Everyone should stay at school until 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are numerous people think that sutdy at hight schools is unnecessary. It is believe that most of people finished high school, in some respect there are some people don’t go to school and don’t like go to school.
On the one hand, there are resonable grounds to believe that students should not leave school early. To begin with, school equip the young with vital knowledge before they can enter labor force or persue higher education. To be more specific, school corned trained younger with skills and lesson to prevent evils. In addtion, schools also save children and youngers from evils or committing illegalacts. For example, if students leave school early, they will commit to the social evils as fighting, illegal racing, …
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that high school education should not be made compulsion. Firstly, I would say that, not everyone feels the need to study at high schools. For instance, they can study at junior college or vocational school. They are few people who feel that they aren’t interested in studying at high school and they can learn life skills to earn money. Secondly, not family can afford tnition fees of high school. Actually, the fees at high school may be too much for most families at remote areas, so they might choose to leave school early and go to work to support their family.
In conclusion, forcing everyone to stay at school until 18 years of age would simply be impractical and could hinder the development of many children. Therefore, I strongly feel that such a proposal should not be adopted.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are numerous people think that" -> "Many people believe that"
Explanation: "Numerous people think that" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Many people believe that" is grammatically correct and more formal, suitable for academic writing.
"sutdy at hight schools" -> "studying at high schools"
Explanation: "Sutdy" is a typographical error and "hight" is incorrect. "Studying at high schools" corrects these errors and maintains the formal tone.
"It is believe" -> "It is believed"
Explanation: "It is believe" is grammatically incorrect. "It is believed" corrects the verb form to match the passive voice, which is appropriate in formal writing.
"most of people" -> "most people"
Explanation: "most of people" is grammatically incorrect. "Most people" is the correct form, enhancing clarity and correctness.
"don’t go to school and don’t like go to school" -> "do not attend school and do not wish to attend school"
Explanation: "Don’t" is too informal for academic writing. "Do not" is more formal, and "wish to attend" is more precise than "like go to school," which is awkward and informal.
"there are resonable grounds" -> "there are reasonable grounds"
Explanation: "resonable" is a typographical error. "Reasonable" is the correct word, enhancing the formal tone of the text.
"school equip the young with vital knowledge" -> "schools equip young people with vital knowledge"
Explanation: "school" should be plural to match the subject "there are numerous people," and "young" should be "young people" for grammatical correctness and formality.
"corned trained younger with skills and lesson to prevent evils" -> "provide young people with skills and lessons to prevent evils"
Explanation: "corned" is incorrect; "provide" is the correct verb. "Younger" is also incorrect; "young people" is the correct phrase. "Lesson" should be plural to match the context.
"In addtion" -> "In addition"
Explanation: "In addtion" is a typographical error. "In addition" is the correct spelling, enhancing readability and professionalism.
"committing illegalacts" -> "committing illegal acts"
Explanation: "illegalacts" is a typographical error. "Illegal acts" is the correct form, maintaining the formal tone and accuracy.
"not everyone feels the need to study at high schools" -> "not everyone feels the need to attend high school"
Explanation: "study at high schools" is redundant; "attend high school" is more concise and formal.
"tnition fees" -> "tuition fees"
Explanation: "tnition" is a typographical error. "Tuition fees" is the correct term, enhancing clarity and professionalism.
"may be too much for most families at remote areas" -> "may be too expensive for many families in remote areas"
Explanation: "too much" is vague and informal; "too expensive" is more precise and formal. "At remote areas" is also less formal than "in remote areas."
"forcing everyone to stay at school until 18 years of age" -> "compelling everyone to remain in school until the age of 18"
Explanation: "forcing" is somewhat informal and harsh; "compelling" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. "Stay at school" is less formal than "remain in school," and "until 18 years of age" is more formal than "until the age of 18."
