Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe that they have a negative effect on societies and so must be banned. Others, however, say that they are just harmful and help people to relax. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion.
The rise of films and computers games that encompass violent scenes or actions has sparked lively debates among people. While some people argue that a ban should be imposed on those genres because of their deleterious impacts on societies, others contend that they are merely a form of entertainment. In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints before showing my opinion.
On the one hand, proponents of banning films and online games containing violence argue that they may do harm to societies. Being exposed to those forms of films and games frequently, they believe, may instill in viewers and gamers the belief that violence is a normal and acceptable way to address any problems in their lives, ranging from protecting themselves to gaining validation from other people. As a result, they may resort to violence in their real lives and imitate exactly what is portrayed on films and games, resulting in many social problems such as bullying and higher crime rates. Not only does this negatively affect individuals but this also harms societies as a whole; therefore, a ban may be needed to help rectify the situation.
On the other hand, other people contend that the level of harmful effects exerted by these films and games are limited as they are just a way for people to relax and escape from the hustle and bustle of daily lives. Perhaps for them, these genres of movies and games are just similar to others or even better as violent elements found in these tend to evoke a greater sense of excitement and anticipation, adding a touch to the films or the movies themselves. Therefore, watching or playing them gives them a feeling of relaxation, serving as an escape from personal problems they encounter in daily lives.
In my opinion, while acknowledging the detrimental ramifications of these mediums on societies, I am convinced that there should be not restriction on them, as long as the level of violence is regulated carefully and appropriately by film directors or game producers. These individuals should be responsible for ensuring that what is shown in their products works in tandem with regulations or policies enacted by the authority.
In conclusion, with appropriate approaches to using violence in movie or game making, the negative effects films and games with violent scenes has on societies can be mitigated and they can continue to be a great source of relaxation for many people.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"lively debates among people" -> "lively debates among individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" adds formality and specificity to the sentence, aligning it better with academic style.
"deleterious impacts on societies" -> "adverse effects on societies"
Explanation: Substituting "deleterious impacts" with "adverse effects" maintains formality while offering a more concise expression.
"In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints before showing my opinion." -> "In this essay, I will explore both perspectives before presenting my stance."
Explanation: The suggested change uses a more sophisticated term, "perspectives," and replaces the colloquial "showing my opinion" with the more formal "presenting my stance."
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transition that enhances the academic tone of the essay.
"they believe" -> "advocates argue"
Explanation: Replacing "they believe" with "advocates argue" introduces a more formal and assertive expression to convey the viewpoint.
"real lives" -> "actual lives"
Explanation: Substituting "real lives" with "actual lives" maintains formality and precision in language.
"higher crime rates" -> "elevated crime rates"
Explanation: "Elevated" is a more formal and nuanced term than "higher."
"On the other hand" -> "Secondly"
Explanation: Similar to the previous change, "Secondly" provides a more formal transition between paragraphs.
"the level of harmful effects exerted by these films and games are limited" -> "the extent of the detrimental effects exerted by these films and games is restricted"
Explanation: The suggested alternative uses more precise and formal language to convey the idea.
"hustle and bustle of daily lives" -> "demands of everyday life"
Explanation: "Demands of everyday life" is a more formal and sophisticated expression compared to "hustle and bustle of daily lives."
"level of violence is regulated carefully and appropriately" -> "degree of violence is meticulously and judiciously regulated"
Explanation: The revised phrase adds precision and formality to convey the idea of careful regulation.
"authority" -> "regulatory authorities"
Explanation: Adding "regulatory" before "authorities" enhances specificity and formality, aligning with academic style.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "Being exposed to those forms of films and games frequently, they believe, may instill in viewers and gamers the belief that violence is a normal and acceptable way to address any problems in their lives, ranging from protecting themselves to gaining validation from other people."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point effectively outlines a potential negative impact of exposure to violent media. However, it would strengthen the argument by providing an example or illustration to substantiate this claim. For instance, citing a case study or a real-life example demonstrating how prolonged exposure led to imitative behavior could make this argument more compelling.
- Improved example: "Frequent exposure to violent content in films and games might create a perception among viewers and gamers that resorting to aggression is a permissible solution to personal issues. For example, research by [author’s name] indicated that prolonged exposure to violent games increased aggressive behavior in adolescents, leading to real-life altercations and conflicts."
