Hoang Huy
Hoang Huy
People should only buy food sourced locally.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
Some individuals believe that domestic food sources should be encouraged to consume locally. This practice places an emphasis on buying food in the close proximity to where it has been grown or produced. Personally, it is essential to consider both the merits and demerits of this approach.
On the one hand, purchasing locally produced food lays the foundation for the independence of the national economy. As people buy and consume food sources which are locally produced, it fosters the demand in the domestic market. Therefore, local farmers and businesses can be benefited as it helps them to have a good livelihood by accelerating the production process in order to meet the market’s demand. The local economy, after rising owing to the increase of jobs in the domestic market, may significantly contribute to the development of a stable economy.
On the other hand, although having a tremendously positive impact on the local economy, there are several detrimental effects resulting from supporting exclusively purchasing local food sources. One notable drawback is that it can deteriorate the diversity of mixtured cuisine, which spells trouble for the constrained food options. As a result, food buyers’ experience may be limited when they restrictedly buying local food instead of trying the exotic ones. Furthermore, some domestic food is not satisfying the international food standard about safety. Take Vietnamese food as an illustration, Vietnamese cuisine contains prohibited ingredients in their gourmet, which is drastically more than other European countries. For instance, preservatives which are contained in Vietnamese soy sauce are immensely higher than the average amount that can be permitted among other European countries. In the long run, it is extremely adverse that absorbing these unhealthy substances takes a heavy toll on potential health risks such as food poisoning or cancer.
In conclusion, purchasing locally produced food sources offers numerous benefits relating to economic development and livelihood of farmers and businesses. On the contrary, not only does it constrain the food horizon of the locals, but it also poses a threat to individuals’ health status. An equilibration between local and non-local food sources may be an either effective or pragmatic solution, providing consumers access to a diverse range of food sources and consider to restandardize their food quality.
The government should ban fast food to improve public health. Do you agree?
In this day and age, it is believable that a course of action for enhancing the health status of the public is to prohibit junk food. Although this practice may be valid to a certain extent, I would argue that banning fast food may not be a comprehensive solution, and there are more viable approaches to consider.
On the one hand, placing an embargo on fast food can contribute to the amelioration of people’s health condition. Owing to the fact that fast food contains excessive fat, salt and sugar instead of essential nutrients, it may proliferate the risk of obesity or chronic disease for those who absorb these types of food regularly. Furthermore, were fast food being prohibited, healthy food such as fruits and vegetables would be more prevalent. Thus, people’s health can be improved when they change their eating habits to purchase healthy products.
On the other hand, I would contend that banning fast food may present certain limitations. With regard to manufacturers, not only they may face challenges, but also their employees. To elaborate, junk food sellers and producers may lose a tremendous number of customers which deteriorates their revenues. Hence, layoffs can be the most pragmatic to maintain the existencnning, governments should encourage and support farmers and producers who produce healthy products such as fruits and vegetables. In tandem with propagandizing the potential health risks that triggered by fast food would be a holistic approach to reduce junk food consumers and improve public health.
In conclusion, considering the limitations for individuals and manufacturers, I believe that prohibiting fast food may not be an effective way to prevent people from potential health risks. Also, it is such a comprehensive approach that encourages consumers to maintain a proper diet and to be safe from the consequences caused by eating junk food.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"People should only buy food sourced locally." -> "It is recommended that consumers purchase food sourced locally."
