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Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the arts (eg. music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the arts (eg. music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The question of the division of funds can become quite an issue at times, with a debate even over whether public services should be prioritized over the arts. In my opinion, I think prioritizing key basic services such as health, education, and infrastructure is crucial for the greater good of society; nevertheless, I find the arts of immense importance and well deserving of hefty funding.
Advocates for spending government money on public services believe that these directly impact the quality of people lives. For instance, improved health and lower mortality rates when healthcare is improved translate to a more productive workforce; investment in education translates to an informed populace, driving innovation and economic growth; and a robust infrastructure supports commerce and mobility, benefiting the economy. With such compelling benefits accruing to it, prioritizing immediate societal needs over artistic pursuits seems reasonable.
But to neglect the arts would be a basic mistake. The arts provide cultural identity, community cohesiveness, and emotional expression. Public arts projects can add flair to an inner-city environment, making it more exciting and welcoming to both residents and tourists. Participatory arts have also demonstrated therapeutic benefits, promoting psychological health and social inclusion. While public services hold significant importance, we cannot quantify the additional benefits of the arts to society. At the same time, such priorities can and need to be weighed against governments based on diverse needs.
In conclusion, it is sensible that the government expenditure should focus much on public services but not slight the arts. It is important in their own right and for a properly balanced view of development in society. By balancing public services with support for the arts, governments can work toward a well-rounded society prepared to succeed in an increasingly complex world. Therefore, I adopt a balanced view that recognizes the dependency of both aspects on each other, necessary in government expenditure.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "can become quite an issue" -> "can become a significant issue"
    Explanation: "Quite an issue" is somewhat informal and vague. "A significant issue" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic tone better.

  2. "In my opinion, I think" -> "I believe"
    Explanation: The phrase "In my opinion, I think" is redundant. "I believe" is a more concise and direct expression suitable for academic writing.

  3. "well deserving of hefty funding" -> "deserving of substantial funding"
    Explanation: "Hefty" is somewhat informal and colloquial. "Substantial" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

  4. "Advocates for spending government money" -> "Advocates for allocating government funds"
    Explanation: "Spending government money" is a bit informal and imprecise. "Allocating government funds" is more specific and formal.

  5. "the quality of people lives" -> "the quality of people’s lives"
    Explanation: The possessive form "people’s" is necessary to correctly indicate that the quality of life belongs to the people.

  6. "improved health and lower mortality rates" -> "enhanced health and reduced mortality rates"
    Explanation: "Improved" and "lower" are somewhat vague and informal. "Enhanced" and "reduced" are more precise and formal.

  7. "a robust infrastructure" -> "a robust infrastructure"
    Explanation: This is a correction to remove the unnecessary article "a" before "infrastructure," as it is an uncountable noun.

  8. "basic mistake" -> "fundamental error"
    Explanation: "Basic mistake" is informal and somewhat colloquial. "Fundamental error" is more precise and formal.

  9. "add flair to an inner-city environment" -> "enhance the aesthetic appeal of an urban environment"
    Explanation: "Add flair" is informal and vague. "Enhance the aesthetic appeal" is more specific and formal.

  10. "making it more exciting and welcoming" -> "rendering it more vibrant and inviting"
    Explanation: "Making it more exciting and welcoming" is informal and lacks precision. "Rendering it more vibrant and inviting" uses more formal vocabulary.

  11. "Participatory arts" -> "participatory arts"
    Explanation: This is a correction to maintain consistency in capitalization for proper nouns.

  12. "such priorities can and need to be weighed against governments" -> "such priorities must be weighed against government policies"
    Explanation: "Can and need to" is redundant and informal. "Must be weighed against government policies" is more direct and formal.

  13. "It is important in their own right" -> "They are important in their own right"
    Explanation: "It" is incorrect here; "They" refers correctly to the arts, which are the subject being discussed.

  14. "a well-rounded society prepared to succeed" -> "a well-rounded society capable of succeeding"
    Explanation: "Prepared to succeed" is less formal and slightly vague. "Capable of succeeding" is more precise and formal.

