focus.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all terms and phrases used are precise and unambiguous to avoid potential misinterpretations.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing the complexities of environmental protection responsibilities. To improve further, consider incorporating a brief acknowledgment of counterarguments and refining the introduction for a more explicit presentation of the essay’s stance. Additionally, providing more vivid examples could enhance the overall persuasiveness of the arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically by presenting a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing different perspectives, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the second paragraph where the writer shifts between the perspectives. The transition could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a seamless transition between paragraphs. In the second paragraph, maintain a clear focus on either supporting or opposing the idea, avoiding ambiguity. Consider using transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the shift in perspective.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph has a clear focus and contributes to the overall coherence. However, the transition between the third and fourth paragraphs could be improved for a smoother progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, work on making the transition between the third and fourth paragraphs more explicit. Consider using a sentence that links the ideas from the previous paragraph to the new one, creating a seamless flow and improving the overall coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"), pronouns ("they," "their"), and repetition of key terms ("responsibility," "environmental protection"). However, some sentences lack smooth transitions, affecting the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, focus on creating smoother transitions between sentences. Ensure that the connections between ideas are clear and that the reader can follow the logical progression effortlessly. Consider using a broader range of cohesive devices to enhance the overall cohesion, making the essay more fluid and interconnected.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information with well-structured paragraphs and a commendable use of cohesive devices. To improve, pay specific attention to transitions, both between paragraphs and within sentences, to create a more seamless and interconnected essay. Additionally, consider diversifying cohesive devices for a more sophisticated and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating words and phrases such as "legislators," "enact robust legislations," "severe punishment," "foundation for sustainable practices," and "innovating new eco-friendly technologies." This variety enhances the overall lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the score, consider integrating more sophisticated and contextually relevant vocabulary. For instance, instead of using "normal local residents," consider alternatives like "ordinary citizens" or "local inhabitants." Additionally, explore synonyms for frequently used words to add nuance to your expressions.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas. For example, the phrase "legislators could create a foundation for sustainable practices" succinctly captures the essence of legislative impact on the environment.
    • How to improve: While precision is generally maintained, be cautious of overused terms. For instance, the repeated use of "environmental protection" and "responsibility" could benefit from occasional synonyms to avoid redundancy. Employing varied expressions will enhance the overall richness of the essay.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some instances of misspellings, such as "reseaching" (researching), "enviromental" (environmental), and "susstainability" (sustainability).
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to commonly misspelled words. Additionally, consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools to identify and rectify errors. Developing a habit of revising written work systematically will contribute to improved spelling precision.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, offering a diverse range of terms to convey ideas effectively. To elevate the lexical resource score, strive for more varied and nuanced vocabulary choices, ensuring precision and accuracy in spelling for an even stronger presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of complex, compound, and simple sentences. For instance, there is effective use of complex sentences when discussing the role of politicians: "For instance, they hold the power to enact robust legislations and severe punishment for actions which damage the environment." Additionally, the essay employs parallel structure in presenting reasons: "there are more compelling reasons why I firmly believe that individuals as well as normal local residents should [bear] the responsibility for natural protection alongside the government."
    • How to improve: While the variety is satisfactory, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as the use of relative clauses and participial phrases, to add sophistication to the writing. For instance, instead of repetitive sentence structures, introduce sentences with phrases like "Having considered both perspectives, it is evident that…"
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement issues are present, such as "officeholder should bears great responsibility" (officeholder should bear great responsibility). Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are a few areas where commas could enhance clarity. For instance, "By doing that, legislators could create a foundation for sustainable practices and mitigate large-scale environmental threat" could benefit from a comma after "By doing that" for smoother flow.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, review the use of commas to enhance the overall flow and readability. Consider using commas before coordinating conjunctions to connect independent clauses and improve coherence.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures with only minor errors. To elevate the score further, focus on refining sentence structures for increased sophistication and address subject-verb agreement and punctuation nuances for enhanced clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that the duty of safeguarding the environment should solely fall upon politicians, citing the limited impact of individual actions. In my viewpoint, while politicians indeed bear significant responsibility, environmental conservation requires the active involvement of ordinary individuals as well.

On the one hand, I concur with the notion that officeholders should shoulder substantial responsibility in addressing environmental challenges. They possess the authority to institute stringent legislations and impose severe penalties for actions detrimental to the environment. By doing so, legislators could establish a foundation for sustainable practices and mitigate large-scale environmental threats. Furthermore, policymakers can allocate national resources to research and innovate new eco-friendly technologies, contributing to long-term environmental sustainability.

On the other hand, there are more compelling reasons why I firmly believe that individuals, as well as ordinary local residents, should share the responsibility for environmental protection alongside the government. Firstly, locals constitute the primary workforce, responsible not only for adhering to national environmental protection laws but also for implementing various innovations to advance new technologies for conservation. Secondly, individuals exert a direct influence on the environment through their daily choices. For example, many commuters opt for public transport over personal vehicles, families reduce their energy consumption, and people participate in recycling efforts. Despite the modest impact of these actions, they make a significant contribution to environmental protection. Locals serve as examples that can influence and inspire others to adopt similar practices, playing a crucial role in spreading awareness and encouraging a more widespread adoption of eco-friendly practices within the larger community.

In conclusion, I believe that the responsibility for environmental protection should not be confined to either politicians or individuals alone. The collaboration between politicians enacting and enforcing robust environmental policies, and individuals actively engaging in environmentally responsible behaviors would be instrumental in resolving environmental issues. It is through this collective effort that we can effectively address and combat environmental challenges for a sustainable future.

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