Human activities have negative effects on plant and animal species. Some people think it is too late to do anything about this problem while others think effective measures can be taken to improve this situation. Discuss both views and give our opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge of experience. Write at least 250 words.
Human activities have negative effects on plant and animal species. Some people think it is too late to do anything about this problem while others think effective measures can be taken to improve this situation.
Discuss both views and give our opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge of experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Human behaviors have negatively affected the world, especially the flora and fauna. It is controversial whether it is too late to take any measures to protect the world or whether there are numerous solutions to improve the situation. This essay will discuss both views and give my opinion.
On the first hand, people are unable to solve immediately since the exploitation has existed for a long time. To illustrate, various species are on the brink of extinction and some even are wiped out, which originated from poaching and individual contamination. Take the rhino in VietNam as an example, thousands of rhinos were cut off the horn for commercial trade and they could not adapt the climate change, in consequence, the rhino population decreased and became one of the endangered species that needed to be protected in Vietnam.
On the other hand, I assume that several measures are unable to be taken right now to lessen the aftermath of human negative effects on the globe. The first solution is changing the civilization’s perception by enacting the law. It is not an easy method to force people to alter their habitual activities, however, if the government legislate the law with severe punishment, their residents can follow the rules and tend to do environmentally friendly behaviour toward the world, for example running a take-back program or cut down on the carbon footprint.
Moreover, each individual can act on some biological solutions to improve the circumstance. By utilizing recycled materials and recovering the grassland, the world can gradually be changed positively. At the same time, in the family and school, the children can be taught about conservation, and later, innovate, with creative brains, some machines to revive extinct animals.
In conclusion, while some people think that the phenomenon of sceptically human life influences the world has occurred too long to recover, I believe that there are some solutions such as accomplishing the law, utilizing biodegradable materials, educating the next generations that can improve the planet’s situation.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Human behaviors" -> "Human behavior"
Explanation: The term "behaviors" is plural, but "behavior" is the correct singular form when referring to the general actions of humans, aligning with the singular context of the sentence. -
"especially the flora and fauna" -> "particularly the flora and fauna"
Explanation: "Especially" is somewhat informal and less precise in academic writing. "Particularly" is more formal and suitable for academic contexts. -
"It is controversial whether" -> "It is debated whether"
Explanation: "Controversial" can imply a negative connotation, whereas "debated" is neutral and more appropriate for academic discussions. -
"On the first hand" -> "On the one hand"
Explanation: "On the first hand" is incorrect; the correct phrase is "On the one hand," which is a standard transitional phrase in formal writing. -
"people are unable to solve immediately" -> "it is impossible to address immediately"
Explanation: "People are unable to solve" is vague and informal. "It is impossible to address" is more precise and formal, focusing on the difficulty of the task rather than the people involved. -
"since the exploitation has existed for a long time" -> "since exploitation has persisted for a long time"
Explanation: "Exploitation has existed" is grammatically correct, but "persisted" adds a sense of ongoing action, which is more accurate in this context. -
"individual contamination" -> "individual actions"
Explanation: "Contamination" is not the correct term here; "actions" is more appropriate to describe the activities of individuals that harm the environment. -
"cut off the horn" -> "had their horns cut off"
Explanation: "Cut off the horn" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Had their horns cut off" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"they could not adapt the climate change" -> "they were unable to adapt to climate change"
Explanation: "Adapt the climate change" is grammatically incorrect. "Adapt to climate change" is the correct phrase. -
"changing the civilization’s perception" -> "changing societal perceptions"
Explanation: "Civilization’s perception" is awkward and incorrect. "Societal perceptions" is more precise and formal. -
"enacting the law" -> "enacting laws"
Explanation: "The law" is singular, but "laws" is more appropriate when referring to multiple laws or the process of enacting them. -
"tend to do environmentally friendly behaviour" -> "tend to engage in environmentally friendly behaviors"
Explanation: "Behaviour" should be plural to match the plural subject "residents," and "engage in" is more formal than "do." -
"running a take-back program" -> "implementing a take-back program"
Explanation: "Running" is too informal and vague; "implementing" is more precise and formal. -
"cut down on the carbon footprint" -> "reduce their carbon footprint"
Explanation: "Cut down on" is informal and imprecise; "reduce" is the correct verb for decreasing something, and "their" specifies the subject. -
"biological solutions" -> "biological measures"
Explanation: "Solutions" can imply a complete resolution, whereas "measures" is more accurate for describing actions taken to address a problem. -
"revive extinct animals" -> "revive extinct species"
Explanation: "Animals" is too broad; "species" is more specific and scientifically accurate. -
"sceptically human life influences" -> "skeptically human activities influence"
Explanation: "Sceptically" is a spelling error; "skeptically" is correct. Also, "human life" is vague; "human activities" is more specific and appropriate in this context. -
"accomplishing the law" -> "enforcing the law"
Explanation: "Accomplishing" is not the correct term for enforcing laws; "enforcing" is the appropriate verb.
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the impact of human activities on plant and animal species. The first part discusses the perspective that it may be too late to take effective measures, citing the extinction of species like the rhino due to poaching and climate change. The second part presents the opposing view, suggesting that measures can be taken, such as enacting laws and promoting individual actions. However, while both views are mentioned, the discussion could benefit from a more balanced treatment of each side, as the first viewpoint is less developed compared to the second.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure that both views are given equal weight and depth. Consider providing more examples or elaboration on the viewpoint that it is too late to act, perhaps by discussing specific challenges or historical failures in conservation efforts.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of taking action to improve the situation, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the two views and the personal opinion could be smoother. The phrase "I assume that several measures are unable to be taken right now" is somewhat contradictory and could confuse readers about the author’s stance.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of your position by explicitly stating your opinion earlier in the essay and ensuring that all arguments support this viewpoint. Use clear transitions to signal shifts between discussing the views and your opinion.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as enacting laws and educating future generations, but some points lack sufficient development. For instance, the suggestion to "utilize recycled materials" is mentioned but not elaborated upon in terms of how this can be effectively implemented or its potential impact.