Quoted text: "Perhaps for them, these genres of movies and games are just similar to others or even better as violent elements found in these tend to evoke a greater sense of excitement and anticipation, adding a touch to the films or the movies themselves."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point about the excitement and anticipation elicited by violent elements in media is well-articulated. However, it would be beneficial to expand on this by discussing how this excitement aids in relaxation. Adding a personal anecdote or a relatable scenario where the thrill of such content led to relaxation could strengthen this argument.
- Improved example: "For many individuals, movies and games containing violent elements evoke a heightened sense of thrill and anticipation, contributing significantly to their relaxation. As an example, during stressful times, engaging in action-packed games allowed me to unwind and divert my focus, thereby reducing tension and promoting a sense of calmness."
Overall: The essay effectively presents both perspectives on the impact of violent media while advocating for a regulated approach rather than an outright ban. To further enhance the argument, incorporating a wider variety of examples or personal experiences to support each viewpoint would reinforce the credibility and depth of the discussion. Additionally, ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs would improve the overall coherence and flow of the essay, aiding in the clarity of arguments presented.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the two viewpoints and the author’s intention to discuss them. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific viewpoint, contributing to the essay’s overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, providing a smooth flow of ideas. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, enhancing cohesion. The conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the author’s opinion, contributing to overall coherence.
How to improve:
While the essay is well-organized, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices. Some sentences could benefit from stronger transitions to enhance the overall flow. Additionally, the essay could explore the opposing viewpoints more deeply to further strengthen the coherence and cohesion. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure, with a topic sentence and supporting details. Overall, a slightly more nuanced exploration of the arguments and more varied use of cohesive devices could elevate the essay to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8
Band Score: 8.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, falling within the Band 8 range. It utilizes a wide range of vocabulary with fluency and flexibility, effectively conveying precise meanings. The essay skillfully incorporates less common lexical items, contributing to its overall sophistication. While there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they are minor and can be considered as ‘slips.’ The essay maintains a natural tone throughout, contributing to its overall effectiveness.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, consider paying closer attention to word choice and collocation to minimize occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, aim for a seamless integration of less common lexical items to elevate the essay’s sophistication. Overall, maintaining the current level of vocabulary while refining its precision can contribute to achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and accuracy. It effectively uses a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a coherent and well-organized discussion. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the errors present are relatively minor, occurring as occasional slips. The essay showcases control of grammar and punctuation, maintaining clarity throughout.
How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could aim for even more sophisticated sentence structures and vocabulary. While the essay already employs a variety of complex sentences, incorporating a wider range of sentence structures would add more depth to the writing. Additionally, paying attention to minor errors, such as typos or punctuation slips, could elevate the overall precision of language use.
Bài sửa mẫu
The surge in popularity of films and computer games featuring violent content has sparked lively debates among individuals. Some argue for a ban, citing adverse effects on societies, while others see them as a harmless form of entertainment. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives before presenting my stance.
On one hand, advocates argue that banning violent films and online games is necessary due to their potential harm to societies. They believe frequent exposure may normalize violence as an acceptable solution to life’s problems, leading to real-life imitations and social issues such as bullying and elevated crime rates. This not only adversely affects individuals but also harms societies at large. Hence, proponents advocate for a ban to address and rectify these issues.
On the other hand, some argue that the detrimental effects of these films and games are limited, viewing them as a means for people to relax and escape the demands of everyday life. For them, these genres offer a unique form of entertainment, with the inclusion of violent elements adding excitement and anticipation. Watching or playing these games provides a sense of relaxation, serving as an escape from daily challenges.
In my opinion, while acknowledging the potential negative impacts on societies, I am convinced that there should be no restriction on these mediums, as long as the degree of violence is meticulously and judiciously regulated by film directors or game producers. These individuals bear the responsibility of ensuring that their products align with established regulations and policies.
In conclusion, with careful regulation of violence in movie or game production, the adverse effects of films and games with violent content on societies can be mitigated. They can continue to serve as a source of relaxation for many people, striking a balance between entertainment and societal well-being.