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Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals.
Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

Nowadays, it is neccessary for people to care about health services. However, they are made quite costly for civilians by private companies. In my point of view, private health care has more advantaegeous than disadvantaegeous.
There are only two main drawbacks of private health care . Firstly, the cost is very expensive. The pantients have to pay huge amount of extra money out some services. For instance, people have to pay more than standard one and spend more money on after working hours of doctors when they use vip room. Secondly, it is inconvenient for people who want to go to private hospitals are far away. Because they are often located in some big cities.
However, private health care has many benefits. The first is flexibility. It provide services all day, 24/07 service, so patients are able to take care immediately. In addition, they can easily make an appointment with the doctor by simply contacting them via phone or email. The second is luxury quality service. Private hospitals have many good doctors who are graduated from top universities. Moreover, private hopitals have modern medical equipments, it may diagnose more accurately. Therefore, patients may receive good treatment. Besides, there are many services such as vip rooms and foods. For example, the illness can order foods from menu instead of preparing by their family.
In conclusion, private health care is popular in daily life. Although it has some disadvantages, it has more advantages. I think private companies should lower costs to make them more affordable to ordinary people.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

  2. "neccessary" -> "necessary"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "necessary," ensuring the proper use of the word in formal writing.

  3. "made quite costly for civilians" -> "rendered quite costly for civilians"
    Explanation: "Rendered" is a more formal verb that accurately conveys the action of making something costly, improving the academic tone.

  4. "In my point of view" -> "In my view"
    Explanation: "In my view" is a more concise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.

  5. "advantaegous" -> "advantageous"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "advantageous," ensuring the proper use of the word in formal writing.

  6. "disadvantaegous" -> "disadvantageous"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "disadvantageous," ensuring the proper use of the word in formal writing.

  7. "The pantients" -> "Patients"
    Explanation: Corrects the typo to "Patients," maintaining the formal tone and accuracy.

  8. "out some services" -> "for certain services"
    Explanation: "For certain services" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "out some services."

  9. "pay huge amount of extra money" -> "pay a significant amount of additional money"
    Explanation: "A significant amount of additional money" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

  10. "after working hours of doctors" -> "outside of regular doctor’s hours"
    Explanation: "Outside of regular doctor’s hours" is a more formal and clear way to describe the time period beyond standard working hours.

  11. "vip room" -> "VIP room"
    Explanation: Corrects the capitalization to "VIP" for proper noun usage, enhancing the formality.

  12. "24/07 service" -> "24/7 service"
    Explanation: Corrects the typo to "24/7," ensuring the correct representation of continuous service.

  13. "it provide" -> "it provides"
    Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement to "provides" to match the singular subject "it."

  14. "luxury quality service" -> "high-quality service"
    Explanation: "High-quality" is a more precise and formal term than "luxury quality," which is somewhat redundant and informal.

  15. "private hopitals" -> "private hospitals"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "hospitals," ensuring accuracy and professionalism.

  16. "it may diagnose more accurately" -> "it can diagnose more accurately"
    Explanation: "Can" is more assertive and appropriate in formal academic writing than "may," which implies possibility rather than capability.

  17. "the illness can order foods" -> "patients can order food"
    Explanation: "Patients" is the correct subject, and "food" is the correct noun form, replacing the awkward and incorrect "the illness can order foods."

  18. "private health care is popular in daily life" -> "private healthcare is widely used in daily life"
    Explanation: "Widely used" is a more precise and formal way to describe the prevalence of private healthcare, replacing the vague "popular."

  19. "it has more advantages" -> "it offers more advantages"
    Explanation: "Offers" is a more formal verb that fits better in academic writing than "has," which is less specific in this context.

