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For centuries, important parts of education have remained the same such as reading, writing and Math. With the advent of computers, some people thought that computer skills would be fourth on the list. To what extent do you agree?

For centuries, important parts of education have remained the same such as reading, writing and Math. With the advent of computers, some people thought that computer skills would be fourth on the list. To what extent do you agree?

In the constantly developing era, several individuals hold a thought that computer skills should be considered as crucial as other well-recognized subjects namely Math, reading and writing. The author strongly agrees with this perspective because of two key reasons, including heightened efficiency of utilizing computers and the demand for computer skills in almost every field.

Primarily, computer utilization improves the efficiency of individuals. Elaborating further, presenting ideas to bosses by Powerpoint, summarizing a meeting through Google Docs, which undeniably provides more effective outcomes compared to hand-written drafts and notes. Furthermore, this also benefits businesses in yielding more profit by cost optimization. Systematic management software invented by professional IT agencies will help enterprises to reduce their operational costs.

Secondly, the demand for computer skills has increased in almost every sector. In other words, those who have not acquired knowledge and skills in utilizing computers will alleviate their competencies in the job market. Although spending more time on this subject does not ensure the competencies of fresh graduates, it can make sure that they can have access to the world's biggest source of knowledge, the internet.

In conclusion, computer skills are thought to be ranked the same with math, writing and reading techniques. The author strongly advocates this thought because of the undeniably better efficiency for computer users and the high demand for these techniques in the job market.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "several individuals hold a thought" -> "many individuals maintain the belief"
    Explanation: Replacing "hold a thought" with "maintain the belief" enhances formality and precision, aligning with academic language norms.

  2. "crucial as other well-recognized subjects namely Math" -> "crucial like other well-established subjects, such as Mathematics"
    Explanation: The suggested change adds clarity and formality by replacing "namely" with "such as" and specifying "Mathematics" instead of the informal abbreviation "Math."

  3. "The author strongly agrees with this perspective" -> "The author firmly concurs with this viewpoint"
    Explanation: Substituting "strongly agrees" with "firmly concurs" elevates the language’s formality while maintaining the author’s position.

  4. "heightened efficiency of utilizing computers" -> "enhanced efficiency in utilizing computers"
    Explanation: The replacement of "heightened" with "enhanced" and the adjustment in structure contribute to a more academically appropriate expression.

  5. "by Powerpoint" -> "using PowerPoint"
    Explanation: The change from "by PowerPoint" to "using PowerPoint" conforms to proper grammar and usage, ensuring clarity and formality.

  6. "meeting through Google Docs, which undeniably provides" -> "meeting via Google Docs, undoubtedly yielding"
    Explanation: The suggested alterations improve the sentence structure and replace colloquial language with more formal alternatives.

  7. "hand-written drafts and notes" -> "handwritten drafts and notes"
    Explanation: The hyphenation in "hand-written" is corrected to "handwritten" for proper adjective formation.

  8. "benefits businesses in yielding more profit" -> "benefits businesses by maximizing profits"
    Explanation: The replacement of "yielding more profit" with "maximizing profits" offers a more precise and formal expression.

  9. "Systematic management software" -> "Systematic management software solutions"
    Explanation: Adding "solutions" provides a more comprehensive description, enhancing the precision of the term.

  10. "in almost every sector" -> "across diverse sectors"
    Explanation: The substitution of "in almost every sector" with "across diverse sectors" introduces a more sophisticated and inclusive expression.

  11. "those who have not acquired knowledge and skills" -> "individuals lacking proficiency and skills"
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the informal "have not acquired knowledge" with a more formal "lacking proficiency" for a more refined tone.

  12. "will alleviate their competencies in the job market" -> "may compromise their competitiveness in the job market"
    Explanation: Substituting "alleviate" with "compromise" and "competencies" with "competitiveness" refines the language and maintains a formal tone.

  13. "spending more time on this subject" -> "dedicating more time to this discipline"
    Explanation: The change from "spending more time on this subject" to "dedicating more time to this discipline" improves precision and formality.

  14. "undoubtedly better efficiency for computer users" -> "undeniably improved efficiency for computer users"
    Explanation: The replacement of "better" with "improved" enhances the precision of the statement, aligning with formal language expectations.

