Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people argue that dangerous sports are very risky and should be prohibited. However, I strongly disagree with this point of view.
One the one hand, these types of sports are not as dangerous as people think. All of sports are risky, so if players want to do sports, they must be accompanied by an experienced professional to reduce the possibility of accidents while play extreme sports such as skydiving, skiing,… Moreover, people are required to join an approriate course of special training and they also understand clearly regulations and safety producers. Futhermore, players should use the protective equipment like helmet or safety belt,… In addition, the special gear and technology also help players get safer. Nowadays, these types of sports have becoming increasingly popular so the issue of ensuring players safety is given more attention. Players safety must always be ensured so the possibility of a player suffer from serious injured or even death is very low.
On the other hand, it is difficult to prohibit these extreme sports. Everyone is free to decide how they spend their leisure time and they have to take responsibility for their choices. Therefore, banning these types of sports is impossible. For example, people can do these types of sports such as freediving, ice climbing, surfing, mountain biking,… in isolate places, which is far away from the reach of any authorities.
In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I totally disagree that prohibiting risky sports because it not dangerous for everyone, especially players.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often used in academic writing to denote a more structured and evidence-based argumentation.
"dangerous sports" -> "high-risk sports"
Explanation: "High-risk sports" is a more specific and academically appropriate term that accurately describes the level of danger involved, avoiding the emotional connotation of "dangerous."
"very risky" -> "highly risky"
Explanation: "Highly" is a more formal adverb than "very," which is typically used in informal contexts.
"should be prohibited" -> "should be prohibited from participation"
Explanation: Adding "from participation" clarifies that the prohibition is related to engaging in these sports, enhancing the specificity of the statement.
"One the one hand" -> "On the one hand"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"these types of sports are not as dangerous as people think" -> "these sports are not as perilous as commonly perceived"
Explanation: "Perilous" is a more precise and formal synonym for "dangerous," and "commonly perceived" is a more academic way to refer to general public opinion.
"All of sports are risky" -> "All sports carry inherent risks"
Explanation: "Carry inherent risks" is a more precise and formal way to describe the risks associated with sports, avoiding the vague and informal "risky."
"if players want to do sports" -> "if individuals wish to engage in sports"
Explanation: "Engage in sports" is more formal and precise than "do sports," and "individuals" is a more formal term than "players" in this context.
"they must be accompanied by an experienced professional" -> "they should be accompanied by a trained professional"
Explanation: "Should" is less absolute than "must," reflecting a recommendation rather than a strict requirement, which is more appropriate in academic discourse.
"while play" -> "while playing"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring the correct form of the gerund "playing" is used.
"Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of the word.
"join an approriate course" -> "enroll in an appropriate course"
Explanation: "Enroll in" is the correct phrase for joining educational programs, and "appropriate" should be spelled correctly as "appropriate."
"they also understand clearly regulations and safety producers" -> "they also clearly understand the regulations and safety protocols"
Explanation: "Clearly understand" is grammatically correct, and "safety protocols" is a more precise term than "safety producers," which is incorrect and unclear.
"special gear and technology also help players get safer" -> "special gear and technology also enhance player safety"
Explanation: "Enhance player safety" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of gear and technology on safety.
"have becoming increasingly popular" -> "have become increasingly popular"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring the correct form of the verb "become" is used.
"Players safety must always be ensured" -> "Player safety must always be ensured"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error of "Players" to "Player" to maintain subject-verb agreement.
"a player suffer from serious injured" -> "a player may suffer serious injuries"
Explanation: "May suffer serious injuries" corrects the grammatical structure and uses the plural form "injuries" to match the context of multiple possible injuries.
"it not dangerous for everyone" -> "it is not dangerous for everyone"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring the correct form of the verb "is" is used.
"especially players" -> "particularly players"
Explanation: "Particularly" is a more formal adverb than "especially," fitting better in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the idea that extreme sports should be banned. It presents arguments both for the safety of these sports and the impracticality of a ban. However, the response could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the extent to which the author disagrees. While the essay mentions that extreme sports are not as dangerous as perceived, it does not fully engage with the implications of this stance or consider any potential counterarguments in depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, they could explore the potential risks of extreme sports more thoroughly, perhaps acknowledging that while they support these activities, there are valid concerns that need to be addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position of the writer is clear; they strongly disagree with the notion of banning extreme sports. However, the clarity of the position could be undermined by some vague language and grammatical errors that distract from the argument. For instance, phrases like "it is difficult to prohibit these extreme sports" could be more assertively framed to reinforce the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that their position is consistently reinforced throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using clear and direct language, avoiding ambiguous phrases, and reiterating their main argument in various ways throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the argument against banning extreme sports, such as the role of safety training and equipment. However, some points are not fully developed or supported with specific examples or data. For instance, while the essay mentions that safety measures reduce risks, it does not provide concrete statistics or studies to back this claim.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics on injury rates in extreme sports compared to other sports, or testimonials from participants about their experiences with safety measures. Additionally, expanding on the implications of the arguments presented would help to deepen the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the dangers of extreme sports and the reasons for opposing a ban. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of personal freedom and responsibility, while relevant, could be more tightly connected to the main argument against banning these sports.