"I strongly feel" -> "I strongly believe"
Explanation: "feel" is less formal and less precise than "believe," which is more appropriate for academic expressions of opinion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding whether everyone should stay in school until the age of 18. However, it lacks a clear and comprehensive exploration of the topic. While it presents arguments for both sides, the reasoning is often vague and underdeveloped. For instance, the statement "there are numerous people think that study at high schools is unnecessary" does not clearly articulate the opposing viewpoint or provide substantial evidence. The essay also fails to explicitly state the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt, which is crucial for a complete response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly outline their position at the beginning and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. Additionally, each argument should be fully developed with specific examples and explanations that directly relate to the prompt. For instance, if arguing against compulsory education, the writer could elaborate on alternative educational paths and their benefits.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a mixed position, stating both that students should not leave school early and that high school education should not be compulsory. This inconsistency can confuse the reader about the writer’s true stance. The phrase "I am of the opinion that high school education should not be made compulsion" is somewhat clear, but it is not reinforced throughout the essay, leading to a lack of coherence in the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should choose a clear position (either for or against compulsory education until 18) and maintain that stance throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect the main argument in each paragraph and ensuring that all supporting details align with that position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the importance of education and the financial burden of high school, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported. For example, the claim that "school equips the young with vital knowledge" is a valid point, but it lacks specific examples or elaboration on what that knowledge entails. Similarly, the argument about financial constraints is mentioned but not sufficiently explored.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate the arguments. For instance, discussing the types of vocational training available and how they can serve as viable alternatives to traditional high school education would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing education and the implications of compulsory schooling. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the introduction, which is somewhat unclear and does not set a strong foundation for the argument. Phrases like "there are some people don’t go to school and don’t like go to school" are vague and detract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the prompt. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring that all statements are relevant to the central argument will help keep the essay on track. A more structured approach to paragraph organization, with clear transitions between ideas, would also enhance coherence.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on clarifying their position, developing their arguments with specific examples, and maintaining a consistent focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with distinct sections for both sides of the debate regarding staying in school until 18. The introduction outlines the topic and presents a general stance, while the body paragraphs effectively separate the reasons for and against the proposition. However, the flow of ideas could be improved; for instance, the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph could be smoother. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" helps in signaling shifts in argument, but the overall logical progression could be enhanced.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that each point logically follows from the previous one, possibly by using transitional phrases that indicate relationships between ideas (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," etc.).
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the first paragraph is somewhat confusing due to grammatical errors and unclear phrasing, which detracts from its effectiveness. The second and third paragraphs are more coherent but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and concluding statements that summarize the main points.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider concluding each paragraph with a sentence that reinforces how the point made supports the overall argument, which will help in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "For example," and "Firstly," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas are weak. For example, the phrase "there are reasonable grounds to believe" could be better connected to the subsequent argument with a more explicit link.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely" to introduce new ideas or counterarguments. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which will help in creating a smoother flow of information.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a balanced argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "vital knowledge," "labor force," and "vocational school" show an understanding of relevant academic language. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. Phrases such as "go to school" and "study at high schools" are used multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "go to school," alternatives like "attend educational institutions" or "pursue academic studies" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to education and social issues would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the argument. For example, the phrase "school corned trained younger" is unclear and seems to misuse "corned." The term "evils" is also vague and could be more specifically defined (e.g., "criminal activities" or "negative influences"). Furthermore, "not family can afford tnition fees" contains an incorrect form and spelling of "tuition."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by double-checking word choices and ensuring they fit the context. Utilizing a thesaurus or vocabulary resources can help in finding more appropriate terms. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "sutdy" (study), "hight" (high), "believe" (it is believed), "resonable" (reasonable), "addtion" (addition), "younger" (youth), "illegalacts" (illegal acts), "compulsion" (compulsory), "tnition" (tuition), and "remote areas" (should be "remote areas"). These errors can confuse readers and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice spelling common academic vocabulary and utilize spell-check tools when drafting essays. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure. Regular practice and review of commonly misspelled words will also contribute to improvement in this area.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with relevant vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, the sentence "To begin with, school equip the young with vital knowledge before they can enter labor force or persue higher education" is a compound sentence but lacks variety in structure. Additionally, phrases like "there are numerous people think" and "there are resonable grounds to believe" indicate a reliance on basic constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "school equip the young with vital knowledge," the writer could say, "School equips the young with vital knowledge, which is essential for entering the labor force or pursuing higher education." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence beginnings can also help diversify the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "sutdy at hight schools is unnecessary" should be "studying at high school is unnecessary," and "It is believe that most of people finished high school" should be "It is believed that most people finish high school." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing commas in "illegalacts" and "fighting, illegal racing, …" detract from the overall readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules regarding commas, periods, and other punctuation marks. Reading more academic essays can also help in understanding proper punctuation usage. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for typographical errors and grammatical mistakes before submission would enhance overall accuracy.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should work on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy through targeted practice and careful revision.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are numerous people who think that studying at high schools is unnecessary. It is believed that most people finish high school; in some respects, there are some people who do not attend school and do not wish to attend school.

On the one hand, there are reasonable grounds to believe that students should not leave school early. To begin with, schools equip young people with vital knowledge before they can enter the labor force or pursue higher education. To be more specific, schools provide young people with skills and lessons to prevent evils. In addition, schools also save children and young people from evils or committing illegal acts. For example, if students leave school early, they may commit social evils such as fighting or illegal racing.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that high school education should not be made compulsory. Firstly, I would say that not everyone feels the need to study at high schools. For instance, they can study at junior colleges or vocational schools. There are a few people who feel that they are not interested in studying at high school, and they can learn life skills to earn money. Secondly, not every family can afford tuition fees for high school. Actually, the fees at high school may be too expensive for many families in remote areas, so they might choose to leave school early and go to work to support their family.

In conclusion, compelling everyone to stay at school until 18 years of age would simply be impractical and could hinder the development of many children. Therefore, I strongly believe that such a proposal should not be adopted.