Extreme sports, such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People have differing opinions with regard to the question of whether adventure sports should be forbidden. Personally, I completely disagree with this idea and my justifications are as follows.

There are several reasons to support that they should not be prohibited from high-risk sports. Firstly, it is true that most outdoor activities contain an element of risk. For example, it has been reported that a number of players of the sports such as football or basketball are prone to foot fractures or an ankle sprain. Secondly, All sports require specific safety regulations to reduce the possibility of accidents. The participants who want to take part in extreme sports are always required to undergo thorough training and provided with life-saving equipment such as helmets, protective clothes for the sake of safety.

In addition to the concern above, I strongly believe that if governments prevent risk takers from realizing their ambitions, they will certainly intrude on human freedom. Last but not least, it is clear that people who take a dangerous sports can enjoy a great sense of achievement when they can step out of their comfort zone. This can boost their confidence to explore or deal with many obstacles in life.

In conclusion, I completely disagree with the idea of prohibiting action sports as long as safety measures need to be strictly obeyed to reduce possible risks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"People" -> "Individuals"
Explanation: "People" is a broad term; "individuals" is more formal and precise in an academic context.
"completely disagree" -> "strongly oppose"
Explanation: "Completely disagree" is slightly informal; "strongly oppose" is more assertive and formal.
"my justifications are as follows" -> "my arguments are as follows"
Explanation: "Justifications" is appropriate but "arguments" is more common in academic writing and sounds more formal.
"there are several reasons to support that they should not be prohibited" -> "several reasons support the contention that they should not be prohibited"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, avoiding the informal phrase "to support that."
"it is true that" -> "indeed"
Explanation: "Indeed" is more concise and formal than "it is true that."
"most outdoor activities" -> "many outdoor pursuits"
Explanation: "Outdoor activities" is a bit general; "outdoor pursuits" is more specific and formal.
"For example" -> "For instance"
Explanation: "For instance" is a slightly more formal phrase than "for example."
"players of the sports" -> "participants in sports"
Explanation: "Players of the sports" is less formal; "participants in sports" is more neutral and formal.
"such as football or basketball" -> "like football or basketball"
Explanation: "Like" is more concise and formal in this context than "such as."
"prone to foot fractures or an ankle sprain" -> "at risk of foot fractures or ankle sprains"
Explanation: "Prone to" is slightly informal; "at risk of" is more formal and precise.
"All sports require" -> "All sports necessitate"
Explanation: "Require" is common but "necessitate" adds a touch of formality and sophistication.
"specific safety regulations" -> "stringent safety regulations"
Explanation: "Specific" is vague; "stringent" emphasizes the strictness and seriousness of the regulations.
"to reduce the possibility of accidents" -> "to mitigate accident risks"
Explanation: "Reduce the possibility of accidents" is slightly wordy; "mitigate accident risks" is more concise and formal.
"are always required to undergo thorough training" -> "must undergo rigorous training"
Explanation: "Always required to" is a bit informal; "must undergo" is more direct and formal.
"provided with life-saving equipment such as helmets, protective clothes" -> "equipped with life-saving gear like helmets and protective attire"
Explanation: "Provided with" is less formal; "equipped with" is more appropriate in academic writing.
"In addition to the concern above" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "In addition to the concern above" is somewhat informal; "Furthermore" is more formal and transitions smoothly to the next point.
"I strongly believe that" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "Strongly believe" is somewhat informal; "firmly believe" is more formal and assertive.
"risk takers" -> "adventurers"
Explanation: "Risk takers" is colloquial; "adventurers" is more formal and fitting for the context.
"when they can step out of their comfort zone" -> "when they venture beyond their comfort zone"
Explanation: "Step out of their comfort zone" is slightly informal; "venture beyond their comfort zone" is more formal.
"boost their confidence to explore or deal with many obstacles" -> "enhance their confidence to navigate various challenges"
Explanation: "Boost their confidence to explore or deal with many obstacles" is a bit informal and wordy; "enhance their confidence to navigate various challenges" is more concise and formal.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is standard but "To conclude" adds variety and formality.
"as long as safety measures need to be strictly obeyed" -> "provided that safety measures are rigorously adhered to"
Explanation: "As long as" is slightly informal; "provided that" is more formal and precise, while "rigorously adhered to" adds emphasis and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by presenting a clear stance against the idea of banning extreme sports. It acknowledges the potential dangers associated with these activities but argues against prohibition.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more nuanced arguments and exploring potential counterarguments. Additionally, ensure that each point directly relates to the question prompt to strengthen coherence and relevance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position against the ban on extreme sports. The author’s stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, providing a clear line of argumentation.
- How to improve: To further improve clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the central argument without veering off-topic. Additionally, explicitly stating the position in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion can reinforce coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the risks associated with extreme sports and argues for the importance of safety measures. However, the development and support of these ideas could be strengthened with more specific examples or statistical data.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the essay, consider incorporating real-life examples or studies to bolster arguments. Additionally, provide more detailed explanations to elaborate on each supporting point and strengthen the overall argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the issue of banning extreme sports and providing arguments against it. However, there are minor instances where the connection to the topic could be clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to addressing the prompt. Avoid introducing tangential ideas or examples that do not directly relate to the central argument. Additionally, clearly articulate the relevance of each point to the overall discussion.