Exercise 2: Write about the following topic: Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Exercise 2: Write about the following topic:
Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
I. Introduction
Though parks are appreciated by many, there is a perspective advocating for the utilization of such land for residential or commercial purposes. This perspective is based on the rising population and contribute to economic expansion.
II. Body
Para1: The increasing population demands more living spaces, and allocating park areas for residential use could address this need.
+) Establishing dwellings in these locations could offer effective solutions to address housing shortages and alleviate urban overcrowding.
+) Additionally, allocating park land for business purposes, it could contribute to boosting the economy. Because businesses are essential for generating income and job opportunities.
Para2 : Nevertheless, parks also have their value.
+) Providing a nice place for relaxation and play.
+) Acting as green lungs within urban areas. It absorb carbon dioxide, provide habitats for animals and plants.
+) Utilizing park areas for residential or commercial purposes, the risk of losing these benefits becomes apparent.
Para3 : In my perspective, it is advisable to strike a balance.
+) Building homes and businesses in a way that preserves certain park areas could be a workable solution.
+) This way, individuals gain homes and job opportunities, concurrently maintaining the nice things about parks.
For instance, in my town, they constructed a new neighborhood. They included small parks and green spaces between the houses. It makes the neighborhood pleasant for people and also for nature.
III. Conclusion
To sum up, it is good to have houses and businesses, but we must not forget about parks. With careful planning, everyone can have what they need homes, jobs, and nice green areas.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
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"Though parks are appreciated by many, there is a perspective advocating for the utilization of such land for residential or commercial purposes." -> "While parks are widely appreciated, there exists a perspective advocating for the utilization of such land for residential or commercial purposes."
Explanation: Replacing "Though" with "While" improves the transition and aligns with a more formal style. Additionally, using "exists" instead of "is" adds a touch of formality. -
"This perspective is based on the rising population and contribute to economic expansion." -> "This perspective is based on the increasing population and contributes to economic expansion."
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "contribute" to "contributes" ensures grammatical accuracy and a more formal tone. -
"Para1: The increasing population demands more living spaces, and allocating park areas for residential use could address this need." -> "Paragraph 1: The growing population demands additional living spaces, and allocating park areas for residential use could effectively address this need."
Explanation: Substituting "increasing" with "growing" and enhancing the phrase "offer effective solutions" to "effectively address" contributes to a more precise and formal expression. -
"Because businesses are essential for generating income and job opportunities." -> "Given that businesses are vital for generating income and employment opportunities."
Explanation: Replacing "Because" with "Given that" imparts a more formal tone, and restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and formality. -
"Nevertheless, parks also have their value." -> "Nevertheless, parks possess intrinsic value."
Explanation: Using "possess intrinsic value" elevates the formality and precision of the statement. -
"Providing a nice place for relaxation and play." -> "Providing a serene environment for relaxation and recreation."
Explanation: Replacing "nice place" with "serene environment" adds sophistication to the description. -
"It absorb carbon dioxide, provide habitats for animals and plants." -> "They absorb carbon dioxide, provide habitats for animals, and support plant life."
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement and improving the parallel structure enhance the overall academic style. -
"Utilizing park areas for residential or commercial purposes, the risk of losing these benefits becomes apparent." -> "However, when utilizing park areas for residential or commercial purposes, the risk of losing these benefits becomes apparent."
Explanation: Adding "However" improves the transition and introduces a contrasting element, contributing to a more structured and formal essay. -
"In my perspective, it is advisable to strike a balance." -> "From my perspective, it is advisable to strike a balance."
Explanation: Adding "From" before "my perspective" enhances the formality of the expression. -
"Building homes and businesses in a way that preserves certain park areas could be a workable solution." -> "Constructing homes and businesses in a manner that preserves specific park areas could be a viable solution."
Explanation: Replacing "building" with "constructing" and "workable" with "viable" enhances the academic tone of the sentence. -
"For instance, in my town, they constructed a new neighborhood." -> "For example, in my town, a new neighborhood was constructed."
Explanation: Shifting from "For instance" to "For example" and restructuring the sentence for clarity contribute to a more formal tone. -
"It makes the neighborhood pleasant for people and also for nature." -> "This makes the neighborhood pleasant for residents while also benefiting the natural environment."
Explanation: Clarifying the subject and restructuring the sentence improve clarity and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
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Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the perspective favoring the use of parks for residential or commercial purposes due to population growth and economic development. However, it could provide more detailed analysis, especially in considering the reasons for valuing parks.
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How to improve: To enhance the response, elaborate on why people value parks and the potential consequences of repurposing them. Consider discussing the social, cultural, and environmental significance of parks to provide a more comprehensive answer.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
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Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position advocating for a balance between using park areas for residential or commercial purposes and preserving their inherent value. The stance is evident throughout the essay.
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How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider providing a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction that clearly states the essay’s perspective on the issue.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
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Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument. However, some points are stated without thorough development, such as the economic benefits of using parks for businesses. Examples provided are relevant, like the construction of a new neighborhood with integrated green spaces.
