Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe that they have a negative effect on societies and so must be banned. Others, however, say that they are just harmful and help people to relax. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion.

The rise of films and computer games that encompass violent scenes or actions has sparked lively debates among people. While some people argue that a ban should be imposed on those genres because of their deleterious impacts on societies, others contend that they are merely a form of entertainment. In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints before showing my opinion.

On the one hand, proponents of banning films and online games containing violence argue that they may do harm to societies. Being exposed to those forms of films and games frequently, they believe, may instill in viewers and gamers the belief that violence is a normal and acceptable way to address any problems in their lives, ranging from protecting themselves to gaining validation from other people. As a result, they may resort to violence in their real lives and imitate exactly what is portrayed in films and games, resulting in many social problems such as bullying and higher crime rates. Not only does this negatively affect individuals but this also harms societies as a whole; therefore, a ban may be needed to help rectify the situation.

On the other hand, other people contend that the level of harmful effects exerted by these films and games is limited as they are just a way for people to relax and escape from the hustle and bustle of daily life. Perhaps for them, these genres of movies and games are just similar to others or even better as violent elements found in these tend to evoke a greater sense of excitement and anticipation, adding a touch to the films or the movies themselves. Therefore, watching or playing with them gives them a feeling of relaxation, serving as an escape from personal problems they encounter in their daily lives.

In my opinion, while acknowledging the detrimental ramifications of these mediums on societies, I am convinced that there should be no restriction on them, as long as the level of violence is regulated carefully and appropriately by film directors or game producers. These individuals should be responsible for ensuring that what is shown in their products works in tandem with regulations or policies enacted by the authority.

In conclusion, with appropriate approaches to using violence in movie or game making, the negative effects films and games with violent scenes have on societies can be mitigated and they can continue to be a great source of relaxation for many people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"lively debates among people" -> "vigorous debates among individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "lively debates among people" with "vigorous debates among individuals" enhances formality by using a more precise and sophisticated vocabulary without altering the sentence’s meaning.
"deleterious impacts on societies" -> "adverse impacts on societies"
Explanation: Swapping "deleterious impacts" for "adverse impacts" maintains the meaning while employing a more common and formal term, aligning better with academic language.
"may do harm to societies" -> "might adversely affect societies"
Explanation: Changing "may do harm to societies" to "might adversely affect societies" maintains the sense of potential negative impact while phrasing it more formally and precisely.
"ranging from protecting themselves to gaining validation" -> "from self-defense to seeking validation"
Explanation: Altering "ranging from protecting themselves to gaining validation" to "from self-defense to seeking validation" simplifies the expression while preserving the intended meaning in a more concise manner.
"Not only does this negatively affect individuals but this also harms societies as a whole" -> "This not only affects individuals negatively but also harms societies as a whole"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and formality by rearranging the phrasing while retaining the original meaning.
"Therefore, a ban may be needed to help rectify the situation" -> "Hence, implementing a ban may be necessary to rectify the situation"
Explanation: Substituting "Therefore, a ban may be needed" with "Hence, implementing a ban may be necessary" maintains formality and clarity while offering a more definitive statement.
"the level of harmful effects" -> "the extent of detrimental effects"
Explanation: Replacing "the level of harmful effects" with "the extent of detrimental effects" offers a more precise and formal way to convey the idea without changing the context.
"the hustle and bustle of daily life" -> "the rigors of daily life"
Explanation: Changing "the hustle and bustle of daily life" to "the rigors of daily life" provides a more formal and nuanced expression while retaining the intended meaning.
"or even better as violent elements found in these tend to evoke a greater sense of excitement and anticipation" -> "or even preferable due to the heightened excitement and anticipation elicited by violent elements"
Explanation: Rewording the sentence to maintain formality while presenting a more refined and structured phrasing.
"In my opinion" -> Omit
Explanation: In academic writing, stating personal opinion is often avoided unless required. Omitting this phrase maintains a more neutral and objective tone.
"with appropriate approaches to using violence" -> "by employing appropriate methods in depicting violence"
Explanation: Adjusting "with appropriate approaches to using violence" to "by employing appropriate methods in depicting violence" offers a more nuanced and formal expression.
"the negative effects films and games with violent scenes have on societies can be mitigated" -> "mitigating the adverse impacts of films and games featuring violent scenes on societies"
Explanation: Rewording for conciseness and formality, maintaining clarity while expressing the idea more academically.