  15. "necessary in government expenditure" -> "essential in government expenditures"
    Explanation: "Necessary" is somewhat informal and vague. "Essential" is more formal and precise, and "expenditures" should be plural to match the context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding government spending on public services versus the arts. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, which is that while public services should be prioritized, the arts also deserve funding. This balanced approach is maintained throughout the essay, with specific examples provided for both public services (healthcare, education, infrastructure) and the arts (cultural identity, community cohesiveness).
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which they agree or disagree with the statement. For instance, stating a percentage or degree of agreement (e.g., "I agree to a large extent") would clarify their position further. Additionally, incorporating a counterargument could strengthen the discussion by addressing potential criticisms of their stance.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that supports the prioritization of public services while recognizing the importance of the arts. The writer consistently articulates this dual perspective, particularly in the conclusion, where they reiterate the need for balance. However, the phrase "I adopt a balanced view" could be perceived as vague, slightly undermining the clarity of their position.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in a more definitive manner, perhaps by using stronger language to emphasize their agreement or disagreement with the prompt. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the central argument would help reinforce their stance throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas and supports them with relevant examples. For instance, the benefits of improved healthcare and education are effectively linked to societal productivity and innovation. The discussion on the arts highlights their cultural and therapeutic value, which adds depth to the argument. However, some ideas could be further extended; for example, the mention of "public arts projects" could benefit from a specific example or case study to illustrate its impact.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more concrete examples or data to support their claims. This could include statistics on the economic impact of the arts or specific case studies of successful public service initiatives. Additionally, elaborating on how the arts and public services can complement each other would provide a more nuanced discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with all points relevant to the discussion of government spending priorities. The writer successfully avoids digressions, maintaining a clear connection to the prompt. However, the phrase "such priorities can and need to be weighed against governments based on diverse needs" is somewhat ambiguous and could be interpreted as straying from the main argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should clarify ambiguous statements and ensure that every sentence directly contributes to the argument. Simplifying complex phrases and ensuring that each point is clearly tied back to the main thesis will help in maintaining a tighter focus on the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-rounded argument. With slight adjustments in clarity, specificity, and depth of examples, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph follows a coherent progression of ideas, with the first body paragraph focusing on the benefits of public services and the second addressing the importance of the arts. This organization effectively guides the reader through the argument. For example, the transition from discussing public services to the arts is smooth, with the writer acknowledging the significance of both areas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea of that section. Additionally, using transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs could further clarify the relationship between ideas, such as "On the other hand" when shifting from public services to the arts.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion are clearly delineated, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. The body paragraphs are well-developed, with relevant examples supporting the main points.
    • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could benefit from ensuring that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the main point and reinforces the overall argument. This would help to solidify the connection between the ideas presented and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and referencing, to link ideas within and between sentences. Phrases like "for instance" and "at the same time" effectively connect thoughts and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied expressions, which would enhance the sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more transitional phrases and linking words, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely," to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, using synonyms or paraphrasing when referring back to previously mentioned concepts could improve cohesion and avoid repetition.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively utilizing terms related to both public services and the arts. Phrases such as "greater good of society," "compelling benefits," and "community cohesiveness" illustrate a strong command of language. The use of varied vocabulary helps to convey nuanced arguments, which is essential for achieving a higher band score.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more synonyms and less common expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "importance," alternatives like "significance" or "value" could be employed. Additionally, including more sophisticated vocabulary related to economic and cultural discussions could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "public services hold significant importance" could be more effectively expressed as "public services are of paramount importance," which conveys a stronger sense of urgency and necessity. The term "hefty funding" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with "substantial funding" for a more formal tone.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning more accurately. This can be achieved by reviewing synonyms and understanding their connotations. For example, using "allocate" instead of "spending" when discussing government funds could enhance clarity and precision in the context of budgetary discussions.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "prioritizing," "investment," and "expenditure" are spelled correctly, reflecting the writer’s attention to detail and proficiency in English.
    • How to improve: To maintain this level of accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Engaging with a variety of texts can also expose the writer to correct spellings in context, further solidifying their spelling skills.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates a balanced perspective on the allocation of government funds. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "Advocates for spending government money on public services believe that these directly impact the quality of people lives" showcases the writer’s ability to connect ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, which enhances readability and engagement. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced, such as "For instance" and "At the same time."
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "For instance," alternatives like "To illustrate," "A notable example is," or "This is evident in" could be employed. Additionally, varying the placement of subordinate clauses could enhance complexity and interest.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the quality of people lives" should be corrected to "the quality of people’s lives." Punctuation is mostly accurate, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and ideas. However, there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "but not slight the arts" in the conclusion, where a comma would help delineate the contrasting ideas more clearly.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay close attention to possessive forms, as seen in the aforementioned example. Regular proofreading can help catch such errors. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially concerning the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. The writer could benefit from revisiting rules for comma usage in compound sentences and when introducing clauses to ensure that their writing is as clear as possible.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the writer’s balanced view on the topic. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of the allocation of funds can become a significant issue at times, with ongoing debates about whether public services should be prioritized over the arts. In my opinion, I believe that prioritizing essential services such as health, education, and infrastructure is crucial for the greater good of society; nevertheless, I find the arts to be immensely important and deserving of substantial funding.

Advocates for allocating government funds to public services argue that these directly impact the quality of people’s lives. For instance, improved health and reduced mortality rates resulting from enhanced healthcare translate to a more productive workforce; investment in education leads to an informed populace, driving innovation and economic growth; and a robust infrastructure supports commerce and mobility, benefiting the economy. With such compelling benefits accruing to public services, prioritizing immediate societal needs over artistic pursuits seems reasonable.

However, to neglect the arts would be a fundamental error. The arts provide cultural identity, community cohesiveness, and emotional expression. Public arts projects can enhance the aesthetic appeal of an urban environment, rendering it more vibrant and inviting to both residents and tourists. Participatory arts have also demonstrated therapeutic benefits, promoting psychological health and social inclusion. While public services hold significant importance, we cannot overlook the additional benefits that the arts bring to society. At the same time, such priorities must be weighed against government policies based on diverse needs.

In conclusion, it is sensible for government expenditure to focus primarily on public services while not diminishing the value of the arts. They are important in their own right and contribute to a properly balanced view of development in society. By balancing public services with support for the arts, governments can work toward a well-rounded society capable of succeeding in an increasingly complex world. Therefore, I adopt a balanced view that recognizes the interdependence of both aspects, which are essential in government expenditures.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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