Healthcare should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. Do you agree with this opinion?

Healthcare should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that.
Do you agree with this opinion?

Free healthcare is an ongoing concern in many countries. Many people argue that free-of-charge healthcare should be mainly based on an individual’s income and everyone needs to pay attention and have responsibilities for their own health. In my view, I completely agree with this opinion above due to its benefits for everyone and the governments.

One of the key rationale I advocate this idea is because it may bring many benefits to people’s health. Firstly, having responsibility for their own health and providing free healthcare can raise the overall healthy society. This means that the burden for a way of living of many low-income individuals could be either facilitated or equipped with caring for their health. If many privileged people could be supported with free healthcare programs, there would be more equality in some aspects of life. In addition, this trend could raise awareness of health for all residents. Many people tend to deteriorate their dietary habits, and consume many junk and fast foods in their hectic lives, leading to many illnesses and physical disorders, such as diabetes, obesity, and stress. Therefore, while people acknowledge their health importance and the cost if they are ill, they would change their sedentary lifestyle, live healthier, and value prevention is better than cure.

Regarding governments and societies, this trend has also many merits. It is compelling to say that it could save money and reduce the burden of societal projects when the right spending might be used for needy people. In addition, a society with all healthy citizens can foster the development of many fields, when they can have the ability to enhance their lives more superior returning a strong economy. One prime example is Singapore, a country with state-of-the-art technology of medical treatment and many health policies for deprived people, leading to one of the strongest economies in Asia area. Thus, this trend could benefit many governments and societies worldwide.

In conclusion, I am completely convinced by the opinion of providing healthcare for people in terms of a person’s income and a person held accountable for their own health due to notable advantages for citizen’s health and many authorities. It is recommended that governments and each individual should consider implementing suitable policies and awareness for general developments.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "Free healthcare is an ongoing concern in many countries. Many people argue that free-of-charge healthcare should be mainly based on an individual’s income and everyone needs to pay attention and have responsibilities for their own health."
   -> "Universal healthcare is a persistent concern in many countries. Numerous individuals argue that publicly funded healthcare should primarily hinge on an individual’s income, and everyone ought to be attentive and bear responsibility for their own health."
   Explanation: The term "free healthcare" is slightly informal, and the phrase "based on an individual’s income" is more precise than "free-of-charge healthcare." The revised version also employs a more formal tone and avoids redundancy by replacing "needs to pay attention and have responsibilities" with "ought to be attentive and bear responsibility."

2. "One of the key rationale I advocate this idea is because it may bring many benefits to people’s health."
   -> "One compelling rationale for advocating this idea is its potential to bring numerous health benefits to individuals."
   Explanation: "One of the key rationale" should be corrected to "One compelling rationale." Additionally, the phrase "I advocate this idea" is more formalized as "advocating this idea," and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and conciseness.

3. "Firstly, having responsibility for their own health and providing free healthcare can raise the overall healthy society."
   -> "Firstly, assuming responsibility for their own health, coupled with the provision of publicly funded healthcare, can contribute to fostering a healthier society overall."
   Explanation: The phrase "having responsibility for their own health" is refined to "assuming responsibility for their own health," and "raise the overall healthy society" is rephrased to "contribute to fostering a healthier society overall" for a more formal and precise expression.

4. "Many privileged people could be supported with free healthcare programs, there would be more equality in some aspects of life."
   -> "Providing free healthcare programs to many privileged individuals could contribute to fostering greater equality in certain aspects of life."
   Explanation: The phrase "Many privileged people could be supported with free healthcare programs" is revised for clarity and conciseness, emphasizing the contribution to fostering greater equality.

5. "Many people tend to deteriorate their dietary habits, and consume many junk and fast foods in their hectic lives, leading to many illnesses and physical disorders, such as diabetes, obesity, and stress."
   -> "Numerous individuals tend to compromise their dietary habits by consuming an excess of junk and fast foods in their hectic lives, resulting in various illnesses and physical disorders, including diabetes, obesity, and stress."
   Explanation: The term "deteriorate" is replaced with "compromise" for precision. Additionally, the sentence is refined for formality and clarity.

