fbpx

Government should invest in teaching science subjects rather than other subjects for country development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Government should invest in teaching science subjects rather than other subjects for country development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The discussion of concentrating in one subject is frequently viewed as a pervasive and significant topic in educational forum. While some people argue that the government should foster the study of science in schools than other subjects due to the expectation of escalating world in the future, I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective.
First and foremost, it is indispensable that many offspring have more opportunities to engage in science-related courses such as biology, chemistry, and medical. Delving deeper one can see that countries may have more proficient doctors to treat their residents. The appearance of laboratories and research institution appeal a huge of labor taking part in the progress of medicine generation. To be more specific, in Covid-19, all developed countries invented different cure and have outreach programs to sell for another nation around the world which benefit for economy’s country. Therefore, the investment on science field doesn’t only grow the medicine field but also upgrade the quality of life.
On the other hand, we can’t image a picture without technology. Within the epoch of evolving science, individuals may easily get access to modern equipment with the newest version for serving their needs. As you can see, nations have more scientists and engineers fast progresses towards success compared to the emerging countries about industry, agriculture and also economy. Each nation is trying to become supreme over others, and this is only plausible only if the states concern with training workers on science-related fields because they would be able to invent cutting-edged technology contribute back to economy.
In conclusion, this essay provides a compelling case for agreement with the reliance on governments to enhance scientific fields. To yield additional advantages concerning this issue, it is advisable that maintaining the significance of science in awareness of people in order to have more genius and well-rounded scientists in the field.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "concentrating in one subject" -> "specializing in one subject"
    Explanation: "Concentrating" is somewhat vague and informal in this context. "Specializing" is more precise and commonly used in academic discussions about education, indicating a focused area of study.

  2. "foster the study of science" -> "promote the study of science"
    Explanation: "Foster" can imply nurturing or encouraging, which is less specific in this context. "Promote" is more direct and commonly used in academic contexts to describe the advancement of a subject.

  3. "than other subjects" -> "over other subjects"
    Explanation: "Than" is grammatically incorrect in this context. "Over" is the correct comparative form needed to compare one subject to others.

  4. "the expectation of escalating world" -> "the expectation of an escalating world"
    Explanation: Adding "an" before "escalating world" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.

  5. "offspring" -> "students"
    Explanation: "Offspring" is an unusual and incorrect term in this context. "Students" is the appropriate term for referring to individuals in educational settings.

  6. "appeal a huge of labor" -> "attract a large number of workers"
    Explanation: "Appeal a huge of labor" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Attract a large number of workers" is grammatically correct and clearer.

  7. "have outreach programs to sell for another nation" -> "develop outreach programs to provide to other nations"
    Explanation: "Sell" is incorrect in this context, as it implies commercial activity. "Provide" is more appropriate for describing the distribution of resources or services.

  8. "benefit for economy’s country" -> "benefit the country’s economy"
    Explanation: "Benefit for economy’s country" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Benefit the country’s economy" is grammatically correct and clearer.

  9. "the investment on science field" -> "investment in the science field"
    Explanation: "The investment on" is grammatically incorrect. "Investment in" is the correct prepositional phrase for discussing investment in a field.

  10. "we can’t image a picture" -> "we cannot imagine a picture"
    Explanation: "We can’t" is too informal and incomplete. "We cannot" is the correct form for formal writing.

  11. "Within the epoch of evolving science" -> "In the era of evolving science"
    Explanation: "Epoch" is less commonly used to describe a period of time in this context. "Era" is more appropriate and widely accepted in academic writing.

  12. "fast progresses towards success" -> "rapid progress towards success"
    Explanation: "Fast progresses" is grammatically incorrect. "Rapid progress" is the correct form, and "towards" is the correct preposition.

  13. "cutting-edged technology" -> "cutting-edge technology"
    Explanation: "Cutting-edged" is a typographical error. "Cutting-edge" is the correct term for describing the latest or most advanced technology.

  14. "concern with training workers" -> "concerned with training workers"
    Explanation: "Concern with" is grammatically incorrect. "Concerned with" is the correct form, indicating a state of being preoccupied or focused on something.

