Fewer young people do farming in rural areas. Why? Should young people be encouraged to do farming work?

Fewer young people do farming in rural areas.

Why?

Should young people be encouraged to do farming work?

In today’s urbanization era, there is a decrease of young generation doing farming in rural areas. This following essay will present the reasons for this issue before explaining why we should encourage young people to do agricultural work.
To begin with, the most obvious reason why young people do not want to do farming is the appearance of several high-quality companies in urban areas. In other words, with the development of the economy, more companies are established and that offer a lot of job opportunities for the younger generation instead of living in underdeveloped villages and spending a lot of time doing agriculture work. ​For example, nowadays, there are more choices for employees to find their dream jobs by using technological devices or reading online newspapers with high speed updates. Another reason is that agriculture is not still an appreciated job compared to other jobs. This is because with the development of technology, there are a lot of programmes or machines that can grow plants by themselves without any help from humans. That’s why young people these days do not prefer doing farming work in rural areas.
There are a number of ways that can be done to encourage young people to do farming work. Firstly, the government should spend more money on developing farming lands. In other words, there is a deterioration of farming space so it might be difficult for people to grow plants and trees effectively. Nevertheless, it is also necessary for the government to come up with initiatives to teach youngsters how to be successful farmers by creating several educational campaigns. If the younger generation has enough awareness about the vital role of farming work, they can have more motivation in order to continue their jobs. For example, in Vietnam, there was an increase in the number of youngsters who returned to their hometown doing farming work after graduating. The reason for this circumstance is that the government has had an announcement and created a number of educational campaigns in order to teach young people about how important that the farmers are.
In conclusion, the impact of globalization on financial aspects and even artificial intelligence ( AI ) is the most noticeable culprit that makes young people no longer like working on farms. However, the government is able to support young farmers and give them helping hands, will this situation be solved.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In today’s urbanization era" -> "In the era of urbanization"
   Explanation: Removing "today’s" and replacing "urbanization era" with "the era of urbanization" streamlines the phrase and aligns better with formal academic style by avoiding the colloquial use of "today’s" and using a more precise term.

2. "there is a decrease of young generation" -> "there is a decline in the number of young people"
   Explanation: "Decrease of young generation" is awkward and incorrect. "Decline in the number of young people" is more precise and grammatically correct, improving clarity and formality.

3. "This following essay" -> "This essay"
   Explanation: "This following essay" is redundant and informal. Simply stating "This essay" is sufficient and maintains a formal tone.

4. "the appearance of several high-quality companies" -> "the emergence of numerous high-quality companies"
   Explanation: "Appearance" is not the correct term here; "emergence" better conveys the idea of companies coming into existence. "Numerous" is also more precise than "several" in academic writing.

5. "a lot of job opportunities" -> "numerous job opportunities"
   Explanation: "A lot of" is informal and vague; "numerous" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing.

6. "spending a lot of time doing agriculture work" -> "devoting considerable time to agricultural work"
   Explanation: "Spending a lot of time doing agriculture work" is informal and awkward. "Devoting considerable time to agricultural work" is more formal and precise.

7. "high speed updates" -> "rapid updates"
   Explanation: "High speed" is redundant and informal; "rapid" is a more concise and formal alternative.

8. "not still an appreciated job" -> "not yet widely regarded as a prestigious occupation"
   Explanation: "Not still an appreciated job" is grammatically incorrect and informal. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and enhances formality.

9. "a lot of programmes or machines" -> "numerous programs or machines"
   Explanation: "A lot of" is informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

10. "do not prefer doing farming work" -> "prefer not to engage in farming"
    Explanation: "Do not prefer doing farming work" is awkward and informal. "Prefer not to engage in farming" is more formal and flows better in academic writing.

11. "spend more money on developing farming lands" -> "allocate more funds to develop agricultural lands"
    Explanation: "Spend more money" is informal and vague; "allocate more funds" is more precise and formal, suitable for an academic context.

12. "deterioration of farming space" -> "decline in agricultural land quality"
    Explanation: "Deterioration of farming space" is unclear and informal. "Decline in agricultural land quality" is more specific and appropriate for formal writing.

13. "come up with initiatives" -> "initiate"
    Explanation: "Come up with initiatives" is verbose and informal. "Initiate" is more concise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

14. "enough awareness about the vital role" -> "adequate awareness of the crucial role"
    Explanation: "Enough awareness about" is informal and vague. "Adequate awareness of" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

