Full-time students spend a lot of time studying, but some people say that they should be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Full-time students spend a lot of time studying, but some people say that they should be involved in other activities too.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

it is true that students spend their full-time to academic pursuits; however, many argue that students should participate extracurricular activities. I completely agree this view point as participating in other activities is essential in a student’s overall development.

First, extracurricular involvement student develop vital life skills. beyond academic knowledge, students can promote various soft skills such as leadership, teamwork, and social communication. For example, engaging in activities, such as sport, talent clubs, students have opportunities to cultivate these skills in practical environment. Furthermore, these experiences engender cofidence and sociable with the community , thus these activites can a significant foundation for personal development.

Second , students take part in non-academic activities contribute to cultivate better their physical and mental health. Study at high level can be mentally draining, leading to issues like stress, burnout and even depression. Therefore, extracurricular activities such as music, dancing, singing clubs , which improve both physical and mental well-being. For instance, Singapore’s lecture at school often connect with academic knowledge and outside activities, making students comfortable and unwind in each hour for study.

In conclusion, I firmly agree that students should take part in activities beyond their studies. Not only do these activities promote their skills, but also they ensure their physical and emotional balance, generating better academic outcomes in the long run.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "it is true that" -> "it is indeed the case that"
   Explanation: "It is indeed the case that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a statement, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

2. "spend their full-time to academic pursuits" -> "devote their full-time to academic pursuits"
   Explanation: "Devote" is more precise and formal than "spend" in this context, emphasizing the commitment and dedication to academic activities.

3. "I completely agree this view point" -> "I completely agree with this viewpoint"
   Explanation: Correcting the spacing and adding "with" clarifies the prepositional phrase, ensuring grammatical accuracy and formal tone.

4. "extracurricular involvement student develop" -> "extracurricular involvement helps students develop"
   Explanation: "Helps students develop" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the subject-verb agreement, improving readability and formality.

5. "beyond academic knowledge" -> "beyond academic knowledge"
   Explanation: Removing "beyond" corrects the redundancy, as "beyond" is implied by the phrase "extracurricular activities."

6. "engaging in activities, such as sport, talent clubs" -> "participating in activities such as sports and talent clubs"
   Explanation: "Participating" is more specific and formal than "engaging," and "sports" should be plural to match the plural "activities."

7. "practical environment" -> "practical settings"
   Explanation: "Settings" is more specific and academically appropriate than "environment" in this context, referring to the context of extracurricular activities.

8. "these experiences engender cofidence and sociable with the community" -> "these experiences foster confidence and sociability within the community"
   Explanation: "Foster" is more precise than "engender," and "sociability" is the correct form of the noun. "Within" is also more appropriate than "with" in this context.

9. "these activites" -> "these activities"
   Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.

10. "students take part in non-academic activities contribute to cultivate better their physical and mental health" -> "students’ participation in non-academic activities contributes to the cultivation of their physical and mental health"
    Explanation: "Contributes to the cultivation of" is more formal and precise, and "students’ participation" is grammatically correct.

11. "Study at high level" -> "studying at a high level"
    Explanation: "Studying" is the correct gerund form needed here, and "a" should precede "high level."

12. "leading to issues like stress, burnout and even depression" -> "leading to issues such as stress, burnout, and depression"
    Explanation: "Such as" is more formal than "like," and a comma is needed after "burnout" for proper punctuation.

13. "Singapore’s lecture at school often connect with academic knowledge and outside activities" -> "Singaporean lectures at school often connect with academic knowledge and extracurricular activities"
    Explanation: "Singaporean" is the correct adjective form, and "extracurricular activities" is the correct term.