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central argument. This can be achieved by explicitly linking ideas about personal freedom and responsibility to the overall discussion of safety and the feasibility of banning extreme sports. Using topic sentences that reflect the main argument can also help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer language, and stronger supporting evidence to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the banning of extreme sports, structured into two main points: the safety measures in place and the impracticality of a ban. The introduction effectively sets up the argument, and each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the logical progression could be improved; for instance, the transition between discussing safety measures and the freedom of choice could be smoother. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to organize thoughts, but the connection between ideas sometimes lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, after discussing safety measures, you could introduce the next paragraph with a sentence that links the importance of safety to the freedom of choice, such as, "While safety measures are crucial, the question of personal freedom also plays a significant role in the debate over extreme sports."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to safety measures and another to the argument against banning extreme sports. However, the paragraphs could be more developed, particularly the second one, which feels less robust compared to the first. The conclusion is present but could reiterate the main points more clearly to reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider expanding the second paragraph with more examples or elaboration on the points made. For instance, discussing specific instances where extreme sports have been safely managed could strengthen the argument. In the conclusion, summarize the key points succinctly to reinforce your position clearly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "In addition," and "On the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved with more varied language. For example, the use of "for example" is repeated, and other linking phrases could enhance the overall cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," "Conversely," and "Consequently." This will help create a more sophisticated and fluid connection between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can streamline the text and improve cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving logical transitions, developing paragraphs more fully, and expanding the range of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate terms related to the topic of extreme sports (e.g., "skydiving," "skiing," "protective equipment"). However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "these types of sports" and "players." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the richness of the language. For instance, instead of repeatedly stating "these types of sports," the writer could use "extreme activities" or "adventurous sports."
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should practice using synonyms and related terms. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help expand their lexical range. Additionally, incorporating more specific terms related to safety and training could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "players safety must always be ensured" could be more accurately expressed as "the safety of participants must always be prioritized." Additionally, the term "serious injured" is incorrect; it should be "serious injury." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of vocabulary. Reading high-quality essays or articles on similar topics can provide insights into how to use words more accurately. Furthermore, the writer should proofread their work to catch and correct any awkward or incorrect phrases.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "approriate" (appropriate), "producers" (procedures), "Futhermore" (Furthermore), and "isolated" (isolate). These errors can undermine the overall professionalism of the writing and distract the reader from the content.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are several areas for improvement in lexical resource. By expanding vocabulary, using words more precisely, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "One the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, leading to a somewhat monotonous reading experience. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the possibility of a player suffer from serious injured," which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine multiple ideas. For example, instead of saying "Players safety must always be ensured so the possibility of a player suffer from serious injured or even death is very low," the writer could use a relative clause: "Ensuring players’ safety is crucial, as it significantly reduces the likelihood of serious injuries or even fatalities." Practicing the use of varied sentence beginnings and integrating subordinate clauses can also enhance the complexity and fluidity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "One the one hand" should be "On the one hand," and "All of sports are risky" is awkwardly phrased; it would be clearer as "All sports carry some risk." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "these types of sports have becoming increasingly popular," which should be "have become." Punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas and ellipses, also appear throughout the essay, particularly in lists (e.g., "skydiving, skiing,…") which should be formatted correctly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct these mistakes. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially for lists and clauses, will enhance clarity. For instance, instead of using ellipses, the writer should use a complete sentence or a proper list format: "Players should use protective equipment such as helmets and safety belts." Regular practice with grammar exercises can also strengthen overall accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that dangerous sports are very risky and should be prohibited. However, I strongly disagree with this point of view.

On the one hand, these types of sports are not as dangerous as people think. All sports carry inherent risks, so if players wish to engage in sports, they must be accompanied by an experienced professional to reduce the possibility of accidents while playing extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing. Moreover, people are required to enroll in an appropriate course of special training, and they should also clearly understand the regulations and safety protocols. Furthermore, players should use protective equipment like helmets and safety belts. In addition, special gear and technology also enhance player safety. Nowadays, these types of sports have become increasingly popular, so the issue of ensuring player safety is given more attention. Player safety must always be ensured, so the possibility of a player suffering serious injuries or even death is very low.

On the other hand, it is difficult to prohibit these extreme sports. Everyone is free to decide how they spend their leisure time, and they must take responsibility for their choices. Therefore, banning these types of sports is impossible. For example, people can participate in these activities, such as freediving, ice climbing, surfing, and mountain biking, in isolated places that are far away from the reach of any authorities.

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I totally disagree with prohibiting risky sports because they are not dangerous for everyone, particularly players.