  20. "lower costs to make them more affordable to ordinary people" -> "reduce costs to make them more accessible to the general public"
    Explanation: "Reduce" is a more precise verb than "lower," and "the general public" is a more formal and inclusive term than "ordinary people."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of private health care. The author identifies two main drawbacks—high costs and accessibility issues—while also highlighting benefits such as flexibility and quality of service. However, the analysis of the disadvantages is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, the discussion on costs could be expanded to include the implications of high costs on different socioeconomic groups, and the accessibility issue could explore how it affects rural populations specifically.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides. The author should aim to provide more examples and elaborate on the implications of the disadvantages, as well as consider additional advantages that may exist, such as shorter wait times or advanced technology.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the introduction could be clearer in stating this position, as phrases like "in my point of view" could be more assertive. Additionally, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother to reinforce the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and use stronger language to assert their viewpoint. Transitional phrases could be employed to guide the reader more effectively between the discussion of disadvantages and advantages, reinforcing the argument that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of private health care. However, the support for these ideas is often superficial. For example, while the author mentions "luxury quality service," they do not provide sufficient evidence or examples to illustrate how this impacts patient outcomes. The mention of "good doctors" and "modern medical equipment" is a good start, but it lacks depth in explaining why these factors are significant.
    • How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the author should include more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific technologies or treatment outcomes associated with private health care could strengthen the argument. Additionally, providing statistical data or studies that illustrate the benefits of private health care could add credibility to the claims made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of private health care. However, there are moments where the relevance could be improved. For instance, the mention of "vip rooms and foods" could be seen as tangential to the main argument about health care services, as it does not directly relate to the quality of medical care.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that all points made directly contribute to the central argument. It would be beneficial to prioritize discussing aspects of private health care that have a direct impact on patient care and outcomes, rather than ancillary services that may not be as critical to the overall assessment of health care quality.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more robust support for ideas, and a tighter focus on the central argument. By addressing these areas, the author can enhance the overall effectiveness of their essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing drawbacks and advantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing drawbacks to advantages is abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses solely on disadvantages, but the second paragraph could benefit from a clearer link to the previous point, perhaps by summarizing the drawbacks before moving on to the advantages.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, a sentence like "Despite these disadvantages, private health care offers several significant benefits" would create a smoother transition. Additionally, outlining the main points before writing can help maintain a logical progression throughout the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with separate sections for disadvantages and advantages. However, the paragraphs could be better developed. The first paragraph on disadvantages is quite short and lacks depth, while the advantages section is more detailed. This imbalance can disrupt the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraph lengths and depth. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and examples. For the disadvantages, consider elaborating on the inconvenience of distance by discussing how it affects access to care and potentially leads to worse health outcomes. This would provide a more comprehensive view of the drawbacks.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In addition," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions feel repetitive. For instance, the use of "the first" and "the second" could be varied to maintain reader interest and enhance flow.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Secondly," consider alternatives like "To begin with," "Moreover," or "On the other hand" for contrasting points. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help maintain cohesion without redundancy. For instance, instead of repeating "private health care," use "this system" or "such services" in subsequent mentions.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms related to health care such as "private health care," "patients," "services," and "doctors." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly with the use of "expensive," "cost," and "money." For example, phrases like "very expensive" and "huge amount of extra money" could be varied to enhance the richness of the language.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. Instead of repeating "expensive," alternatives like "costly," "pricey," or "financial burden" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "financial implications" or "economic strain" would diversify the vocabulary and demonstrate a broader lexical range.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "more advantaegeous than disadvantaegeous" is awkward and unclear. The term "pantients" is a misspelling of "patients," which detracts from the clarity of the writing. Furthermore, the phrase "the illness can order foods from menu" is vague and incorrectly structured.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using clear and accurate terms. Instead of "advantaegeous," the writer could use "beneficial" or "favorable." Additionally, restructuring sentences for clarity, such as changing "the illness can order foods" to "patients can order food," would improve the overall precision of the vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, including "neccessary" (necessary), "advantaegeous" (advantageous), "pantients" (patients), "hopitals" (hospitals), and "equipments" (equipment). These errors can significantly impact the readability and professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling quizzes or apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For example, the sentence "However, they are made quite costly for civilians by private companies" is a straightforward construction. The use of phrases like "In my point of view" and "The first is flexibility" indicates a tendency towards formulaic expressions rather than varied sentence forms. Additionally, the essay relies heavily on basic conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but") to connect ideas, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less sophisticated.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "The second is luxury quality service," you could say, "Another significant advantage of private health care is the luxury quality of service it offers, which includes access to highly qualified medical professionals." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence openings can also enhance the overall complexity of your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity and professionalism. For example, the misspelling of "necessary" as "neccessary" and "advantageous" as "advantaegeous" indicates a lack of attention to detail. Additionally, the phrase "the pantients have to pay huge amount of extra money out some services" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "patients have to pay a huge amount of extra money for some services." Punctuation errors include the unnecessary space before the period in "drawbacks of private health care ."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify mistakes before submission. Additionally, practicing specific grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and correct article usage, will strengthen your writing. For punctuation, ensure that you are familiar with the rules regarding commas, periods, and other punctuation marks, and practice writing sentences that adhere to these rules. Reading more academic texts can also help you internalize correct grammar and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument regarding private health care, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, it is necessary for people to prioritize health services. However, private companies have rendered them quite costly for ordinary individuals. In my view, private health care offers more advantages than disadvantages.

There are only two main drawbacks of private health care. Firstly, the costs are very high. Patients often have to pay a significant amount of additional money for certain services. For instance, individuals may need to spend more than the standard rate and incur extra charges for consultations outside of regular doctor’s hours, especially when using a VIP room. Secondly, it can be inconvenient for those who wish to access private hospitals, as they are often located in larger cities, making them less accessible for some individuals.

However, private health care has many benefits. The first is flexibility. It provides services around the clock, offering a 24/7 service, so patients can receive immediate care when needed. In addition, they can easily make an appointment with a doctor by simply contacting them via phone or email. The second advantage is the high-quality service. Private hospitals employ many skilled doctors who have graduated from top universities. Moreover, these facilities are equipped with modern medical equipment, which can diagnose conditions more accurately. Therefore, patients are likely to receive effective treatment. Additionally, there are various services available, such as VIP rooms and meal options. For example, patients can order food from a menu instead of relying on their families to prepare meals.

In conclusion, private health care is widely used in daily life. Although it has some disadvantages, it offers more advantages. I believe private companies should reduce costs to make their services more accessible to the general public.

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