Fossil fuels, such as coal, oil and natural gas, are the main source for many countries. However, some nations are using alternative energy such as solar power and wind power. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Fossil fuels, such as coal, oil and natural gas, are the main source for many countries. However, some nations are using alternative energy such as solar power and wind power.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some countries have been using natural green power, such as solar energy and wind energy, as alternatives to fossil fuel. While this has admittedly certain benefits, I would agree that these are overshadowed by potential drawbacks.
On the one hand, the merits of consuming natural energy is clear. One of these is posing positive impacts to the living environment globally. In other words, generating electricity from solar energy and wind energy produce little or even no either greenhouse gas emission or wastewater , which avoid both air and water pollution. In addition to this, using the new resources would create a number of economic opportunities. This is because new innovative technologies are required and a huge infrastructure would be built, which provide a wide range of job vacancies. It is evident that alternating to new energy resources is an enormous revolution, which make a world-wide impact to the economy.
On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison to the drawbacks of replacing traditional energies with cleaner natural ones. Perhaps the foremost problem would be the high expense. In another words, alternating to new method of generating energy would necessitate a significant financial resource to establish new physical facilities, which could not be affordable to all nations. In addition, producing natural resources totally depend on the weather that lead to the unstable productivity. As a consequence, there would be a huge critical damage to the manufacturing industry which demands a sustainable energy supply.
In conclusion, despite the certain the disadvantages that alternating to natural energies confer, I content its merits are far weightier.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some countries have been using natural green power" -> "Some countries have been utilizing natural green energy"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is more precise and formal than "using," and "energy" is the correct term instead of "power" in this context, which refers to the form of energy produced by natural sources.
"as alternatives to fossil fuel" -> "as alternatives to fossil fuels"
Explanation: The plural form "fuels" is necessary to match the plural subject "countries."
"admittedly certain benefits" -> "certainly several benefits"
Explanation: "Admittedly" is not typically used to introduce a statement about benefits, and "several" is more specific than "certain."
"the merits of consuming natural energy is clear" -> "the merits of using natural energy are clear"
Explanation: "Using" is the correct verb form for the context, and "are" agrees with the plural subject "merits."
"posing positive impacts to the living environment globally" -> "having a positive impact on the global environment"
Explanation: "Having a positive impact" is a more natural and precise phrase, and "global" is more appropriate than "living" in this context.
"generate electricity from solar energy and wind energy produce little or even no either greenhouse gas emission or wastewater" -> "generate electricity from solar and wind energy produce little or no greenhouse gas emissions or wastewater"
Explanation: "Emissions" is the correct term for the plural form of "emission," and "either" is incorrectly used; "or" is sufficient here.
"would create a number of economic opportunities" -> "could create numerous economic opportunities"
Explanation: "Could" is more tentative and appropriate for discussing potential outcomes, and "numerous" is more formal than "a number of."
"new innovative technologies are required and a huge infrastructure would be built" -> "new innovative technologies are required, and a significant infrastructure would be constructed"
Explanation: "Constructed" is more precise than "built" in formal writing, and "significant" is more specific than "huge."
"which provide a wide range of job vacancies" -> "which would provide a wide range of job opportunities"
Explanation: "Job opportunities" is the correct term, and "would" is necessary to indicate future possibility.
"alternating to new energy resources" -> "switching to new energy resources"
Explanation: "Switching" is the correct verb for the context of changing from one energy source to another.
"make a world-wide impact to the economy" -> "have a global impact on the economy"
Explanation: "Have a global impact" is grammatically correct and more formal than "make a world-wide impact."
"the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison to the drawbacks" -> "the aforementioned advantages are outweighed by the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Are outweighed by" is a more precise and formal way to express that one set of advantages is less significant than another.
"In another words" -> "In other words"
Explanation: "In other words" is the correct idiomatic expression.
"alternating to new method of generating energy" -> "switching to new methods of generating energy"
Explanation: "Switching" is the correct verb, and "methods" should be plural to match the context.
"could not be affordable to all nations" -> "may not be affordable for all nations"
Explanation: "May not be affordable" is more tentative and appropriate for discussing potential difficulties, and "for" is the correct preposition.
"producing natural resources totally depend on the weather" -> "the production of natural resources is totally dependent on the weather"
Explanation: "Is totally dependent on" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"would be a huge critical damage" -> "would cause significant damage"
Explanation: "Cause significant damage" is grammatically correct and more formal than "be a huge critical damage."
"content its merits are far weightier" -> "consider its merits far outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Consider its merits far outweigh the drawbacks" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "content its merits are far weightier."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of using alternative energy sources compared to fossil fuels. The writer acknowledges the benefits of renewable energy, such as environmental protection and job creation, while also highlighting drawbacks like high costs and dependency on weather conditions. However, the essay could be more explicit in stating whether the writer ultimately views the shift to alternative energy as a positive or negative development, as the conclusion is somewhat ambiguous.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A more definitive statement on whether they believe the development is positive or negative would strengthen the overall argument and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards viewing the shift to alternative energy as negative, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The introduction suggests that the benefits are overshadowed by drawbacks, yet the conclusion states that the merits are "far weightier," which creates confusion regarding the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent position by clearly articulating their viewpoint in each paragraph. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" at the beginning of key points can help clarify the writer’s stance. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in the conclusion with a clear restatement of their position would provide better coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as the environmental benefits of renewable energy and the economic opportunities it creates. However, some points lack depth and sufficient support. For instance, while the writer mentions the high costs of transitioning to renewable energy, they do not provide specific examples or data to illustrate this point, which weakens the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. Incorporating statistics, case studies, or specific instances of countries that have successfully transitioned to renewable energy or faced challenges can help substantiate claims and make the argument more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of alternative energy sources. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of economic opportunities, which could be more closely tied to the main argument about the positive or negative nature of the development.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the central question of whether the shift to alternative energy is positive or negative. A helpful strategy is to explicitly link each point back to the thesis statement, reinforcing how it supports the overall argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, clarity in position, depth of support, and explicit connections to the prompt can be improved to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally organized logically, with the first paragraph discussing the advantages of alternative energy and the second addressing the disadvantages. However, the transitions between points could be smoother. For example, the phrase "On the one hand" effectively introduces the first argument, but the transition to the counterargument could be more explicit to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases that indicate a shift from one argument to another. For instance, instead of simply stating "On the other hand," a phrase such as "Conversely, it is important to consider the drawbacks" would provide a stronger signal to the reader. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which helps the reader follow the writer’s line of reasoning. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. For instance, the first body paragraph could benefit from more detailed examples or evidence to support the claims made about the benefits of alternative energy.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. Expanding on points with specific examples or data can also strengthen the argument. For example, when discussing job creation, mentioning specific sectors or types of jobs that could be generated would provide more depth.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In addition," "On the one hand," and "On the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "alternating to" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluency of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "alternating to," you might use "transitioning to," "shifting towards," or "moving away from." Additionally, using devices such as "furthermore," "however," and "consequently" can enhance the flow of ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of energy sources, such as "natural green power," "solar energy," "wind energy," and "fossil fuel." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "natural energy" and "new energy resources." Additionally, terms like "alternating to" and "new method of generating energy" could be varied for better lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "natural energy," you could use "renewable energy" or "sustainable energy." Additionally, phrases like "transitioning to" or "shifting towards" could replace "alternating to" for more variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "natural green power" is somewhat redundant, as "natural" and "green" convey similar meanings. The expression "pale in comparison" is used correctly, but the phrase "alternating to new method" should be "transitioning to new methods" for better precision. Furthermore, "huge critical damage" is awkward and could be expressed more clearly as "significant damage."
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on using terms that accurately convey your intended meaning. For example, replace "natural green power" with "renewable energy sources." Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate, such as using "transitioning to" instead of "alternating to."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact the overall quality. For instance, "either greenhouse gas emission" should be "either greenhouse gas emissions," and "which avoid both air and water pollution" should be "which avoids both air and water pollution." Additionally, "alternating" is incorrectly used in place of "transitioning" or "switching."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing yourself with the correct forms of vocabulary related to the topic can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For example, the writer uses complex sentences such as "While this has admittedly certain benefits, I would agree that these are overshadowed by potential drawbacks." However, there is a tendency to rely on simpler structures, which limits the overall variety. Phrases like "One of these is posing positive impacts to the living environment globally" could be more effectively expressed with varied structures, such as passive voice or conditional sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex and compound sentences. For instance, instead of saying "In addition to this, using the new resources would create a number of economic opportunities," the writer could say, "Moreover, the utilization of these new resources not only creates numerous economic opportunities but also fosters innovation in technology." Practicing sentence transformation exercises and reading a variety of academic texts can help in understanding and applying different structures effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "the merits of consuming natural energy is clear" should be "the merits of consuming natural energy are clear" to match the plural subject with the correct verb form. Additionally, the phrase "which avoid both air and water pollution" is awkward; it should be "which avoids both air and water pollution." Punctuation errors include the misuse of commas, such as in "which could not be affordable to all nations," where a comma before "which" is unnecessary.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of singular and plural forms. A thorough review of grammar rules, particularly those concerning verb forms and agreement, will be beneficial. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding clauses and commas, can enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for corrections before final submission.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the IELTS writing task.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some countries have been utilizing natural green energy, such as solar power and wind energy, as alternatives to fossil fuels. While this certainly has several benefits, I would argue that these are overshadowed by potential drawbacks.

On the one hand, the merits of using natural energy are clear. One significant advantage is that it has a positive impact on the global environment. In other words, generating electricity from solar and wind energy produces little or no greenhouse gas emissions or wastewater, which helps to avoid both air and water pollution. Additionally, using these new resources could create numerous economic opportunities. This is because new innovative technologies are required, and a significant infrastructure would need to be constructed, which would provide a wide range of job opportunities. It is evident that switching to new energy resources represents a substantial revolution that could have a global impact on the economy.

On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned advantages are outweighed by the drawbacks of replacing traditional energy sources with cleaner natural ones. Perhaps the foremost problem is the high expense. In other words, switching to new methods of generating energy would necessitate a significant financial investment to establish new facilities, which may not be affordable for all nations. Furthermore, the production of natural resources is totally dependent on the weather, which can lead to unstable productivity. As a consequence, this could cause significant damage to the manufacturing industry, which demands a reliable energy supply.

In conclusion, despite the certain advantages that switching to natural energies offers, I believe that its drawbacks are more significant.