14. "making students comfortable and unwind in each hour for study" -> "enabling students to feel comfortable and relaxed during each study session"
    Explanation: "Enabling" is more formal than "making," and "relaxed" is more appropriate than "unwind," which is an informal idiom. "During each study session" is clearer and more formal than "in each hour for study."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating that students should engage in extracurricular activities, which is a clear response to the question. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The essay could benefit from a more nuanced discussion that considers potential counterarguments or the balance between academic and extracurricular commitments.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position regarding the extent of their agreement or disagreement. Including a brief acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint (e.g., the importance of focusing solely on academics) could provide a more balanced perspective. Additionally, the writer could elaborate on why they believe extracurricular activities are essential, perhaps by discussing specific benefits or examples.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of extracurricular activities, but it lacks consistency in articulating this stance. Phrases like "I completely agree this viewpoint" are somewhat vague and could be more assertively stated. The conclusion reiterates the main argument but does not emphasize the extent of agreement as requested by the prompt.
  • How to improve: The writer should maintain a clear and assertive tone throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "I fully support" can help convey conviction. Additionally, reiterating the main position in each paragraph can reinforce the writer’s stance and ensure clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay introduces relevant ideas, such as the development of life skills and the benefits to physical and mental health. However, the support for these ideas is underdeveloped. For instance, the example of Singapore’s educational approach is vague and lacks detail, which diminishes its effectiveness in supporting the argument.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more specific examples and elaborate on how these examples support their claims. For instance, instead of simply stating that extracurricular activities improve well-being, the writer could discuss specific studies or statistics that demonstrate this effect. Additionally, expanding on each point with more detailed explanations would enhance the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of extracurricular activities. However, there are moments where the connection to the main argument becomes tenuous, such as in the discussion of Singapore’s educational system, which could be more directly tied to the benefits of extracurricular involvement.
  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that each point made directly supports the central argument regarding the importance of extracurricular activities. Avoiding tangential discussions and maintaining a clear link between examples and the main thesis will help keep the essay focused and relevant.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, it requires more depth, clarity, and specific examples to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these areas will significantly improve the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of students participating in extracurricular activities, supported by two main points. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing life skills to mental health is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear connective statement that ties these ideas together.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, you could introduce the second point with a phrase like, "In addition to developing life skills, extracurricular activities also play a crucial role in enhancing students’ physical and mental health." This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a basic paragraph structure, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more structured development. For instance, the first paragraph lacks a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, and the second paragraph could be better organized to separate the discussion of physical and mental health.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each one with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each supporting sentence directly relates to the topic sentence. For example, in the second paragraph, you could separate the discussion of physical health from mental health into two distinct sentences or even consider creating two paragraphs if the content warrants it.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "therefore," which help to link ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For instance, the phrase "engaging in activities, such as sport, talent clubs" lacks a clear connection to the preceding sentence, making the flow less cohesive.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "additionally," "moreover," or "on the other hand" to introduce new ideas or contrast points. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity. For instance, rephrasing "students can promote various soft skills such as leadership" to "students can develop various soft skills, such as leadership, through participation in activities" would improve clarity and cohesion.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially increasing its band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "extracurricular involvement," "vital life skills," and "mental well-being." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "students should participate extracurricular activities" could be improved by using synonyms like "engage in" or "take part in." Additionally, the use of "activities" is repeated multiple times without variation.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "activities," alternatives like "pursuits," "engagements," or "endeavors" could be employed. Reading widely and noting diverse vocabulary in context can also help in expanding lexical variety.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "student develop vital life skills" where "students" should be plural. Additionally, the phrase "engender cofidence and sociable with the community" is unclear; "sociable" is used incorrectly and should be replaced with a more appropriate term like "connections" or "relationships." The phrase "making students comfortable and unwind" is also awkward; "unwind" should be "unwound" or "relax."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should proofread for grammatical accuracy and clarity. Using a thesaurus can help find more suitable words, but it’s essential to ensure that the chosen words fit the context. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and correctness can also aid in this area.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "cofidence" (confidence), "activites" (activities), and "view point" (viewpoint). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, along with a focus on spelling, will also help in reducing errors over time.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in lexical resource. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and correcting spelling errors, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "it is true that" and "I completely agree this view point" shows an attempt at complexity, but the latter contains grammatical errors that hinder clarity. The sentence "First, extracurricular involvement student develop vital life skills" lacks proper structure, as it should be "involvement helps students develop." Overall, while there are some varied structures, they often lack accuracy and coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "First" and "Second," you could use phrases like "In addition" or "Moreover." Additionally, practice writing sentences that combine multiple clauses effectively, ensuring that each clause is grammatically correct.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "participate extracurricular activities" should be "participate in extracurricular activities." The phrase "students take part in non-academic activities contribute to cultivate better their physical and mental health" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., "Second,") and incorrect spacing (e.g., "dancing, singing clubs ,") detract from the overall readability.
  • How to improve: Focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, proper preposition use, and the correct placement of commas. It may be helpful to review basic grammar rules and practice writing sentences that adhere to these rules. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help you internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and some relevant points, improving the range and accuracy of grammatical structures and punctuation will enhance overall clarity and coherence. Regular practice and revision will be key to achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed the case that students devote their full time to academic pursuits; however, many argue that they should also engage in extracurricular activities. I completely agree with this viewpoint, as participating in other activities is essential for a student’s overall development.

First, extracurricular involvement helpsstudents develop vital life skills. Beyond academic knowledge, students can cultivate various soft skills such as leadership, teamwork, and social communication. For example, by participating in activities such as sports and talent clubs, students have opportunities to nurture these skills in practical settings. Furthermore, these experiences foster confidence and sociability within the community, thus providing a significant foundation for personal development.

Second, students’ participation in non-academic activities contributes to the cultivation of their physical and mental health. Studying at a high level can be mentally draining, leading to issues such as stress, burnout, and depression. Therefore, engaging in extracurricular activities such as music, dance, and singing clubs can greatly enhance both physical and mental well-being. For instance, Singaporean lectures at school often connect academic knowledge with extracurricular activities, enabling students to feel comfortable and relaxed during each study session.

In conclusion, I firmly agree that students should take part in activities beyond their studies. Not only do these activities promote essential skills, but they also ensure a balance in their physical and emotional well-being, ultimately leading to better academic outcomes in the long run.