Full-time students spend a lot of time studying, but some people say that they should be involved in other activities too.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by a number of people that students should spend most of their personal schedule on studying, otherwise, some argue that they are supposed to participate in some extracurricular activities. In my opinion, I agree with the latter.
On the one hand, there may be one main reason why students have a tendency to learn all the time. Nowadays, a significant increase has appeared in the number of universities that require potential portfolios from students to assess their academic performance and eligibility for admission. Therefore, a majority of people are likely to enhance their knowledge about academic subjects including technology, nature and history in order to have brilliant academic transcripts. For example, a huge number of universities in Vietnam often request the academic records of high school students on a yearly basis to select the most gifted people such as Foreign Trade University and Ton Duc Thang University.
On the other hand, there are many obvious rationales why some people suggest that non-academic subjects should be promoted . First of all, there are many activities besides learning that can help students to release their stress after a harsh period during school time such as cooking, taking part in a sport or camping. In addition, one can identify their new passion while they are attending one of those activities and have an opportunity to access more people who come from distinguished backgrounds so that students may probably broaden their horizons. Secondly, participating in activities with relatives or friends may be one of the best methods for students to connect the linkage of their own relationships as well as the way for them to boost their soft skills like teamwork or leadership.
In conclusion, although there are advantages to both sides, I would consent to doing more activities to find out the potential talent.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is believed by a number of people" -> "It is widely believed"
Explanation: Simplifying "a number of people" to "widely" enhances the formality and conciseness of the statement, aligning better with academic style.
"spend most of their personal schedule on studying" -> "devote a significant portion of their time to academic pursuits"
Explanation: "Devote a significant portion of their time to academic pursuits" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague "personal schedule" and the colloquial "on studying."
"otherwise, some argue that they are supposed to participate" -> "others contend that they should engage in"
Explanation: "Others contend that they should engage in" is more formal and precise than "some argue that they are supposed to participate," which sounds informal and less specific.
"there may be one main reason" -> "there is a primary reason"
Explanation: "There is a primary reason" is more assertive and academically appropriate than "there may be one main reason," which is less definitive.
"a significant increase has appeared" -> "a significant increase has occurred"
Explanation: "Has occurred" is more precise and formal than "has appeared," which is less commonly used in academic contexts to describe changes in numbers.
"a majority of people are likely to enhance" -> "many students seek to improve"
Explanation: "Many students seek to improve" is more specific and academically appropriate than "a majority of people are likely to enhance," which is vague and informal.
"academic subjects including technology, nature and history" -> "academic disciplines such as technology, natural sciences, and history"
Explanation: "Academic disciplines such as technology, natural sciences, and history" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "academic subjects including."
"a huge number of universities" -> "numerous universities"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal and academically appropriate than "a huge number," which is colloquial.
"the academic records of high school students" -> "the academic transcripts of high school students"
Explanation: "Academic transcripts" is the correct term for the documents requested by universities, replacing the less specific "academic records."
"the most gifted people" -> "the most academically talented students"
Explanation: "The most academically talented students" is more specific and formal than "the most gifted people," which is vague and informal.
"release their stress" -> "relieve their stress"
Explanation: "Relieve their stress" is a more formal and precise term than "release their stress," which is slightly informal.
"taking part in a sport or camping" -> "participating in sports or camping"
Explanation: "Participating in sports or camping" is grammatically correct and more formal than "taking part in a sport or camping," which is awkwardly phrased.
"have an opportunity to access more people" -> "have the opportunity to interact with a broader range of individuals"
Explanation: "Have the opportunity to interact with a broader range of individuals" is more formal and precise than "have an opportunity to access more people," which is vague and informal.
"may probably broaden their horizons" -> "may broaden their horizons"
Explanation: Removing "probably" corrects the redundancy and maintains the formal tone of the sentence.
"the best methods for students to connect the linkage of their own relationships" -> "the most effective methods for students to strengthen their interpersonal relationships"
Explanation: "The most effective methods for students to strengthen their interpersonal relationships" is more precise and formal than "the best methods for students to connect the linkage of their own relationships," which is awkward and unclear.
"boost their soft skills like teamwork or leadership" -> "enhance their soft skills, such as teamwork and leadership"
Explanation: "Enhance their soft skills, such as teamwork and leadership" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "like," which is not appropriate in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether full-time students should focus solely on studying or also engage in extracurricular activities. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, agreeing with the need for involvement in other activities. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement, as the prompt asks for a degree of agreement or disagreement rather than a binary choice.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clarify their stance more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion. For example, stating "I strongly agree" or "I partially agree" would provide a clearer answer to the prompt. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more structured discussion of the implications of both sides.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that extracurricular activities are important for students. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. The first paragraph discusses the importance of academic focus, which may create some confusion about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph consistently supports their main argument. This can be achieved by reiterating the importance of extracurricular activities after presenting the opposing view, perhaps by linking back to the main argument at the end of each paragraph.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the importance of extracurricular activities, such as stress relief and skill development. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the mention of cooking and sports is relevant, the essay could elaborate on how these activities specifically benefit students.