  15. "well-rounded scientists" -> "well-rounded scientists"
    Explanation: This is a typographical error. The word "scientists" should not be repeated unnecessarily.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of government investment in science subjects. The introduction sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this stance. For instance, the discussion about the importance of science for producing proficient doctors and the role of technology in economic development directly relates to the prompt. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the counterargument regarding the importance of other subjects, which is only briefly acknowledged.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a more balanced discussion by acknowledging the value of other subjects, such as the arts or humanities, in fostering a well-rounded education. This would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved in educational investment and provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the prioritization of science education. Phrases like "I wholeheartedly agree" and the concluding statement reinforce this stance. However, the clarity could be improved by avoiding vague phrases such as "we can’t image a picture without technology," which may confuse the reader about the intended message.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use precise language and avoid ambiguous expressions. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in each paragraph with clear topic sentences would help to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of investing in science, such as improved healthcare and technological advancement. Each point is somewhat supported with examples, such as the reference to Covid-19 and the need for proficient doctors. However, some ideas lack depth; for instance, the mention of "cutting-edged technology" is vague and could benefit from specific examples or elaboration.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should provide more specific examples and data where possible. For instance, citing specific technological advancements or successful science programs in various countries would make the argument more compelling. Additionally, expanding on how these advancements directly contribute to national development would enhance the essay’s persuasiveness.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of science education. However, there are moments where the discussion strays slightly, such as the mention of "the newest version for serving their needs," which could be interpreted as somewhat off-topic and lacks clarity in relation to the main argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central argument of the essay. Avoiding vague statements and ensuring that every sentence contributes to the main thesis will help keep the essay tightly focused on the topic at hand.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong engagement with the prompt and presents a clear argument in favor of investing in science education. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of investing in science education, with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction sets the stage by stating the author’s agreement with the prompt, and the body paragraphs each focus on specific benefits of prioritizing science. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the impact on healthcare, while the second addresses technological advancements. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, as some points feel slightly disjointed, particularly in the second body paragraph where the connection between technology and economic growth could be more explicitly stated.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could use clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the thesis. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" would help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph has a main idea, but the development within paragraphs can be uneven. For example, the first paragraph introduces several concepts but does not fully elaborate on the connection between laboratories and economic benefits. The conclusion, while summarizing the argument, introduces new ideas about public awareness that could have been integrated earlier in the essay.
    • How to improve: Strengthening paragraph development by ensuring that each point is fully explained and supported with examples will enhance clarity. The writer should also avoid introducing new concepts in the conclusion; instead, it should serve as a summary of the main points discussed.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost" and "on the other hand," which help in structuring the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Therefore" is used to link ideas, but the reasoning leading to that conclusion could be more explicitly stated to strengthen the connection.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Using devices such as "for instance," "as a result," and "in contrast" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used appropriately and effectively will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "indispensable," "proficient," "laboratories," and "cutting-edged technology." However, there are instances where the vocabulary appears repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the term "science" is used frequently without sufficient synonyms or related terms to diversify the language.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "science," alternatives like "scientific disciplines," "STEM education," or "scientific fields" could be utilized. Additionally, phrases like "technological advancements" or "scientific innovation" could replace simpler expressions to add depth.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While there are some precise uses of vocabulary, such as "indispensable" and "proficient," there are also instances of imprecise or awkward phrasing. For example, the phrase "the expectation of escalating world in the future" is vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways. Similarly, "appeal a huge of labor" is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness. For instance, the phrase could be revised to "attract a large workforce" to convey the intended meaning more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct will enhance overall clarity. The writer should also consider using more specific terms when discussing concepts, such as specifying "technological advancements" instead of just "technology."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "image" instead of "imagine," "cutting-edged" instead of "cutting-edge," and "economy’s country" which is awkward and incorrect. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing. By incorporating a broader range of vocabulary, ensuring precise language use, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "While some people argue that…" and "To be more specific, in Covid-19…" shows an attempt to incorporate more complex structures. However, the overall range is limited, with several sentences being overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as "The appearance of laboratories and research institution appeal a huge of labor taking part in the progress of medicine generation." This sentence lacks clarity and sophistication, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences more effectively. Incorporating more varied conjunctions and transition phrases can enhance the flow of ideas. For example, instead of saying "On the other hand, we can’t image a picture without technology," the writer could say, "Conversely, it is difficult to envision a future without the integration of technology." This not only improves complexity but also clarity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "appeal a huge of labor" and "cutting-edged technology contribute back to economy" are grammatically incorrect and lack proper structure. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas that would help clarify meaning, particularly in complex sentences. For example, "Therefore, the investment on science field doesn’t only grow the medicine field but also upgrade the quality of life" could benefit from a comma before "but" to separate the two independent clauses.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles (e.g., "the investment in the science field"). Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also help identify and correct recurring mistakes. Additionally, careful proofreading for punctuation errors can enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and some varied sentence structures, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical accuracy and range will significantly improve the overall quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The discussion of concentrating on one subject is frequently viewed as a pervasive and significant topic in educational forums. While some people argue that the government should promote the study of science in schools over other subjects due to the expectation of an escalating world in the future, I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective.

First and foremost, it is indispensable that many students have more opportunities to engage in science-related courses such as biology, chemistry, and medicine. Delving deeper, one can see that countries may have more proficient doctors to treat their residents. The appearance of laboratories and research institutions attracts a large number of workers to participate in the progress of medical innovation. To be more specific, during Covid-19, all developed countries invented different cures and developed outreach programs to provide to other nations around the world, which benefits the country’s economy. Therefore, investment in the science field doesn’t only grow the medical sector but also upgrades the quality of life.

On the other hand, we cannot imagine a picture without technology. In the era of evolving science, individuals may easily access modern equipment with the newest versions to serve their needs. As you can see, nations with more scientists and engineers make rapid progress towards success compared to emerging countries in terms of industry, agriculture, and the economy. Each nation is trying to become supreme over others, and this is only plausible if the states are concerned with training workers in science-related fields because they would be able to invent cutting-edge technology that contributes back to the economy.

In conclusion, this essay provides a compelling case for agreement with the reliance on governments to enhance scientific fields. To yield additional advantages concerning this issue, it is advisable to maintain the significance of science in the awareness of people in order to cultivate more genius and well-rounded scientists in the field.

Bài viết liên quan

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này