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How to improve: Develop ideas more thoroughly, providing concrete examples and evidence to support each point. Consider elaborating on the economic benefits and potential drawbacks of repurposing parks for businesses to strengthen the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
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Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of using parks for residential or commercial purposes. However, the introduction could be more explicit in connecting the population growth and economic expansion to the main topic.
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How to improve: Ensure the introduction explicitly links population growth and economic development to the proposal of using parks for other purposes. This will establish a stronger connection to the essay prompt from the outset.
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Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates a balanced perspective. To improve, focus on providing more in-depth analysis, thorough development of ideas, and explicit connections between key concepts.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a logical organization by following a clear introduction-body-conclusion structure. The introduction introduces the topic and the opposing viewpoint, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that present arguments and counterarguments. The essay concludes with a balanced summary of the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition between paragraphs for smoother connections. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus on a specific aspect of the argument to maintain coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, each dedicated to a distinct idea. The introduction, body, and conclusion are appropriately separated, contributing to a structured presentation.
- How to improve: Encourage the use of topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to provide a clear overview of the main idea. Additionally, ensure that paragraphs flow logically, building upon one another to strengthen the overall coherence.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and transitional phrases, to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs. Examples include "though," "additionally," "nevertheless," and "for instance."
- How to improve: While the essay does utilize cohesive devices, diversify the range for more variety and precision. Consider incorporating more advanced linking words and phrases to demonstrate a higher command of language. Ensure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent throughout the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion. To improve, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying the range of cohesive devices. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and seamless flow of ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to vary vocabulary, but it lacks consistency. For example, the repeated use of phrases like "allocating park areas" and "nice place" could be diversified for a more sophisticated expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and exploring different ways to express ideas. Instead of repeating phrases, opt for alternative terms that convey similar meanings. For instance, instead of "nice place," consider using words like "pleasant" or "scenic."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the vocabulary is generally clear, some imprecise language is present. For example, the phrase "contribute to economic expansion" is somewhat vague. Precise language could enhance the clarity and impact of the essay.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by specifying the ways in which residential or commercial development contributes to economic growth. For instance, mention specifics like job creation, increased tax revenue, or infrastructure development. This adds depth and clarity to your arguments.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally accurate level of spelling. However, there are instances where small errors, such as "dwellings" instead of "dwelling," can be observed. Attention to these details can elevate the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: Proofread the essay carefully to catch minor spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools to identify and rectify any mistakes. Additionally, pay close attention to word forms to ensure consistency in spelling throughout the essay.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, refining vocabulary range, precision, and attending to minor spelling details could elevate the essay to a higher band score. Strive for consistency in using varied vocabulary, be precise in your expressions, and maintain meticulous attention to spelling accuracy for further improvement.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of sentence structures. It incorporates various sentence types, including simple and compound sentences, effectively conveying ideas. There is a notable use of complex sentences as well, showcasing a range of grammatical structures.
- How to improve: While the essay already displays a good variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex structures, such as the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, or advanced conjunctions. This can elevate the sophistication of the writing and further engage the reader.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The overall grammar and punctuation in the essay are strong. There are no major grammatical errors, and the punctuation is generally accurate. The essay effectively utilizes commas, periods, and other punctuation marks to convey meaning clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy further, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. While the essay is largely error-free, ensuring absolute precision in these areas will contribute to a flawless presentation. Also, consider using more varied punctuation marks, such as semicolons or colons, to add nuance to sentence structure.
Overall, the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy contribute significantly to its overall strength. To continue improving, focus on incorporating more complex sentence structures while maintaining the current high standard of grammatical accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
**I. Introduction**
Although parks are widely appreciated by many, there exists a perspective advocating for the utilization of such land for residential or commercial purposes. This viewpoint is based on the increasing population and contributes to economic expansion.
**II. Body**
*Paragraph 1:* The growing population demands additional living spaces, and allocating park areas for residential use could effectively address this need.
– Establishing dwellings in these locations could offer effective solutions to address housing shortages and alleviate urban overcrowding.
– Additionally, allocating park land for business purposes could contribute to boosting the economy because businesses are vital for generating income and employment opportunities.
*Paragraph 2:* Nevertheless, parks possess intrinsic value.
– Providing a serene environment for relaxation and recreation.
– They absorb carbon dioxide, provide habitats for animals, and support plant life.
– However, when utilizing park areas for residential or commercial purposes, the risk of losing these benefits becomes apparent.
*Paragraph 3:* From my perspective, it is advisable to strike a balance.
– Constructing homes and businesses in a manner that preserves specific park areas could be a viable solution.
– For example, in my town, a new neighborhood was constructed. This makes the neighborhood pleasant for residents while also benefiting the natural environment.
**III. Conclusion**
To sum up, while it is good to have houses and businesses, we must not forget about parks. With careful planning, everyone can have what they need—homes, jobs, and nice green areas.
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