Fewer young people do farming work in rural areas. Why? Should young people be encouraged to do farming work?

Some people believe that young people at the start don’t have any interest to do farming while somebody want to encourage them to continue the farming work like their previous generations.

In strongly agree that the young in some ways however, there are some people should be encouraged I agree that it’s a challenge for them. This essay will discuss this topic and provide my perspectives about it.

Firstly, all in some countries particularly portion of the economic picture the largest developing countries. Young generations should try to pursue this block not only by year doing farming, but also some scientific works such as agriculture engineering – this will grow up the economic county’s economy and improve the qualities of farming market.

On the other hand, doing farming work does not bring as much financial benefits as other jobs. This is the mainly causes of why young people there is a declining interest among young people to do farming. In my point of view if you do farming you should have a decent work. There are variety of jobs that you can do and make a lot more money. For instance, the engineer salary may be more than two or three times than the salesperson. The farmer will fit for young generations to find other jobs than these force, their’ intellegente and hobbies.

To agree everything , there are considerations. I would take that we should encourage people to do farming work. However, depends on their conditions and abilities they should be given some other advice to do different work.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people believe" -> "It is believed by some"
Explanation: "It is believed by some" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general opinion, aligning better with academic style.
"young people at the start don’t have any interest to do farming" -> "young individuals initially show little interest in farming"
Explanation: "young individuals initially show little interest in farming" is more formal and avoids the colloquial tone of "at the start don’t have any interest to do."
"somebody want to encourage them" -> "some advocate encouraging them"
Explanation: "some advocate encouraging them" is more formal and precise, replacing the casual "somebody want."
"continue the farming work like their previous generations" -> "continue the agricultural practices of their ancestors"
Explanation: "continue the agricultural practices of their ancestors" is more specific and academically appropriate than "the farming work like their previous generations."
"In strongly agree" -> "I strongly agree"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and makes the statement more direct and formal.
"the young in some ways however, there are some people should be encouraged" -> "However, some individuals should be encouraged"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and corrects the awkward and unclear original phrasing.
"it’s a challenge for them" -> "it poses challenges for them"
Explanation: "it poses challenges for them" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"all in some countries particularly portion of the economic picture the largest developing countries" -> "in some countries, particularly in the largest developing economies"
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and coherent.
"Young generations should try to pursue this block not only by year doing farming, but also some scientific works such as agriculture engineering" -> "Young generations should pursue this field not only by farming but also through scientific disciplines such as agricultural engineering"
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and uses more precise terminology ("pursue this field" and "scientific disciplines").
"grow up the economic county’s economy" -> "enhance the economic development of the country"
Explanation: "enhance the economic development of the country" is a more precise and formal expression than "grow up the economic county’s economy."
"improve the qualities of farming market" -> "improve the quality of the agricultural market"
Explanation: "improve the quality of the agricultural market" is grammatically correct and more specific.
"doing farming work does not bring as much financial benefits as other jobs" -> "farming does not provide the same level of financial benefits as other occupations"
Explanation: "farming does not provide the same level of financial benefits as other occupations" is more formal and precise.
"the mainly causes of why" -> "the main reasons why"
Explanation: "the main reasons why" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"there is a declining interest among young people to do farming" -> "there is a decline in interest among young people in farming"
Explanation: "there is a decline in interest among young people in farming" corrects the preposition and verb usage for clarity and formality.
"The farmer will fit for young generations to find other jobs than these force, their’ intellegente and hobbies." -> "Farmers may be more suitable for young generations to explore other careers, leveraging their intelligence and interests."
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, using more formal and precise language.
"To agree everything" -> "To agree with everything"
Explanation: Corrects the preposition for grammatical accuracy.
"we should encourage people to do farming work" -> "we should encourage individuals to engage in farming"
Explanation: "engage in farming" is a more formal and precise term than "do farming work."
"However, depends on their conditions and abilities they should be given some other advice to do different work." -> "However, depending on their conditions and abilities, they should be advised on alternative career paths."
Explanation: This revision corrects the awkward phrasing and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing reasons why fewer young people engage in farming and whether they should be encouraged to do so. However, the response is somewhat vague and lacks depth. For example, the mention of financial benefits is relevant but not fully explored. The essay states that young people should be encouraged to farm but does not provide a clear rationale or examples supporting this encouragement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly outline specific reasons for the decline in interest in farming and provide concrete examples or statistics to support their claims. Additionally, they should elaborate on the benefits of farming, perhaps by discussing its importance to food security or community sustainability.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. Phrases like "I strongly agree" and "there are some people should be encouraged" create confusion about the writer’s stance. The inconsistency in expressing agreement or disagreement with the encouragement of farming leads to ambiguity.
- How to improve: The writer should state their position clearly in the introduction and consistently refer back to this position throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" can help clarify their stance. Additionally, a more structured approach, such as outlining the main argument in the introduction, would help maintain clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For instance, the mention of "scientific works such as agriculture engineering" is relevant but not expanded upon. The comparison of salaries between engineers and farmers is a good point but lacks context or data to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For example, when discussing the financial benefits of other jobs, they could include specific examples or statistics about average salaries. Additionally, providing real-life examples of successful young farmers or agricultural initiatives could help substantiate the argument for encouraging farming.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic. For example, the discussion about young people’s intelligence and hobbies feels tangential and does not directly relate to the prompt. This detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should regularly refer back to the prompt and ensure that each paragraph directly addresses either the reasons for the decline in farming interest or the encouragement of young people in this field. Creating an outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and staying on topic.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, it requires significant improvement in clarity, depth, and coherence to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is often disrupted by unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing the lack of interest in farming to the benefits of agricultural engineering is abrupt and lacks a clear link. The argument about financial benefits is also presented without sufficient context, making it hard for the reader to follow the progression of thought.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should outline their main points before writing. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that indicates the main idea, followed by supporting details that logically connect to that idea. Using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. For example, the first paragraph mixes opinions and lacks a clear focus. The second paragraph introduces multiple ideas without clear separation, making it difficult to discern the main point. The conclusion is vague and does not summarize the key arguments made in the essay.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument. The writer should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly restate the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, but they are limited and often incorrectly applied. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" are used, but the connections between ideas are not always clear. There are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that hinder cohesion, such as "there is a declining interest among young people to do farming," which could be more clearly expressed.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "because," "although"), reference words (e.g., "this," "these"), and lexical cohesion (using synonyms or related terms). Practicing the use of these devices in context can help create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, it suffers from issues related to logical organization, paragraph structure, and the effective use of cohesive devices. By focusing on clear topic sentences, logical transitions, and a broader range of cohesive devices, the writer can significantly improve the coherence and cohesion of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "young people at the start don’t have any interest" and "doing farming work does not bring as much financial benefits" show some attempts to express ideas, but they often lack variety and sophistication. The use of terms like "economic picture" and "scientific works" is somewhat relevant but not varied enough to showcase a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more specific terms. For example, instead of repeating "young people," alternatives like "youth," "young adults," or "the younger generation" could be used. Additionally, exploring more nuanced vocabulary related to agriculture, economics, and career choices would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, "the largest developing countries" is vague and could be better articulated as "the largest developing economies." The phrase "doing farming work does not bring as much financial benefits" could be more precisely stated as "farming often yields lower financial returns compared to other professions."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that terms are used in their correct context. For instance, instead of "the farmer will fit for young generations," a more precise expression could be "farming may not align with the aspirations of the younger generation."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "intellegente" (intelligent), "their’" (theirs), and "engineering" (agriculture engineering should be "agricultural engineering"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used terms in the context of agriculture and economics.