6. "It is compelling to say that it could save money and reduce the burden of societal projects when the right spending might be used for needy people."
   -> "It is compelling to assert that this approach could result in cost savings and alleviate the burden on societal projects by directing funds towards those in need."
   Explanation: The phrase "It is compelling to say" is refined to "It is compelling to assert." The sentence is restructured for clarity, formality, and conciseness.

7. "One prime example is Singapore, a country with state-of-the-art technology of medical treatment and many health policies for deprived people, leading to one of the strongest economies in Asia area."
   -> "A prime illustration is Singapore, a nation with cutting-edge medical technology and numerous health policies aimed at assisting the underprivileged, contributing to its position as one of the strongest economies in the Asian region."
   Explanation: The phrase "state-of-the-art technology of medical treatment" is refined to "cutting-edge medical technology," and "many health policies for deprived people" is modified to "numerous health policies aimed at assisting the underprivileged" for clarity, precision, and formality.

8. "It is recommended that governments and each individual should consider implementing suitable policies and awareness for general developments."
   -> "It is recommended that governments and individuals alike should contemplate the implementation of appropriate policies and awareness campaigns to foster general development."
   Explanation: "Each individual" is streamlined to "individuals alike," and the phrase "consider implementing suitable policies" is rephrased for conciseness and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges the argument that healthcare should not be provided for free regardless of income and clearly expresses agreement with this opinion. Throughout the essay, the writer consistently focuses on the responsibilities individuals should have for their health and the benefits of tying healthcare to income.
  • How to improve: While the essay adequately covers all parts of the question, it could enhance its depth by providing more specific examples or real-life scenarios to strengthen the argument. This would add more substance to the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position in favor of tying healthcare to a person’s income. The writer’s stance is evident in the introduction, maintained in each body paragraph, and reiterated in the conclusion. The position is supported by relevant examples and arguments.
  • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the writer could consider explicitly stating their position in the introduction and conclusion to reinforce the overall coherence of the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a logical and organized manner. Each paragraph develops a specific point, and ideas are supported with examples, such as the link between free healthcare and a healthier society, the impact on low-income individuals, and the benefits for governments and societies.
  • How to improve: To extend ideas further, the writer could provide more detailed examples or delve deeper into the consequences of not tying healthcare to income. This would add richness to the essay and strengthen the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, consistently addressing the idea that healthcare should be tied to income and individuals should be accountable for their health. However, there is a minor deviation when discussing Singapore as an example, as it introduces the concept of technology and economic development. While this example supports the overall argument, it slightly shifts the focus.
  • How to improve: To stay more closely on topic, the writer could connect the example of Singapore more explicitly to the idea of income-based healthcare, ensuring that the illustration directly aligns with the essay’s primary argument.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presents a clear position, develops ideas with adequate support, and generally stays on topic. To enhance its quality, the writer could provide more specific examples, explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion, extend ideas with more depth, and ensure that examples directly align with the primary argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction, presents supporting arguments in the body paragraphs, and concludes effectively. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the transition between the benefits of individual responsibility for health and the advantages for governments and societies could be smoother. A more seamless connection between ideas would enhance overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs more effectively. Clearly outline the flow of your arguments to ensure a smoother progression from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, with each one addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, there is a tendency towards longer paragraphs, and breaking them into smaller, focused units could enhance clarity and readability. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of individual responsibility for health could be divided into two, each focusing on a distinct point.
  • How to improve: Aim for a balance between the length and focus of paragraphs. Break down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each devoted to a single idea or argument. This will help readers navigate your essay more easily and understand the progression of your thoughts.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as "firstly," "in addition," and "thus" to signal the structure of the argument. While these are effective, diversifying the range of cohesive devices used could add richness to the essay. Additionally, there are a few instances where the connection between sentences could be strengthened to enhance overall coherence.
  • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices used, incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases. Additionally, pay attention to the logical connection between sentences, ensuring a smooth transition between ideas. This will contribute to a more cohesive and fluid essay structure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles. By refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive device usage, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some notable terms such as "rationale," "privileged," and "sedentary lifestyle." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. The repetitive use of certain words, such as "health," "people," and "society," limits the essay’s lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "health," explore alternatives like "well-being" or "fitness." Additionally, introduce more specialized vocabulary related to healthcare and societal aspects to elevate the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with a reasonable level of precision. However, there are instances where the language could be more exact. For example, in the phrase "the burden for a way of living," the term "way of living" is somewhat vague and could benefit from a more precise description. Also, the expression "raising awareness of health" could be specified to include the promotion of a healthier lifestyle or preventive measures.
  • How to improve: Focus on choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of broad terms, opt for specifics. For instance, replace "way of living" with "lifestyle choices" and elaborate on the methods used to "raise awareness of health," such as educational programs or campaigns.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a commendable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "rationale" instead of "rational," and "deprived" instead of "deprived people." These errors, while infrequent, slightly impact the overall spelling accuracy.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider a thorough proofreading process. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure consistency in the use of specific terms. Utilize tools like spell-checkers, and take the time to review and correct potential errors before finalizing the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary, using more precise terms, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy. Integrating a broader range of vocabulary and refining precision will contribute to a more sophisticated and impactful expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and well-articulated ideas. For instance, the author effectively uses a mix of compound and complex sentences, enhancing the overall readability of the essay. Various sentence structures contribute to the development of arguments, providing a nuanced and sophisticated expression of ideas.
  • How to improve: While the essay generally demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, there is room for improvement in the use of more advanced grammatical structures. Consider incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or inversion, to further enrich the essay’s sophistication.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy throughout. The author effectively uses correct verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There are very few instances of grammatical errors or punctuation mistakes.
  • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Additionally, consider incorporating more advanced grammatical structures, such as varied verb forms and subtle punctuation techniques, to elevate the essay’s sophistication.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, earning it a Band Score of 7. To further improve, the author should focus on incorporating more advanced sentence structures and fine-tuning grammatical details for a more polished presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