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues against the prohibition of extreme sports and maintains a clear stance throughout, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive arguments, supporting ideas with evidence, and maintaining coherence and relevance. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization with clear progression of ideas. It starts with an introduction presenting the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs providing reasons supporting this stance, and concludes with a succinct restatement of the opinion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct supporting point, facilitating coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs for smoother progression of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each supporting point is developed adequately to strengthen the overall argumentation.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph appears slightly longer and could benefit from being divided into two separate paragraphs to improve readability and emphasize the distinct supporting points.
- How to improve: Break down the second body paragraph into two smaller paragraphs. The first paragraph can focus on safety regulations and the second on the importance of personal freedom, each with its own supporting arguments and examples. This would create a more balanced structure and enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices adequately to maintain coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "firstly," "secondly," "in addition," and "last but not least" effectively guide the reader through the writer’s arguments. Additionally, the repetition of the phrase "I completely disagree" throughout the essay reinforces the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices further, consider incorporating a broader range of transition words and phrases. Synonyms for commonly used transitions can add variety and sophistication to the essay’s structure. Additionally, aim to integrate cohesive devices more seamlessly within sentences to enhance overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and diversification of cohesive devices can elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the argumentation, contributing to a more cohesive and coherent piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, with varied expressions used throughout. For instance, terms such as "differing opinions," "prohibited," "sake of safety," "intrude on," and "comfort zone" are employed effectively to convey the writer’s stance and arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate. Utilize synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition and add depth to the arguments presented. For example, instead of repeatedly using "safety," explore alternatives like "security" or "well-being" to enrich the discourse.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary precisely to convey ideas; however, there are instances where more precise word choices could strengthen the expression. For example, the phrase "intrude on human freedom" could be refined to "impinge upon individual liberties," offering a more nuanced portrayal of the concept.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on selecting words that precisely capture the intended meaning and context. Utilize a thesaurus to explore synonyms and refine language choices. Additionally, consider the connotations of words to ensure they align closely with the intended message, thereby avoiding any ambiguity or vagueness.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates adequate spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed. For instance, "intrude" is spelled correctly, and there are no glaring spelling mistakes that detract from the clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, utilizing spell-check tools, and practicing spelling through consistent reading and writing activities. Additionally, pay attention to commonly misspelled words and make a conscious effort to learn and remember their correct spellings to avoid errors in future compositions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences, albeit with some repetition in structure. For example, there is a reliance on starting sentences with "Firstly" and "Secondly," which can affect the essay’s overall coherence and fluency. Additionally, while the essay attempts to vary sentence length, there is room for improvement in utilizing more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and inverted sentence structures to enhance sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence types and structures. Experiment with using conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or relative clauses to provide additional information. Vary the beginnings of sentences to avoid repetitive structures like "Firstly" and "Secondly." Also, strive for a balance between sentence lengths to improve the essay’s flow and readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that slightly impede clarity and precision. For instance, in the sentence "People have differing opinions with regard to the question of whether adventure sports should be forbidden," the use of "differing" could be improved to "differ" for conciseness. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly") and inconsistent capitalization ("All sports" should be capitalized as a sentence starter).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper word choice. Review the usage of articles (e.g., "a number of players of the sports" should be "a number of players in sports") and ensure coherence in sentence structures. Additionally, proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors, particularly regarding comma usage and capitalization rules. Consider using grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers to refine grammar and punctuation skills further.

Bài sửa mẫu

People hold diverse opinions regarding the banning of adventure sports. Personally, I wholeheartedly disagree with this notion, and here’s why.

There are several reasons supporting the contention that they should not be prohibited. Firstly, it’s undeniable that many outdoor pursuits entail inherent risks. For instance, participants in sports like football or basketball are at risk of foot fractures or ankle sprains. Secondly, all sports necessitate stringent safety regulations to mitigate accident risks. Those engaging in extreme sports must undergo rigorous training and be equipped with life-saving gear like helmets and protective attire.

Furthermore, I firmly believe that adventurers, when they venture beyond their comfort zone, enhance their confidence to navigate various challenges. If governments prevent risk-takers from pursuing their ambitions, they would certainly encroach upon human freedom. Additionally, individuals who engage in dangerous sports can experience a profound sense of accomplishment when they push their boundaries. This can significantly boost their confidence to confront and overcome obstacles in life.

To conclude, I maintain that extreme sports should not be banned, provided that safety measures are rigorously adhered to.