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globalization

globalization

Over the past few decades, globalization has led to increased collaborations and exchanges between developed and developing countries. While some argue that globalization has been beneficial for both groups of countries, others maintain that it has been advantageous for developed countries while devastating for developing countries. In this report, we will investigate which group of countries receives more benefits from globalization.In order to understand how globalization has affected developed and developing countries, it is necessary to examine the different ways in which each group of countries has benefited from globalization. We will first discuss the advantages and disadvantages of globalization for both groups of countries. We will then consider the evidence for whether developed or developing countries have been more successful in reaping the benefits of globalization. Finally, we will offer our assessment of which group of countries has received more benefits from globalization.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Over the past few decades" -> "In recent decades"
    Explanation: "Over the past few decades" is slightly informal; replacing it with "In recent decades" maintains a formal tone and is more commonly used in academic writing.

  2. "advantageous" -> "favorable"
    Explanation: While "advantageous" is not incorrect, replacing it with "favorable" adds a touch of formality and is often preferred in academic contexts.

  3. "devastating" -> "detrimental"
    Explanation: "Devastating" may carry a more emotional tone, so replacing it with "detrimental" provides a more neutral and academically suitable alternative.

  4. "investigate" -> "examine"
    Explanation: While "investigate" is not inappropriate, using "examine" in this context conveys a more structured and formal approach to the study.

  5. "necessary" -> "essential"
    Explanation: While "necessary" is acceptable, using "essential" enhances the formality of the sentence and is often favored in academic writing.

  6. "advantages and disadvantages" -> "benefits and drawbacks"
    Explanation: This change provides a more varied and sophisticated way of expressing the positive and negative aspects of globalization.

  7. "reaping the benefits" -> "capitalizing on the advantages"
    Explanation: "Reaping the benefits" is a common phrase, but replacing it with "capitalizing on the advantages" adds a more formal and precise touch to the statement.

  8. "assessment" -> "evaluation"
    Explanation: While "assessment" is not incorrect, using "evaluation" imparts a slightly more formal and rigorous tone, aligning better with academic writing conventions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does not fully address all parts of the question. While it acknowledges the debate about the impact of globalization on developed and developing countries, it lacks a clear statement on which group benefits more. The essay should explicitly state the author’s position on this issue, providing a more direct response to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To improve, the author should clearly state their position on whether developed or developing countries benefit more from globalization. Additionally, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is directly addressed in the body paragraphs, providing a well-rounded response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a consistent and clear position throughout. While it mentions exploring which group benefits more, it does not maintain a strong stance on the matter. The absence of a decisive position affects the overall clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author should establish a strong and consistent position from the introduction and maintain it throughout the essay. Clearly express whether developed or developing countries benefit more from globalization, and support this stance with compelling arguments.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents the topic but lacks depth in extending and supporting ideas. There is a lack of specific examples or evidence to bolster the arguments. It briefly mentions advantages and disadvantages without elaborating or providing real-world examples.
    • How to improve: To improve, the author should extend and support ideas with relevant examples, data, or case studies. This will enhance the credibility and persuasiveness of the arguments, making the essay more compelling and well-supported.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the impact of globalization on developed and developing countries. However, there is a need for greater specificity and focus on the prompt’s central question of which group benefits more.
    • How to improve: To stay more closely on topic, the author should consistently tie the discussion back to the central question of whether developed or developing countries receive more benefits from globalization. Avoid general statements and maintain a clear link to the main theme throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It follows a clear structure by introducing the topic, outlining the plan to discuss advantages and disadvantages, presenting evidence, and concluding with an assessment. However, there is room for improvement in the development of each section to enhance the clarity of the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing more detailed and specific examples within each section. This will help readers follow the progression of your ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph connects seamlessly to the next, creating a cohesive narrative.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed, with a clear separation of ideas. However, some paragraphs could benefit from more in-depth development, especially in presenting evidence and analysis. Additionally, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother for a more seamless flow.
    • How to improve: Work on developing each paragraph by providing more depth and elaboration on your points. Ensure that the transition sentences between paragraphs guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. This will contribute to a more cohesive and well-structured essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the strategic use of these devices to strengthen the connections between ideas and enhance the overall flow.
    • How to improve: While the essay includes cohesive devices, pay attention to the placement and relevance of these devices. Ensure that they are strategically used to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. This will create a more seamless and coherent presentation of your arguments.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To improve, focus on providing more detailed examples, developing paragraphs further, and strategically using cohesive devices for a smoother and more connected flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It uses words and phrases relevant to the topic of globalization, but there is room for improvement in the diversity of vocabulary. For instance, terms like "collaborations," "advantages and disadvantages," and "reaping the benefits" are adequately employed, but the essay could benefit from incorporating a broader array of vocabulary to enhance precision and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To broaden your vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative expressions for key concepts. For example, instead of repeatedly using "benefits," explore words like "advantages," "gains," or "positives." Additionally, introduce specialized terms related to globalization to add depth and complexity to your writing.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally precise; however, there are instances where more precise terms could be employed. For example, the phrase "reaping the benefits" could be specified with a more precise term, such as "harvesting the economic advantages." On the positive side, terms like "advantages and disadvantages" effectively convey the idea of weighing pros and cons.
    • How to improve: Aim for specificity by using terms that precisely convey the intended meaning. Consider substituting general phrases with more nuanced expressions. In this context, replacing broad terms like "consider the evidence" with more specific phrases such as "analyze statistical data" can enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances where typographical errors or minor misspellings are present. For example, in the sentence "In this report, we will investigate which group of countries receives more benefits from globalization," the word "receives" might be confused with "receipeves."
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, carefully proofread your work, and consider using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, pay attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure consistency in your writing. Developing a habit of revisiting your work with a focus on spelling will contribute to overall accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It employs both complex and compound sentences, contributing to a decent grammatical range. For example, the essay uses introductory phrases, such as "Over the past few decades" and "In order to understand," adding variety and depth to the sentences. However, the essay could benefit from incorporating more complex structures, such as relative clauses or conditional sentences, to further enhance its sophistication.
    • How to improve: To elevate the grammatical range, consider integrating complex sentence structures. For instance, instead of merely presenting straightforward ideas, incorporate relative clauses to provide additional information within sentences. Additionally, explore the use of conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations, thereby diversifying the essay’s overall structure.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a good command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are generally well-structured, and grammatical errors are infrequent. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement is not entirely accurate. For instance, in the sentence "While some argue that globalization has been beneficial," the singular subject "some" should be paired with the singular verb "argues."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement. Proofread the essay to identify and correct instances where agreement is inconsistent. Additionally, consider using a variety of punctuation marks to add clarity and precision. For instance, experiment with semicolons and dashes to connect related ideas and create a more dynamic flow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical details. By incorporating more complex sentence forms and addressing occasional subject-verb agreement issues, the essay can further elevate its language sophistication and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent decades, globalization has fostered increased collaborations and exchanges between developed and developing countries. While some argue that globalization has brought favorable outcomes for both sets of nations, others contend that it has been advantageous for developed countries while proving detrimental to developing ones. In this analysis, we aim to examine which group of countries has capitalised on the advantages of globalization to a greater extent.

To comprehend the impact of globalization on developed and developing countries, it is essential to assess the various ways in which each group has derived benefits. Initially, we will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of globalization for both sets of countries. Subsequently, we will evaluate the evidence to determine whether developed or developing countries have been more successful in capitalizing on the advantages of globalization. Lastly, we will offer our assessment regarding which group of countries has received more benefits from this global phenomenon.

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