give a description of the chart

The illustration presents information about the number of people using London Underground station from 6 am to 10 pm on a daily basis. Looking from an overall perspective, the number of passengers is greatest in the early morning and late aftemoon. In addition, the fluctuation of the figure in the other periods tends to be less remarkable.
It can be seen from the line graph that passenger numbers start at 100 at 6:00 am then increase dramatically to a peak of 400 by 8.00 am, followed by a steep decline of 200 passengers by 10.00 am. The next two-hour period witnesses a gradual rise to around 300; however, the figure drops again at 4pm to below 100, one fourth of the highest point.
The late afternoon period shares the trend of the early morning with a peak of nearly 380 and the lowest point of 120. Then, the figure rises and falls once more, ending at around 140 at 10.00pm- the end of the day.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Looking from an overall perspective" -> "Viewed holistically"
Explanation: "Viewed holistically" is a more precise and academically formal way to describe considering the data as a whole, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"the number of passengers is greatest" -> "the highest number of passengers occurs"
Explanation: "The highest number of passengers occurs" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague and slightly informal "is greatest," which is better suited for everyday conversation than academic writing.
"late aftemoon" -> "late afternoon"
Explanation: "Aftemoon" is not a standard term and can be confusing. "Afternoon" is the correct and universally accepted term for the period between noon and evening.
"the fluctuation of the figure in the other periods tends to be less remarkable" -> "the fluctuations in other periods are relatively less significant"
Explanation: "The fluctuations in other periods are relatively less significant" uses more precise language and avoids the vague "tends to be," which is less formal and less specific.
"start at 100 at 6:00 am" -> "begin at 100 at 6:00 am"
Explanation: "Begin" is a more formal synonym for "start," which aligns better with the academic style of writing.
"dramatically to a peak of 400" -> "rapidly to a peak of 400"
Explanation: "Rapidly" is more precise and formal than "dramatically," which can imply emotional intensity, which is not suitable for an academic context.
"a steep decline of 200 passengers" -> "a significant decline of 200 passengers"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "steep," which can be seen as colloquial or overly dramatic.
"The next two-hour period witnesses a gradual rise" -> "The subsequent two-hour period exhibits a gradual increase"
Explanation: "Exhibits" is more formal than "witnesses," and "increase" is more precise than "rise," which is slightly informal and less specific in this context.
"one fourth of the highest point" -> "one-quarter of the highest point"
Explanation: "One-quarter" is the correct numerical expression, whereas "one fourth" is a less formal and less precise term.
"The late afternoon period shares the trend" -> "The late afternoon period follows the same trend"
Explanation: "Follows the same trend" is clearer and more direct than "shares the trend," which is less specific and can be ambiguous.
"nearly 380" -> "approximately 380"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "nearly," which can be seen as less precise and slightly informal.
"the lowest point of 120" -> "the lowest point of 120 passengers"
Explanation: Adding "passengers" clarifies what is being referred to, enhancing the clarity and specificity of the statement.
"Then, the figure rises and falls once more" -> "Subsequently, the figure increases and decreases again"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Then," and "increases and decreases" is more precise than "rises and falls," which can be seen as less formal and less specific.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but the details are not always accurate. For example, the essay states that the number of passengers drops to below 100 at 4pm, but the graph shows that it drops to around 150. The essay also states that the figure rises and falls once more at the end of the day, but the graph shows that it only rises once.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate details about the data. The writer should also avoid making generalizations about the data, such as stating that the fluctuation of the figure in the other periods tends to be less remarkable. Instead, the writer should focus on providing specific details about the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, and a range of cohesive devices are used appropriately to link sentences and ideas. However, there are instances of under-use or over-use of cohesive devices, and some transitions between ideas could be smoother.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Ensure that cohesive devices are used more naturally and effectively. Avoid over-reliance on certain phrases and aim for a variety of linking words.
Smooth Transitions: Work on making transitions between ideas and paragraphs smoother. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next.
Consistent Paragraphing: While the essay uses paragraphing appropriately, it could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph is consistently well-developed and clearly linked to the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, effectively describing the chart’s trends and figures. However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary that are sometimes inaccurate, such as "aftemoon" instead of "afternoon," which indicates a spelling error. Additionally, while the vocabulary used is generally appropriate, it lacks the sophistication and flexibility seen in higher band scores. The errors present do not impede communication but do detract from the overall lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring accuracy in word choice and spelling. Incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary, as well as avoiding repetition, would help convey meanings more effectively. Practicing with synonyms and collocations can also improve the fluency and flexibility of language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While it conveys the main ideas and trends from the chart, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity. For instance, "late aftemoon" contains a spelling error, and the phrase "the fluctuation of the figure in the other periods tends to be less remarkable" could be more clearly articulated. Overall, the errors do not severely impede communication, but they are noticeable and detract from the overall quality.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammar and punctuation. This includes proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring that complex sentences are structured correctly. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of grammatical structures and ensuring that the majority of sentences are error-free would enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The illustration presents information about the number of people using the London Underground station from 6 am to 10 pm on a daily basis. Looking from an overall perspective, the number of passengers is greatest in the early morning and late afternoon. In addition, the fluctuations in passenger numbers during other periods tend to be less significant.

It can be seen from the line graph that passenger numbers start at 100 at 6:00 am, then increase dramatically to a peak of 400 by 8:00 am, followed by a steep decline of 200 passengers by 10:00 am. The next two-hour period witnesses a gradual rise to around 300; however, the figure drops again at 4:00 pm to below 100, which is one-fourth of the highest point.

The late afternoon period mirrors the trend of the early morning, with a peak of nearly 380 and a lowest point of 120. Subsequently, the figure rises and falls once more, ending at around 140 at 10:00 pm, marking the end of the day.