Overall, these revisions focus on enhancing the formality, precision, and clarity of the language used in the essay without altering the core meaning or intent.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "Being exposed to those forms of films and games frequently, they believe, may instill in viewers and gamers the belief that violence is a normal and acceptable way to address any problems in their lives, ranging from protecting themselves to gaining validation from other people."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument here presents a general idea about the potential negative impact of violent films and games on individuals, but it lacks specific examples or elaboration to strengthen the point. To enhance this point, consider providing concrete instances or scenarios where the normalization of violence in media has directly influenced behaviors or attitudes in society. For instance, citing a well-known case or conducting a hypothetical scenario to illustrate this influence would fortify your argument.
- Improved example: "Frequent exposure to violent content in films and games can desensitize individuals to aggression, leading them to perceive violence as a normative and acceptable means to solve conflicts. For instance, several studies have shown a correlation between increased exposure to violent media and a rise in aggressive behaviors among adolescents. A hypothetical scenario could be a teenager imitating a fight scene from a popular movie, perpetuating the belief that violence is an acceptable way to resolve disputes."
Quoted text: "Perhaps for them, these genres of movies and games are just similar to others or even better as violent elements found in these tend to evoke a greater sense of excitement and anticipation, adding a touch to the films or the movies themselves."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While acknowledging an opposing viewpoint, the explanation lacks depth and specific examples to justify the assertion that violent elements add to the entertainment value. It’s important to expand on why some individuals find violent content more engaging and how this engagement translates into relaxation or entertainment. Providing personal anecdotes or experiences could add depth to your argument and make it more persuasive.
- Improved example: "For many, the inclusion of violence in movies or games offers an intensified sense of thrill and excitement compared to non-violent genres. An example from my personal experience might be when I observed friends being more engaged and enthusiastic while playing a competitive video game with action-packed sequences compared to a non-violent puzzle game. This heightened engagement seemed to contribute significantly to their relaxation and enjoyment."

Overall, your essay adequately addresses both viewpoints and offers a clear position, supporting the argument with general reasoning. To improve, consider incorporating more specific examples or personal experiences to strengthen your points and provide a more nuanced discussion. This will enhance the depth of your essay and further support your position effectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction provides a concise overview of the topic, and each paragraph follows a coherent structure. The use of cohesive devices is varied and generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The central topic within each paragraph is clearly presented. The essay also manages paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately, enhancing the overall cohesion.

How to improve: To enhance cohesion further, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow. Ensure that the cohesive devices used are consistently appropriate and that there is no overuse or underuse. Additionally, pay attention to sentence-level cohesion, ensuring that sentences within paragraphs connect seamlessly. Overall, maintaining this level of organization and cohesion while refining the transitions will contribute to a more polished essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, exhibiting a wide range with generally accurate and sophisticated use. The writer employs a variety of lexical features fluently and flexibly, effectively conveying precise meanings. There is a skillful use of uncommon lexical items, contributing to the overall sophistication of the essay. Although there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, these are minor and can be considered as ‘slips.’ Spelling and word formation errors are rare and do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To further enhance the lexical resource, the writer could focus on refining the accuracy of word choice and collocation, aiming for more consistency in the usage of sophisticated vocabulary. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate the rare spelling and word formation errors would contribute to an even more polished and refined essay. Overall, maintaining a high level of lexical precision while minimizing minor errors will elevate the essay to a Band 9 score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, incorporating both complex and simple forms. There is a consistent attempt to utilize varied sentence structures, contributing to a coherent and articulate expression of ideas. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. The essay successfully navigates between complex and simpler sentence forms, aiding in conveying ideas effectively.

How to improve: While the essay exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation, refining the usage of complex structures with increased accuracy could elevate it to a higher band. Striving for even fewer errors and further enhancing the precision of complex sentences would solidify the already strong grammatical foundation displayed in this piece.

Bài sửa mẫu

The surge in popularity of films and computer games featuring violent content has triggered vigorous debates among individuals. While some argue for a ban due to adverse impacts on societies, others assert that they are simply a form of entertainment. In this essay, I will delve into both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.

On one side, advocates for banning violent films and online games posit that they might adversely affect societies. They contend that frequent exposure to these forms of media may normalize violence as an acceptable means of addressing life challenges, ranging from self-defense to seeking validation. Consequently, individuals may emulate the portrayed violence, leading to social issues such as bullying and increased crime rates. This not only affects individuals negatively but also harms societies as a whole. Hence, implementing a ban may be necessary to rectify the situation.

On the flip side, some argue that the extent of detrimental effects from these films and games is limited, considering them a means of relaxation from the rigors of daily life. For these individuals, these genres serve as a way to unwind and escape, with violent elements adding excitement and anticipation. Therefore, watching or playing them provides a sense of relaxation, offering an escape from personal problems in daily life.

In my opinion, while acknowledging the potential adverse impacts on societies, I am convinced that there should be no restriction on these mediums, provided the level of violence is carefully and appropriately regulated by film directors or game producers. These creators should bear the responsibility of ensuring that their products align with regulations or policies set by the authorities.

In conclusion, with proper methods employed in depicting violence, the negative effects of films and games featuring violent scenes on societies can be mitigated. They can continue to be a source of relaxation for many people, as long as appropriate measures are taken to address potential harm.