In summary, to improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, using words more precisely, and ensuring correct spelling throughout the essay. Engaging in reading diverse materials related to the topic can also help in acquiring a richer vocabulary and understanding of context.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For example, the use of simple sentences such as "Young generations should try to pursue this block" and "This is the mainly causes of why young people there is a declining interest among young people to do farming" indicates a reliance on basic constructions. There are attempts at more complex structures, such as "In strongly agree that the young in some ways however, there are some people should be encouraged," but these are poorly constructed and lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice combining simple sentences into compound or complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying, "Young generations should try to pursue this block," they could say, "Young generations should not only pursue farming but also explore related scientific fields, such as agricultural engineering." This approach adds complexity and depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "In strongly agree that the young in some ways" should be "I strongly agree that young people, in some ways," to correct the subject-verb agreement and clarify the subject. Additionally, phrases like "the mainly causes of why young people there is a declining interest" are grammatically incorrect and confusing. Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with comma usage, which affects the clarity of the sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper sentence construction. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these issues. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, the sentence "To agree everything, there are considerations" could be revised to "To summarize, there are several considerations to take into account."

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on diversifying their sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Regular practice and revision, along with seeking feedback, will be beneficial in this regard.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that young individuals initially show little interest in farming, while others advocate encouraging them to continue the agricultural practices of their ancestors.

I strongly agree that young people should be encouraged in some ways; however, there are challenges for them. This essay will discuss this topic and provide my perspectives on it.

Firstly, in some countries, particularly in the largest developing economies, young generations should try to pursue this field not only by farming but also through scientific disciplines such as agricultural engineering. This will enhance the economic development of the country and improve the quality of the agricultural market.

On the other hand, farming does not provide the same level of financial benefits as other occupations. This is one of the main reasons why there is a decline in interest among young people in farming. In my point of view, if you do farming, you should have a decent income. There are a variety of jobs that you can do and make a lot more money. For instance, an engineer’s salary may be two or three times more than that of a salesperson. Farmers may be more suitable for young generations to explore other careers, leveraging their intelligence and interests.

To agree with everything, there are considerations. I believe we should encourage individuals to engage in farming. However, depending on their conditions and abilities, they should be advised on alternative career paths.