Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In contemporary society, governments should allocate budgets for railways instead of roadways. I strongly agree that this kind of scheme would be a good idea.
Railway traffic, or railway transport, is one kind of form to carry or transport goods or passengers by train and bring various benefits to the community. Firstly, railway traffic properties are continuously moving; trains achieve faster speeds; therefore, people will spend less time comuting. For example, when we travel by train, it will reduce highway gridlock and traffic congestion in big cities and avoid unexpected crashes. Secondly, the trains always have fixed timetables; people could be proactive in terms of time. Moreover, transportation would be more comfortable because customers don't need to ride vehicles by themselves. In fact, they could take a rest or enjoy the view along the railways.
Government investment for rail traffic is important for globalization progress. Including transportation by rail is the most effective form. This is because the train has a higher capacity, could contain a large amount of goods, will avoid consuming energy, and is more fuel-efficient than other vehicles. Therefore, moving by train can lower greenhouse gas emissions, reduce emissions of particulate matter and nitrogen oxides. On average, rail transport rates are lower than road transport. More specifically, moving by train does not depend on fuel's coast, like a car or bus.
In my conclusion, government spending budgets for railways will be upgraded with a growing modern road infrastructure system, providing high flexibility and more benefits in transportation.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In contemporary society" -> "In the contemporary society"
   Explanation: Adding "the" before "contemporary society" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.

2. "I strongly agree that this kind of scheme would be a good idea." -> "This proposal is strongly supported"
   Explanation: Replacing "I strongly agree that this kind of scheme would be a good idea" with "This proposal is strongly supported" removes the personal pronoun and shifts the focus to the objective analysis, enhancing the academic tone.

3. "Railway traffic, or railway transport, is one kind of form to carry or transport" -> "Railway transport is a mode of carrying or transporting"
   Explanation: Simplifying "one kind of form to carry or transport" to "a mode of carrying or transporting" clarifies the meaning and uses more precise academic language.

4. "properties are continuously moving" -> "properties are constantly in motion"
   Explanation: "Constantly in motion" is a more precise and formal way to describe the continuous movement of trains.

5. "people will spend less time comuting" -> "travelers will spend less time commuting"
   Explanation: "Travelers" is a more specific term than "people," and "commuting" is the correct spelling.

6. "highway gridlock and traffic congestion" -> "highway congestion and traffic congestion"
   Explanation: Removing "gridlock" as it is redundant when combined with "traffic congestion," as both refer to similar traffic issues.

7. "the trains always have fixed timetables" -> "trains operate on fixed timetables"
   Explanation: "Operate on fixed timetables" is a more formal and precise way to describe the scheduling of trains.

8. "people could be proactive in terms of time" -> "passengers can plan their schedules accordingly"
   Explanation: "Passengers can plan their schedules accordingly" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "people could be proactive in terms of time."

9. "don’t need to ride vehicles by themselves" -> "do not need to drive themselves"
   Explanation: "Do not need to drive themselves" is more direct and formal, avoiding the contraction "don’t" and the vague "ride vehicles."

10. "Including transportation by rail is the most effective form" -> "Rail transportation is the most effective mode"
    Explanation: "Rail transportation is the most effective mode" is more concise and uses more formal terminology.

11. "could contain a large amount of goods" -> "can transport large quantities of goods"
    Explanation: "Can transport large quantities of goods" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague "could contain."

12. "will avoid consuming energy" -> "is energy-efficient"
    Explanation: "Is energy-efficient" is a more concise and formal way to describe the energy usage of trains.

13. "moving by train can lower greenhouse gas emissions" -> "train travel reduces greenhouse gas emissions"
    Explanation: "Train travel reduces greenhouse gas emissions" is more direct and formal, avoiding the passive construction "moving by train can lower."

14. "moving by train does not depend on fuel’s coast" -> "train travel is not dependent on fuel costs"
    Explanation: "Train travel is not dependent on fuel costs" corrects the spelling of "coast" to "costs" and uses a more formal structure.