Explanation: The phrase "It is recommended that" introduces a more formal and less prescriptive tone, aligning better with academic style. -
"Some individuals believe" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: "Some argue" is a more concise and academically appropriate way to introduce opposing viewpoints. -
"domestic food sources should be encouraged to consume locally" -> "the consumption of domestically sourced food should be encouraged"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the intended meaning and maintains formal tone. -
"it fosters the demand in the domestic market" -> "it stimulates demand within the domestic market"
Explanation: "Stimulates" is a more precise term than "fosters" in this context, enhancing the academic tone. -
"local farmers and businesses can be benefited" -> "local farmers and businesses can benefit"
Explanation: "Benefit" is the correct verb form in this context, improving grammatical accuracy. -
"accelerating the production process" -> "accelerating production"
Explanation: Removing "the production process" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, making it more concise and formal. -
"may significantly contribute to the development of a stable economy" -> "may significantly contribute to economic stability"
Explanation: "Economic stability" is a more precise and formal term than "the development of a stable economy." -
"having a tremendously positive impact" -> "having a significant positive impact"
Explanation: "Significant" is more appropriate in academic writing than "tremendously," which can be seen as overly emotional. -
"mixtured cuisine" -> "mixed cuisine"
Explanation: "Mixed" is the correct adjective form, correcting a typographical error. -
"restrictedly buying local food" -> "restricted to buying local food"
Explanation: "Restricted to" is grammatically correct and clearer than "restrictedly." -
"not satisfying the international food standard about safety" -> "not meeting international food safety standards"
Explanation: "Meeting international food safety standards" is a more precise and formal expression. -
"Take Vietnamese food as an illustration" -> "Consider Vietnamese cuisine as an example"
Explanation: "Consider" is more formal than "Take," and "cuisine" is the correct term for the type of food being discussed. -
"preservatives which are contained in Vietnamese soy sauce" -> "preservatives present in Vietnamese soy sauce"
Explanation: "Present" is more precise and formal than "contained." -
"immensely higher" -> "significantly higher"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more academically appropriate term than "immensely," which can be seen as overly dramatic. -
"absorbing these unhealthy substances takes a heavy toll on potential health risks" -> "the consumption of these substances poses significant health risks"
Explanation: "Poses significant health risks" is a clearer and more direct expression than "takes a heavy toll on potential health risks." -
"equilibration between local and non-local food sources" -> "balance between local and non-local food sources"
Explanation: "Balance" is the correct term for achieving a harmonious mix, replacing the less common and awkward "equilibration." -
"consider to restandardize their food quality" -> "consider restandardizing their food quality"
Explanation: "Restandardizing" is the correct gerund form, improving grammatical accuracy.
These changes enhance the formal tone, improve clarity, and correct grammatical errors, aligning the text more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of purchasing locally sourced food. The introduction clearly states the topic, and the body paragraphs provide a balanced view. For instance, the first body paragraph outlines the economic benefits of local food consumption, while the second body paragraph discusses the drawbacks, such as limited food diversity and potential health risks. This comprehensive approach demonstrates a strong understanding of the task.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about the economic benefits and health risks. For instance, citing data on how local food consumption impacts local economies or referencing studies on health risks associated with certain local foods would strengthen the argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument. The writer explicitly states their personal view in the introduction and conclusion, indicating the importance of balancing local and non-local food sources. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to reinforce the overall stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "While it is important to support local economies, we must also consider…" could help in maintaining a clear narrative throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of economic benefits and health risks. The use of examples, such as the reference to Vietnamese cuisine, adds depth to the argument. However, some ideas, such as the impact on food diversity, could be further developed to enhance the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with additional examples or explanations. For instance, discussing how limited food options could affect cultural experiences or consumer choices would provide a more robust analysis of the disadvantages.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of local food sourcing throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the overall discussion of its advantages and disadvantages. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, which is commendable.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point made directly ties back to the central question can enhance coherence. The writer should regularly refer back to the prompt in each paragraph to reinforce relevance, ensuring that every argument clearly relates to the advantages and disadvantages of local food sourcing.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more specific examples, improving transitions, and further developing key ideas, the writer could elevate their score even higher.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas, with clear distinctions between advantages and disadvantages of buying local food. The introduction sets the context well, and each paragraph addresses specific points related to the topic. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively discusses the benefits of local food sourcing, while the second body paragraph outlines the drawbacks. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly when moving from the advantages to the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "On the flip side" can help signal a shift in perspective. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will further improve coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the conclusion paragraph could be more concise and directly tied back to the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only introduces a new idea but also connects back to the thesis statement. The conclusion should briefly summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs and restate the thesis in light of the discussed arguments. This will reinforce the overall structure and clarity of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting points. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "Furthermore" is used multiple times, which can make the text feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "Furthermore," you could use "Additionally," "Moreover," or "In addition." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used to connect ideas within paragraphs as well as between them. This can be achieved by using phrases that link back to previous points or introduce new ones, thereby enhancing the overall flow of the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in the areas of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By implementing the suggested strategies, the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay can be significantly enhanced.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases like "domestic food sources," "amelioration of people’s health condition," and "constrained food options." These expressions show an ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "local" and "food" could be diversified with synonyms or related terms to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "local," you might use "regional," "homegrown," or "community-based." Additionally, exploring more nuanced vocabulary related to economic and health discussions could elevate the essay further.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "detrimental effects" and "exotic," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "mixtured cuisine," which is awkward and unclear. The phrase "the independence of the national economy" could also be more accurately expressed as "economic self-sufficiency."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it is crucial to choose words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. For example, replace "mixtured cuisine" with "diverse cuisine" or "varied culinary options." Additionally, reviewing vocabulary choices for clarity and appropriateness can help ensure that the essay communicates ideas effectively.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are notable errors, such as "existencnning," which appears to be a typographical error, and "equilibration," which should be "equilibrium." These mistakes detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can enhance overall spelling proficiency.