15. "helping hands" -> "support"
    Explanation: "Helping hands" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Support" is straightforward and appropriate for formal contexts.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons for the decline in young people engaging in farming, such as urban job opportunities and the perception of farming as less prestigious. Additionally, it discusses ways to encourage young people to pursue farming, including government investment and educational initiatives. However, while the reasons are presented, they could be more explicitly linked to the question of why fewer young people are farming, and the solutions could be more directly tied to the specific challenges identified.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each reason is explicitly connected to the decline in farming participation. For example, after discussing urban job opportunities, the essay could elaborate on how these jobs are perceived as more desirable and how this affects young people’s choices. Furthermore, when suggesting solutions, it would be beneficial to directly address how these initiatives can counteract the specific reasons mentioned.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that young people should be encouraged to engage in farming, and this stance is consistently presented throughout the essay. However, the conclusion slightly muddles this clarity by introducing a conditional statement regarding government support, which could confuse the reader about the author’s ultimate position.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should avoid conditional phrases in the conclusion. Instead, they could reinforce their argument by stating unequivocally that government support is essential for encouraging young people to return to farming. A strong, definitive conclusion will help solidify the essay’s overall stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for the decline in farming and potential solutions. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the mention of technological advancements in agriculture is relevant, it could be further explored to illustrate how these advancements contribute to the perception of farming as less appealing.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing educational campaigns, they could include specific types of programs that have been successful in other countries or regions. This would not only extend the ideas presented but also provide a stronger foundation for the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the decline of young people in farming and the need for encouragement. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of AI in the conclusion feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument and could distract from the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central theme of the essay. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to answering the prompt. Additionally, the writer should avoid introducing new concepts in the conclusion that have not been adequately discussed in the body of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, but there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the two main points to be discussed. The first body paragraph effectively identifies reasons for the decline in young people pursuing farming, while the second body paragraph discusses potential solutions. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing reasons to solutions feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that ties the two sections together.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two sections. For example, after discussing the reasons, a sentence like "Given these challenges, it is crucial to explore how we can encourage young people to engage in farming" would provide a clearer transition to the solutions.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The introduction sets the stage, the first body paragraph discusses reasons, and the second body paragraph offers solutions. However, the conclusion could be more developed, as it merely summarizes the points without providing a strong closing statement or reflection on the implications of the discussion.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points more succinctly and offering a final thought or call to action. For example, you could end with a statement about the importance of farming for future generations, reinforcing the need for government support and community initiatives.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "for example," and "nevertheless." These devices help guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "this is because" is used multiple times in a similar context, which detracts from the overall fluidity of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "this is because," you could use alternatives like "one reason for this is," "another contributing factor is," or "consequently." Additionally, varying the structure of sentences can also enhance cohesion, making the essay more engaging and easier to follow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, but there are opportunities for improvement in transitions, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety in word choice. For instance, the term "young people" is repeated multiple times without synonyms or variations, which could make the writing feel monotonous. Phrases like "high-quality companies" and "dream jobs" are somewhat generic and could be replaced with more specific terms that convey a stronger meaning or nuance.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "young people," alternatives such as "youth," "young adults," or "the younger generation" can be employed. Additionally, incorporating more specific vocabulary related to agriculture and employment, such as "agricultural innovation" or "employment opportunities," would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "the appearance of several high-quality companies" could be misinterpreted; it may be clearer to say "the emergence of competitive job markets in urban areas." Additionally, the phrase "not still an appreciated job" is awkward and could be more effectively expressed as "is still not regarded as a prestigious career."
  • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review phrases and terms to ensure they fit the context appropriately. For instance, instead of saying "the government has had an announcement," it could be more precise to say "the government has launched an initiative." This not only improves clarity but also enhances the overall quality of the writing.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "agriculture work" (should be "agricultural work") and "programmes" (should be "programs" in American English, though "programmes" is acceptable in British English). These errors, while minor, can affect the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in English and practicing them can enhance spelling skills. Keeping a list of frequently used terms and their correct spellings can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences are used effectively, such as "In other words, with the development of the economy, more companies are established and that offer a lot of job opportunities for the younger generation instead of living in underdeveloped villages and spending a lot of time doing agriculture work." However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on simple and compound sentences. For example, the phrase "Another reason is that agriculture is not still an appreciated job compared to other jobs" could be restructured for variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, using participial phrases or conditional clauses could enhance complexity. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging flow. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another reason," the writer could use transitions like "Furthermore" or "Additionally" to introduce new ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "the appearance of several high-quality companies in urban areas" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer. The sentence "This is because with the development of technology, there are a lot of programmes or machines that can grow plants by themselves without any help from humans" has a misplaced modifier that could confuse readers. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as inconsistent spacing before parentheses in "artificial intelligence ( AI )", detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles. For instance, changing "the younger generation instead of living in underdeveloped villages" to "the younger generation prefers urban jobs over living in underdeveloped villages" would clarify the meaning. Regarding punctuation, the writer should ensure consistent spacing and proper use of commas, especially in complex sentences. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading for punctuation errors can significantly enhance clarity and professionalism.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s era of urbanization, there is a decline in the number of young people engaging in farming in rural areas. This essay will present the reasons for this issue before explaining why we should encourage young people to pursue agricultural work.

To begin with, the most obvious reason why young people are reluctant to engage in farming is the emergence of numerous high-quality companies in urban areas. In other words, with the development of the economy, more companies are established that offer numerous job opportunities for the younger generation, allowing them to avoid living in underdeveloped villages and devoting considerable time to agricultural work. For example, nowadays, there are more choices for employees to find their dream jobs by using technological devices or reading online newspapers with rapid updates. Another reason is that agriculture is not yet widely regarded as a prestigious occupation compared to other jobs. This is because, with the advancement of technology, there are numerous programs or machines that can grow plants autonomously without any human intervention. That’s why young people today prefer not to engage in farming work in rural areas.

There are several ways to encourage young people to pursue farming work. Firstly, the government should allocate more funds to develop agricultural lands. In other words, there is a decline in agricultural land quality, so it might be difficult for people to grow plants and trees effectively. Nevertheless, it is also necessary for the government to initiate initiatives to teach youngsters how to be successful farmers by creating several educational campaigns. If the younger generation has adequate awareness of the crucial role of farming work, they can gain more motivation to continue in this field. For example, in Vietnam, there was an increase in the number of youngsters who returned to their hometowns to engage in farming after graduating. The reason for this trend is that the government has launched announcements and created a number of educational campaigns to teach young people about the importance of farmers.

In conclusion, the impact of globalization on financial aspects and even artificial intelligence (AI) is the most noticeable culprit that has led young people to shy away from working on farms. However, if the government is able to support young farmers and provide them with assistance, this situation can be effectively addressed.