  15. "techniques in the job market" -> "skills demanded in the job market"
    Explanation: Substituting "techniques" with "skills" provides a more accurate representation of what is sought in the job market, adhering to academic language norms.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the belief that computer skills should be considered as important as traditional subjects like Math, reading, and writing. The two key reasons supporting this perspective are discussed, covering both efficiency in computer utilization and the growing demand for computer skills in various fields.
    • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, it could enhance its response by providing more specific examples or instances related to the demand for computer skills or improved efficiency.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, expressing a strong agreement with the idea that computer skills should be considered crucial. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, providing a cohesive narrative.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could consider anticipating and addressing potential counterarguments or contrasting views on the importance of computer skills.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Examples such as using PowerPoint and Google Docs to enhance efficiency and the impact of computer skills on job market competitiveness are well-developed and relevant.
    • How to improve: While the examples provided are strong, the essay could benefit from adding more depth to the discussion, exploring nuances or potential challenges related to the integration of computer skills in education and the workforce.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the importance of computer skills in education and the job market. However, there are a few instances where the connection between improved efficiency and the demand for computer skills could be more explicitly tied back to education.
    • How to improve: To ensure a tighter focus, the author should explicitly connect the examples of efficiency and job market demand to the education system, reinforcing the relevance of computer skills in the context of the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively presenting and supporting the position. To enhance the response, the author could provide more specific examples, anticipate counterarguments, delve deeper into the discussion, and strengthen the connection between computer skills and education.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction, stating the author’s perspective, followed by two well-defined body paragraphs presenting supporting reasons. The use of examples (Powerpoint, Google Docs) helps illustrate the points effectively. The essay concludes with a concise summary of the main arguments.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider explicitly signaling transitions between ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs. This can be achieved through the use of transitional phrases or sentences. Additionally, ensure that the progression of ideas follows a natural and sequential order.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with a clear structure in the introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally sound, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. This helps in providing a more nuanced organization of ideas within each section, enhancing the overall readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as "Primarily," "Furthermore," and "Secondly," which contribute to the overall coherence. Additionally, the use of pronouns (it, this) helps connect ideas within sentences.
    • How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases. This can include synonyms for "because," "in conclusion," or "although." This will not only enhance coherence but also add sophistication to the essay’s language.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion. To further improve, focus on explicit transitions between ideas and paragraphs, refine the structure of individual paragraphs, and diversify the use of cohesive devices for a more polished and nuanced presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, some repetition of words and phrases is evident. For example, the term "computer skills" is frequently repeated throughout the essay. Additionally, there are instances where more specific and varied vocabulary could have been employed to enhance the expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "computer skills," explore alternatives like "technological proficiency," "digital literacy," or "information technology aptitude." Varying vocabulary will not only elevate the language but also provide a more nuanced expression of the concepts discussed.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally precise use of vocabulary. However, there are a few instances where the choice of words could be more accurate. For instance, the phrase "heightened efficiency" could be more precisely replaced with terms like "enhanced productivity" or "improved effectiveness" for a clearer and more nuanced expression of the idea.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully select words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In this case, consider synonyms or alternative phrases that capture the essence of heightened efficiency more precisely. This will contribute to a more refined and polished use of vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of correct spelling. However, there are a few spelling errors, such as "Elaborating further" (should be "Elaborating further," with a lowercase ‘e’). Such errors, while minor, can impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to details such as capitalization and correct spelling of individual words. Additionally, consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Developing a habit of meticulous proofreading will contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "Elaborating further, presenting ideas to bosses by PowerPoint, summarizing a meeting through Google Docs, which undeniably provides more effective outcomes compared to hand-written drafts and notes." However, there is room for improvement as some structures are repetitive, like starting multiple sentences with "Furthermore" or "Secondly."
    • How to improve: To enhance variety, consider using different sentence openers and structures. Introduce a mix of compound and complex sentences. For instance, vary the use of introductory phrases and clauses to add sophistication to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a commendable grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "those who have not acquired knowledge and skills in utilizing computers will alleviate their competencies in the job market" could be revised for clarity. Additionally, there are a few missing articles, like "in yielding more profit by cost optimization."
    • How to improve: Consider reviewing sentence structure to ensure clarity and coherence. Proofread carefully for missing articles or prepositions. For instance, the sentence mentioned could be revised as "those who have not acquired knowledge and skills in utilizing computers may diminish their competitiveness in the job market." Also, pay attention to subject-verb agreement to avoid awkward phrasing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, enhancing sentence variety and addressing minor grammatical errors can further elevate the writing. Paying attention to precision in expression and refining sentence structures will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the rapidly evolving era, many individuals maintain the belief that computer skills should be considered as crucial as other well-established subjects, such as Mathematics, reading, and writing. The author firmly concurs with this viewpoint due to two primary reasons: the enhanced efficiency in utilizing computers and the escalating demand for computer skills across diverse sectors.

First and foremost, computer utilization significantly enhances the efficiency of individuals. To elaborate, presenting ideas to superiors using PowerPoint and summarizing meetings via Google Docs undoubtedly yield more effective outcomes compared to relying on handwritten drafts and notes. Moreover, this approach benefits businesses by maximizing profits through cost optimization, facilitated by systematic management software solutions developed by professional IT agencies.

Secondly, the demand for computer skills has risen across various sectors. In essence, individuals lacking proficiency and skills in utilizing computers may compromise their competitiveness in the job market. While dedicating more time to this discipline does not guarantee the competencies of fresh graduates, it undeniably ensures access to the world’s largest source of knowledge—the internet.

In conclusion, computer skills are considered to be as crucial as math, writing, and reading techniques. The author supports this notion strongly, emphasizing the undeniably improved efficiency for computer users and the growing demand for these skills in the job market.

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