- How to improve: To improve the support for your ideas, provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point. Discuss how laws could be enforced or what specific educational programs could be implemented to foster conservation awareness among children.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of human activities on species and the potential solutions. However, some sentences could be more concise and directly related to the main argument. For example, the phrase "the phenomenon of sceptically human life influences the world" is vague and could detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Maintain focus by ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to answering the prompt. Avoid vague language and instead use specific terms that clearly relate to the discussion of human impacts and solutions.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, clearer articulation of the author’s position, and more detailed support for the ideas presented.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intent to discuss both views. The body paragraphs are organized to reflect the two opposing perspectives, which is a strength. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative impacts of human activities to potential solutions lacks a clear linking statement, which can confuse readers about the relationship between the two sections.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details that logically connect to that idea.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, which helps in maintaining focus. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For example, the second body paragraph is quite lengthy and covers multiple solutions, which may overwhelm the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for more uniform paragraph lengths by breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each focusing on a single idea or solution. This will help maintain reader engagement and improve clarity. For instance, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one discussing legal measures and another focusing on individual actions.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the first hand," "On the other hand," and "Moreover." These phrases help to signal the progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "in consequence" is less commonly used and could be replaced with more straightforward alternatives that are easier for readers to follow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "Consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a broader vocabulary range. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.
Overall, while the essay achieves a solid score for coherence and cohesion, focusing on enhancing transitions, balancing paragraph lengths, and diversifying cohesive devices will lead to a more polished and effective piece of writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "flora and fauna," "extinction," "poaching," and "biodegradable materials." However, the vocabulary choices are at times repetitive and lack sophistication. For instance, the phrase "negative effects" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "negative effects," you could alternate with "adverse impacts," "detrimental consequences," or "harmful influences." Additionally, incorporating more academic or precise terms related to environmental science could elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "individual contamination" is unclear; it would be more precise to refer to "individual actions contributing to pollution" or "personal pollution habits." Similarly, the phrase "civilization’s perception" could be better articulated as "society’s awareness" or "public perception."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. When discussing complex ideas, ensure that the vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. It may be beneficial to practice paraphrasing sentences to find more precise vocabulary. Reading academic articles on environmental issues can also provide insight into more appropriate terminology.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "VietNam" (should be "Vietnam"), "legislate" (should be "legislates"), and "sceptically" (which is not the correct adverb form in this context; "skeptically" would be more appropriate). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing regularly and reviewing spelling rules can help reinforce correct spelling habits.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling practices, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly improved.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "To illustrate, various species are on the brink of extinction and some even are wiped out, which originated from poaching and individual contamination" shows an attempt to convey detailed information. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "the rhino population decreased and became one of the endangered species that needed to be protected in Vietnam" could be restructured for better flow and clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance sentence variety, consider incorporating more complex structures and varying the length of sentences. For example, instead of using "the rhino population decreased and became one of the endangered species," you could say, "the rhino population not only decreased significantly but also became classified as one of the endangered species." Additionally, using more introductory phrases or clauses can help create a more sophisticated sentence structure.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "individual contamination" is unclear and could be better expressed as "individual pollution." Additionally, the sentence "if the government legislate the law with severe punishment" contains a grammatical error; it should be "if the government legislates the law." Punctuation is generally well-used, but there are a few instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "however" in the sentence "It is not an easy method to force people to alter their habitual activities, however, if the government legislates the law…"
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and clarity. Focus on common grammatical structures and ensure that verbs agree with their subjects. Additionally, practice using punctuation correctly to enhance sentence flow. For example, consider breaking longer sentences into shorter ones or using semicolons to connect closely related ideas. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also help in identifying and correcting recurring errors.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Human behavior has negatively affected the world, particularly the flora and fauna. It is debated whether it is too late to take any measures to protect the environment or whether effective solutions can still be implemented to improve the situation. This essay will discuss both views and provide my opinion.
On the one hand, it is impossible to address the problem immediately since exploitation has persisted for a long time. To illustrate, various species are on the brink of extinction, and some have already been wiped out due to poaching and individual contamination. Take the rhino in Vietnam as an example; thousands of rhinos had their horns cut off for commercial trade, and they were unable to adapt to climate change. Consequently, the rhino population decreased significantly, making them one of the endangered species that need protection in Vietnam.
On the other hand, I believe that several measures can still be taken right now to lessen the negative impacts of human activities on the planet. The first solution is changing societal perceptions by enacting laws. It is not easy to force people to alter their habitual behaviors; however, if the government enacts laws with severe punishments, residents are more likely to follow the rules and engage in environmentally friendly behaviors. For example, implementing a take-back program or reducing their carbon footprint can have a significant positive impact.
Moreover, individual actions can contribute to biological measures that improve the situation. By utilizing recycled materials and restoring grasslands, the environment can gradually be enhanced. Additionally, in families and schools, children can be taught about conservation, which may inspire them to innovate and create machines to revive extinct species in the future.
In conclusion, while some people argue that human activities have negatively influenced the world for too long to recover, I believe that there are still viable solutions, such as enforcing laws, utilizing biodegradable materials, and educating future generations, that can improve the planet’s situation.