In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can elevate their performance in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a variety of clauses. For instance, phrases like "As people buy and consume food sources which are locally produced" and "Although this practice may be valid to a certain extent" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, which can hinder clarity. For example, "Take Vietnamese food as an illustration, Vietnamese cuisine contains prohibited ingredients in their gourmet, which is drastically more than other European countries" is convoluted and could be simplified for better readability.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more compound sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For instance, instead of starting with "Take Vietnamese food as an illustration," you might say, "For example, Vietnamese food, which contains prohibited ingredients, can illustrate this point." Additionally, practice using different sentence beginnings and lengths to create a more dynamic flow in writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect its overall accuracy. For instance, the phrase "can be benefited" should be "can benefit," as "benefit" is a transitive verb and does not require "be." Additionally, the sentence "were fast food being prohibited" should be "if fast food were prohibited" to maintain the correct conditional structure. Punctuation errors are also present, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review the rules for subject-verb agreement and the use of conditional sentences. Practicing sentence restructuring can help clarify meaning and improve fluency. For punctuation, focus on using commas to separate clauses correctly and to clarify sentence structure. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, making it easier to revise for clarity and correctness.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical structures, attention to clarity, accuracy, and punctuation will enhance the effectiveness of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
**Improved Essay:**
People should only buy food sourced locally. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
Some individuals believe that the consumption of domestically sourced food should be encouraged. This practice places an emphasis on buying food in close proximity to where it has been grown or produced. Personally, it is essential to consider both the merits and demerits of this approach.
On the one hand, purchasing locally produced food lays the foundation for the independence of the national economy. As people buy and consume food sources that are locally produced, it stimulates demand within the domestic market. Therefore, local farmers and businesses can benefit as it helps them to have a good livelihood by accelerating the production process in order to meet the market’s demand. The local economy, after rising owing to the increase in jobs in the domestic market, may significantly contribute to the development of a stable economy.
On the other hand, although having a tremendously positive impact on the local economy, there are several detrimental effects resulting from exclusively purchasing local food sources. One notable drawback is that it can deteriorate the diversity of mixed cuisine, which spells trouble for constrained food options. As a result, food buyers’ experiences may be limited when they are restricted to buying local food instead of trying exotic ones. Furthermore, some domestic food does not meet international food safety standards. Take Vietnamese cuisine as an example; it contains prohibited ingredients in its dishes, which is drastically higher than in other European countries. For instance, the preservatives present in Vietnamese soy sauce are significantly higher than the average amount that can be permitted among other European countries. In the long run, it is extremely adverse that consuming these unhealthy substances takes a heavy toll on potential health risks such as food poisoning or cancer.
In conclusion, purchasing locally produced food sources offers numerous benefits relating to economic development and the livelihoods of farmers and businesses. On the contrary, it not only constrains the food horizon of the locals but also poses a threat to individuals’ health. A balance between local and non-local food sources may be an effective solution, providing consumers access to a diverse range of food sources and considering restandardizing their food quality.