15. "will be upgraded with a growing modern road infrastructure system" -> "will be enhanced by a growing modern road infrastructure"
    Explanation: "Will be enhanced by" is more precise and formal than "will be upgraded with," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by arguing in favor of government spending on railways over roads. It presents a clear stance of strong agreement, which is essential for the task. However, while the essay outlines benefits of railways, it lacks a thorough exploration of the implications of this choice, such as potential drawbacks of neglecting road infrastructure. The essay could have benefited from a more balanced view that acknowledges the importance of both transport systems.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider discussing the potential downsides of focusing solely on railways, such as the need for road transport in rural areas or the costs associated with building and maintaining railway systems. Including a counterargument would provide a more nuanced perspective and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The position is clear from the beginning, with the writer stating their strong agreement with the prompt. The essay maintains this position throughout, although the conclusion could be more emphatic in reiterating the main argument. The transitions between points are somewhat abrupt, which can detract from the overall coherence of the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, use transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. Reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion with a summary of key points would also strengthen the overall clarity of the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the argument for railways, such as reduced traffic congestion, energy efficiency, and lower greenhouse gas emissions. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, while the essay mentions the comfort of train travel, it does not provide specific examples or data to support this claim. Additionally, some ideas, like the mention of globalization, are introduced but not fully developed.
  • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, provide specific examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of rail transport. Expanding on points like the impact of reduced emissions with concrete data or case studies would make the argument more compelling.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages of railways. However, there are moments where the discussionbecomes slightly tangential, such as the mention of "globalization progress," which feels disconnected from the main argument. This could confuse readers about the relevance of certain points.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point directly relates to the argument about government spending on railways versus roads. Avoid introducing ideas that do not directly support the thesis. If a point seems relevant but tangential, consider omitting it or integrating it more seamlessly into the overall argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of the prompt, smoother transitions, deeper elaboration of ideas, and a tighter focus on the main argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, advocating for government spending on railways over roads. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument. However, the organization within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of railways in terms of speed and comfort, but it could be more logically structured by grouping similar ideas together. The transition from discussing speed to comfort feels abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using a more structured approach where each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the argument. For example, one paragraph could focus solely on environmental benefits, while another could discuss economic advantages. Clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the effectiveness of these paragraphs varies. The first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better separated into distinct paragraphs. For example, the discussion on speed and comfort could each warrant their own paragraph, allowing for deeper exploration of each point. Additionally, the conclusion feels somewhat rushed and does not effectively summarize the key points made in the essay.
  • How to improve: Implementing a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each main idea will improve readability. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and ends with a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. This will help reinforce the overall argument and provide a more cohesive reading experience.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and the essay occasionally feels repetitive in its transitions. For example, the phrase "this is because" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "on the other hand," and "consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain reader interest and improve cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate terms related to the topic, such as "allocate budgets," "railway transport," and "traffic congestion." However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "railway traffic" and "transport," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the vocabulary. The use of phrases like "good idea" is too simplistic for an academic essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "transport," alternatives like "conveyance" or "transit" could be used. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more complex vocabulary related to transportation and infrastructure would elevate the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "this kind of scheme would be a good idea" is vague and lacks specificity. Additionally, the term "railway traffic properties" is awkward and unclear. The phrase "avoid consuming energy" is misleading, as all forms of transport consume energy to some extent.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using terms that accurately convey their intended meaning. For example, instead of "good idea," they could say "a strategic investment." Clarifying phrases like "railway traffic properties" to something more specific, such as "the operational advantages of rail transport," would enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "comuting" (should be "commuting") and "coast" (should be "cost"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the topic can help reduce errors. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly would also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute significantly to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("I strongly agree that this kind of scheme would be a good idea.") and compound sentences ("This is because the train has a higher capacity, could contain a large amount of goods, will avoid consuming energy, and is more fuel-efficient than other vehicles."). However, the use of complex sentences is limited. For instance, the sentence "Railway traffic, or railway transport, is one kind of form to carry or transport goods or passengers by train and bring various benefits to the community." could be restructured for clarity and variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the trains always have fixed timetables; people could be proactive in terms of time," it could be rephrased as "Because the trains always have fixed timetables, people can plan their journeys more effectively." Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and transitions can help create a more dynamic flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "comuting" is a spelling error that should be corrected to "commuting." The phrase "could contain a large amount of goods, will avoid consuming energy" lacks parallel structure; it should be "could contain a large amount of goods and avoid consuming energy." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "this kind of scheme would be a good idea," which could be more directly stated as "this approach is beneficial."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help catch mistakes. Furthermore, practicing sentence construction to ensure parallelism and clarity will enhance the overall quality. For example, revising sentences to maintain consistent verb forms and structures will improve coherence. Lastly, paying attention to punctuation, especially in complex sentences, will help clarify meaning and improve readability.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, governments should allocate budgets for railways rather than roadways. I strongly agree that this proposal is strongly supported by various advantages.

Railway transport is a mode of carrying goods or passengers by train and brings numerous benefits to the community. Firstly, railway properties are constantly in motion; trains achieve faster speeds, which means that travelers will spend less time commuting. For example, when we travel by train, it can significantly reduce highway congestion and traffic congestion in large cities, thereby avoiding unexpected accidents. Secondly, trains operate on fixed timetables, allowing people to be proactive in managing their time. Moreover, transportation becomes more comfortable because passengers do not need to drive themselves. In fact, they can relax or enjoy the view along the railway.

Government investment in rail transport is crucial for the progress of globalization. Rail transportation is the most effective mode, as trains have a higher capacity and can transport large quantities of goods. Additionally, it is energy-efficient compared to other vehicles. Therefore, train travel reduces greenhouse gas emissions and lowers emissions of particulate matter and nitrogen oxides. On average, rail transport rates are lower than those of road transport. More specifically, traveling by train is not dependent on fuel costs, unlike cars or buses.

In conclusion, government spending on railways will be enhanced by a growing modern road infrastructure system, providing greater flexibility and more benefits in transportation.