Free healthcare remains a prevailing concern in numerous nations, with the ongoing debate centering on whether it should be primarily income-based, holding individuals accountable for their own health. I wholeheartedly concur with this perspective owing to its potential benefits for both individuals and governments.

One compelling rationale for supporting this notion is its positive impact on public health. Firstly, assuming responsibility for personal health, coupled with the availability of free healthcare, can contribute to cultivating a healthier society overall. This implies that addressing the health needs of low-income individuals can either alleviate or equip them to manage their health effectively. If privileged individuals receive support through free healthcare programs, it can foster greater equality in various aspects of life. Additionally, this approach has the potential to raise awareness of health among all residents. Many individuals tend to compromise their dietary habits, indulging in excessive junk and fast foods in their hectic lives, resulting in various illnesses and physical disorders, such as diabetes, obesity, and stress. Thus, by acknowledging the importance of health and the associated costs of illness, people are likely to embrace healthier lifestyles, emphasizing prevention over cure.

From the perspective of governments and societies, this approach also offers numerous merits. It is compelling to assert that it could lead to cost savings and reduce the burden on societal projects, enabling funds to be directed towards those in need. Moreover, a society comprising healthy citizens can spur development across various fields, contributing to a more robust economy. A prime example of this is Singapore, a nation with cutting-edge medical technology and a range of health policies aimed at assisting the underprivileged, thereby contributing to its position as one of the strongest economies in the Asian region. Consequently, this approach stands to benefit governments and societies on a global scale.

In conclusion, I am fully convinced of the merit in providing healthcare based on income and holding individuals accountable for their own health, given the notable advantages for citizens’ health and the broader societal impact. It is recommended that both governments and individuals contemplate the implementation of appropriate policies and awareness campaigns to foster general development.