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific skills gained from team sports or the social benefits of cooking classes would add depth. Additionally, using statistics or studies to support claims could enhance the argument’s credibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the balance between studying and extracurricular activities. However, some sentences could be more concise, as they introduce ideas that may distract from the main argument. For example, the mention of universities in Vietnam could be streamlined to focus more on the implications of academic pressure rather than specific institutions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly contributes to the main argument. This can be achieved by revisiting the prompt periodically during the writing process to ensure that all points made are relevant to the question asked. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentences can help maintain clarity and relevance.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, improvements can be made in clarity, depth of argumentation, and focus on the prompt to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with a discernible structure. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and states the writer’s position. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sides of the argument, which helps the reader follow the progression of ideas. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the reasons for focusing solely on academics to the benefits of extracurricular activities could be more explicitly signposted.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, summarizing the main point of the first paragraph before transitioning to the second could reinforce the argument’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the reasons for prioritizing academics, while the second addresses the benefits of extracurricular activities. However, the conclusion could be more developed to encapsulate the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs, rather than introducing new ideas about potential talent.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points made in the body paragraphs. This could involve restating the main arguments in a concise manner, reinforcing the overall message of the essay. Additionally, consider including a final thought or recommendation to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "For example" is used, but further elaboration on how the example supports the argument could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition," to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each example provided is explicitly linked back to the main argument to clarify its relevance.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "extracurricular activities," "academic performance," and "broaden their horizons." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of terms related to education and activities. For instance, "students," "activities," and "academic" are used frequently without much variation.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "students," you could use "learners," "pupils," or "scholars." Additionally, incorporating more specific vocabulary related to the types of extracurricular activities (e.g., "volunteering," "arts," "sports") would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "significant increase has appeared in the number of universities" could be more succinctly expressed as "the number of universities has significantly increased." Furthermore, the phrase "the most gifted people" lacks clarity; it would be more precise to say "the most academically gifted students."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and conciseness in word choice. Review sentences to identify areas where more precise language could replace vague terms. For instance, instead of "obvious rationales," consider "clear reasons" or "compelling arguments." This will enhance the overall clarity of your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "rationales" (correctly spelled) but misused in context, and "linkage" which is less common in this context and could be replaced with "connections." The phrase "brilliant academic transcripts" could be interpreted as a misuse of "brilliant," which typically describes something impressive rather than a document.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing frequently and use spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling and usage in context.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, addressing these areas for improvement will help elevate the score. Focus on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "there are many obvious rationales why some people suggest that non-academic subjects should be promoted" show an understanding of complex sentence formation. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "a significant increase has appeared in the number of universities," which could be more naturally expressed.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, using phrases like "In addition to this," or "Conversely," can help create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, practicing the use of conditional sentences or more sophisticated structures, such as participial phrases, can further diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "students should spend most of their personal schedule on studying" could be improved to "students should spend most of their personal time studying." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing comma before "such as cooking," can disrupt the flow of reading. The use of "may probably" is redundant, as "may" already implies possibility.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence clarity and eliminating redundancy. Reviewing the rules of punctuation, especially regarding lists and clauses, can help ensure that sentences are well-structured. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common errors, can also be beneficial. Reading more academic texts can provide insights into proper grammar usage and help internalize correct structures.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to specific areas of improvement will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed by many that students should devote a significant portion of their time to academic pursuits. However, others contend that they should engage in extracurricular activities as well. In my opinion, I agree with the latter perspective.

On the one hand, there is a primary reason why students tend to focus heavily on their studies. Nowadays, a significant increase has occurred in the number of universities that require potential portfolios from students to assess their academic performance and eligibility for admission. Consequently, many students seek to improve their knowledge in academic disciplines such as technology, natural sciences, and history to achieve outstanding academic transcripts. For example, numerous universities in Vietnam often request the academic records of high school students annually to select the most academically talented individuals, such as those applying to Foreign Trade University and Ton Duc Thang University.

On the other hand, there are many compelling reasons why some people suggest that non-academic subjects should be promoted. First of all, there are various activities outside of studying that can help students relieve their stress after a demanding period in school, such as cooking, participating in sports, or camping. Additionally, students may discover new passions while engaging in these activities and have the opportunity to interact with a broader range of individuals from diverse backgrounds, which may broaden their horizons. Secondly, participating in activities with friends or family can be one of the most effective methods for students to strengthen their interpersonal relationships and enhance their soft skills, such as teamwork and leadership.

In conclusion, although there are advantages to both sides, I would advocate for students to engage in more activities to uncover their potential talents.